The History of My Insanity

by Trisha Paytas

"The History of My Insanity" is the memoirs of Trisha Paytas. It takes an in depth look at the real world of stripping, escorting, and what the overall sex industry can do to a person's mental state. The book inquires to the thought that someone can become crazy over time through courses of life's events rather than just born to be that way. A prelude to the upcoming "The Stripper Diaries", this book gives insight to the world of exotic dancing, prostitution and more. "The History of my Insanity" is a real, raw, and true book about a girl's life full of regrets, written to inspire others to do more than they think they can.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

80 pages, Paperback

First published April 27, 2013

About the author

Trisha Kay Paytas (born May 8, 1988) simply known as Trisha Paytas is an American actress, author, businesswoman, entertainer, performer, plus-size model, and YouTube personality. She is known for her appearance on the seventh season of America's Got Talent in 2012 as well as her appearances on the television shows Who Wants to Be a Superhero? and My Strange Addiction.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trisha_...

Reviews

[Shawn McComb]

🥲

[Meagan · Rating 1 out of 5]

There are many grammatical errors and contradictions in this book. For example " I hated my dad for 24 years" referring to her parents divorce. how could you hate him for 24 years. I'm pretty sure you don't remember that far back and her parents got divorced when she was 3. Another contradiction, she sad she remember them divorcing at 3 and the in a other part of her book she says I didn't remember anything before the age 5. This girl is an obnoxious, spoiled, narcissistic air headed blonde that relies on others and has no real life experience unless you count escorting and stripping Terrible role model. This girl needs to clean up her act. I seriously think she has pyschological problems

[Ryan Schwartz · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Trisha and god I wish she would write a new memoir with everything that’s happened in her life since this one. Other than that, not to sound like an English major (though she often refers to her readers as English majors for some reason) the sentence structure in this is kind of awful but it makes it so funny to read (especially when every other sentence she’s stopping herself from calling her step mother a bitch or a nazi…), though obviously a lot of the content is actually very sad. She loves to talk abt hooking at night and then going to church in the morning and it made for quite the rollercoaster that I had to read in one sitting

[Jill · Rating 2 out of 5]

Trisha Paytas is many things. 'Supposed internet villain' presently tops their resume, but to stop there would be to ignore most of who they are and what they do. They're a mental health and trans rights advocate (and use they/them pronouns). They're probably the realest and most genuine person to grace YouTube. They're a self-produced singer that put out a lot of filler AND one of my honest-to-goodness favourite pop songs, "Freaky". They live with mental illness and process their grief, trauma, and pain online, sometimes lashing out to hurt those closest to them. They love drama, thrive on attention, and exemplify the glorification of social media 'stardom' (starting with MySpace all the way to TikTok). They also exemplify hope. And why I can't ever get behind the hordes of haters trying to bully them off the internet ------- they exemplified hope for me at a time when I was deeply, deeply depressed, when their chaotic storytime and haul videos were the only thing that gave my despondent brain moments of peace. I'm not saying Trisha Paytas saved my life; I saved my own life. But Trish helped.

I've had this book for awhile, but I'm three books behind my challenge (eeeek), so like we're reading short books to zip this along, thanks vm. And this is 80 pages of a 2014-era Trish storytime. It's intensely personal, absolutely disjointed(but with a certain throughthread), deeply confused and pained and desperately trying to reach some kind of justification, rationalization, lesson. They blame their parents for everything in the same breath as sanctifying them; they interpret situations that were clearly people trying to help as cruelty and abuse. It's very, very sad to read, because it's so brutally honest, and there is so much pain in the life Trish has lived. It's also funny, and engaging, and hopeful, because that's Trish, on the page and on the phone screen: varied, confusing, and impossible to pin down.

It's not by any stretch a "good" book. If you don't care about Trish's story, I wouldn't recommend it. But it's a fascinating peek into the troubled psyche of an internet phenomenon right before they really blew up and became a meme, and long before the TikTok crowds decided they were "redeemed" after making a funny video in a Cleopatra costume (I'm simplifying, but not that much). That moral redemption, incidentally, lasted until Trish made it very clear that they're a person, and no genuine redemption is permanent (particularly when it depends on mob mentality) -- recovery, life, is a cycle that doesn't follow a moral purity arc.

Unfortunately, Trish doesn't get to tell their own story these days. But they've hung on through the entire internet hating them before, and they'll do it again. And while I don't really watch Trish's content anymore, I'll put my foot down any time anyone screams about getting them to "take accountability" -- they have. They do -- when they come to it, not when the internet screams. This book reads like the beginning of taking accountability, the beginning of learning who you are as an adult, the beginning of a journey that Trish can only hope will end with the fairytale ending they so crave. It's more interesting as an artifact of mental health than as a story, but honestly? Virginia Woolf wouldn't hate it.

[kylie · Rating 3 out of 5]

one could not wish for a better chrismukkah gift than trisha paytas’ self-published memoir. i’m honoured to have her writing forever on my bookshelf now. this was so funny, sad, and albeit a little inspiring? i’ve come out of this book feeling a bit better about life… another trisha memoir pls pls pls

[Orli Uliel · Rating 5 out of 5]

trish. where do i start. how about, YOU ARE GODS CHILD. i don't think jesus was a man because YOU ARE JESUS. YOU ARE WHO GOD SENT DOWN TO EARTH TO BLESS US WITH SUCH A BLESSING. this book has inspired me so much. i want to be you. i want to embody you. you are amazing. if you were still a stripper id so hire you.

love ya, you absolute cutie.
#stayfit

[shirley · Rating 3 out of 5]

summer is for reading memoirs

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I watch her YouTube channel all the time and was curious about this book enough to pick it up. It's written as she's telling you her story in person. However, this book is full of grammar errors and she contradicts herself many times. I just wish she would have at least used spell check. Still looking forward to her second book.

[Sylup · Rating 3 out of 5]

I cried

a lot

[robbie]

ok lol

[Hayley Segar · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick read that won't disappoint if have always wanted to know more about the phenomenon that is Trisha Paytas. I do believe this book is self published, so there are some grammatical flaws that could bug the dedicated English major. But, grammar aside, Trisha Paytas used her uncanny ability to capture her audience's attention, which, as she has proven on YouTube, she is incredibly good at. At just 80 pages, this book is, as I said, a quick read, but it packs a lot of punch. You are filled into what seems like Trisha's entire past, which is an excellent preface for her supposed upcoming novel, The Stripper Diaries. I look forward to reading more works by Trisha.

[Imogen · Rating 3 out of 5]

wow, what a roller coaster. i will always be a trisha apologist. love her work.

[Corey · Rating 1 out of 5]

She said she started writing this book one evening because she was bored and yeah, it shows.

It was a little fascinating to see her talk about all the stuff she's done that is clearly a result of her mental illness but seemingly fail to understand that those behaviors are due to her mental illness and instead blame the things she's done that are literally just normal people things on her mental illness.

[Courtney Shek · Rating 3 out of 5]

Full review here
If anything this book makes you have a new found respect for Trisha. I know that a lot of people don't like her and people online just seem to be rude to her and hate on her for no reason. They somehow think that because of her past choices in life that she is beneath them.
But after reading about what she went through and how she was able to bounce back from everything that life threw at her, I admire her a lot. I mean she never gave up on her dreams and she never let anyone tell her that she couldn't do it and that's how she got to where she is today.
If anything she is inspiring.
I mean I'm not saying she's perfect. But she has made some drastic improvements on her life and I am so proud of her for that. I mean reading about how she used to live and seeing her succeed in her life now is amazing. I like that in her book she was so open about everything and it was raw and it was real.

[justlarissareads · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've been following Trisha Paytas ever since I found her on YouTube ten years ago. I had never really watched YouTube other than the occasional video here or there until I ran across her. If anyone knows who Trisha is then you know she is mostly known for creating drama. I was so fascinated by her, her life and accomplishments, and how she ultimately become known & rich from being a YouTube star.

She's actually done many other things like starring in one of Eminem's music videos, appearing on America's Got Talent & Celebrity Big Brother to being engaged to celebrities like Anthony Michael Hall, just to name a few. I just find her interesting and this book is just a peek inside her life. She grew up in Illinois. Small town girl to living on the beach in California to eventually buying a mansion with her hubby.

The book is all over the place, but that is her personality. One day I'll get around to reading the rest of her books.

[Yessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is okay. You have to be a fan of Trisha before reading this otherwise you will not be entertained or interested. This is basically like a longer "Draw my Life" video. She seems to oversimplify things and gloss over events without going in depth. I would have liked to see examples of her relationship with her step-mother. Reading it, it bothered me how much she reference physical expectations and beauty for the reasons she didn't get along with other women. She would write things that really showed her bias on other people.

This book is a super quick read, you can probably read it on the toilet and be done with it by the time you get up. Regardless its interesting to see where Trisha came from and where she might have gotten her perspective. I might read another book of hers but it has to be a kindle price, I am not paying 13 dollars for a 80 page book.

[Crystal M · Rating 1 out of 5]

Used to love Trisha when she started YouTube, bought this book and the stripper diaries. This book is basically Trisha saying how amazing she is and how she’s destined for great things but then also being shocked any time anyone is nice to her. She goes vaguely into stripping and escorting and also her drug use. Pretty disappointing over all. Mostly consists of her explaining how much of a liar she is, how her parents did an awful job raising her and how she has daddy issues so bad she won’t sleep with any men under 40 and that she likes it if they look like her dad or treat her how she wished her dad had. She’s a pretty sick individual and the fact that she’s pregnant now…. Yikes. Good luck to that kid.

[Michael Clark · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really did enjoy reading this book.. If you watch Trisha's Youtube Channel then you know she was a stripper for quite a while.. She tries to show the reader that Stripping isn't the glamorous thing Hollywood makes it out to be.. this book is a MUST READ!!!

[Brea]

How
Can I download this on my phone?

[Kat · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book isn't even worth one star in my opinion. It's full of lies. She's even admitted on her youtube channel that she will do anything for attention and to keep herself in the spotlight.

[Luna Jordan · Rating 1 out of 5]

TBA

[Hillevi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love chick-lit, but I hate the term. It’s literature — shortened to ‘lit’, cute, right? — written by and marketed to women exclusively (as men, it seems, are uninterested in the lives of girls and women). But the only thing the target audience has in common is that we’re women; an experience so loosely knit, the fabric becomes useless. A well-established genre of chick-lit is the sex worker memoir. Trisha Paytas joins this tradition with her “The History of My Insanity” (and later, “The Stripper Diaries”). Paytas’s life as a stripper and an escort is not the main focus of the book, but it is a significant aspect. In “The History of My Insanity”, Paytas tells the story of her life so far. She is 25 years old when the book is first published.

It’s a short but sweet and at times twisted read with Paytas herself on the cover, posing seductively in a straitjacket. Most reviews I’ve read claim that it’s full of typos and grammatical errors (it’s self-published) but that’s just not true. In fact, it’s really well-written. The style is casual but effective. It immediately puts us in a Trish state of mind. The literary value, on the other hand, is limited. If you’re already a fan, it’s an interesting read. Paytas invites us to a trip down memory lane where we get to partake in her perception of the events that led up to her internet stardom (Paytas has also written a book aptly named “How to Get Internet Famous”). Unfortunately, the perspective she offers is not very insightful. I was disappointed but I can’t say I was surprised. It takes time to form the narrative of your life. Memories are not static. I’m sure that if Paytas was tasked to account for the same events again, the story would be drastically different. It’s one of several good reasons not to write your memoirs at the age of 25. In Paytas’s defense, however, most 25 year olds do not have material enough for a biography, but she does. There are lived experiences enough to fill the pages of a much longer book. Books, even. What she’s missing is distance to reflect on her many experiences in a manner that is interesting to someone who is not a diehard Trisha Paytas fan. She tells us at length about aspects of her life that, frankly, are quite boring, but glosses over the the really interesting parts. I am not interested in hearing Paytas swooning over her idol Quentin Tarantino, but I am interested in her perception of herself as a liar.

“The History of My Insanity” has a lot less insanity than I expected. It’s always there, lurking in the shadows, but she never brings it out into the light for inspection. “I really had lost my mind at that point,” she writes, discussing an old break up. “What I was doing was nothing a sane person would do.” This is one of many instances where I would like to know more. Where I crave to know more. Just like her internet persona, Paytas constantly trivializes her own emotional life. She admits to having feelings of course — very powerful feelings, I might add — but she rarely claims her right to those feelings. She doesn’t accept them as justified. But this, she does in style. She soaks her emotions in quick wit and self-irony but she rarely manages to transcend the role of the self-deprecating girl who pokes fun about how weird and fat she is (though it should be noted that her weight is less in focus in “The History of My Insanity” than the rest of her production). Self-irony, it appears, creates some sort of dignity in the chaos of her emotions. But Paytas is not afraid of reliving painful experiences. In no way does she avoid trauma in her books. She writes multiple times about molestation and harassment at the clubs; eating and crying at fast food parking lots; suffering through bad sex with B-list celebrities for a minute of their time and adoration; being bullied and humiliated at school. She shares with us painful memories — they must be — and yet, she never really lets us get close to her. She is dead set on keeping up the facade. Lies and fabrication are imperative to sustain the integrity of the world.

The worst part of the book, by far, is the end. It’s a cheesy reflection on Paytas’s soon-to-be happy ending. It’s very unfortunate. Paytas informs us that she is writing it sitting in her Malibu beach house. This is meant to make us understand that she has, in fact, succeeded in life. And because she has had material success, that must mean that happiness is just around the corner, right? Of course not. This misconception, combined with the new-found bullshit wisdom of a recent therapy graduate, is too much to take. It rings untrue, at best.

Nonetheless, I look forward to the continued literary adventures of Trisha Paytas.

This review was first published on my blog. You can also read an ode to Trisha Paytas here.

[Paige Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve been watching Trisha pretty regularly for 12 yrs, since I saw an unnamed clip of her on Tosh.0 and I wondered who’s that bubbly chubby girl who dresses as cool as an iCandy Bratz. After just reading Tease, her erotic fiction that’s more extreme than some actual splatterpunk, I had to see more into her family life and actual kinks.

Anyway, this is written conversationally and chronologically. Trisha’s parent divorce young and spoil her more than they can afford to make up for it. She’s been a troll since elementary school, telling kids she has Hollywood spy parents—though her dad really does have them driven in limousines for some reason (job unlisted). Oh yeah and her parents are cheaters with their in-laws. Trisha always hopes they’ll get back together but the dad is reluctant—from videos of him, he seemed more normal/refined than her ditzy drunk mom who always seemed grossly close sexually—like didn’t they do OF pics together? Seems a very vicarious friend vs parent. So I’m not too surprised her mom had sex in front of her and didn’t care about her BF being naked around her child when she wasn’t home.

Trish was always into acting and complimented about it even by her bullies—everyone openly calls her fat even though she’s only 100lbs. Every time she convinces her parents to let her in a new school, she reinvents herself. In Cali, she doesn’t stand out as a sexed-up fashionista though. She focused on acting classes, lip syncing and becoming a MySpace celeb while her dad and stepmom try to keep her on a shortened leash before she becomes too slutty or hurts/spoils herself.

Her first YouTube video is just for singing Vanilla Ice to her MySpace fans as fast as she can. There’s nothing she loves more than attention so she gets into reality TV, dressing kawaii colorful, talking super quick and simple like Paris Hilton on crank, and pretends to have issues like a tanning or aesthetic addiction. Right away she becomes a regular for a season and gets spots dancing on Jimmy Kimmel as Supergirl. Between jobs, Alice Cooper’s assistant falls in love w/ her online presence, boosting her ego enough to inspire her to strip. She’s awkward at it, surprisingly spending so much money on clothes but not ones hot enough to wear and so much time gabbing but not enough to talk men into dances.

Her self esteem is already low from her fam and weight, so not helped by the strip world where people prey on her dumb blonde character that is only sort of an act. Luckily and with a lot of praying, she gets TV call-backs to quit. She gets on Stan Lee’s competition show where she sees how actors stay childlike in the worst ways forever. From there, she realizes how easily even A listers will sleep with her and offer her money without asking. She finds this a dream she’d do for free but of course wants regular emotional support once she goes home. She self soothes by maxing out credit cards on clothes.

Many of her first videos were tributes to Quinten Tarantino and Eli Roth and pretty soon the guys take note of her and invite her to screenings. She says they’re the only non-pervy Hollywoodsters she’s met. We find out her dad is a successful day trader and that helps her get into a similarly themed show—and win 10k in cash! That she almost blows on her mega botched boob job instead of a place to live. Disappointing how shallow she always is and how it affects her stereotypical decisions. Like going back to strip clubs non-stop even after she gets hospitalized for hepatitis. Sooo many of her legit and non-legit jobs come from Craigslist.

After the first few chs, the pace could really be quicker or more vibrant:comedic. Surprisingly little of this is about her being a YouTuber. It kind of just ends with her saying her YouTube is booming but not how she got financially stable overnight and from which videos, or much about what the America’s Got Talent show did for her. This is a decade-old book though. She should do a revamped audiobook since getting married, having kids and a comeback.

[El · Rating 3 out of 5]

Got given this as a joke, but it turned out to be an enjoyable short read! If you have followed Trisha online then you’ll see some contradictions with some stories she discusses, however others slide into place and you’ll find yourself recalling one or two crying on the bathroom floor videos (or Frenemies story times) and going ‘yup! I remember that!’

Not sure if its actually written by her, however it’s a very interesting perspective into Trisha’s life, the good and the bad. There are a few uncomfortable moments due to the nature of the book (TW: sexual assault, std’s and sex work), so be wary if any of these are triggering.

A very enjoyable read if you’re looking for something short and easy!

[Alexis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and sweet. She goes more into detail on things that are only briefly mentioned on her youtube channel. Mostly about her childhood. She does directly contradict herself from time to time, though, which makes me question her a bit. Because as we know, she does have a penchant for dramatizing. For example, she complains about how she has never had an agent or manager as of when she was writing, how she "did it all on her own"... then in the next chapter, she mentioned her manager taking a cut of her pay.

Also, this only goes up 2013 when it was written, so keep that in mind! Regardless, I found it entertaining and what I expected.

[darcy valentine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was hard to rate...objectively it has a ton of gramatical errors and the pacing is insane....yet that is very on brand for trisha! This book felt like an 80 page manic diary entry and that is exactly what made it so facinating to read...i find (at the time 25 year old) trisha's memoir incredibly honest and relatable...especially for a youtuber book! She's been through the ringer and was dealt some pretty shitty cards in life. By the time the book ends, she has had several depressive episodes...and yet she always gets back up to fight for her dreams...would love a memoir from trish today to see her perspective on these events now!

[Dylan G · Rating 5 out of 5]

first non-fic ive read, Trisha Paytas is one of the only people ive ever related to before. Ive never felt seen until i started watching her, and reading this gave me a look into her life even though im not sure which parts are real and which parts may have been embellished. Its so cool to read this 12 years later knowing all thats happened to her since then and how much shes grown. Some people might not like this book but Trisha’s story honestly inspires me that things might work out for me. Reading this book i went through a sewer side attempt and a new lease on life, so even though it may be corny; im grateful for Trisha and this book for finally giving me the chance to feel seen.

[Starr · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really good look inside this famous youtubers head. trisha let us into her world and her past of why she does what she does. all the things shes been through that make her the trish she is now. like when she first moved to la and when she lived wth her dad and all the juicy details of her past she has not fully shared on youtube. She also has many many youtube videos if you just cant get enough trish just type in trisha paytas on youtube.

[Marissa McHugh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a huge Trisha Paytas fan. I've been watching her since fall 2012. I related so much to the stories about her stepmother. I had some of the same experiences with my stepmom. I was also bullied in school as well, so I really empathize with Trisha during those parts. I'm just sad the book is over. Definitely would read again!

[Ava Minor · Rating 3 out of 5]

trisha is very oddly comforting to me because she can tell these stories that touch so uncomfortably close to home. this book is just one big “me too” and though her writing majority of the time is not grammatically correct, i think it adds a lot of character to the book, and what did you think you were going to get out of a trisha paytas book?