Thrive: The Single Life as God Intended

by Lina Abujamra

Tired of feeling sorry for yourself? Sick of answering the same old questions about why you still haven't found your perfect match?

Despite what many people think, singleness is not a disease. It's not the lesser option. Singleness is God's gift to you today.

In Thrive, Lina AbuJamra - who has been single for over 40 years - will show you how you can make a difference with your life right now instead of sitting around waiting for something to happen to you. If you're ready to figure out what God has to say about singleness instead of relying on your own feelings and conclusions, this book is for you.

Isn't it time you get excited about your life in Christ and quit falling back into the same old pattern of thinking? Freedom. Joy. Abundance. Hope. All these are yours the moment you embrace all that God has for you right here right now.

Go ahead. It's ok to smile. Life as a single Christian is good.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Christian, Faith, Christian Living, Christianity

282 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 1, 2013

Reviews

[Jason Custer · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a single Christian, I wanted to like this book - I really did. But after finishing it, I honestly can't give it more than 3-3.5 stars. Here's my reasoning:

Pros:

1) The book does a great job of diagnosing the difficulties with singleness: loneliness, self-pity, self-control, contentment, etc. It hit the nail on several areas that I have wrestled with and didn't pull any punches in revealing them. Commendable.

2) Lina was able to adequately diagnose singleness because she knows it well herself (40 and single, with two broken engagements). I appreciated her sharing her story and being honest about her struggles.

3) Throughout the book and especially in the last chapter, Lina shares stories of singles who lived fully for God and great insights from other authors. I really enjoyed these types of encouragement, although reading full biographies gives better context to their struggles and difficulties.

Cons:

1) However, while I appreciate the apt diagnosis of the problems in singleness, I felt the book's solution to each problem was grounded in a list of tips and suggestions (more to-do's than anything) of what has worked for the author. This was disappointing, because while it gave me practical helps to deal with the diagnosis - it did not give me the motivation to do so. It felt like another laundry list of things I needed to work on in order to thrive, which only added weight. There were times when Lina seemed like she was going to point to the gospel as motivation, but they were too quick and far in between. In fact, it wasn't until chapter 11 (about 4/5 of the way through the book) that this was explicitly stated as the solution - and even then it felt muted. Why didn't she put that chapter at the beginning if it really changes everything written before?

Doesn't Jesus know about loneliness when his friends abandoned him in the garden of Gethsemane at his time of need (Mk 14:32-42)? Doesn't Jesus know what it's like to have to wait for his wedding day with his bride, the church (Rev 19:6-10)? These things motivate me to love and focus on Jesus rather than focusing on myself and working on a laundry list of to-do's so that I can thrive as a single. I felt like Lina wanted me to get my eyes of myself, but rather than showing me the beauty of Christ - she gave me a list of things to do to not focus on my problems.

2) While I appreciated Lina's honesty in sharing her story, I will say that I felt the tone throughout the book was along the lines of: "here's something I used struggle with, but now it's not an issue any more." I don't know Lina, and I want to give her the benefit of a doubt as a sister in Christ, because I value her courage and transparency - but I couldn't shake the feeling that she wrote as someone who had arrived rather than a fellow traveler. I felt patronized at times, which added to the weight and burden.

3) I wish there was more time spent in actually digging into the text. It all felt very surface level, and often just a smattering of texts and examples thrown at me quickly. Even when the majority of the book looked at 1 Corinthians 7, there was nothing said about the context: why are these commands about singleness given in light of "this present distress" (7:26), and why does Paul mention "the appointed time has grown very short" (7:29)? I wish that there could have been deeper study shown at least to back her exposition of passages, rather than just citing Wikipedia and Dictionary.com.

So although the book was helpful for it's diagnosis, it is not a book I will re-read. I kept wanting her to take me to the proper motivation instead of to more lists of to-do's, but never got what I wanted substantially.

The best thing I have read on singleness is Tim Keller's seventh chapter in his excellent book "The Meaning of Marriage." I would recommend it to you as a book worth reading and re-reading (as I plan to do again).

[Abigayle Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was one of those right-place, right-time books for me. I can see how it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea, but apparently I'm a lot like the author. Thus, her Scripture-grounded, well-organized approach to sharing her story and giving tips on how to not just survive but thrive was excellent. My favorite part was actually her blunt, convicting delivery. (Probably not for everyone, but everyone needs to hear it.) She challenges with Scripture but doesn't leave you to just figure it out on your own. Her insistence that we're all called to love and relationship despite our marital status was so. good. I highlighted a lot and needed the not-so-gentle reminders and breakdowns this book gave to bring clarity to a tumultuous--and definitely single--phase of my life. Highly recommend to Christian singles who are looking for encouragement, Scriptural direction, and a no-nonsense call to thrive where you're at in Jesus.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Age Appropriate For: 18 and up (frank discussions about sex, masturbation, and struggle for purity).
Best for Ages: 18 and up

I wish I had found this book as a single. Well, I did. A friend recommended it and it was at the top of my to-read list when my best friend declared his love. However, I still really enjoyed reading this book and highly recommend it to all my single friends.
I love Abujamra’s tone in this book. It is both friendly and humble, but also uncompromising and frank. She never sugar-coats anything and doesn’t hesitate to give the readers a kick where they need it most. Yet, she balances all that by being vulnerable and honest about her own shortcomings and sins. Her openness and honesty really gave this book a special perspective.
The format of this book was great. Her goal is to help you thrive as a single Christian. She shares five attitudes to embrace and four obstacles to overcome. She ends with the secret sauce that makes it all work (her words). And then she shares about single Christians who have thrived for Jesus. This format worked so well and made it easy to keep reading.
Some of her discussion on sex, and especially masturbation, wasn’t necessarily a comfortable read and some who aren’t struggling might skip those parts if they wish. However, I think her insights as both someone who has struggled and as a doctor will be helpful to many singles. She was frank, honest, and uncompromising without being crude or giving needless detail.
I especially apricated her discussion of about the church. God really convicted me on my attitude toward the church during my single years and it was encouraging to have someone both acknowledge that it isn’t easy to be a single in the church, but firmly and with humility say we need to stop using that as an excuse not to participate in church life. Her thoughts on the topic were both steeped in scripture and practical advice.
Overall, this book rocketed my top three books I recommend to singles (the other two being Kingdom Single: Living Complete and Fully Free and Living Whole Without a Better Half: Biblical Truth for the Single Life). I highly recommend it for singles seeking to thrive, married people wanting to relate well to singles, and pastors who might be looking for excellent resources for their single church members.

[Rachel Reising · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I completely agree with her on how to live singleness well, cause while you’re single your focus should be on loving others. Being the one to reach out. Inviting people into your home. Pressing into the Lord. It can be so easy to be so focused on yourself in your singleness that you miss the opportunity to minister to others.

[Robin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Been reading some books on singleness to prepare for a sermon. This one was a helpful book to encourage singles to not waste time moping and looking out the window waiting for someone to show up, but how to be as the Apostle Paul would say to singles, "anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord" (1 Cor. 7:32). Abujamra does a great job exegeting the heart of a single person with all the convoluted emotions, fears, insecurities, etc. a single person may struggle with. I also appreciated her vulnerability in sharing her own pain and journey. It is however a little to advice-heavy and "come on, get on this!" "stop that," "lose this," etc. Some of it is helpful, but I felt burdened for the single to be able to do it all. Give me more of Jesus please! Not that she doesn't talk about Christ at all, but I would have liked to have read more of Him, the perfect single God-man, who meets us at our hearts level and fills us deeply. The little vignettes of single people who "thrived" at the end was good to read, but if I was single, reading about founders of ministries and missionaries to India and Africa who happened to be single would not be really helpful...I feel I could never measure up...better would be examples of some "regular" single Christian folks thriving in Christ.

[Suzanne M · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally a book for single adult Christians who struggle with daily living and living for God. I found a book I could relate to. The author struggles with the same issues I do. "You are not living plan B."
"Stop telling yourself your life would be easier if you were married".. I used to think like that.

I found the book challenging to my walk. I highly recommend it.

[Linda Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book-challenging but exactly the kind of book you need to read. She doesn't soothe you over or tell you it's ok but causes you to realize God's bar is much higher and none of us are there yet-and what does that look like for the single Christian

[Allie Fullerton (thelightfilledreader) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Awesome book on singleness! There were some minor theological things, but overall, it was theologically spot on. There are many Christian books on singleness out there, and this is one I recommend reading. Though I didn't learn anything "new", Lina brought up truths that I need to be reminded of again and again, and she had her own unique spin that I found to be exactly what I needed to read. Lina is straightforward, and I appreciated that. She also provided more practical steps for defeating specific sins than I have ever heard. For example, she has a chapter on bitterness and outlines how to know when you are bitter and simple steps to take to not be bitter, all while balancing the truth of Jesus having to work through the Holy Spirit in us and at the same time our need to take action. I literally started taking notes. So single ladies, please read this one!

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Thrive was a nice nonfiction read. I liked how real the author was and that you could really connect with what she was saying. While I didn't agree with everything she said, I did enjoy the book and liked reading it.

**I received a complimentary e-copy via NetGalley for my honest review. As always, all thoughts and opinions expressed are my own.*

[Emma Sotomayor · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thrive discusses common pitfalls of singleness, such as bitterness or sexual temptation, suggests Biblical solutions to these problems, and reminds the reader to, most importantly, focus on God, not discontentment in the single life. Abujamra uses her own experiences to offer a realistic, blunt approach to the trials of the single life. She also offers sound Biblical advice for the benefits of singleness, such as greater focus on God and more time to serve Him by serving others. This book is a grace-filled yet honest discussion for any single believer who wants to stop living in self-pity (or whatever other poor attitude one might struggle with) and live into the great plan God has!

While I initially approached Abujamra's advice with hesitance because I was perhaps slightly judgmental about the fact that she broke off two engagements, I think, ultimately, I didn't understand the amount of grace she showed her exes by not going into the details (since as I continued reading it seemed there was other stuff going on that, honestly, I had no right to judge about). The writing style is both honest and understanding—sort of like an older, wiser friends giving a younger one a stern but loving pep talk to drag her out of the mires of singleness self-pity and into the plan of joyful obsession with God that we as believers are supposed to live in. Abujamra knows the struggles of single people and she approaches them with a lot of wisdom and Biblical advice, using examples from Scripture.

I really, really appreciated that she did not offer the usual pithy advice that gives no comfort, such as, "I'm sure you'll find someone soon," or, "you have a soulmate out there." Instead, she seemed to keep with what the Bible does say about singleness and relationships, not veering into marriage worship or telling us to just suck it up and deal with the fact that we're probably all called to singleness if we're not married by thirty.

My only complaint might be that sometimes the book seemed to unnecessary expand upon points when it might have remained more concise. Sometimes it felt as if she were discussing a point to death when she might have moved on earlier once the reader comprehended what she was trying to say. Other than that, fairly good book to read if you're weary of the single life and looking for a reminder that we live to worship and serve God, not to mope around waiting for marriage.

[Elise Paty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely LOVED this book. It’s clear that Lina lives out what she writes, so I think one of my favorite parts of the book was just seeing her example of thriving in singleness. She is honest about how she has struggled with various aspects of singleness throughout her life, but how the Word of God has led her to victory, growth, and undivided devotion to the Lord as a single woman. I’m walking away feeling really challenged in my faith and encouraged to allow God’s Word to take deeper root in my mind and heart, rather than letting the surrounding culture define how I should feel about my singleness, and how I should respond to the different challenges of being single. There were so many good parts of this book. I highlighted about a million things. I would highly recommend this book!

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was given to me as a gift, which wasn't exactly what I was hoping for this Christmas: a book about being single. But I think there were many good insights to be found in here, shared stories that it helped me to hear and truths I needed to be reminded of. Abujamra has a bit of a repetitive writing style and there are times that she makes statements that sound like she has all of these things she is warning against figured out and checked off of the list, so I found that to be a little annoying at times, but overall, I think this is an encouraging book that has some great truths to offer the single Christian.

[Madelyn Henricksen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It was so encouraging and made me, a single Christ-follower, feel known. It challenged me to think differently and seek Jesus above all else. I would definitely recommend this book whether you’re single or married. Thanks, Lina!

[Rachel Wood · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you're a Christian it is really encouraging for how to not idolize a relationship (and I think married people can read it, t0o because she talks about purpose for every Christian regardless of relationship status, but also how to include and care for single people in your church.)

[kayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book twice! Once years ago and the second time was two years ago. Lina Abujamra is understanding about the desire for marriage, but speaks directly about how singleness really is amazing. It helps women -and men, view it in a different way. If you've been struggling in your singleness, I recommend this book.

[Ctippie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good, challenging content, but I didn't care for the writing style/organization. Worth the read overall.

[Hilary Peterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was an incredible book letting the reader know how to accept singleness & trust in God's timing. Thrive!!!

[Patina Malinalli · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely love this book! It was SOOO helpful!

[Kristi Jett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book on singleness I have ever read! She is honest about the good and bad of singleness. The focus is on Christ and His goodness regardless of circumstances.

[Shintell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical and encouraging

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Thrive, Lina Abujamra opened candidly about her struggles with being single in her forties and she hasn’t been married and doesn’t have any children. She also ended an engagement so she understands the pain in going through that. She has written this book to encourage believers that they can still thrive and live for God even if they are single. She begins the book by admitting 1 Corinthians 7 was tough reading and she resisted to look as being single a gift given by God. There are a few people who like Paul know that they are meant to be single where they can more fully impact the Kingdom of God. She also reminded singles that there isn’t something deadly wrong with them if they are single and they aren’t leftovers. Lina reinforced the truth found in scriptures about how God created them and He chose them and that makes them loveable! She also explored four obstacles that we have to obtain victory in.

She revealed the five attitudes to embrace during your season of singleness, for instance, “I Can’t Find No Satisfaction: Learning Contentment, Oops, I Did It Again: Choosing Self-Control, “Free as a Bird: Understanding True Freedom”, and more. There will be extreme seasons of discontentment when single people encounter other couples and there the only ones alone, the loneliness of coming home to an empty house, people reminding you of how you need to hurry and settle down, and when people marry and have children. Lina Abujamra stated that many singles are disappointed because they focus too much on what others are doing with their life. Another area of the book was the importance of self-control against lusting. Countless singles struggle with believing into the lies satan tries to tell them about lust. We buy into that a little bit won’t hurt, we can keep it a secret, everyone else is, and many other lies. She also dealt with the subject a number of Christians avoid discussing, masturbation.

I would recommend this excellent book on being single to anyone who is in their season of singleness. I immensely connected with Lina Abjamra’s personal story about how she has managed being single. I would also suggest this book to people who are married. This book was tremendously encouraging because I’m currently single and I long to be married and to have children. This book taught me a lot about handling the difficult seasons of discontentment and discouragement. I will confess that I struggle when others get married and they announce their expecting and I want to be blessed in the same way. I realized that my life doesn’t become complete when I finally get married or have kids. I have also experienced the awkward conversation of people telling me I need to hurry up and settle down and I’m only twenty-three. This book helped instill in me who I am in Christ, my worth and value, and how to thrive for God in my singleness. If you are seeking a book on singleness, then I highly encourage you to read this book!

"I received this book free from the publisher through the Moody Publishers book review bloggers program."

[Rebekah Snyder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a lot of books about singleness, and I had all but given up on finding one that doesn't make the possibility of an eventual marriage its centerpiece. Lina Abujamra is a woman who is both single and satisfied and that absolutely shines in her writing. There is no sugar-coating. This woman shoots straight with you. "Self pity?" she says. "Lose it." And "you may not think you have any idols, but you do."

Lina Abujamra helps fellow singles clear through the clutter in their hearts so that they might find themselves on the path to a life that thrives. I cannot recommend this book enough!

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this is a unique book in the market of books for Christian singles. I haven't read many of them, but I think most emphasize a kind of waiting and becoming - trusting the Lord for a spouse while cultivating the attributes and skills of a godly spouse. I'm not saying those are not good things. However, that attitude can become difficult/problematic if the decades keep rolling by and one is still single. At some point, preparation is probably sufficient and dwelling on the desire for a spouse might be more harmful than helpful.

Enter "Thrive." This is not a book about waiting for the Lord to provide a spouse, nor is about preparing to one day become a godly spouse. It is about thriving in the single life, and becoming more satisfied in Christ. While it addresses specific things that singles deal with like loneliness, often this book is more reminiscent of a book on general discipleship and spiritual growth.

Personally, I did not really like the style. It was written in a very colloquial way and at times I felt like I was having a conversation with a college student rather than an E.R. doctor in her 40s. Perhaps the style was intentional - maybe the target audience is young and the desire was to communicate in a candid way. There was also one misuse of Scripture that shocked me, especially since the author has been a Bible teacher for a long time.

Overall I recommend this book, especially if you've read the typical "wait and become" type of book for Christian singles. I think this book provides a different perspective on the same issue and offers good balance.

[Jerusha Agen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This life-changing book is NOT just for singles--it's for every Christian who wants to live a more holy and God-centered life. AbuJamra's energetic, transparent writing style is incredibly easy to read, making this book a breeze to sail through while being challenged and inspired. Never dry or boring, AbuJamra's prose exudes wit and a blunt humor that had me laughing out loud.

AbuJamra speaks directly to singles when she show them the biblical perspective of singleness, and the importance of taking advantage of the opportunities God gives you while you're single. AbuJamra has a message for all Christians as she discusses living a life dedicated to the Lord. As a bonus at the end of the book, AbuJamra includes brief biographies of great Christian singles who used their God-given situations to change the world for Christ. I was so inspired by these tales that I want to learn more about several of the people covered.

If you're single, read this book. If you want to discover how to live the Christian life "as God intended," then read Thrive!

[Allie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book on singleness that I haven't wanted to throw at the wall. As a Christian who is single, I typically avoid books on singleness. Many books on the subject talk about waiting on God's timing for marriage and how to prepare so that you are ready when Mr. Right comes along. This author focuses on how to thrive in your singleness. She reminds us that single does NOT mean second-best, that God uses single people in His body and in the lives of others. Although the book contains a number of lists, the author is not legalistic; she simply highlights what she believes to be the main points in each section. She speaks candidly about struggles that single people face, and shows how the gospel applies in the midst of struggle. She reminds us all that True Love is found only in Christ. I highly recommend this book for anyone seeking to grow in their walk with the Lord--single or married.

[Coyora Dokusho · Rating 3 out of 5]

In compliance with FTC guidelines, I am disclosing that I received the book for free through Goodreads First Reads. (i.e. DESTINY wants me to read this book.)

Reminiscent of authors:

Stats:

Tags: Single-life

I'm going to update my review as I read the book!! Why? Because it's fun~

8/13/2013 9:55 PM

I'm getting a lot out of this book (and I'm a pagan Daoist Zen Buddhist Russian Orthodox Catholic, so it's not just for the cookie-cutter Christian~). Looking forward to reading the rest. First rating: 3 stars!

DISCLAIMER: I FREELY USE AND ABUSE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE FOR MY OWN AMUSEMENT

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really like this book. It may be the best on being a single Christian I've ever read. The author is very honest, revealing her own struggles and unanswered questions. She goes through I Cor. 7 with biblical honesty I have not seen in a long time. She reaffirms that the single is not half of a whole. Each and every Christian is made whole in Christ. The author is in her 40s and still single so this book is good for middle ages singles too. A very practical book, I highly recommend it.
See my full review at http://bit.ly/1qXMJYN.
i received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of an independent and honest review.

[Marianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not single, but I found much to apply in this book by Lina AbuJamra. Putting anything before God in our life is a universal struggle and those who are single do the same. Lina is honest about her own struggles, but provides biblical advice as to how to deal with some of lifes greatest disappointment. As someone who was married at the age of 20, I appreciate learning about those who endeavor to be married but don't find their mate. It helps me be a better friend and encourager to the many in my life who are inn that place.

[Mary Pat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful...brave ...easy to connect..great alternative
for those that do what thy are uncomfortable doing.
Aids in a christian thought pattern with a realistic
choice pattern. We cannot change the world , thank God
the book points out our ability to change ourselves.
Harder than it sounds, Great Read !

[Bonny Macisaac · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think there were a lot of good points brought up in this book for single Christians. Love the humor the author brings to the subject. Could have used it myself years ago as a single Christian and the trials one goes through. Wish I had a book like this at the time. I think most young people would take a lot from this book.