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Unconditional Love #2
The Cost of Loving
Unconditional Book Two Matt Dixon, a young firefighter, is the golden child of his family, and he never dreamed that coming out would challenge more than the way his church sees him. For years, Matt has led a double life hoping to avoid ridicule. When a self-righteous pastor’s statements provoke him to defend his recently deceased best friend’s honor and subsequently out himself, he suffers the brutal aftermath of his revelation. Everyone in his life, including his family and his new lover, Darian, must deal with the ramifications as Matt struggles to come to terms with guilt, shame, and his very belief in God. Darian Weston lost his fiancé when Jamie took his life, and his feelings for Matt added guilt to his burden of grief. Confused and lonely, Darian clings to Matt despite his inner strife. But small-town realities keep intruding, and if Matt and Darian hope to make a life together, they must first take a stand for what they believe in, even if they fear the cost.
350 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 15, 2013
5 people are currently reading
348 people want to read
About the author
Wade Kelly
17 books388 followersWade Kelly lives and writes in conservative, small-town America on the east coast where it’s not easy to live free and open in one's beliefs. Wade writes passionately about controversial issues and strives to make a difference by making people think. Wade does not have a background in writing or philosophy, but still draws from personal experience to ponder contentious subjects on paper. There is a lot of pain in the world and people need hope. When not writing, she is thinking about writing, and more than likely scribbling ideas on sticky notes in the car while playing "taxi driver" for her three children. She likes snakes, can’t spell, and has a tendency to make people cry.
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July 19, 2013As far as my "review" of this book... It's a sequel to When Love Is Not Enough. It picks up the day after that one ends. I tried to stay true to the characters and flesh out the aftermath of Jimmy's suicide. You (the readers) will have to let me know if I accomplished that. :) The story CAN be read without reading When Love is Not Enough first, but it is more enjoyable if you have. This is a story close to my heart, painful in some ways and beautiful in others. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
September 3, 2013
Yes, it's been a long wait but totally worth it. 5 stars, total keeper and a little warning
First of all, thanks and a big hug to Wade, a) for the shout out to her fans at the front of the book and b) for keeping us informed all the way so we knew what was happening. Secondly, a big thumbs up
to Tina for her awesome review http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/... pre-ordered this book, but your review made me push it up the queue. Right, let's get this show on the road. Book 2 picks up where 1 ended....Matt has 'come out' to everyone at his church, and has also confirmed that Jamie was gay. No-one has had any time to grieve, Matt and Darian are still at it like rabbits, Dan doesn't know whether he's coming or going, and the lovely Joan
, instigator of Jamie's suicide with her beatings and bigotry is still 'innocent' to all and sundry...no-one other than Matt who's been reading Jamie's journals, knows what went on in their house. Matt also discovers from reading the journals that Jamie deliberately didn't introduce him to Darian...he realised that they were perfect for each other, and didn't want to be the one left by himself....so Jamie wasn't the 'whiter than white' guy we thought he was after all.Matt realises that he and Darian can't continue as they are, that they are both consumed by grief and guilt...Matt because he should have been a better friend and been aware of the problems that Jamie was having with his mum AND that he's now sleeping with Jamie's boyfriend, and Darian because he's lost his lover and boyfriend AND he's started sleeping with Jamie's best friend before Jamie's body is cold in the ground. Darian is severely depressed, is seeing Jamie's ghost everywhere and the 'ghost' is saying some dreadful things to him....he's using sex with Matt as an escape valve for his feelings but his underlying problems still remain. Matt has been having problems at home since his very public 'coming out' at church, his dad only speaks to him when necessary and when he does speak he says (to my mind anyway) some unforgiveable things, but he is extremely uncomfortable and unhappy with the fact that Matt has 'outted' himself, and because he can't deal with it, it's Matt's fault, his brother's being a right little s**t
and definitely needs a good spanking, and his mum is finding it difficult trying to reconcile her faith and Matt's confession, but at least she's still talking to him....the only member of his family that is OK with him is his sister.At work, everything is same old, same old...he still hasn't come out and they think he's dating a girl, but Matt figures it is only a matter of time before what he announced at church filters through to the fire station, and he knows he will have problems there with some of the guys. Some of his regular customers from his other job have already made their displeasure known, and he's finding it hard to pick up work, and then one day, Darian turns up at the station...Matt is seen kissing him and the s**t hits the fan!!
I'm not going any further into the story. I still can't understand why the church thinks it has the right to go poking it's nose into things that have nothing to do with it, but some people are still wrapped up in religion, and if that's what makes them happy, then so be it BUT they shouldn't be allowed to force their bigotry down other people's throats...I found the church, the pastor and most of the congregation in this book really creepy!! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED for those Wade Kelly fans who've been patiently waiting, and don't forget, there will be a book 3!!
September 5, 2013
This is the long awaited sequel to "When Love is not Enough" -- one of the best books I have ever read. Let's just review book number one -- quite simply, the book had three of the best characters that have ever been written (Darian, Matt, and Jaime). Of course, for those who read book one know hat Jamie is a "character" as in a driving force for the book. (He commits suicide in book one.) Book one was about the immediate interaction between Darian and Matt after Jaime's death.
This is the continuation of the story of two young men, Darian and Matt: each of whom have a strong connection with Jaime. After the last novel, Darian is having major anxiety about dealing with Jaime's death. He begins "seeing" Jaime in his thoughts, and Jaime is acting as Darian's conservative conscience. Clearly, part of Darian wants to continue the new relationship with Matt, and part of him believes it should end immediately. It appears like Darian's conservative side will win in his tug-of-war of emotions since it initially appears that Darian is using Matt only to help him forget about Jamie, rather than for an independent basis for love.
At the same time, Matt's own internal fight is pulling him closer to Darian.
Darian ends up back in Jamie's father's house (since Dan also treated Damian as a son). But there is something very strange about the relationship between Damian and Dan. Dan is monitoring everything Darien does, reading his e-mails and speaking to his therapist. (And remember, Darian is an adult and not even this man's kid.). Finally, Dan confronts Matt and tells him not to see Darien any more. Matt, for unknown reasons, pleads with Dan so he can go on one more date with Darian (rather than just kicking the crap out of the man).
As an aside, this book is full of right wing bullsh*t religious fundamentalism. So, if you can't grin and bear that part of the story, this book may not be for you. " Pastor Dennis " is a religious zealot who leads his flock of bigots (that includes Matt's parents). There are places in this book where the sole purpose of the characters appears to be the extermination of gay people. There are points in this book when the religious fundamentalism is poured on so thick I wanted to heave my iPad out the window. That is how much I hated the characters' cow towing to religious zealots. It did not make sense when compared to the bravado shown by the main character in the first novel.
And I do not care what anyone thinks of Matt's father in this story. When describing his son, he said that "it makes me ill to be near you.". And this little gem, "I'd be lying of I didn't tell you that I never thought about beating the shit out of you until you changed." Well, f*ck him and anyone who tries to argue that his is a confused Christian man. I do not want to hear it. Yes, I am pissed off at the mere existence of this character. What kind of perverse father says that to his son, no matter what the kid has done. That is behavior that screws up a kid for the rest of their life. Purported redemption at the end of the book does not make this character any more palatable.
On a picky point, I do not understand the author's aversion to last names. Everyone sounds like they are kindergardeners Miss Joan, Miss Cheryl, Mr. Bill . . Blah, blah, blah. I think we are all old enough to understand last names.
As the story continues, Darian is voluntarily admitted for drug detoxification: Matt sneaks in to the rehab to have sex with Darian. Well, these two consenting adults, who are not in any facilities due to court order, are directed to be arrested by physicians affiliated with the facility, and they happen to have a cop on hand to do the arrest. WRONG. There are so many things wrong with what happens in that scene that it is astounding. The patient can get up and leave with his boyfriend in tow, and the physician had better get out of the way. In the scenario drafted by the author, this physician has set himself up for a kidnapping, false arrest, and false imprisonment lawsuit from his own patient. Really Bad editing and research job there guys (unless there is an unknown court order directing a psychiatric hold of Darian.)
Well, let's fast forward to the end -- everyone has a happily ever after moment.
The author has suggested the possibility of a third novel in this series to discuss Damian in a little more detail . . . On a personal note, I do not think that is needed at all. I think we have learned just about all of these characters that we need to know.
I will say this . . . Book one of this series was one of the best books I have ever read -- the characters, the story, everything was damn near perfect. Not so much in this book. The glory of the first book was the the character interaction between Damian, Matt, and Jaime. This book is best when it stays with that basic premise -- all of the rest is useless surplus. Overall, I give this book four stars, but that may be because I have an affinity for the main characters.
This is the continuation of the story of two young men, Darian and Matt: each of whom have a strong connection with Jaime. After the last novel, Darian is having major anxiety about dealing with Jaime's death. He begins "seeing" Jaime in his thoughts, and Jaime is acting as Darian's conservative conscience. Clearly, part of Darian wants to continue the new relationship with Matt, and part of him believes it should end immediately. It appears like Darian's conservative side will win in his tug-of-war of emotions since it initially appears that Darian is using Matt only to help him forget about Jamie, rather than for an independent basis for love.
At the same time, Matt's own internal fight is pulling him closer to Darian.
Darian ends up back in Jamie's father's house (since Dan also treated Damian as a son). But there is something very strange about the relationship between Damian and Dan. Dan is monitoring everything Darien does, reading his e-mails and speaking to his therapist. (And remember, Darian is an adult and not even this man's kid.). Finally, Dan confronts Matt and tells him not to see Darien any more. Matt, for unknown reasons, pleads with Dan so he can go on one more date with Darian (rather than just kicking the crap out of the man).
As an aside, this book is full of right wing bullsh*t religious fundamentalism. So, if you can't grin and bear that part of the story, this book may not be for you. " Pastor Dennis " is a religious zealot who leads his flock of bigots (that includes Matt's parents). There are places in this book where the sole purpose of the characters appears to be the extermination of gay people. There are points in this book when the religious fundamentalism is poured on so thick I wanted to heave my iPad out the window. That is how much I hated the characters' cow towing to religious zealots. It did not make sense when compared to the bravado shown by the main character in the first novel.
And I do not care what anyone thinks of Matt's father in this story. When describing his son, he said that "it makes me ill to be near you.". And this little gem, "I'd be lying of I didn't tell you that I never thought about beating the shit out of you until you changed." Well, f*ck him and anyone who tries to argue that his is a confused Christian man. I do not want to hear it. Yes, I am pissed off at the mere existence of this character. What kind of perverse father says that to his son, no matter what the kid has done. That is behavior that screws up a kid for the rest of their life. Purported redemption at the end of the book does not make this character any more palatable.
On a picky point, I do not understand the author's aversion to last names. Everyone sounds like they are kindergardeners Miss Joan, Miss Cheryl, Mr. Bill . . Blah, blah, blah. I think we are all old enough to understand last names.
As the story continues, Darian is voluntarily admitted for drug detoxification: Matt sneaks in to the rehab to have sex with Darian. Well, these two consenting adults, who are not in any facilities due to court order, are directed to be arrested by physicians affiliated with the facility, and they happen to have a cop on hand to do the arrest. WRONG. There are so many things wrong with what happens in that scene that it is astounding. The patient can get up and leave with his boyfriend in tow, and the physician had better get out of the way. In the scenario drafted by the author, this physician has set himself up for a kidnapping, false arrest, and false imprisonment lawsuit from his own patient. Really Bad editing and research job there guys (unless there is an unknown court order directing a psychiatric hold of Darian.)
Well, let's fast forward to the end -- everyone has a happily ever after moment.
The author has suggested the possibility of a third novel in this series to discuss Damian in a little more detail . . . On a personal note, I do not think that is needed at all. I think we have learned just about all of these characters that we need to know.
I will say this . . . Book one of this series was one of the best books I have ever read -- the characters, the story, everything was damn near perfect. Not so much in this book. The glory of the first book was the the character interaction between Damian, Matt, and Jaime. This book is best when it stays with that basic premise -- all of the rest is useless surplus. Overall, I give this book four stars, but that may be because I have an affinity for the main characters.
August 16, 2013
A lot of novels tackle difficult subjects. Some are brave enough to take on one or two. In The High Cost of Loving, Wade Kelly is ballsy enough to battle beaucoup painful topics and leave you smiling after all the crying is finished. Any writer who can pack homophobia, self-injuring, drug addiction, depression, dysfunctional parenting, “religion” (the quotes are mine, not hers), guilt and grief (I am probably forgetting some) into one emotionally moving yet satisfying-on-a-gut-level novel has huge cajones and the keyboard to back it up with. Vigorously, firmly recommended.
You can read the rest of Tina's review at The Novel Approach
**Warning: This review contains spoilers for When Love is not Enough.**
You can read the rest of Tina's review at The Novel Approach
**Warning: This review contains spoilers for When Love is not Enough.**
August 27, 2013
When Matt Dixon, of 'The Cost of Loving' by Wade Kelly, comes out of the closet, it's freeing, especially since he no longer has to lie about who he is, but, there are consequences. His family, friends, and coworkers thought they knew him. When they find out he is gay, it is a shock; they feel betrayed and deceived. Regardless of how they feel about him being gay, their faith in him is broken. Matt has a lot of trust-building to do, especially with Darian, the boy he loves.
In many aspects, Matt lived his life on the surface, avoiding emotional entanglements, trying to keep his two worlds separate. This necessitates him to lie most of the time, to bob and weave, never being able to settle down and be the honest, sincere person everyone thinks him to be. So deep is his deceit that it prevents him from recognizing what is important and is slowly destroying him. Until he meets Darian, his best friend Jimmy's fiancé, he never sees a reason to change. Instead of building trust and understanding what they are both feeling, they plunge headfirst into a tempestuous affair, with neither one sure about what their involvement means, just needing the mind-numbing result of their physical encounters to stave off their grief. The end result is two very confused people torn between love and guilt for moving too fast, dishonoring their friend, and earning the disapproval of almost everyone around them.
Darian is such a sweet loving person who has never been treated with the respect he deserves. He is so fragile before Jimmy commits suicide that afterwards things get even worse. Riddled with guilt, he goes back to drugs and cutting himself as a way of coping. Even that only helps so much. He is so broken that he begins to hallucinate, personifying his guilt in the form of his dead lover, letting the anger and bitterness pour out of this ethereal monster causing him to have a total breakdown.
This book confronts a lot of complicated issues, i.e., homosexuality, homophobia, sex addiction, cutting, drug addiction, mental illness, etc., in a direct and, at times, brutal way. The story is quite long, detailed, informative, and heart-breaking, but there are also moments of joy, happiness, and forgiveness. I recommend this story to fans of the first story, of course, and to others who want to read a book about serious subjects which will make you think, feel, and react. Thanks, Wade, for continuing Matt and Darian's story.
NOTE: This book was provided by Dreamspinner Press for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
In many aspects, Matt lived his life on the surface, avoiding emotional entanglements, trying to keep his two worlds separate. This necessitates him to lie most of the time, to bob and weave, never being able to settle down and be the honest, sincere person everyone thinks him to be. So deep is his deceit that it prevents him from recognizing what is important and is slowly destroying him. Until he meets Darian, his best friend Jimmy's fiancé, he never sees a reason to change. Instead of building trust and understanding what they are both feeling, they plunge headfirst into a tempestuous affair, with neither one sure about what their involvement means, just needing the mind-numbing result of their physical encounters to stave off their grief. The end result is two very confused people torn between love and guilt for moving too fast, dishonoring their friend, and earning the disapproval of almost everyone around them.
Darian is such a sweet loving person who has never been treated with the respect he deserves. He is so fragile before Jimmy commits suicide that afterwards things get even worse. Riddled with guilt, he goes back to drugs and cutting himself as a way of coping. Even that only helps so much. He is so broken that he begins to hallucinate, personifying his guilt in the form of his dead lover, letting the anger and bitterness pour out of this ethereal monster causing him to have a total breakdown.
This book confronts a lot of complicated issues, i.e., homosexuality, homophobia, sex addiction, cutting, drug addiction, mental illness, etc., in a direct and, at times, brutal way. The story is quite long, detailed, informative, and heart-breaking, but there are also moments of joy, happiness, and forgiveness. I recommend this story to fans of the first story, of course, and to others who want to read a book about serious subjects which will make you think, feel, and react. Thanks, Wade, for continuing Matt and Darian's story.
NOTE: This book was provided by Dreamspinner Press for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
August 16, 2013
When Jamie Miller committed suicide, he forever changed the lives of the two men he loved most. His best friend Matt, the young firefighter. And his fiancé the young lost soul, Darian. In the aftermath of Jamie’s death, Matt and Darian begin an unconventional relationship that is fueled by grief and lust. The attraction is undeniable and immediate, and even though both men struggle internally with their relationship and the fact they really should not be doing this, they can’t seem to get enough of each other.
Matt has only recently come out to his parents and his church and is still dealing with the aftermath. His parents are initially standoffish, but they eventually come to their own terms with his homosexuality. Crazy church members and homophobic co-workers only add to the grief in his life, and he’s still recovering from the loss of his best friend.
Darian’s part in the story is a little darker. He is consumed with grief in the aftermath of Jamie’s death, to the point that it manifests itself as Jamie, ridiculing and condemning him for having a relationship with Matt. Darian’s addictions are scary and he was by far the most interesting character in this story for me. He literally hit rock bottom and struggled immensely to regain his footing and attempt to be happy, not just with Matt, but with life in general.
This is the first book by Kelly that I’ve read, but it won’t be the last. I’m a huge fan of love stories that are rooted in reality, characters that have depth and overcome enormous odds to be together and be happy. Kelly delivers all these attributes and many more within the pages of this book. Her writing is intense and gripping. There is a HEA for us hopeless romantics, and some hot sex scenes with our two ML, in fact at the start of the book I don’t think they strayed far from the bed! Definitely a must read for fans of the genre.
Matt has only recently come out to his parents and his church and is still dealing with the aftermath. His parents are initially standoffish, but they eventually come to their own terms with his homosexuality. Crazy church members and homophobic co-workers only add to the grief in his life, and he’s still recovering from the loss of his best friend.
Darian’s part in the story is a little darker. He is consumed with grief in the aftermath of Jamie’s death, to the point that it manifests itself as Jamie, ridiculing and condemning him for having a relationship with Matt. Darian’s addictions are scary and he was by far the most interesting character in this story for me. He literally hit rock bottom and struggled immensely to regain his footing and attempt to be happy, not just with Matt, but with life in general.
This is the first book by Kelly that I’ve read, but it won’t be the last. I’m a huge fan of love stories that are rooted in reality, characters that have depth and overcome enormous odds to be together and be happy. Kelly delivers all these attributes and many more within the pages of this book. Her writing is intense and gripping. There is a HEA for us hopeless romantics, and some hot sex scenes with our two ML, in fact at the start of the book I don’t think they strayed far from the bed! Definitely a must read for fans of the genre.
September 14, 2015
This picks off right after When Love Is Not Enough (Unconditional Love, #1) and Matt and Darian are still trying to deal with their grief and make sense of their feelings for each other. It was not an easy read, but was well worth it.
When Darian goes back to stay with Jamie's father Dan, things begin to spiral out of control once again. Dan becomes very controlling and keeps Darian from seeing Matt. Eventually Darian falls back on his destructive behaviors in order to cope with his grief.
Matt is dealing with the repercussions of coming out in front of his family and church in their very conservative, christian community, as well as trying to come to terms with the information he learned from reading Jamie's journals. Matt's faith is strong, but there are many who try to use that same faith against him and his family. He is also trying to deal with Dan's attitude towards him and Darian, as well as his family's reaction to his confession. While religion plays a strong part in the book, something I am not always a fan of, I thought it was incorporated well into the story. I also appreciated the way Wade Kelly wrote Matt's family. They are deeply religious and all have their own ways of reacting to Matt from outright support and acceptance to hostility and disgust. While his father was not a supporter of Matt's lifestyle, he was always honest and open.
This was really Matt's story and he continued to grow and become Darian's biggest supporter during his darkest times. Although it was a difficult road, there is a happy and hopeful ending to this story.
When Darian goes back to stay with Jamie's father Dan, things begin to spiral out of control once again. Dan becomes very controlling and keeps Darian from seeing Matt. Eventually Darian falls back on his destructive behaviors in order to cope with his grief.
Matt is dealing with the repercussions of coming out in front of his family and church in their very conservative, christian community, as well as trying to come to terms with the information he learned from reading Jamie's journals. Matt's faith is strong, but there are many who try to use that same faith against him and his family. He is also trying to deal with Dan's attitude towards him and Darian, as well as his family's reaction to his confession. While religion plays a strong part in the book, something I am not always a fan of, I thought it was incorporated well into the story. I also appreciated the way Wade Kelly wrote Matt's family. They are deeply religious and all have their own ways of reacting to Matt from outright support and acceptance to hostility and disgust. While his father was not a supporter of Matt's lifestyle, he was always honest and open.
This was really Matt's story and he continued to grow and become Darian's biggest supporter during his darkest times. Although it was a difficult road, there is a happy and hopeful ending to this story.
September 18, 2013
Superb! Impressive! Amazing! There aren’t enough superlatives for me to use to describe this wonderful sequel to When Love is Not Enough. This journey to recovery from grief for Matt and Darian begins on the day after When Love is Not Enough ends. Matt and Darian can’t seem to get enough of each other physically. Their passion is wild, frequent and all-consuming. But, once out of bed, Darian doesn’t communicate with Matt, at all. In fact, he withdraws more and more, hiding in sleep and sex, until he finally agrees to go back home to Dan Miller’s house, where he lived with Dan and his son Jamie, Matt’s best friend and Darian’s deceased fiancé.
Unknown to Matt, Darian is being haunted by visions of Jamie, a Jamie who is becoming increasingly vindictive and spiteful to Dare, accusing him of being a slut for having sex with Matt and therefore unfaithful to Jamie’s memory. When he gets back to Dan’s house, Dan isolates Darian from Matt, ostensibly to help him grieve and recover from the shock of Jamie’s death, but deep down Dan is simply trying to hold on to the only “son” he has left and is jealous of the attention Dare gives Matt.
During this time of separation, Matt begins to come to terms with his relationship with Jamie and thinks back to all the times that he was selfish and self-serving and did not see Jamie’s love for him or the fact that he never put Jamie first. It’s also during this time that Matt, and his family, suffer repercussions from Matt’s speech at the funeral. His parents are ostracized by their friends and his brother gets blasted with prejudice from his school peers and undergoes a drastic change in attitude to Matt, shunning him whenever they meet. Matt is in turmoil about whether or not to come out to his fellow firefighters and over the course of the story, as events unfold, when Matt is accidentally seen kissing Darian when he visits Matt at work, he loses his job due to his co-workers refusal to support him.
Matt, who has always been deeply religious, struggles to justify all of the negativity in his life with a God who is supposedly all-loving. He questions God about the purpose of his falling in love with Darian if it could really be all that bad. He delves through Bible scripture, questions his own sanity and strength of character, and ultimately begins to understand some of the pressures Jamie must have felt just before he took his own life. When he gives in to rage and trashes his room, he’s completely devastated and realizes just how strong he needs to be if he doesn’t want to end up like Jamie. He manages to stay true to the firm belief that everything happens for a reason and that God is indeed all-powerful and all-loving and will get him through these difficult situations.
While Matt is struggling with his life changes and challenges, Darian has been kept isolated and restricted in his activities. Unable to turn to Matt for comfort, he turns to what he knows best as comfort— cutting and, eventually, pills. His drug addiction and cutting is revealed when he is injured while visiting the firehouse where Matt works. It’s this visit that has also led to Matt’s forced “coming out”.
This story is filled with angst and grief and, at times I found it difficult to continue due to my empathy pains. Of course I kept going because, at the same time that it was painful, it was just so darn good! I was wrapped up and carried along by this very skilled author and I discovered, along with Matt, that sometimes the joy is in the journey.
Do the guys get their HEA? Well, you need to read the book to find out! But, I guarantee you will not be disappointed in the twists and turns and ultimate satisfaction of finishing this book.
I enjoyed the narrative voices with both POV’s presented at times, though the story was told primarily from Matt’s perspective. The changes in POV were well-marked so there’s no confusion as to who is speaking or thinking. Flashbacks are cleverly used throughout the story, though they are minimal compared to the first book in the series. I like the way the author was able to present Matt’s and his family’s religious views without sounding like preaching. And Darian’s mental health issues were shockingly realistic and intense. There wasn’t anything about the story or the way it was written that I didn’t like.
I highly recommend it for anyone who loves angst, for all of those who read When Love is Not Enough and want to find out what happens to Matt and Darien, and for those who simply want to experience a poignant and touching love story.
Note: This book was provided to me by the publisher through Hearts on Fire Reviews in exchange for an impartial review.
Unknown to Matt, Darian is being haunted by visions of Jamie, a Jamie who is becoming increasingly vindictive and spiteful to Dare, accusing him of being a slut for having sex with Matt and therefore unfaithful to Jamie’s memory. When he gets back to Dan’s house, Dan isolates Darian from Matt, ostensibly to help him grieve and recover from the shock of Jamie’s death, but deep down Dan is simply trying to hold on to the only “son” he has left and is jealous of the attention Dare gives Matt.
During this time of separation, Matt begins to come to terms with his relationship with Jamie and thinks back to all the times that he was selfish and self-serving and did not see Jamie’s love for him or the fact that he never put Jamie first. It’s also during this time that Matt, and his family, suffer repercussions from Matt’s speech at the funeral. His parents are ostracized by their friends and his brother gets blasted with prejudice from his school peers and undergoes a drastic change in attitude to Matt, shunning him whenever they meet. Matt is in turmoil about whether or not to come out to his fellow firefighters and over the course of the story, as events unfold, when Matt is accidentally seen kissing Darian when he visits Matt at work, he loses his job due to his co-workers refusal to support him.
Matt, who has always been deeply religious, struggles to justify all of the negativity in his life with a God who is supposedly all-loving. He questions God about the purpose of his falling in love with Darian if it could really be all that bad. He delves through Bible scripture, questions his own sanity and strength of character, and ultimately begins to understand some of the pressures Jamie must have felt just before he took his own life. When he gives in to rage and trashes his room, he’s completely devastated and realizes just how strong he needs to be if he doesn’t want to end up like Jamie. He manages to stay true to the firm belief that everything happens for a reason and that God is indeed all-powerful and all-loving and will get him through these difficult situations.
While Matt is struggling with his life changes and challenges, Darian has been kept isolated and restricted in his activities. Unable to turn to Matt for comfort, he turns to what he knows best as comfort— cutting and, eventually, pills. His drug addiction and cutting is revealed when he is injured while visiting the firehouse where Matt works. It’s this visit that has also led to Matt’s forced “coming out”.
This story is filled with angst and grief and, at times I found it difficult to continue due to my empathy pains. Of course I kept going because, at the same time that it was painful, it was just so darn good! I was wrapped up and carried along by this very skilled author and I discovered, along with Matt, that sometimes the joy is in the journey.
Do the guys get their HEA? Well, you need to read the book to find out! But, I guarantee you will not be disappointed in the twists and turns and ultimate satisfaction of finishing this book.
I enjoyed the narrative voices with both POV’s presented at times, though the story was told primarily from Matt’s perspective. The changes in POV were well-marked so there’s no confusion as to who is speaking or thinking. Flashbacks are cleverly used throughout the story, though they are minimal compared to the first book in the series. I like the way the author was able to present Matt’s and his family’s religious views without sounding like preaching. And Darian’s mental health issues were shockingly realistic and intense. There wasn’t anything about the story or the way it was written that I didn’t like.
I highly recommend it for anyone who loves angst, for all of those who read When Love is Not Enough and want to find out what happens to Matt and Darien, and for those who simply want to experience a poignant and touching love story.
Note: This book was provided to me by the publisher through Hearts on Fire Reviews in exchange for an impartial review.
August 26, 2013
Original Blog Post: http://headouttheoven.blogspot.com/20...
When author Wade Kelly wrote When Love Is Not Enough (Unconditional Love, #1) way back in 2011, I did not read it. I knew it was good, but I was looking for romantic and sexy MM stories at that time. Since then I have grown (yeah, right!) into this genre that I basically am not scared to read some of the more horrific situations the LGBTQ community goes through. I have time and again said that I may be a brave individual, but no one is braver than someone gay who has to knowingly and willingly face the horrors society throw their way and still live to tell the tale. I don't think I could, to be blunt about it.
When I saw this book on the DSP list of new releases, I thought long and hard before I clicked that option. Well, I finally did. Honestly, I still hesitated as I was too thick in personal insecurities to read it. So yes, it's been long in the Kindle folder before I decided to bite the bullet and just read.
This was one long journey to self-discovery and acceptance for both Darian and Matt. The book opens where the first book ended. If one were to expect an HEA sort of story for a sequel, they are totally wrong.
This is a psychological drama. Period.
This is the tale of Darian's spiral down the depression road for trying to cope with a loss profound. The author does not mince words with Darian's experience into the alternate world of psychosis, for that was really what he was going through. I would go so far as to say that he had a Major Depressive Disorder which environmental cause was the unfortunate suicide of Jaime (this is my own conclusion although the author does not mention any diagnosis and there is a lack of history to reach a definitive diagnosis). His journey from its onset all the way to his recovery was very beautifully written by Ms. Kelly.
Although Matt is the major character in this book, it is really Darian's story. Matt plays a huge role in this recovery and he also goes through the psychologicall and societal wringer as well. The author's approach to his religious background was quite astounding. She did not mince words here, from her blunt insult of the bigotry that is very thoroughly practiced and accepted as norm (believe me, it is NOT the norm although many think that it is) all the way to his father finally finding the right religious community which did accept and love based on their faith and logical sense of morality. It was Matt's role as Dare's"comforter" that was the pivotal discovery by the psychiatrist who had failed in realizing this initially. After which, Matt's role was just MORE and Dare's road to recovery was solidified.
The Cost of Loving is not a light read, far from it. It is a window into the psyche of a survivor. The survivors each take their own course to coping. This is the tale of how suicide has such a profound and sometimes fatal effect on those left behind. It serves as a lesson to those thinking this is the ultimate way out. It is not.
I have to be honest. I jumped to the last chapter. After reading it, I went back to December 2010 and finished it all the way. There were some parts that were just too painful to read, that were just painfully real.
This is a beautiful book but I have to be honest and say this is not for everyone. That said, it is impossible for me not to recommend it.
If you are brave, I think you should read this and just go through the experience.
Beautiful.
When author Wade Kelly wrote When Love Is Not Enough (Unconditional Love, #1) way back in 2011, I did not read it. I knew it was good, but I was looking for romantic and sexy MM stories at that time. Since then I have grown (yeah, right!) into this genre that I basically am not scared to read some of the more horrific situations the LGBTQ community goes through. I have time and again said that I may be a brave individual, but no one is braver than someone gay who has to knowingly and willingly face the horrors society throw their way and still live to tell the tale. I don't think I could, to be blunt about it.
When I saw this book on the DSP list of new releases, I thought long and hard before I clicked that option. Well, I finally did. Honestly, I still hesitated as I was too thick in personal insecurities to read it. So yes, it's been long in the Kindle folder before I decided to bite the bullet and just read.
This was one long journey to self-discovery and acceptance for both Darian and Matt. The book opens where the first book ended. If one were to expect an HEA sort of story for a sequel, they are totally wrong.
This is a psychological drama. Period.
This is the tale of Darian's spiral down the depression road for trying to cope with a loss profound. The author does not mince words with Darian's experience into the alternate world of psychosis, for that was really what he was going through. I would go so far as to say that he had a Major Depressive Disorder which environmental cause was the unfortunate suicide of Jaime (this is my own conclusion although the author does not mention any diagnosis and there is a lack of history to reach a definitive diagnosis). His journey from its onset all the way to his recovery was very beautifully written by Ms. Kelly.
Although Matt is the major character in this book, it is really Darian's story. Matt plays a huge role in this recovery and he also goes through the psychologicall and societal wringer as well. The author's approach to his religious background was quite astounding. She did not mince words here, from her blunt insult of the bigotry that is very thoroughly practiced and accepted as norm (believe me, it is NOT the norm although many think that it is) all the way to his father finally finding the right religious community which did accept and love based on their faith and logical sense of morality. It was Matt's role as Dare's"comforter" that was the pivotal discovery by the psychiatrist who had failed in realizing this initially. After which, Matt's role was just MORE and Dare's road to recovery was solidified.
The Cost of Loving is not a light read, far from it. It is a window into the psyche of a survivor. The survivors each take their own course to coping. This is the tale of how suicide has such a profound and sometimes fatal effect on those left behind. It serves as a lesson to those thinking this is the ultimate way out. It is not.
I have to be honest. I jumped to the last chapter. After reading it, I went back to December 2010 and finished it all the way. There were some parts that were just too painful to read, that were just painfully real.
This is a beautiful book but I have to be honest and say this is not for everyone. That said, it is impossible for me not to recommend it.
If you are brave, I think you should read this and just go through the experience.
Beautiful.
August 13, 2013
Please leave comments on Lady McNeill's 4 sweet pea review at http://mrsconditreadsbooks.com/index....
When Jamie Miller committed suicide, the effects of his death were far reaching. We met Jamie in When Love is Not Enough by Wade Kelly and through a series of flashbacks and journal entries we learned what brought him to that fateful day. We also learned a lot about the two separate lives he lived: one with his best friend Matt Dixon and the other with his fiancé Darian Weston. Jamie ensured the two never met and their lives never intersected for deep down Jamie really loved Matt no matter how much he thought he loved Darian.
So begins the story of what happens between Matt and Darian after Jamie’s death in The Cost of Loving.
Matt and Darian are both dealing with their grief together through lots of and lots of sex. I mean a lot of sex. They can’t get enough of each other. But as Matt tries to go on with his “normal” life he can’t get Darian off his mind or out of his bed and he doesn’t want to. Matt truly believes this has got to be love but he really has no clue about Darian’s past or the amount of grief Darian is going through. Matt is also dealing with the effects of “coming out” to his ultraconservative church when he attempted to defend Jamie’s honor. As much as Matt has a great family life, the way his parents treat him initially I thought were awful. In fact, I’m still not too fond of his dad even at the end of the book.
The story takes us through Matt and Darian’s journey towards a relationship together but they have so many roadblocks along the way. We have Darian’s addictions, oppressive parents, car accidents, psycho church members, homophobic coworkers. I don’t think there could have been any more things that could have been thrown into their lives. Told mostly from Matt’s POV we watch the continual beat down he is taking from everywhere and everyone. It is really quit tragic and I ached for him. Darian is more of an elusive character because we don’t hear from him much and when we do he’s consumed with grief. There were tender moments in the book like Matt and Darian’s first date. Those were my favorite parts when we read about the true relationship between the men because you could see the potential of their relationship.
In the end, the characters from the first book that I originally liked, I no longer liked in this story other than Matt and Darian whom I love. The book was a little slow in the beginning as we went through their daily lives but definitely sped up halfway through. It wraps up with a great HEA at least I believe HEA vs HFN because they withstood so much to get to the ending. The story is written in a way that you don’t have to read the first book at all but I would recommend it so you can see how Matt and Darian got together.
When Jamie Miller committed suicide, the effects of his death were far reaching. We met Jamie in When Love is Not Enough by Wade Kelly and through a series of flashbacks and journal entries we learned what brought him to that fateful day. We also learned a lot about the two separate lives he lived: one with his best friend Matt Dixon and the other with his fiancé Darian Weston. Jamie ensured the two never met and their lives never intersected for deep down Jamie really loved Matt no matter how much he thought he loved Darian.
So begins the story of what happens between Matt and Darian after Jamie’s death in The Cost of Loving.
Matt and Darian are both dealing with their grief together through lots of and lots of sex. I mean a lot of sex. They can’t get enough of each other. But as Matt tries to go on with his “normal” life he can’t get Darian off his mind or out of his bed and he doesn’t want to. Matt truly believes this has got to be love but he really has no clue about Darian’s past or the amount of grief Darian is going through. Matt is also dealing with the effects of “coming out” to his ultraconservative church when he attempted to defend Jamie’s honor. As much as Matt has a great family life, the way his parents treat him initially I thought were awful. In fact, I’m still not too fond of his dad even at the end of the book.
The story takes us through Matt and Darian’s journey towards a relationship together but they have so many roadblocks along the way. We have Darian’s addictions, oppressive parents, car accidents, psycho church members, homophobic coworkers. I don’t think there could have been any more things that could have been thrown into their lives. Told mostly from Matt’s POV we watch the continual beat down he is taking from everywhere and everyone. It is really quit tragic and I ached for him. Darian is more of an elusive character because we don’t hear from him much and when we do he’s consumed with grief. There were tender moments in the book like Matt and Darian’s first date. Those were my favorite parts when we read about the true relationship between the men because you could see the potential of their relationship.
In the end, the characters from the first book that I originally liked, I no longer liked in this story other than Matt and Darian whom I love. The book was a little slow in the beginning as we went through their daily lives but definitely sped up halfway through. It wraps up with a great HEA at least I believe HEA vs HFN because they withstood so much to get to the ending. The story is written in a way that you don’t have to read the first book at all but I would recommend it so you can see how Matt and Darian got together.
August 4, 2016
***3.5 Stars
This story is really angst filled to the point of being a bit too much. I never expect a romance novel to be real life but there has to be elements of real life. If things are too over the top I struggle with it and I think this story was really close to being too over the top for me.
There were a few other niggles for me one was Matt being a 23 year old Lieutenant. Speaking from experience - my husband was a Firefighter for 40 years - I have never known any Lieutenant to be that young. Maybe in small town USA you'd see it but I think for the most part it wouldn't happen. Also Darian is 22 but he's treated like a teenager. The groundings and taking his phone away when Dan didn't like something was just weird. I don't know any 22 year old that would stick around and let that happen especially when he has someone he could run to, namely Matt.
Putting that aside, Wade Kelly is a great story teller and her characters are beautiful even with all their faults and flaws. I really did like this story but I was looking for more romance less angst.
August 17, 2013
This sequel to When Love Is Not Enough (Unconditional Love, #1) was worth the wait. Wade Kelly has done an amazing job of making Matt & Darian come to life for me. I feel like I know them personally. Once again my heart was ripped out of my body and I enjoyed every minute of it. I love books that touch me on a raw emotional level and both of these books did that for me. Highly recommend these books!!!!
December 18, 2013
Angst on top of angst. I made it halfway through and decided I couldn't take it any longer. Matt and Darian weren't talking, they weren't working through their problems and things were getting too crazy for me accept. I jumped to the end and read the last paragraph. The ending was OK.
December 13, 2015
When Jimmy Miller committed suicide, Matt Dixon lost a best friend. His "Jamie" had been his best friend since grade school and as close as any brother. When Jamie discovered Matt trying on one of his mom's dresses and sampling her lipstick, Jamie had not only taken it in stride but suggested he'd look better in a darker shade. Jamie had even confessed that he might be gay too, though Matt discounted that as just another sign of how far Jamie was willing to go for their friendship.
But when Jimmy Miller committed suicide, Darian Weston had lost a fiance. Darian had pretty much grown up without a family and when he met Jamie and they become first friends, then lovers, and Jamie's dad even adopted him into the family, Darian had started to think that just maybe he was entitled to love too. He knew that he was not Jamie's first love. That was, and always had been Matt Dixon. But perhaps even some of Jamie's love would be enough.
Both boys are devastated by their grief at the unexpected loss of Jamie but when they meet outside the funeral home, they are unaware of who each other is but recognize "something" and seek comfort in the physical act of sex with a stranger. It's only afterward that they begin to discover who each other is and how they've affected each other's lives. But both face the same problem, is it wrong to go on living, and loving after being deserted by someone that they both truly loved?
This novel is the second book in Wade Kelly's "unconditional love" series and can be read as a stand alone but really continues the story set forth in the first book, When Love Is Not Enough. I found both characters to be sympathetic and I was immediately pulling for them to work though the series of cosmic impediments that nature (and Ms. Kelly) put in their way. True, both boys had a relationship with Jamie but those relationships were less mature and to some degree less healthy than the relationship that these two can offer each other. Admittedly I did have some problems with the suddenness of Jamie's suicide and I felt that it wasn't as clearly motivated as I'd like to see but am willing to admit that that may be a personal prejudice on my part. Also I found Darian's mix of psychological problems a bit wearying but again I can blame the biases that I bring to the story.
The story IS compelling and I did want to see these guys work though it all to a HEA ending, but I also felt that some parts were just a bit too contrived and a simpler, less troubled, story-line might have been better.
*** Note: I received a copy of this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest and impartial review ***
But when Jimmy Miller committed suicide, Darian Weston had lost a fiance. Darian had pretty much grown up without a family and when he met Jamie and they become first friends, then lovers, and Jamie's dad even adopted him into the family, Darian had started to think that just maybe he was entitled to love too. He knew that he was not Jamie's first love. That was, and always had been Matt Dixon. But perhaps even some of Jamie's love would be enough.
Both boys are devastated by their grief at the unexpected loss of Jamie but when they meet outside the funeral home, they are unaware of who each other is but recognize "something" and seek comfort in the physical act of sex with a stranger. It's only afterward that they begin to discover who each other is and how they've affected each other's lives. But both face the same problem, is it wrong to go on living, and loving after being deserted by someone that they both truly loved?
This novel is the second book in Wade Kelly's "unconditional love" series and can be read as a stand alone but really continues the story set forth in the first book, When Love Is Not Enough. I found both characters to be sympathetic and I was immediately pulling for them to work though the series of cosmic impediments that nature (and Ms. Kelly) put in their way. True, both boys had a relationship with Jamie but those relationships were less mature and to some degree less healthy than the relationship that these two can offer each other. Admittedly I did have some problems with the suddenness of Jamie's suicide and I felt that it wasn't as clearly motivated as I'd like to see but am willing to admit that that may be a personal prejudice on my part. Also I found Darian's mix of psychological problems a bit wearying but again I can blame the biases that I bring to the story.
The story IS compelling and I did want to see these guys work though it all to a HEA ending, but I also felt that some parts were just a bit too contrived and a simpler, less troubled, story-line might have been better.
*** Note: I received a copy of this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest and impartial review ***
November 3, 2013
In outline, Cost of Loving looks like it should be an emotionally gripping angst fest surrounding two young men's reactions to their friend's suicide. Unfortunately, author Kelly doesn't quite have the writing ability to pull it off; instead he lets the story get trapped in a morass of crying jags and endless conversations which didn't convince me that either of the guys knew much about love or life in general.
A brief plot outline looks like this: In Maryland's DC area, firefighter Matt Dixon meets artist Darian Weston at the funeral of Jamie Miller, a lifelong friend of Matt's. Darian is Jamie's fiancé and lives with him in Jamie's home where Jamie's father Dan treats him like another son. Jamie and Matt are closeted gays while Darian is out and proud. The pressure to come out is too much for Jamie, so he kills himself.
After the funeral Matt, who'd never met Darian, ends up having heavy-duty sex with him. At church when some of the congregation start talking about Jamie, Matt gets up, without having talked to his family about this, and announces he and Jamie are gay, essentially making Matt and his family targets for the "gays are the devil's minions" pastor and members.
As Darian feels guiltier and guiltier about having sex with Matt, and Dan tries to reel Darian into coming back to his house, Darian starts to hallucinate that Jamie is alive and disgusted with him for hooking up with Matt. Meanwhile, Matt frets over coming out to his fellow firefighters.
Darian, who cut himself and took drugs when he was younger, starts these destructive habits again, finally ending up in a mental institution and undergoes treatment. By this time Matt is declaring his love and coming out, losing his firefighting job and another job because he's gay. Also he loses his truck in an accident and battles his family and friends about his sexuality, finally ending up in jail for breaking into the institution to see Darian, where they're caught on surveillance tape having sex.
That's the basic setup. Okay, there are some plot holes and the story is a little overly dramatic, but in careful hands the plot could have been one that those of us who like angst tales would relish.
I found out after reading the book that this is the sequel to When Love Is Not Enough, in which Darian and Jamie's relationship is explored. Perhaps I would have understood the more recent book if I'd read it. But I'm a firm believer that series books should be able to stand alone and make sense in and of themselves, so I shouldn't have to read the first book in order to decipher the second.
Read the rest of my review at AAR: http://likesbooks.com/cgi-bin/bookRev...
A brief plot outline looks like this: In Maryland's DC area, firefighter Matt Dixon meets artist Darian Weston at the funeral of Jamie Miller, a lifelong friend of Matt's. Darian is Jamie's fiancé and lives with him in Jamie's home where Jamie's father Dan treats him like another son. Jamie and Matt are closeted gays while Darian is out and proud. The pressure to come out is too much for Jamie, so he kills himself.
After the funeral Matt, who'd never met Darian, ends up having heavy-duty sex with him. At church when some of the congregation start talking about Jamie, Matt gets up, without having talked to his family about this, and announces he and Jamie are gay, essentially making Matt and his family targets for the "gays are the devil's minions" pastor and members.
As Darian feels guiltier and guiltier about having sex with Matt, and Dan tries to reel Darian into coming back to his house, Darian starts to hallucinate that Jamie is alive and disgusted with him for hooking up with Matt. Meanwhile, Matt frets over coming out to his fellow firefighters.
Darian, who cut himself and took drugs when he was younger, starts these destructive habits again, finally ending up in a mental institution and undergoes treatment. By this time Matt is declaring his love and coming out, losing his firefighting job and another job because he's gay. Also he loses his truck in an accident and battles his family and friends about his sexuality, finally ending up in jail for breaking into the institution to see Darian, where they're caught on surveillance tape having sex.
That's the basic setup. Okay, there are some plot holes and the story is a little overly dramatic, but in careful hands the plot could have been one that those of us who like angst tales would relish.
I found out after reading the book that this is the sequel to When Love Is Not Enough, in which Darian and Jamie's relationship is explored. Perhaps I would have understood the more recent book if I'd read it. But I'm a firm believer that series books should be able to stand alone and make sense in and of themselves, so I shouldn't have to read the first book in order to decipher the second.
Read the rest of my review at AAR: http://likesbooks.com/cgi-bin/bookRev...
November 5, 2014
4.5 star review by Dan
The Cost of Loving picks up immediately where the previous book in the series (When Love is Not Enough) ends. We are reintroduced to Matt Dixon and Darian Weston.
Both Matt and Darian are still reeling from the incidents in Book 1. The suicide of Jamie, who was Matt’s best friend and Darian’s lover, has drawn them together, but not necessarily in a healthy way. We find Matt and Darian cohabitating at Matt’s apartment, but their entire relationship now seems to be about sex. Darian speaks less and less and wants more and more sex. He also wants the sex to be rougher and rougher.
This book is an interesting account of the aftermath of a young person’s suicide. The two main characters, as well as Matt’s family and Jamie’s family are struggling to get beyond Jamie’s death. Now that the funeral is over, and Matt has outed not only himself but also Jamie at his church of all places, people are trying to pick up the pieces. While Matt and Darian turn to each other, everyone else believes that Matt is using Darian and since no good will come of it, that they must be kept apart.
They are forced to separate, and what follows is mayhem. It is a tale of job loss, church discrimination, drug abuse, sexual addiction, and homophobia. This book has a lot of drama which keeps it moving along quickly. We are told greater details of Matt’s rape that was mentioned in the previous book, which gives us a further look into some of Matt’s resulting trust issues. We get to know Matt much more in this book, both as a fireman, and as a lover. Through it all they keep fighting for their love of each other. But Darian keeps seeing Jamie, who becomes ever increasingly more hostile and nasty to Darian. Is he a ghost or is he a figment of Darian’s deep seated mental psychosis? Can Matt and Darian work past the resistance to their relationship? Will they be together again? You will need to read the book to get more details! One spoiler, Ms. Joan ends up exactly where she should be…in restraints! As a gay man, I loathed that character in book one, and the type of parent she represents!
I highly recommend this book. It very clearly tied up some of the loose ends from the previous book. I enjoy the writer’s writing style and it is refreshing to have books with substance in this genre. 350 pages, and I can’t think of any pages in the book that were meaningless story-stretching content. Great job!
A copy of this book was provided in exchange for an honest review. Please visit www.lovebytesreviews.com to see this and many more reviews, interviews, blog posts and giveaways!
The Cost of Loving picks up immediately where the previous book in the series (When Love is Not Enough) ends. We are reintroduced to Matt Dixon and Darian Weston.
Both Matt and Darian are still reeling from the incidents in Book 1. The suicide of Jamie, who was Matt’s best friend and Darian’s lover, has drawn them together, but not necessarily in a healthy way. We find Matt and Darian cohabitating at Matt’s apartment, but their entire relationship now seems to be about sex. Darian speaks less and less and wants more and more sex. He also wants the sex to be rougher and rougher.
This book is an interesting account of the aftermath of a young person’s suicide. The two main characters, as well as Matt’s family and Jamie’s family are struggling to get beyond Jamie’s death. Now that the funeral is over, and Matt has outed not only himself but also Jamie at his church of all places, people are trying to pick up the pieces. While Matt and Darian turn to each other, everyone else believes that Matt is using Darian and since no good will come of it, that they must be kept apart.
They are forced to separate, and what follows is mayhem. It is a tale of job loss, church discrimination, drug abuse, sexual addiction, and homophobia. This book has a lot of drama which keeps it moving along quickly. We are told greater details of Matt’s rape that was mentioned in the previous book, which gives us a further look into some of Matt’s resulting trust issues. We get to know Matt much more in this book, both as a fireman, and as a lover. Through it all they keep fighting for their love of each other. But Darian keeps seeing Jamie, who becomes ever increasingly more hostile and nasty to Darian. Is he a ghost or is he a figment of Darian’s deep seated mental psychosis? Can Matt and Darian work past the resistance to their relationship? Will they be together again? You will need to read the book to get more details! One spoiler, Ms. Joan ends up exactly where she should be…in restraints! As a gay man, I loathed that character in book one, and the type of parent she represents!
I highly recommend this book. It very clearly tied up some of the loose ends from the previous book. I enjoy the writer’s writing style and it is refreshing to have books with substance in this genre. 350 pages, and I can’t think of any pages in the book that were meaningless story-stretching content. Great job!
A copy of this book was provided in exchange for an honest review. Please visit www.lovebytesreviews.com to see this and many more reviews, interviews, blog posts and giveaways!
December 2, 2014
I discovered Wade Kelly because her lightest novel, My roommates... and I had fun reading it. Obviously, I wasn't ready for her darker side ....
Then I suffered the unspeakable with WLINE. There is something highly addictive in reading a novel knowing that the end will be disastrous. Synopsis tells us that the protagonist commits suicide, so it can only end badly. Gazing through his journal how is building up the fatal ending is overwhelming and addictive at the same time. And I must admit that I did not like the end-end, post-suicide. I thought the relationship that had been formed in a matter of hours between the fiancé and the best friend of the protagonist was nothing credible, so I kept my opinion until read the second part, TCOL.
To Wade Kelly you can put many buts. Her way of leading us through the darkest moments of the protagonists is too strong, too hard, too painful. You squirm in your seat with every new beat of life. I mentally scream, 'Enough, when it will end this!' With both books I had to stop reading a couple of days to breathe. But it did not matter. Because the characters were still there, in my head, worrying myself about their hardships.
And this is a great merit of the author. I am no fan of suffering. I read for fun, to escape from the problems of real life. And despite that, I've loved the characters, they have been more real to me than many others, I shouted to them, I scolded them, I mad at them, I pity them ... and I'm afraid that I will continue to do so.
Wade threatens us with a third book. Last night, at 1 am, when I finished TCOL, I could only think, for the love of God, Wade, no more suffering for Darian! I hope this third one shows us the future of this couple rather than dwell on the suffering of the past!
Then I suffered the unspeakable with WLINE. There is something highly addictive in reading a novel knowing that the end will be disastrous. Synopsis tells us that the protagonist commits suicide, so it can only end badly. Gazing through his journal how is building up the fatal ending is overwhelming and addictive at the same time. And I must admit that I did not like the end-end, post-suicide. I thought the relationship that had been formed in a matter of hours between the fiancé and the best friend of the protagonist was nothing credible, so I kept my opinion until read the second part, TCOL.
To Wade Kelly you can put many buts. Her way of leading us through the darkest moments of the protagonists is too strong, too hard, too painful. You squirm in your seat with every new beat of life. I mentally scream, 'Enough, when it will end this!' With both books I had to stop reading a couple of days to breathe. But it did not matter. Because the characters were still there, in my head, worrying myself about their hardships.
And this is a great merit of the author. I am no fan of suffering. I read for fun, to escape from the problems of real life. And despite that, I've loved the characters, they have been more real to me than many others, I shouted to them, I scolded them, I mad at them, I pity them ... and I'm afraid that I will continue to do so.
Wade threatens us with a third book. Last night, at 1 am, when I finished TCOL, I could only think, for the love of God, Wade, no more suffering for Darian! I hope this third one shows us the future of this couple rather than dwell on the suffering of the past!
January 14, 2014
The Cost of Loving is the follow up book to the Bittersweet title, When Love Is Not Enough (Unconditional Love, #1). It was not the book I was expecting but was a wonderful emotional journey.
This is the continuation of Matt and Darian's story which really focuses on the struggles they both face as they continue to deal with the aftermath of Jamie's suicide and the evolution of their new relationship.
For Matt, it is a story of coming out and dealing with the resultant backlash from his family, his work colleagues and his church. While he struggles with the loss of his best friend and his job and comes to terms with the way his life is now, he also has to support Darian through his own struggles.
Darian faces the dark depths of depression with far reaching ramifications. He is haunted by Jamie and turns to drugs, self harm and tremendous amounts of sex to help him forget his pain.
I found this story at times very dark but at times so hopeful. It is a story dealing with passion, guilt, depression, loss, bigotry, sacrifice and love. Perfect for when you need a good emotional read.
I publish all my m/m reviews on my blog so if you want to see all my m/m reviews in one place come visit at Because Two Men Are Better Than One!
This is the continuation of Matt and Darian's story which really focuses on the struggles they both face as they continue to deal with the aftermath of Jamie's suicide and the evolution of their new relationship.
For Matt, it is a story of coming out and dealing with the resultant backlash from his family, his work colleagues and his church. While he struggles with the loss of his best friend and his job and comes to terms with the way his life is now, he also has to support Darian through his own struggles.
Darian faces the dark depths of depression with far reaching ramifications. He is haunted by Jamie and turns to drugs, self harm and tremendous amounts of sex to help him forget his pain.
I found this story at times very dark but at times so hopeful. It is a story dealing with passion, guilt, depression, loss, bigotry, sacrifice and love. Perfect for when you need a good emotional read.
I publish all my m/m reviews on my blog so if you want to see all my m/m reviews in one place come visit at Because Two Men Are Better Than One!
August 13, 2016
In this sequel the co-dependent couple and everyone around them have forgotten the nice caring boy we saw flashbacks of Jamie being in book one. They even note over and over again how boring he was in bed and how badly he treated Darian.
We know from the first book he was kind, loving, tried to be the support for everyone, and struggling to keep his life together in the best way he knew how. Basically this entire book I just felt bad for Jamie and how poorly the two men he loved cherished his memory. Even during the "exercise" of sharing good thing was followed by another shot at him in bed. Neither his best friend nor fiancé was a good steward of his memory. Even the evil bitch of a mom got a pass because of a brain tumor. My heart breaks for Jamie.
Throw in the occasional dialogue of Matt devolving into a 14 year old girl with "mooooooommmmms" and I'm scratching my head at this. This book could have found a way to cheer for Matt and Darian without Jamie being the scapegoat for their conscience.
We know from the first book he was kind, loving, tried to be the support for everyone, and struggling to keep his life together in the best way he knew how. Basically this entire book I just felt bad for Jamie and how poorly the two men he loved cherished his memory. Even during the "exercise" of sharing good thing was followed by another shot at him in bed. Neither his best friend nor fiancé was a good steward of his memory. Even the evil bitch of a mom got a pass because of a brain tumor. My heart breaks for Jamie.
Throw in the occasional dialogue of Matt devolving into a 14 year old girl with "mooooooommmmms" and I'm scratching my head at this. This book could have found a way to cheer for Matt and Darian without Jamie being the scapegoat for their conscience.
September 7, 2013
I have to give it 5 stars!!
I've been waiting for this book for a VERYYY long time. So long I forgot what it was about :|
Honestly I saw Matt and Darian living happily ever after after the first book, because I love happy endings :)
I was surprised that I liked the way Wade Kelly went with the story. Very believable,especially the continuous struggle Matt went through with family, co workers, and friends. I loved Jason!! Lol
I found that my favorite characters were Hannah, Matt's sister and Lori. There were just awesome and i loved them throughout the book.
Dan?... That's another story... I loved that he loves Darian like a son but he had a really strong grip on Darian, because of Jimmy. In the end i understood why he did the things that he did, but he was really over the top sometimes.
I love this book, definitely recommend, especially if you loved the first!!
I've been waiting for this book for a VERYYY long time. So long I forgot what it was about :|
Honestly I saw Matt and Darian living happily ever after after the first book, because I love happy endings :)
I was surprised that I liked the way Wade Kelly went with the story. Very believable,especially the continuous struggle Matt went through with family, co workers, and friends. I loved Jason!! Lol
I found that my favorite characters were Hannah, Matt's sister and Lori. There were just awesome and i loved them throughout the book.
Dan?... That's another story... I loved that he loves Darian like a son but he had a really strong grip on Darian, because of Jimmy. In the end i understood why he did the things that he did, but he was really over the top sometimes.
I love this book, definitely recommend, especially if you loved the first!!
October 21, 2013
I started crying from the beginning and did not stop till 30 minutes after I finished.. What... An... Amazing... Author... I miss Jamie even now. I wish that Matt had figured out that it was really he that Jamie really loved. It was Darien that was Matt's first and last love (yeah I believe in forever) while Dare loved Jamie it was Matt that really showed Dare what true love really is. What a mess huh! Yet through it all and in the end you understand Love is not free, it cost you everything but you don't care because in loving and being loved by the same person it's worth everything you have to give and more. I miss Jamie. I hope they don't forget him. In a way he is the one responsible for them being together.. WHAT... AN... AMAZING... AUTHOR... I hate crying over a book, I want to hate her, but I can not the book is just too damn good. And besides She. Gets. Love!
March 3, 2015
The story continues 1 week after Jimmys death and its getting harder for the people that are left grieving for him. ITs not going to be the same.
Darien isnt getting better matt thought he could help him by giving him what he wants being together but this road is going to be hard.He is not coping well he is fighting the ghost of Jamie he cant think well. Its time to go their separate ways till darien gets help. But its not going to be easy, both guys have alot to do.
Matt has choices to make he come out to the church community but not a happy one at that but not to his work so life is going to change, There will be mistakes made from both guys but if both guys live through all this its going work and get the relationship they both deserve. These guys deserve to be happy even if they met under different circumstance they both belong together and Jimmy for sure knew they did.
Darien isnt getting better matt thought he could help him by giving him what he wants being together but this road is going to be hard.He is not coping well he is fighting the ghost of Jamie he cant think well. Its time to go their separate ways till darien gets help. But its not going to be easy, both guys have alot to do.
Matt has choices to make he come out to the church community but not a happy one at that but not to his work so life is going to change, There will be mistakes made from both guys but if both guys live through all this its going work and get the relationship they both deserve. These guys deserve to be happy even if they met under different circumstance they both belong together and Jimmy for sure knew they did.
August 23, 2013
I love Wade Kelly. I thought When Love Is Not Enough was spectacular. This book....Umm.. maybe I didn't get it?
The fact that they all talked to themselves threw me off completely. It almost felt like this book was written by a completely different author than the other two Wade Kelly books I've loved. So many things that characters did felt contradictory. This book just didn't work for me.
Regardless of which, I eagerly look forward to Wade's next book because I truly did love the other two he's written.
The fact that they all talked to themselves threw me off completely. It almost felt like this book was written by a completely different author than the other two Wade Kelly books I've loved. So many things that characters did felt contradictory. This book just didn't work for me.
Regardless of which, I eagerly look forward to Wade's next book because I truly did love the other two he's written.
September 30, 2013
What a great follow up to the first book in the series. There is a lot of back-and-forth but I followed it pretty easily. The characters are great - it's easy to fall in love with them. They have a lot of series issues but don't give up - that's where one of the MC's in the first book got lost. He did give up and that was so sad. This book has the same angst but not the same sadness.
I am really glad I read both of these books. They were touching, moving and eye-opening. Typically I just go for the feel-good books but these were worth the time and money.
I am really glad I read both of these books. They were touching, moving and eye-opening. Typically I just go for the feel-good books but these were worth the time and money.
February 25, 2016
Review to follow...
August 17, 2013
Whoa that was tough going. Great writing but tough.
November 5, 2013
A beautifully wrotten book that shows the problems of coming out in American Society in a believable, but still optimistic, way.
November 3, 2014
A wonderful continuation of When Love is Not Enough
November 16, 2014
I was uncomfortable with the instant love/lust between Darian and Matt while their fiance/best friend's body awaited burial in the proceeding book. Mostly I read this book to see if the author could do anything to remedy my opinion. The short answer is no. This book tries to demonstrate that Darian and Matt really do love each other, despite the fact they barely know each other and met under emotionally wrenching circumstances. The reader is constantly told that their relationship is not merely sexual and then proceeds to chronicle endless sex scenes between the pair. If they are not having sex, they are talking about sex.
I found their relationship tiresome. Fortunately, the book in not only about their fledgling relationship but is also about the problems Matt faces as a result of coming out. While not entirely realistic, the author did a good job at portraying a wide range of responses and I found those sections of the book the most compelling. There are also multiple scenes involving Darian being tormented by an imaginary angry Jaimie and in general loosing it.
The biggest problem for me though, was that there is still no credible reason for Jamie's suicide. The rational the author uses is that Jamie was too weak to withstand the stresses he was facing and suddenly snapped one day. In reality, people commit suicide because they suffer from clinical depression and are trapped in unproductive reasoning that doesn't allow them to see any other way to end their mental anguish. While it is possible for the people around that person to be oblivious to a suicidal person's long standing deep despair, that doesn't mean that the person just decided to end their life out of the blue. The problem storywise, is that we are privy to Jamie's innermost thoughts though his journals and there was nothing in those journals to indicate that he was suicidal. The story we are given is that Jamie broke under the strain of hiding his long standing love for Matt and dealing with his crazy mother whom he could never please. He was afforded no support from either his boyfriend Darian who refused to hear anything bad about Jamie's mom nor from his best friend Matt who refused to accept that Jamie was gay. The inescapable conclusion here is that Darian and Matt were to blame for Jamie's suicide through their selfish demands on him and their failure to take care of his needs, even though it is clear that the author wants us to see Jamie as suffering from a fatal character flaw, inability to withstand pressure. Meanwhile, we are repeatedly told how strong Darian is because he survived. I guess we are suppose to overlook the fact that Darian had a whole lot of help overcoming his more obvious problems, like cutting and drug addiction while Jamie just quietly suffered as he took care of everyone elses needs.
The book also has a bizarre take on on physiological treatment. At first, I thought that the intention was to show Darian at the mercy of a nutty, amoral quack, but by the end it was clear that we were supposed to accept that he was actually receiving appropriate treatment. Some of the so called treatments (he is followed to the bathroom to make sure he didn't masturbate) would have been funny if they weren't so reprehensible.
Finely, I really dislike the way romantic love was presented. The way that the reader is supposed to know that Darian and Matt are perfect for each is other is that when they compare any aspect of their current relationship to past relationships, their new relationship always wins. That sounds like a recipe for a relationship that is only going to last until someone better comes along. It is a childish way to approach another, as if someone else has no intrinsic value beyond their relative desirability.
I found their relationship tiresome. Fortunately, the book in not only about their fledgling relationship but is also about the problems Matt faces as a result of coming out. While not entirely realistic, the author did a good job at portraying a wide range of responses and I found those sections of the book the most compelling. There are also multiple scenes involving Darian being tormented by an imaginary angry Jaimie and in general loosing it.
The biggest problem for me though, was that there is still no credible reason for Jamie's suicide. The rational the author uses is that Jamie was too weak to withstand the stresses he was facing and suddenly snapped one day. In reality, people commit suicide because they suffer from clinical depression and are trapped in unproductive reasoning that doesn't allow them to see any other way to end their mental anguish. While it is possible for the people around that person to be oblivious to a suicidal person's long standing deep despair, that doesn't mean that the person just decided to end their life out of the blue. The problem storywise, is that we are privy to Jamie's innermost thoughts though his journals and there was nothing in those journals to indicate that he was suicidal. The story we are given is that Jamie broke under the strain of hiding his long standing love for Matt and dealing with his crazy mother whom he could never please. He was afforded no support from either his boyfriend Darian who refused to hear anything bad about Jamie's mom nor from his best friend Matt who refused to accept that Jamie was gay. The inescapable conclusion here is that Darian and Matt were to blame for Jamie's suicide through their selfish demands on him and their failure to take care of his needs, even though it is clear that the author wants us to see Jamie as suffering from a fatal character flaw, inability to withstand pressure. Meanwhile, we are repeatedly told how strong Darian is because he survived. I guess we are suppose to overlook the fact that Darian had a whole lot of help overcoming his more obvious problems, like cutting and drug addiction while Jamie just quietly suffered as he took care of everyone elses needs.
The book also has a bizarre take on on physiological treatment. At first, I thought that the intention was to show Darian at the mercy of a nutty, amoral quack, but by the end it was clear that we were supposed to accept that he was actually receiving appropriate treatment. Some of the so called treatments (he is followed to the bathroom to make sure he didn't masturbate) would have been funny if they weren't so reprehensible.
Finely, I really dislike the way romantic love was presented. The way that the reader is supposed to know that Darian and Matt are perfect for each is other is that when they compare any aspect of their current relationship to past relationships, their new relationship always wins. That sounds like a recipe for a relationship that is only going to last until someone better comes along. It is a childish way to approach another, as if someone else has no intrinsic value beyond their relative desirability.
August 20, 2013
sorry... tried really really hard to finish this book, just couldn't.
the story and relationships just kept going around and around in the same circle over and over again without moving anywhere... the parents were still trying to come to terms, the church were still haters and darian was still doing whatever it was he was doing with dan. it was basically reading angst for the sake of angst... As much as i usually love angst there has to be a resolution somewhere.
i gave up just about over the halfway mark when
it was at that point that i realised i didn't care about anyone in this book anymore. i'll still keep an eye out for this author because i really did enjoy My Roommates A Jock Well Crap by Wade Kelly
the story and relationships just kept going around and around in the same circle over and over again without moving anywhere... the parents were still trying to come to terms, the church were still haters and darian was still doing whatever it was he was doing with dan. it was basically reading angst for the sake of angst... As much as i usually love angst there has to be a resolution somewhere.
i gave up just about over the halfway mark when
it was at that point that i realised i didn't care about anyone in this book anymore. i'll still keep an eye out for this author because i really did enjoy My Roommates A Jock Well Crap by Wade Kelly
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