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Letters from the Closet: Ten Years of Correspondence That Changed My Life
An honest and poignant look into the deeply intimate yet platonic relationship between a gay English teacher and his young female protégée—each seeking connection and acceptance—as reflected by the decade of letters they exchanged.
It was an improbable relationship from the start—a high school English teacher, still in the closet, and his best student. From the confines—and protection—of his closet, Amy’s teacher wrote these letters, letters that were read, cherished, answered, and then locked away for years. Now Amy looks back at the decade of intimate letters that preceded her teacher’s untimely death, collects the shards left by their clumsy, sometimes violent attempts to unmask each other, and counts again the cost of knowing and being known. Every writer needs a room of his own, but for some people, at certain times, and in certain circumstances, the best you can do is a closet.
Timely and relevant, this is a love story of the most contemporary kind, a rare glimpse into an intimate relationship between teacher and student—a relationship whose effects are still being felt decades later. It’s raw and honest and moving, a poignant commentary on the values that unite us all.
It was an improbable relationship from the start—a high school English teacher, still in the closet, and his best student. From the confines—and protection—of his closet, Amy’s teacher wrote these letters, letters that were read, cherished, answered, and then locked away for years. Now Amy looks back at the decade of intimate letters that preceded her teacher’s untimely death, collects the shards left by their clumsy, sometimes violent attempts to unmask each other, and counts again the cost of knowing and being known. Every writer needs a room of his own, but for some people, at certain times, and in certain circumstances, the best you can do is a closet.
Timely and relevant, this is a love story of the most contemporary kind, a rare glimpse into an intimate relationship between teacher and student—a relationship whose effects are still being felt decades later. It’s raw and honest and moving, a poignant commentary on the values that unite us all.
- GenresNonfictionMemoirLGBT
256 pages, Hardcover
First published May 7, 2013
4 people are currently reading
91 people want to read
About the author
Amy Hollingsworth
8 books63 followersAmy Hollingsworth is the author of the bestselling The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers and Gifts of Passage. Her new book, RUNAWAY RADICAL, coauthored by her son Jonathan, releases in February, 2015. Before writing books, Amy wrote for various magazines and was a television writer for eight years for CBN. In 2010, she was named one of USA Today’s Top 100 People for her influence on pop culture and was featured in the documentary by MTV’s Benjamin Wagner titled “Mister Rogers & Me.” Her television appearances include WGN’s Morning News, PBS’s A Word on Words, and FOX Morning News. A former psychology professor, Amy lives in Virginia with her husband and children.
You can email Amy Hollingsworth at amy@amyhollingsworth.com.
You can email Amy Hollingsworth at amy@amyhollingsworth.com.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
October 16, 2016
I was very hopeful going into this book because of the high ratings and positive reviews, but it did not work for me at all. The author begins by telling us that she burned all of her journals for the years covered by this memoir of the platonic relationship she carried on with her high school English teacher, a gay man, through college and beyond. This is unfortunate, as all she has to reveal to us are excerpts from the letters he wrote her over the years with little context. Understandably, she does not have her end of the correspondence, which makes it all infinitely less interesting to me. And, though she mentions that some of his letters were thousands of words long, she shares with us only brief paragraphs. Add to this the fact that she does not describe the face-to-face conversations they apparently had during this time, possibly because she doesn't remember them since she burned her journals, and we are left with what feels like a skeletal outline of a relationship which left with me with more questions than answers. It was not even clear to me how closeted this man was, whether he had relationships, how he felt about being gay and how much that contributed to the path his life would take. I didn't come out of this feeling like I had any understanding of this man whatsoever. It was just a huge miss for me.
July 25, 2022
This is not your typical book or even memoir.
Amy is incredibly open in this!
I respect her so much for that!
Amy is incredibly open in this!
I respect her so much for that!
June 27, 2013
I enjoyed this book quite a bit although it was a little hard to get into at first. I loved all the literature references (and have added a couple books to my to-read list as a result) and seeing how these two people had used literature to help them process their thoughts and feelings on life. It was interesting to me how they slowly over the years took off layers of masks and allowed themselves to be truly seen by the other. It's not a very happy book, overall, kinda sad really, but beautiful just the same.
Things that struck me:
p. 29 We were both learning that it's impossible to understand the psyche apart from the psychosis of your own family. (...) Maybe, just maybe, my secret - (... anorexia...) - had less to do with shielding my breast buds from leering teachers and more to do with a family who doesn't ask why a child runs away.
p. 93 An excerpt from Demian by Herman Hesse: "I did not exist to write poems... neither I nor anyone else... Each man had only one genuine vocation - to find the way to himself. He might end up as a poet or a madman - ultimately it was of no concern. Everything else was only would-be existence, an attempt at evasion, a flight back to the ideals of the masses, conformity, and fear of one's own inwardness."
p. 95 Writing has to be strikingly true, not just beautiful, and to be true it has to be covered in dirt and blood.
I'm convinced he (John) knew himself, had found the way to himself. What he refused to do was the second part, to express that self vulnerably.
p. 108 "It's a funny thing about poses, masks. Of course, many of them are necessary, but in a real relationship - or a real attempt at a relationship - people have to take off as many of the masks as possible. They'll never be able to take them all off, of course, but as many as possible. How else can two people really touch?"
p. 220-21 (This is my fave)
What I've learned is that the same person who wounds you is sometimes the person who heals you... No one is all good or all bad. The literary term for that kind of one dimensional character is flat; a flat character does nothing outside the carefully drawn lines of that dimension, whether good or bad. He cannot surprise you.
But a round character is complex, good and bad rolled up into one. He can still surprise you. Relationships can be flat or round, too. And the greatest lesson I learned from John is that the bad in a relationship does not cancel out the good, and the good does not cancel out the bad. You cry over the hurt, you forgive the wrongs, you embrace what's worthy. You give credit where credit is due. You recognize that you are a round character, too, bringing the same mixture of good and bad into the relationship. There is a cost to knowing and being known, and it's this messiness, these mixed feelings, having to relinquish the desire for something to be one way and not the other, one-dimensional, tidy. What's redemptive about my relationship with John, what's redemptive about every relationship, is accepting this one truth - that it all counts, that the good and the bad are part of the alchemy of loving someone, the base elements break and boil and bleed, but one day there's gold. Then you are able to say, despite everything: I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for you.
Interesting line also from this page: "As R.D. Laing noted, "Jill cannot see what Jack does not know." Later Laing adds: if she did, she would be glad to tell him.
p. 230-32 Loved the whole 'Dusty Parlor' segment about her dream and how it related to her reading The Pilgrim's Progress and that entire beautiful allegory. Stunning and incredibly moving and brimming over with truth.
p. 234 I understand now that sometimes you are given gifts you didn't choose, whether it is a fur coat or the confidence of someone's darkest moments. That everything I learned from John is a gift, even the sad moments, even the hurtful moments, even the questions left unanswered. I am glad to have spent time in these closets but also to be free of them.
Note to self: Find the poem "The Blue Closet" by William Morris and a picture of the watercolor by the same name by Dante Gabriel Rosetti.
Things that struck me:
p. 29 We were both learning that it's impossible to understand the psyche apart from the psychosis of your own family. (...) Maybe, just maybe, my secret - (... anorexia...) - had less to do with shielding my breast buds from leering teachers and more to do with a family who doesn't ask why a child runs away.
p. 93 An excerpt from Demian by Herman Hesse: "I did not exist to write poems... neither I nor anyone else... Each man had only one genuine vocation - to find the way to himself. He might end up as a poet or a madman - ultimately it was of no concern. Everything else was only would-be existence, an attempt at evasion, a flight back to the ideals of the masses, conformity, and fear of one's own inwardness."
p. 95 Writing has to be strikingly true, not just beautiful, and to be true it has to be covered in dirt and blood.
I'm convinced he (John) knew himself, had found the way to himself. What he refused to do was the second part, to express that self vulnerably.
p. 108 "It's a funny thing about poses, masks. Of course, many of them are necessary, but in a real relationship - or a real attempt at a relationship - people have to take off as many of the masks as possible. They'll never be able to take them all off, of course, but as many as possible. How else can two people really touch?"
p. 220-21 (This is my fave)
What I've learned is that the same person who wounds you is sometimes the person who heals you... No one is all good or all bad. The literary term for that kind of one dimensional character is flat; a flat character does nothing outside the carefully drawn lines of that dimension, whether good or bad. He cannot surprise you.
But a round character is complex, good and bad rolled up into one. He can still surprise you. Relationships can be flat or round, too. And the greatest lesson I learned from John is that the bad in a relationship does not cancel out the good, and the good does not cancel out the bad. You cry over the hurt, you forgive the wrongs, you embrace what's worthy. You give credit where credit is due. You recognize that you are a round character, too, bringing the same mixture of good and bad into the relationship. There is a cost to knowing and being known, and it's this messiness, these mixed feelings, having to relinquish the desire for something to be one way and not the other, one-dimensional, tidy. What's redemptive about my relationship with John, what's redemptive about every relationship, is accepting this one truth - that it all counts, that the good and the bad are part of the alchemy of loving someone, the base elements break and boil and bleed, but one day there's gold. Then you are able to say, despite everything: I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for you.
Interesting line also from this page: "As R.D. Laing noted, "Jill cannot see what Jack does not know." Later Laing adds: if she did, she would be glad to tell him.
p. 230-32 Loved the whole 'Dusty Parlor' segment about her dream and how it related to her reading The Pilgrim's Progress and that entire beautiful allegory. Stunning and incredibly moving and brimming over with truth.
p. 234 I understand now that sometimes you are given gifts you didn't choose, whether it is a fur coat or the confidence of someone's darkest moments. That everything I learned from John is a gift, even the sad moments, even the hurtful moments, even the questions left unanswered. I am glad to have spent time in these closets but also to be free of them.
Note to self: Find the poem "The Blue Closet" by William Morris and a picture of the watercolor by the same name by Dante Gabriel Rosetti.
June 8, 2013
I started the book not really sure what to expect. I knew it was being called the story of a relationship between "a gay English teacher and his young female student" but it turned out to be so much more than just that. It's really the story of two people living tucked inside their own "closets" only able to be real with each other, and sometimes not even each other. I've recently been learning to be completely honest with myself and not to color things the way that I want them to be, so that aspect of John and Amy's story really stuck out to me.
I'm gonna be honest and admit that when I first started reading the book I wasn't a fan of John. To me he seemed a little mean, and I felt like he was taking advantage of Amy's age and admiration of him for his own benefit. I surprised myself, though, because the closer we got to the end of Amy's and John's story the more I found myself wanting to know more about him. I even began to sympathize with him and for him. I kinda wish I could've known John myself, now that I've read a little of his story through his letters to Amy, but I think that was part of the point in sharing their letters.
Though this book is a story of the relationship between a gay English teacher and his female student, and it's been accepted by the LGBTQ community (not surprisingly, but sadly, not accepted by the Church) it's so much more than that. It's a story of the desire to be important to someone, don't we all wish for that? It's a story of learning to remove the masks and to be real with the people closest to you, including yourself. I know I struggle with that daily! Mostly, and most importantly, it's a story of how we all have our own closets, and it may even challenge you to look inside yours and decide if you're ready to come out or let some of your secrets out.
I'm gonna be honest and admit that when I first started reading the book I wasn't a fan of John. To me he seemed a little mean, and I felt like he was taking advantage of Amy's age and admiration of him for his own benefit. I surprised myself, though, because the closer we got to the end of Amy's and John's story the more I found myself wanting to know more about him. I even began to sympathize with him and for him. I kinda wish I could've known John myself, now that I've read a little of his story through his letters to Amy, but I think that was part of the point in sharing their letters.
Though this book is a story of the relationship between a gay English teacher and his female student, and it's been accepted by the LGBTQ community (not surprisingly, but sadly, not accepted by the Church) it's so much more than that. It's a story of the desire to be important to someone, don't we all wish for that? It's a story of learning to remove the masks and to be real with the people closest to you, including yourself. I know I struggle with that daily! Mostly, and most importantly, it's a story of how we all have our own closets, and it may even challenge you to look inside yours and decide if you're ready to come out or let some of your secrets out.
May 19, 2013
Letters from the Closet sucks you in from the very first page with rich detail and emotion. This is not a book about hero-worship. Amy makes no effort to portray John as some kind of god or symbol of perfection. Rather, this is an honest and open book that strips bare both her emotions and his, revealing two very real people.
I saved this book for a weekend when I would be alone so I could avoid those pesky questions like, “Can you fix me something to eat?” and “Mama, why are you crying?” When I made it through most of the book without crying, I thought I was in the clear. I was about 3/4 way through when the tears started. But some people are over-achievers, and Amy apparently couldn’t be satisfied with a few quiet, graceful (it could happen) tears running down my face as I read. No, by the end of the book, I was sobbing; it was loud and most definitely not graceful. As always, though, Amy infuses bits of humor into her story. Not in an inappropriate way, but in a way that reminds us that while life can be harsh, there is always something to smile about.
Letters from the Closet is a book about a girl’s relationship with her gay teacher, but it’s so much more, and if that’s all you take away from this book, then you’re missing out. This book is about relationships, and the connection we all seek to other humans.
“That’s what we both wanted. To be read. To be asked. To have someone in our lives we couldn’t fool.” – Letters from the Closet
I received this book free from the author in exchange for an honest review. I was not required to write a positive review and all opinions are my own.
I saved this book for a weekend when I would be alone so I could avoid those pesky questions like, “Can you fix me something to eat?” and “Mama, why are you crying?” When I made it through most of the book without crying, I thought I was in the clear. I was about 3/4 way through when the tears started. But some people are over-achievers, and Amy apparently couldn’t be satisfied with a few quiet, graceful (it could happen) tears running down my face as I read. No, by the end of the book, I was sobbing; it was loud and most definitely not graceful. As always, though, Amy infuses bits of humor into her story. Not in an inappropriate way, but in a way that reminds us that while life can be harsh, there is always something to smile about.
Letters from the Closet is a book about a girl’s relationship with her gay teacher, but it’s so much more, and if that’s all you take away from this book, then you’re missing out. This book is about relationships, and the connection we all seek to other humans.
“That’s what we both wanted. To be read. To be asked. To have someone in our lives we couldn’t fool.” – Letters from the Closet
I received this book free from the author in exchange for an honest review. I was not required to write a positive review and all opinions are my own.
June 4, 2013
Letters from the Closet sucks you in from the very first page with rich detail and emotion. This is not a book about hero-worship. Amy makes no effort to portray John as some kind of god or symbol of perfection. Rather, this is an honest and open book that strips bare both her emotions and his, revealing two very real people.
I saved this book for a weekend when I would be alone so I could avoid those pesky questions like, “Can you fix me something to eat?” and “Mama, why are you crying?” When I made it through most of the book without crying, I thought I was in the clear. I was about 3/4 way through when the tears started. But some people are over-achievers, and Amy apparently couldn’t be satisfied with a few quiet, graceful (it could happen) tears running down my face as I read. No, by the end of the book, I was sobbing; it was loud and most definitely not graceful. As always, though, Amy infuses bits of humor into her story. Not in an inappropriate way, but in a way that reminds us that while life can be harsh, there is always something to smile about.
Letters from the Closet is a book about a girl’s relationship with her gay teacher, but it’s so much more, and if that’s all you take away from this book, then you’re missing out. This book is about relationships, and the connection we all seek to other humans.
“That’s what we both wanted. To be read. To be asked. To have someone in our lives we couldn’t fool.” – Letters from the Closet
I received this book free from the author in exchange for an honest review. I was not required to write a positive review and all opinions are my own.
I saved this book for a weekend when I would be alone so I could avoid those pesky questions like, “Can you fix me something to eat?” and “Mama, why are you crying?” When I made it through most of the book without crying, I thought I was in the clear. I was about 3/4 way through when the tears started. But some people are over-achievers, and Amy apparently couldn’t be satisfied with a few quiet, graceful (it could happen) tears running down my face as I read. No, by the end of the book, I was sobbing; it was loud and most definitely not graceful. As always, though, Amy infuses bits of humor into her story. Not in an inappropriate way, but in a way that reminds us that while life can be harsh, there is always something to smile about.
Letters from the Closet is a book about a girl’s relationship with her gay teacher, but it’s so much more, and if that’s all you take away from this book, then you’re missing out. This book is about relationships, and the connection we all seek to other humans.
“That’s what we both wanted. To be read. To be asked. To have someone in our lives we couldn’t fool.” – Letters from the Closet
I received this book free from the author in exchange for an honest review. I was not required to write a positive review and all opinions are my own.
June 3, 2013
When I began reading Letters from the Closet, I did not expect to be drawn into its pages as I was. At the close of each page, each section, each chapter, I could feel the strength and courage it must have taken the author to write these words. There is power in vulnerability. This power radiates from the first page until the last. I laughed, and I cried with the emotions expressed. At times, I had to stop, go back, and re-read just to re-embrace the simplicity and elegance of the meaning.
As I read both the words of Amy Hollingsworth describing her feelings and the words of John, her high school English teacher, through his letters; I could feel their pain as they attempted to pull the masks from one another.
It is not easy to keep a secret. And sometimes just one other person knowing the secret eases the burden. Sharing these burdens drew Amy and John together in a friendship that surpasses our understanding. Like all good friendships, this one included adulation, hurts, love, and even some failure.
I seriously doubt that anyone can read Letters from the Closet without it affecting them for the better. I can say by the time I read the last page, I felt an emotional release. And then I had to go back and start it again.
As I read both the words of Amy Hollingsworth describing her feelings and the words of John, her high school English teacher, through his letters; I could feel their pain as they attempted to pull the masks from one another.
It is not easy to keep a secret. And sometimes just one other person knowing the secret eases the burden. Sharing these burdens drew Amy and John together in a friendship that surpasses our understanding. Like all good friendships, this one included adulation, hurts, love, and even some failure.
I seriously doubt that anyone can read Letters from the Closet without it affecting them for the better. I can say by the time I read the last page, I felt an emotional release. And then I had to go back and start it again.
December 29, 2013
“Letters from the Closet” is a beautiful story that tells (via letters of course) the relationship between the author and her high school English teacher John. This story struck a chord with me as I have a similar, albeit somewhat less intense experience of my own. It’s somewhat shocking, at first perhaps a parent’s nightmare that a child’s teacher is really carrying on a heart to heart with a 15 year old, but I think in the end, it was a relationship that benefited both parties. It’s a very personal story, and kudos to Ms. Hollingsworth for her sheer honesty and airing of such an (mostly secret) innocent yet intimate relationship. It’s a story of growing together and growing apart, but all the while remaining for each other the person “you can’t fool.” It’s heartwarming in some places, shocking in others, and sad at times. People are complicated, and there is no better illustration of that than this book. I usually read books regarding the supernatural or horror, so this was quite an atypical read for me. But I loved it. Highly recommend.
March 15, 2017
This book is a perfect illustration of the title being more interesting than the content epidemic. Part of the issue was I was reading an ARC and the formatting had major problems. Sentences were cut in two, captions of pictures (or at least I assume that's what it was) were in the middle of paragraphs, etc. This is not the reason for my 1 star rating.
I felt this book really never went anywhere. It tells the story of a 15 year old girl who bonds so much with her English teacher that they pretend they are engaged just so people don't question their relationship. I'm not sure what the author learned about life from her teacher because it was buried in literature references, excerpts from the teacher's letters and family stories. This is another one of those books that makes me feel unread, unlearned and stupid. I almost gave up on it but wanted to see if anything was learned. I'm still waiting to figure that part out.
Received from Net Galley.
I felt this book really never went anywhere. It tells the story of a 15 year old girl who bonds so much with her English teacher that they pretend they are engaged just so people don't question their relationship. I'm not sure what the author learned about life from her teacher because it was buried in literature references, excerpts from the teacher's letters and family stories. This is another one of those books that makes me feel unread, unlearned and stupid. I almost gave up on it but wanted to see if anything was learned. I'm still waiting to figure that part out.
Received from Net Galley.
July 17, 2013
It took me longer to read than I normally use for a memoir. It's not straightforward or a tell-all. Hollingsworth's and John's story still left me with questions at the end. But I found it a strong portrayal of the dynamic between a student and teacher, the potential vulnerabilities and strengths of the relationship. It also represented the power of freedom and resolve that can come when we can own and tell our life-changing stories, even decades later.
December 30, 2015
Woah. There is an awful lot in this book to process. Honestly, I wasn't entirely sure that I" liked it" but rather that it gave light to many dark issues. It brought them to the surface and allowed each reader to make their own conclusions. Not what I expected, but hey, life isn't either.
December 14, 2015
Grade: A
The story, the structure of the book, and the writing itself are all so unique and compelling. As a gay Christian (well, gay agnostic theist) the book was very meaningful personally.
The story, the structure of the book, and the writing itself are all so unique and compelling. As a gay Christian (well, gay agnostic theist) the book was very meaningful personally.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews