Grace Filled Marriage: The Missing Piece, The Place to Start

by Tim Kimmel

There are few places on the planet where grace is less often expressed than in marriage. We often show more grace to our competitors in sports, politics and business than we do to our husbands or wives. Think about it . . .. What does grace have to do with marriage? Vital elements like forgiveness, security, significance, acceptance, approval, intimacy-all are words of grace for which we hunger. . What does a grace-based marriage look like? We hear grace in our tone of voice, we see grace in expressions on our faces, we feel grace in the warmth of a touch, we taste grace in acts of simple courtesy, we smell grace in the fragrance of shared prayers and desires. Dr. Kimmel shows you how to evaluate your own grace-aptitude, and then leads you step-by-step into grace intelligence that will transform first you, and then your marriage

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Christian, Faith, Spirituality, Self Help, Christian Non Fiction

272 pages, Hardcover

First published September 10, 2013

About the author

Dr. Tim Kimmel is one of America's top advocates speaking for the family. He is the Executive Director of Family Matters, whose goal is to build great relationships by educating, equipping and encouraging families for every age and stage of life. Tim conducts conferences across the country on the unique pressures that confront today's families. His conferences include: Home Improvement: Building a Great Marriage, Basic Training For A Few Good Men, Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right, and Parenting 101. In addition to conducting Family Matters' conferences and keynote speaking, Tim and his wife, Darcy, are speakers for FamilyLife Ministry's Weekend To Remember conference.

Not only is Tim a well-known speaker, he has authored many books including: Little House on the Freeway (featured in the Billy Graham crusades), Gold Medallion Winner Grace Based Parenting, Raising Kids for True Greatness, 50 Ways to Really Love Your Kids, Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right, Why Christian Kids Rebel, The High Cost of High Control, and Basic Training For A Few Good Men. He has also developed several video studies including The Hurried Family, Basic Training For A Few Good Men, Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right, and Grandparenthood: More Than Rocking Chairs.

Tim has been a featured guest on radio and television programs such as Dayside on FOX News channel, Dr. James Dobson's 'Focus on the Family', 'The 700 Club', Moody Broadcasting's 'Midday Connection', and 'Family Life Today.' Tim also hosted his own nationally syndicated talk show for five years called 'Tim Kimmel Live'.

Reviews

[Laura Langley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've recently been awakening to grace and the magnitude of what it really means to know and experience God's grace and how it should affect the way I live. As I read the Kimmels' book, "Grace-Filled Marriage," I grew increasingly exited because it gave me practical ways to apply grace on a daily basis.

Part 1 of the book, "What's Grace Got to do With It?," builds the case for why we should have grace-filled marriages--because God bestows His mind-boggling grace on us. The Kimmels say, "Most of us enter marriage thinking our relationship with our spouse is all about love. But in reality it's about grace." Speaking from personal experience, the authors lead readers to identify the graceless ways they view their spouse and to begin replacing those distorted lenses with the lens of grace.

Then in Part 2, which is where I really got excited, the Kimmels define "What Does Grace Look Like in a Marriage?" Unpacking a strategy for living out a grace-filled marriage, the authors help readers explore four dimensions of Gods grace, things God is doing for us--that we can do for our spouses: meeting true inner needs, giving their heart freedom, building their character, and aiming them at true greatness.

The Kimmels make sure readers understand this only work if we carry it out in God's power saying, "Your relationship to each other will stand or fall primarily on your relationship with Christ."

I appreciate the authors' candid, "we've been" there authenticity as they help readers discover they can live grace-filled lives despite past mistakes--as long as they are connected to Jesus, the True Vine.

What I like most is that Part 2 of "Grace-Filled Marriage" gives practical strategies I can apply today as I offer my husband the grace God has offered me. At the same time, I look forward to the possibility of some study guides or small group resources to accompany the book so I can work this out in community with other like-minded believers.

The Kimmels say, "The God who bought and paid for you on the cross wants to give your marriage abundant life." And they show you how to find that abundant life by applying grace. So whether you're in an okay marriage, a difficult marriage, or a great one, you'll find encouragement, hope, and practical steps to get you on the road to the abundant life God wants you to have.

"Grace-filled Marriage" is written by Dr. Tim Kimmel, with his wife Darcy. Dr. Kimmel is the founder and Executive Director of Family Matters. Family Matters is a non-profit ministry with the purpose of seeing families transformed by God's grace into instruments of restoration and reformation by equipping families for every age and stage of life.

Dr. Kimmel and his wife, Darcy, also team up with other organizations such as Family Life, Focus on the Family and MOPS to build strong families.

Grace-Filled Marriage is published by Worthy Publishing. Get a copy through Worthy Publishing, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and other bookstores.

*Note: I received a copy of the book from the publisher for this review. However, the opinions expressed are my own.

[Kelsy Morrison · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was OK. I appreciate the lack of overt man-leads/woman-submits model so common in Christian marriage books. However, I suspect that the author and his wife each have personalities that easily fall within the stereotypical gender model, leading the assumptions & advice to resonate only for those within similar marriages. Throughout much of the book, the author uses examples of people he's counseled to demonstrate what marriages without grace look like, and his own marriage as an example of the right way to do marriage. (He does have one or two positive examples of others' marriages, and a couple of negative-ish illustrations from his own marriage, although even most of those are cases in which he steered his mistaken wife aright.) I found this aspect quite off-putting. While there were some helpful parts and points that made me stop and ponder, most of the book simply annoyed me in its tone or felt irrelevant to me. Some parts of the book could even be the exact wrong thing for people in abusive situations to read. Overall, not the worst book on marriage I've read (by far) but not one I'll be recommending either.

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Graced Filled Marriage was a good read with practical tips/advice for marriage, but I also think *some* of the tips could apply to a lot of different types of relationships.

I really enjoyed certain chapters (especially chapter 2) and felt it had some powerful quotes. I didn't agree with everything in the book, but it gave food for thought.

All in all, I liked this book.

*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention/review it. I was not required to give a positive review, only my honest opinion - which I've done. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own and I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.*

[Brittany · Rating 2 out of 5]

While each chapter had a nugget or two that was really good to hear and apply, for the most part, the book was unorganized, overly-wordy, and kind of confusing. Kimmel's thoughts about grace and marriage are great and there are some things I'll remember and continue to work through, but he just takes too long to actually say them. It's not a very concise book, and could have been about half the length it was and would have still said what it needed to say.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book matched what I believed to be the best book on marriage ever - Sacred Influence. This will be what I will be buying as a wedding gift from now on out. I’ve raved about it while reading it and already have several friends lined up to pass it on to next. A must-read for relationships. This book contains simple Truths pointing to the power to save a marriage and marriage in general. God-honoring, Biblical, practical, life-changing and real. I loved it.

[Petermathieson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great book on Christian marriage. It did a good job of combining stories, theology, scripture and practical teaching together into an easy read. It had a clear focus and was well laid out. I would recommend it.

[Brooke Stokes · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can't believe there are so many reviews, mostly by women at that, giving a good review to a book in which grooming and statutory rape are sugar coated enough that they could be a breakfast cereal. He blames a young girl, her parents, her breasts, her interest in boys, and an older man's interest in her. The only one of these that is valid is the the older man's interest. He goes on to say that she was "a willing participant" because he obviously thinks that rape can't happen unless it's violent and forceful. I'm guessing from context clues that she is around 12-13 years old at the time an adult friend of the family groomed her and raped her, yet Kimmel still insists that it's her sin. He does acquiesce that it was illegal and that the man could have faced legal consequences, but makes sure that we understand that she was "willing." A *child* is *not able* to consent to sex with an adult. Ever. No matter what their body looks likes.

The fact that so many readers take no issue with speaks to the insidious nature of the views regarding grooming and rape that have seeped through the congregations throughout the country and allowed countless church leaders to abuse the children under their leadership.

[Ro Zy · Rating 1 out of 5]

HORRIFYING. Kimmel tells the story of a woman who was groomed and raped as a child, and presents it as her fault, and her “sin,” because she was “a willing participant.” Children can’t consent, you pedophilic creep. He depicts the perpetrator as “a friend of the family who never forcefully molested her” (as if that makes it better???!) “but became involved with her sexually when she was a minor” — that is a crazy amount of sugar coating on statutory rape. He then goes on to blame the girl for not telling anyone or getting counseling, for acting out sexually as a teen (which is normal for survivors of sexual trauma, btw), and ultimately blames her as the reason for her husband’s pornography addiction. Nothing about his stance is helpful, accurate, or morally permissible. He says “she knew she was a willing participant” as part of his epic victim-blaming pro-pedophilic propaganda.

This is DISGUSTING and the fact that so many Christians are eating this up is indicative of massive issues in the Church. If you read this book and thought it was good, please seek therapy. Immediately.

[Abigail Westbrook · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really appreciated the consistent emphasis on God’s grace all through this book. It didn’t leave me feeling overwhelmed with a long to-do list, but uplifted by reminders of God’s big plan and His faithfulness through our messiness. This book is not written for marriages that are abusive, and makes no pretense that it is - but the rest of us can find a lot of encouragement and reminders here. The only thing I found slightly annoying (bringing this down to 4 stars) is the author’s somewhat spacey writing style and rather jumbled overuse of metaphor and lame humor. Tighter editing would definitely bring this up a notch.

[Ashley Blankinship · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book gave some interesting insights & definitely helped a little bit in this caretaker season that I am in at the moment. I feel like the book lacked real meat. It emphasized a lot of “oh grace is SO important in your marriage,” which is fantastic & true & a new perspective for me. However, the book dragged on for awhile. I feel like it could’ve been shortened by 100 pages and still have gotten it’s point across clearly. I definitely have a few new ways to look at marriage that I hope to carry with me for the rest of my life

[Sergiu Năstruţ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Harul parcă nu iese la socoteală, parcă nu are sens.
Așa se explică, probabil, de ce majoritatea cuplurilor se sfiesc să așeze harul la temelia relației lor. Este contraintuitiv. Pe deasupra, mai este și intimidant. Harul este atât de...altruist. Preferăm matematica simplă din spatele dinamicii cauză-efect dintr-o relație. Dacă tu îmi faci o favoare, îți fac și eu. Ingredientul care lipsește în cele mai multe căsnicii nu este dragostea, ci harul.

[Hope Curtsinger · Rating 4 out of 5]

finally finished this book after restarting it. we have been doing the video studies in a class at church. the videos seem to be him repeating what’s in the book but his illustrations & insights are helpful to remember our love for & grace toward our spouse is to be an overflow of God’s love & grace for us. i do think at times the illustrations were excessive & his points could have been made quicker. the last couple chapters really summarized the points well.

[Natasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read Grace Based Parenting several years ago, but I did not immediately make the connection that this book is by the same author. Took me a while to get through it, just because there's so much to chew on. Some really good thoughts. Harder to live out in real life, but I still think every Christian couple would benefit from reading this book - alone, together or in a group.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best marriage books I’ve read. There are some really unique but important ideas in here. Really encouraging! Tim Kimmel also does a great job of exposing sinful ways we treat our spouse and opportunities for growth while remaining humble and relatable.

[Adrienne Rogers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Second time reading this through, and reminded why this is what I believe to be the best book on marriage. Tim Kimmel does an excellent job pointing us back to the heart of Jesus and his rescuing grace that we can extend to our spouse.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is generally a pretty simple book, but there are certainly some tidbits of wisdom.

[Lisa Kinlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great study

Get the workbook too, the practical exercises and discussion questions are extremely important as well as helpful. Very helpful book.

[Eboni · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our Marriage Enrichment Group read this for our year long bible study. Really enjoyed the self reflection and class discussions the book prompted.

[Kristia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must and humbling read for anyone considering marriage & people who are already married.

[Michelle Slomp · Rating 3 out of 5]

It had both high and low points. However a good reminder of what each marriage needs.

[Derrick · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. I took several pages worth of notes that I hope to sync up with my journaling in how this advice may practically play out in my marriage. I think I can best sum up the book based on a sentence towards the end. This book isn't about building a strong marriage relationship between the spouses but it's about each spouse's relationship to Christ. It's about us understanding the grace of God and then practically how we should extend that grace to our spouse. I think I would've enjoyed it better had I invited my wife to read it with me.

[Jennine G. (Living On Purpose) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book from the publisher via NetGalley for an honest review.

Grace - undeserved, but much needed. Usually easy to receive, makes life better for everyone involved and yet, it's hard to give. As I began to close out (for the most part) my year long reading journey of relationship building, Grace Filled Marriage had me at Grace. I know I need grace and appreciate it for myself, but I fight against giving it at times, if I think of giving it at all.

Kimmel, along with his wife, lays out the need for and workings of grace in our lives for the first quarter of the book. Kimmel then talks about the three things spouses (and people in general) need and that grace can help provide: secure love, significant purpose, and strong hope. Each topic has a chapter that speaks to the ways in which you can begin using grace to build a better relationship. For example, security is built through showing acceptance, affiliation, and affection. Significance is built up in a spouse through affirmation, attention, and (gentle) admonition. And strength encourages abilities, accomplishments, and adventure. All of these subtopics are discussed at length along with examples.

Beyond the need for security, significance, and strength, this book speaks to grace's allowance for candidness, vulnerability, differences, and mistakes. Kimmel asks you to look at graceful honesty and the little things within the bigger picture.

He also gives pointers for what it takes to sustain a marriage...he calls these points the six character muscles and compares the practice of using them to training for the running of a race. The six muscles are Faith, Integrity, Poise, Discipline, Endurance and Courage. Working on these six things allows a couple to produce the security, significance, and strength discussed earlier in the book.

Last, but not least, it takes a humble, grateful, generous, and serving heart to make a marriage work. I have to say that I really liked this book. The points were well drawn and supported. Also, I think the author was truthful without sugar coating. An example (and an ouch moment for me) was when he talked about why we shouldn't yell and scream. I'm a yeller...first thing I do when mad or frustrated is I raise my voice. When Kimmel spoke of how yelling affects others and how it makes you look and feel, it was like a punch in the stomach. I appreciate it though, because sometimes that is what it takes to change. He has many other books, including one about grace in parenting, which I'm sure I'll take a look at. I would imagine it falls along the same lines as this book.

[Beth Strand · Rating 5 out of 5]

”Grace-Filled Marriage” Offers Fresh and Healing Insights
If you’ve been married very long, you’ve probably either read or heard of some book that offers a “step program” towards having the perfect marriage. Well, the good news is that “Grace Filled Marriage” isn’t one of those books. Instead, it’s a well-written, entertaining and insightful look at why so many couples struggle. In a nutshell, the element of Grace is often lacking in those relationships closest to us. Tim and Darcy Kimmel provide a glimpse into what a grace-filled marriage looks like and how we can begin to move our own relationships in that direction.
If you’ve been happily married for decades or if your marriage is struggling, “Grace-Filled Marriage” can offer you insights, inspiration and hope. Not only is the information presented in a fun, easy-to-read manner, but it spells out what grace looks like in marriage and what it doesn’t look like. There are only a few relationship books that make it onto my “recommend highly” list and “Grace-Filled Marriage” has earned itself a spot!
This book was provided to me by the publisher for this review. The opinions, however, are entirely my own!

[Daniel · Rating 3 out of 5]

As I read Kimmel's summary of his book at the very end, some things made more sense, so maybe I wished he used that as an intro and explained what the book is all about, and how it was structured.

His premise that we need more grace and not more love in our marriage was a bit confusing as later he went to describe that same grace with all the qualities of love in 1Cor 13, so I wasn't sure what he really means by grace. He says grace, but means love ;-)

The lack of his/their personal failures was a big disconnection issue for me. Most of the bad examples happened to "some other folks".

And I couldn't find a ground for his 4 deepest needs section. He just mentions that these are the needs, but where did he or someone else come up with that, is a bit undefined. Alse, "grace based" is used a lot throughout the book with sometimes ambiguous meaning.

All in all, I would give it a 2.5* and just couldn't wait to be done with the book.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the book and if I slow down to think about it enough, there are a lot of applicable ideas here. I didn't find anything earth shattering or new--probably because I am familiar with the author's overall message of Grace as it pertains to parenting. He applies a lot of the same ideas and frameworks to marriage--which makes sense give that the overall message of the gospel is that of Grace and the author's overall message is to live out the gospel.

Worth a read and I am excited to unpack this book a bit more with my couples' small group (and husband :) .)

[Brent Soderstrum · Rating 3 out of 5]

My wife and I read this book for our couples Bible study group. I was disappointed in it. I loved the concept of grace being extended in marriage like God extends us grace. We should keep that at the forefront of our marriages. However, this book just didn't flow smoothly. I came across very disjointed.

It is about God and marriage so even a disappointing book like this is still worth the read. I am extending grace to the author.

[Catherine Gillespie · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you’ve read any of Tim Kimmel’s other books, Grace Filled Marriage will feel familiar to you. In this book, Kimmel applies his ideas about grace-filled relationships to marriage, and even if the concepts are not new to you, the book is a good reminder to watch the lenses we use and extend grace to our spouses.

{Read my full review here}

[Lief · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this book with a fun, little marriage group Lisa and I have joined. I agree with and enjoyed the message conveyed though the author has a very wordy way to share it. Recalling the meat of the chapters was difficult at times since the message gets wound up and mashed through stories which don't seem to clearly illustrate the point.

Be patient though - the last chapter and epilogue wrap it all up very nicely. 3 stars because some parts were a bit of a slog, but good stuff overall.

[Phil Shields · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent book on marriage. If you are in need of a book to recommend to couples, or are needing a pick up as a couple, or things are good and you just want to continue to get better in your marriage I recommend this read. Tim Kimmel does a great job getting to the foundation of a good marriage. It must be built on the foundation of grace as well as allowing grace to blossom each day.

[Joanna Vanderpool · Rating 2 out of 5]

First of all, I completely agree with the importance of a grace-filled marriage. However, everything written in this book was very common sense - nothing earth shattering - and the writing style is incredibly disjointed and off. I was bored with the tangents / stories and the very round-about way of writing.