Winging It -- Dispatches from an (Almost) Empty Nest

by Catherine Goldhammer

A follow-up to Still Life with Chickens continues the story of the author and her daughter in their rustic New England seaside home as her daughter's growing independence causes the author to recognize new beginnings and opportunities. 20,000 first printing.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

Paperback

First published October 2, 2008

About the author

Catherine Goldhammer is a graduate of Goddard College and was a poetry fellow in the fine arts program at the University of Massachusetts.

Reviews

[Homira · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kind of weak, nice life, usual concerns about body image, future, loneliness, but I found it in my condo's library downstairs and liked the cover, seemed like a light summer read and it was really very, very light. Maybe her other work is stronger. Or not my genre.

[Elevate Difference · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mother is one of my best friends. Though I only physically see her once a year, she and I are practically inseparable because we talk constantly and share a deep, lasting bond. However, that only took hold when I turned eighteen and moved 2,500 miles away to attend college. As odd as it may seem, my mother’s “empty nest” syndrome brought us closer together.

These thoughts were at the forefront of my mind as I read (and re-read) Catherine Goldhammer’s touching new book, Winging It: Dispatches from an (Almost) Empty Nest. Goldhammer weaves a surprisingly poignant non-fiction tale about her ruminations and discoveries as her only child, an eighteen year old daughter she calls Harper, is about to go away to college. Just as she did with her first book, Still Life with Chickens, Goldhammer uses the written word to sort out her feelings and fears at the prospect of beginning life anew, yet again.

The diary-esque approach Goldhammer utilizes in bringing her words to life prevents the story from turning into what you might think would be an incredibly cheesy state of affairs. It is graceful, humorous, and genuinely heartfelt. The book, though it often encounters forays into the imaginative world of daydreams and wishful thinking, feels very grounded in reality. The author also shows a deep understanding not only of her personal dilemmas, but also of her daughter’s rights as a young woman and impending adult. Best of all, Goldhammer actually respects Harper enough to let her make her own decisions and learn from her own mistakes.

Though this book offers no clear-cut conclusions on how to wade through the waters of empty-nest syndrome, Goldhammer, instead, strips her soul bare enough for the world to see and does her best to lead by example. This piece of writing is definitely one from the heart—a luminous valentine to all of the mothers and daughters out there in the world who have encountered all of the ups, downs, pulls, and tugs of this kind of relationship. And, if you’re anything like me, you’ll want to scoop up a second copy of the book to send to your mother right away.

Review by Sara Freeman

[Rhonda · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a book of ramblings of a woman and her pre-teen, then teen daughter, as the mother contemplates what her life will be like when the daughter goes off to college.
I thought the book lacked substance, except for very few places, which I will mention in my quotes:

"For years we drive our children places. We pick them up. We feed and bathe and comfort them. We tuck them in. We pick up their crayons, boots, hair ties, dirty socks, and stray pencils. We come to chage at some of those things. And then, suddenly, we realize that we aren't doing them anymore. Suddenly, without our even noticing it, we have bathed them for the last time, carried them on our hip for the last time. Without our even noticing it, that part is over.
You think of college as the big thing, the moment when they leave you, but it doesn't begin then. It begins with all the little steps they take away from you the second they start to walk. It begins the day they ask you not to hug them quite so much, or the day they get up by setting their own alarm. But you really believe it when they learn to drive. Then one day, she asks you if she can drive one house down to the circle at the end of the road by herself, and you let her. It's one house down. You can see her. It takes about sixty seconds. But something about seeing her head back toward you, alone behing the wheel of your car, catapults you twenty year into the future, and you suddenly know how your mother feels when she sees you, a grown woman, turning in to her driveway. It's freedom we are talking about here."


"I didn't know what the future held in its mysterious and spacious arms. ... I did't know if I could reclaim the independence or adventure of my youth, and I didn't know if I wanted to. But I knew I was ahead of the game. I had lived in interesting times. I had made shelters and protected them. I had given birth to a child I was proud to know. I was already a woman whose dreams had come true."

"Years pass, and you return to your life as someone who doesn't live with a baby, a toddler, a child, a teenager. You return to your life as someone who doesn't tell someone else, with increasing futility, to get up in the morning, go to bed at night, and step away from the computer. You return to being a person strangely free of someone else's schedule: school hours, lessons, appointments. You return, but to what?
Sometimes I think we don't change much at all.
We get older and balder and wider and more wrinkled. We have our disappointments and our elations. The twin cyclones of marriage and parenthood hit and consume our souls. Careers happen. they fulfill or disappoint us. Days and days and days add to our noble faces and at the same time take away. Take away the newness of hwat we were, what our children now are, and maybe we have another chance to set forward into the primise of our future. Maybe everything unnecessary, everything false or fearful, is whittled away by time, and we 'do' return to our essence, to whatever we have always been: what kind of tree, what kind of water, what kind of wind."

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had liked Goldhammer's previous memoir, so got this one off the new books shelf a few weeks ago. Although she writes well, and has interesting things to say, I never really felt connected to her (main) story of seeing her daghter become an independent adult, nor the subplots (often flashbacks) regarding Goldhammer's relationships with her mother, and the men in her past -- sure, she can keep all those names/players straight, but I could've used a scorecard for such a small book!
Recommended (though read the other book first if possible), but I don't think one is supposed to feel exhausted after 150 pages?

[Nranger7 · Rating 2 out of 5]

Perhaps I just don't get it because I never had kids but this woman is simply a whiny snob. (And if having kids makes people whiny snobs then I'm glad I don't have any.) She whines about not being in love and being old and fat but she has numerous men in her past who want to reconnect. How many middle-aged women can say that? And to add insult to injury she blows them all off with lame excuses of being scared. She even gets along famously with her ex and has a great daughter but she still complains. Whatever... Little things annoyed me like her inability to tell the difference between a Chinese and Japanese name. She just overanalyzes and freaks out about every little thing. Boring...

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this book was about going from having a house-full to having an "empty nest" but she actually never reaches that point in the book. I was just kind of confused and didn't really understand why she was so lost when her daughter got accepted to college. I mean, you know this is coming from the time they are born, right? Obviously it is hard and now, being a mother, I will probably go through an identity crisis too but she just kind of flounders. She is a good writer but I didn't get into this one.

[Mary Banken · Rating 3 out of 5]

Goldhammer writes with the heart of a poet, which can produce individual sentences and paragraphs that are delightful. As a complete work, the book doesn't hang together all that well... And sometimes comes off as a collection of self-absorbed meandering.

[Italiangirl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Favorite quote "...I walked to the garden. I felt suspended in the thin fine air, a moment in time, a time without a story, a suspension of matter, until everything was about the rituals of the day, the precise moment in which a thing can be written, thought or executed, the moment of awakening when I put my hand on the dog's head...the moment of beginning and ending when I looked around DONE and that was a moment of happiness."

[Della Thompson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I absolutely loved Catherine Goldhammer's book, Still Life With Chickens and had such high hopes for this sequel but it just didn't have the same voice. It almost seemed like it was written by someone completely different. It was readable and I didn't have trouble getting through it but it wasn't great. Still Life had a clear, engaging story to tell but Winging It seemed like it was written by someone who was doing just fine and had grown complacent.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did enjoy this book but not quite as much as her first one. But this does give a cute look into kids growing up and a parent becoming an empty nester.

[Dorise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this quick reading memoir about a mother approaching the empty nest phase of life and her life in a coastal town in the northeast.

[Janet Rogers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved her perspective of a single mom starting over and experiencing the inevitable empty nest. Can’t wait for her next book!

[Laura C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Catherine Goldhammer for unabashedly saying what I would have like to say about just about all the parts of having your children grow up and move away. This book is so quotable it should all be copied and pasted to the quotation section of this site. For instance, "I didn't think that anyone who had once had to put a dollar in a jar for everytime she swore in front of her toddler qualified for suburban matronhood, but in the face of my new and embarrassing jealousy of the as yet unwritten story of my daughter's future, I foundered in the vision of myself as a matron, a used -up matron at that, probably soon to be an old woman in a shiny-eyed fox stole." If you are a young mother, tuck this book away on your list of things to read when you are trying to reinvent yourself after momhood. Gracefully, imaginatively and wryly written, I am certainly going to read Catherine Goldhammers other book, "Still Life with Chickens."

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book just to kill time at Senior Day but it ended up being rather a delightful read. I think this book will be most appreciated by women with older teens or women who are now experiencing empty nesting. In ways I had a little trouble identifying, however, because the author is single whereas I still have my husband. I don't have all the opporunity for a fresh start that she has because I still have an occupant in my nest. Ha!

[Tanya · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed Goldhammer's first book, STILL LIFE WITH CHICKENS, very much so had to read this when I saw it at the library.

This book was like a conversation with the author and I liked the narrative of it; her writing is very good and you can find yourself nodding as if in agreement sometimes at the stuff she says. Some of the pages did digress for me abit but overall a nice read. Actually, the last several pages of the book were most insightful and brings it all home.

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book picks up just about where Still Life with Chickens left off. I enjoyed Goldhammer’s writing a bit more in this book. She’s more conversational and forthcoming in discussing her relationship with her adolescent daughter and her feelings about becoming an empty nester, which, as the title indicates, is the main focus.

[Therese · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved, loved, loved this book. Reminds me to enjoy my kids while I still have them close. Added bonus is how funny the author is with her word choices and phrases. Did I mention how much I loved this book?

[Tami Tennyson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another appropriate book for me since my son just left for college. Very sweet and funny.

[Marla · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good mother book. Also, very funny.

[Vanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved it- I totally connected with this.

[Cari · Rating 4 out of 5]

fun book about an empty nester finding her way into a new beginning.

[Danni · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book but it wasn't what I was expecting. It was about a woman trying to find herself after motherhood. It had some good ideas, but it was basically a rant.

[Trasi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Assuaged some of my own empty-nestish aches & worries. Mothers (parents?) have to be so BRAVE - children GROW UP...

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read. Like her first book, it read like a long letter from an old friend. Still nice to hear from her, but the focus was a little less interesting this time.

[Jean Brazil · Rating 3 out of 5]

essays about motherhood.

[Debbie]

it was a quick read. Just to get me going in thinking about life after Iz goes to college.