When All You've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough

by Harold S. Kushner

With the same compassion and wisdom that powered his phenomenal bestseller When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Harold Kushner addresses a need that is universal and timeless—the wish for a meaningful life.

Why is it that, after attaining many of our goals, we are left with a sense that something vital is missing? In his deeply inspiring bestseller, Rabbi Kushner shows us how to live as human beings are meant to. He guides us to a heightened sense of joy, purpose, and meaning, and helps us to redirect our energies toward goals that will bring us lasting happiness and true fulfillment.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Religion, Philosophy, Judaism, Spirituality, Jewish

Hardcover

First published January 1, 1986

About the author

Harold S. Kushner is rabbi laureate of Temple Israel in the Boston suburb of Natick, Massachusetts. A native of Brooklyn, New York, he is the author of more than a dozen books on coping with life’s challenges, including, most recently, the best-selling Conquering Fear and Overcoming Life’s Disappointments.

Reviews

[Alicia Carlsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some quotes that I liked from the book that pretty much sum it up.
"What is life about? It is not about writing great books, amassing great wealth, achieving great power. It is about loving and being loved. . .It is about savoring the beauty of moments that don't last, the sunsets, the leaves turning color, the rare moments of true human communication."
"I have no fear of death because I feel that I have lived. I have loved and I have been loved."

[Ari · Rating 2 out of 5]

Reading this book in a laundromat the other day while eating potato chips, I think probably the woman looking at me must have been thinking 'wow is this a scene of depression or what?' However, I'm in fact not depressed, nor was I reading this as a way of seeking out answers to life's big questions. I simply wanted to give Kushner another chance after reading 'To Life' and not rating it very highly. I was, unfortunately, disappointed by this one too and doubt I'll bother reading more by this author. Other than a few good 'quotable' sentences, this is a book that offers a religious answer to a somewhat philosophical set of questions, and in a very roundabout manner. Kushner strings Ecclesiastes' message throughout the book, however other than that there is little coherency. It is 'bestseller' type reading, and while there's no real answer to the question of what to do with your life to make it matter, Kushner does offer some nice stories. Sadly for this reader, the book has little to offer a scholar.

[Conor Warren · Rating 3 out of 5]

TL;DR: This book has not aged gracefully but still has a lot of valuable material. It could be retitled "How to be a Real Mensch".

This book really is a mixed bag. In a lot of senses it is evident that Kushner was a man of his time by the way he talks about and paints portraits of women. It is also a deeply Jewish book and was written at a time when interfaith efforts beyond Judaism, Christianity, and Islam were still thoroughly underdeveloped; one is left with the deep impression that Kushner doesn't particularly care for Buddhism or Hinduism.

The way that Kushner also addresses the use of medications in treating depression and other forms of pain is not particularly helpful and illustrates that Kushner doesn't quite understand what psychotropic medications are intended to do; how they are used; or circumstances in which they are prescribed.

Lastly, the book was pretty clearly intended for an audience approaching or at middle age. This is evident in part by the way that Kushner addresses the youthful experience and frames the problem of meaning as one that an individual grapples with at middle age. Perhaps I am unusual for my age cohort (though I doubt it) but the struggle to find a meaningful reason for being and the fears he discusses and addresses in the book have been present since before I could legally drink. At times this induces more than a little eye rolling.

However, despite my kvetching the book undeniably provides a great deal of material for rumination both in physical and spiritual matters. The use of the book of Ecclesiastes (one of my favorite books of the Bible) was really clever in my opinion. While I do not perhaps agree with how Kushner ties up the book I would be lying if I said that I won't be digesting his insights for quite some time.

[Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rabbi, Harold Kushner uses the book of Ecclesiastes to show how we can live a life that matters. He compares how Ecclesiastes was too hard on himself when he found wealth and fame, but did not feel complete. As a person has to many of us rabbi Kushner shows us how to find joy in the simple things in life, to understand that just being fully human is enough.

“To “eat our bread in gladness, and drink our wine with joy.” not despite the fact that life does not go on forever, but precisely because of that fact.”

A good book to read during the High Holidays.

[Katie Barta · Rating 1 out of 5]

As a Christian reading this book, written by a rabbi, I expected to have some differences of opinion which I was okay with. I was honestly looking forward to reading how a different religion looks to cope with the futility and cyclical nature of life. I still however, expected an accurate portrayal of the God of the Bible. I also would have been okay with reading a book about purpose in life from a non religious standpoint, removing God entirely. This book did neither. The author bends Gods character in ways so incredibly sacrilegious to both Christian and, if I am not mistaken, Jewish beliefs. Some good points are made about accepting the pain of life and living to love others and be loved but beyond that there isn’t much positive in this book. Some of the good points made felt like they were lacking a greater truth, or understanding of Gods character. While I know this book was not directly about the character of God, it does point to religion as the answer to a lot of the questions asked and so it’s inaccuracies cannot be disregarded, or considered irrelevant to the point of the book. I think as a Christian this is a book to be read with a lot of discernment. Discernment about biblical truths of both God and humans and our ultimate need for him.

Some quotes I found in reading that I, as a Christian, had issues with:

“God realized…”
I think that is all I need to quote from this sentence to begin to articulate my problem with it. The God of the Bible is an all knowing God, and therefore cannot gain any new knowledge because he already possess it all.

“For responsible religious adults, God is not the authority telling them what to do. God is the divine power urging them to grow, to reach, to dare. Like a father who is genuinely proud when his children achieve success entirely on their own, God is mature enough to derive pleasure from our growing up, not from our dependence on him.”

My first issue with this passage that it says “God is not the authority” There are examples of Gods authority and sovereignty in both the Old and New Testament.
From the Old Testament:
Isaiah 46:9-11:
Remember the former things of old;
for I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me,
declaring the end from the beginning
and from ancient times things not yet done,
saying, ‘My counsel shall stand,
and I will accomplish all my purpose,’
calling a bird of prey from the east,
the man of my counsel from a far country.
I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass;
I have purposed, and I will do it.”
And Psalm 115:3
“But our God in the heavens;
He does whatever he please.”

These are both scripture examples of God having complete authority.

From the New Testament Matthew 28:18 reads:
“Jesus came near and said to them, “All authority has been given to me in heaven and on earth.”

For Jesus to have been given all authority, it had to be Gods first.

My second issue with the passage above from the book is where it says “God is mature enough…” Maturity is a human concept, and one that implies growth and change. To mature, one would have to have first been immature, which is impossible for God as he is already and has always been perfect in all of his attributes.

My final issue with the above book passage, and the last issue I will be bringing up, is that it implies that we can do anything independently from God.

Genesis 2:7 “Then the lord formed the man out of dust from the ground and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils, and the man became a living being.”

Across the Psalms God is described as “the strength of his people” our “Light” and our “salvation”.

Our very life comes from God, and we depend on him in all things.

[Ed Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up this book not because all I've ever wanted isn't enough but rather because I've enjoyed other works by this author and was interested in reading more. (Although, I will say that all I've ever wanted really isn't enough--what is, after all?--but chronic discontent is neither news nor a surprise by the time you're an adult.)

Solid submission by Kushner here. Lots of pearls dropped over the course of the ten briefish essays. You really can hear the teacher and rabbi come across as you go. Here are the gems I'm taking with me:

*To a worm in horseradish, the whole world is horseradish."
*When I was young I admired clever people. Now that I'm old I admire kind people" (Heschel).
*Morality is a conspiracy of the sheep to persuade the wolves that it is wicked to be strong (Nietezsche).
*A puritan is a person who abolishes bullfighting not because it causes the bull pain but because it gives the spectator pleasure.
*Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a nice person is like expecting a bull not to charge you because you are a vegetarian.
*An intellectual is a person who can spend an hour waiting for a train with nothing to read and not be bored (Robert Louis Stevenson).
*The Talmud says there are three things one should do in the course of one's life: have a child, plant a tree, write a book.

Lots of good stuff. There are also a few quality references to the works of Jung and Fromm.

[Frank · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the fifth time I’m reading this.

Funny, how many of his ideas are the same as those in Bolles’ book of the same theme. See my review of Bolles’ book here: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...

He writes with great sincerity and the prose can be wonderful at times. He uses the Book of Ecclesiastes to help himself answer the question “is there anything I can do to prevent death, or, at least, to be remembered after death? Is there anything I can do to have a meaningful life?”

One of Kushner’s answers struck a chord in me: give up on the Big Dream…Okay, so as a Physics graduate turned high school math teacher I won’t win the Nobel Prize. So what, neither will most people. But as a teacher, I do have the possibility of affecting lives to the point where my students will remember me and my works after I’m gone. Maybe not all of my students, but some. Bolles wrote that it may be that our work’s significance may not be so great that all of the world will see it, but that won’t matter as long as our intent and heart are in the right place.

Both authors wrote from a religious perspective. Both would tell you that finding meaning in life ultimately deals with having reverence and appreciation for God’s works.

I highly recommend this book.

[Aviva]

I read the first 1/4, then eventually flipped through to see if I wanted to finish it. I found pages on topics such as: "upper middle class people use drugs because they're bored." Pass.

[jedidja · Rating 4 out of 5]

read thru this in one day- dont agree with absolutely everything but it made some interesting points, doesn't really solve my ongoing existential crisis but it makes u feel less alone in any case

the one quote I love is "I have no fear of death because I feel that I have lived. I have loved and I have been loved."!

[Paco Rodriguez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Un libro que toma como base el libro de Eclesiastés. Totalmente recomendable para las personas que sienten que en esta vida no han podido lograr la plenitud y que sus talentos no han sido utilizados del todo, un libro que nos hace pensar en las respuestas más profundas con cuestionantes sumamente poderosas.

[Roy Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

My fav book of all time.

[Daniel Petra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been guiding me ever since I first read it.
This is what I wrote about it in: Missing Links, page 5:

One of the best ways to get started along the road of self-transformation and behavior modification is to learn to minimize excess pressure and to welcome more pleasure into our lives. Instead of pushing ourselves
to do more and more, why not try to “let go” a little bit and take some time to “smell the roses along the way.” What good is all the money and power if we can never feel satisfied? Why not try to accept a little bit less “success,” and learn to enjoy a little more “happiness” instead? One of the books that has made a huge difference in my life is one of Harold Kushner’s best-sellers:

When All You’ve Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough

[Adrianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this book, Kushner breaks down the book of Ecclesiastes. He did it so well, in my opinion, that I felt like I just heard a really great sermon.

He made me consider questions like: Are you living your life with purpose? (And with purpose, I do not mean having the great career, status, money, or fame. I mean, are you enjoying the small moments in life?) Are you creating really good memories? Are you savoring all the good things that this life has to offer? Or are you so busy trying to be something or do something or even have the answers to everything that you miss out on all of the things that really matter?

Really hope some of you get a chance to read this and enjoy it as much as I did.

For me, it made me think about how special life really is.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is another good book by a Rabbi. He talks about Ecclesiastes. He tells us about the person who wrote this book of the Bible.
This is a good book for old people (50+)who have accomplished a lot and are wondering "what else is there?".
He defines a Mensch and tells us the Talmud says there are three things one should do in the course of one's life. Have a child, plant a tree and write a book. Things that will endure after we are gone.

[Shirley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rabbi Kushner's books always speak to me. And this one based on the book of Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament, I particularly enjoyed as its core message seems so relevant. Namely, when all is said and done, life is to be enjoyed as it is, not a constant striving to make it different than it is.

[Amy Hassen-Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved CH 8
But I felt like you had to do a lot of reading to get to the point in a lot of the other chapters.

[Mitchell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read some of the reviews here of the book and I just wanted to add my perspective for others. Some may say this isn’t philosophical enough or that it answers some questions with a simple religious answer. I can understand that perspective but I don’t think it’s giving the author his full credit. Yes, the first chapters are story driven explanations like many best seller type self-help books, but when you hit chapter 8 it hits deep. The tone pivots and you find yourself wrestling with the underlying problem beneath the superficial. The stories seem to be the superficial, it’s how you search for the answer that is the answer itself. It’s most powerful in its last few pages, but it ends with a satisfaction for having gotten the truth at the end.

It seems that the author is a Rabbi, yet he’s not giving religion and his answers aren’t religious per se. It’s that he’s using his familiar religion to teach the greater truth of what religion itself means in humanity and why it’s important. We have faculties outside of any other animal on our planet. We search for meaning and if we don’t have an ultimate reality to anchor that search, we can fall into depression or lose a positive life. Not because we worshipped incorrectly or because we didn’t believe in a god correctly, nor because it’s necessary to have a belief. But because that ultimate reality gives meaning to our silent pain we bare, that seems pointless. That reality gives honor to our desiring to do better, which is an important angle to contemplate. It puts eyes on our unseen suffering and reveals the victory in our failure. The ultimate reality isn’t pragmatic the way we are pragmatic. We live but 80 years, but our lives can be like that of the butterfly effect. The hurtful words you refrained from saying mattered. The time you forgave and moved on instead of staying in anger and bitterness mattered, even if it didn’t pragmatically make you any money or give you material things. The fact that you tried to do good and it created evil, didn’t negate your trying to do good.

It’s not that believing in god is necessary to perform these things, but it does give us a positive reason to. He doesn’t say it’s the only way to get there, he just shows how it helps.

[em · Rating 3 out of 5]

this book was SO interesting! i will say theologically there was a lot that i didn't agree with buttttttt it was so interesting to read a different perspective and point of view

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"God is the force that moves us to rise above selfishness and help our neighbors, even as He inspires them to transcend selfishness and help us. God pulls us upward out of ourselves, even as the sun makes the plants and the trees grow taller. God summons us to be more than we started out to be."

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"I suspect that the happiest people you know are the ones who work at being kind, helpful, and reliable, and happiness sneaks into their lives while they're busy doing those things. you don't become happy by pursuing happiness. it is always a byproduct, never a primary goal. happiness is a butterfly - the more you chase it, the more it flies from you and hides. but stop chasing it, put away your net and busy yourself with other, more productive things than the pursuit of personal happiness, and it will sneak up on you from behind and perch on your shoulder.”

[Sandy Brusin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I reread this book that I had read years ago because I had just reread Kushner's earlier book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People. I am equally as glad that I reread this book. When I first read the book, I was a young woman and could not appreciate the profound insights Kushner develops through his anecdotes and references to the Book of Ecclesiastes. What Kushner offers about the search for a meaningful fulfilling, happy life really resonated for me at this stage of my life especially this gem: "Only our relationships to other people endure. Sooner or later, the wave will come along and knock down what we have worked so hard to build up. When that happens, only the person who has somebody's hand to hold will be able to laugh." And this gem: "It matters if we learn to recognize the pleasures of every day, food and work and love and friendship, as encounters with the divine, encounters that teach us not only that God is real but that we are real too. Those things make all the difference."

[Katy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am the mother of a 17-year-old boy who seems to constantly be in a state of existential crisis. This was recommended to me by his therapist, to help provide answers to his questions about the meaning of life (or lack thereof).
It took me ages to get through this. I don’t know what I was expecting, but this felt more tedious than it needed to be. When I got to the end, I realized that I already knew (at least partially) about the things / activities / moments / people that give “meaning” to life.
I think that humans need to experience life for a while (read: decades) in order to grow into those realizations. My teenager would find very difficult to accept that there is no One Big Answer, but rather a gathering of small, short-lived moments, sometimes few and far between, that once polled together, constitute what could be called “meaning.” I suspect he would be utterly disappointed. So I am going to let him grow into it himself, since that is part of growing up anyway.

[Gertrude Whitman · Rating 5 out of 5]

"...our reason tells us that reason itself has its limits. If you dissect a frog, you will have a lot of information about how frogs are put together, but you won't have a frog anymore...for a lot of people, the gain in information is just not worth it. The biblical Hebrew verb yada, "to know," somewhat like the English word "understand," can mean either to have information about someone or something, or to be intimate with someone. But it seems that we have to choose between analyzing someone at a distance and getting so close that we experience the other person rather than intellectually understanding him or her." p. 104, Kushner, First Pocket Books printing May 1987.

"the essence of wisdom, I suggested, was a respect for the limits of human intelligence and a sense of reverence for the vast dark reaches of reality where reason cannot penetrate." Id. at 105.

"...reverence for the human soul should be more important...than attention to the bottom line." Id. at 106.

[Joyce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Altho I muddled through a good portion of this book (esp. at the beginning), I felt compelled to give it a 4* because of the exceptional words of wisdom and inspiration penned by the author. There were several areas that I didn't use the energy to fight for a better understanding of some difficult passages for me, esp. in reference to Ecclesiastes.
I think it's one of these book you could pick up several times for inspiration or a better understanding of the authors' concept of "what is this life thing all about" !
After I finished, I felt very rewarded for what I did absorb and would pick it up again to reread - esp. some of the passages that I valued!
I'd like to read other books by Kushner, especially - When Bad Things Happen to Good People!

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rabbi Kushner turns his pen from the book of Job to the book of Ecclesiastes - "to everything there is a time..." He honed in on the feeling of unease with what the purpose of life, the feeling of unfulfillment even when we think we have what should make us happy, and what happens when life doesn't turn out as we thought it should. He notes that the author of Ecclesiastes was wealthy, had a family, friends, gardens, plenty of food, and was admired and looked up to, but still didn't feel like he had achieved his life's purpose. Kushner uses the book to show us that we can have wealth, power, family, and still feel incomplete unless we use our wealth, power, status, for good. There is a higher purpose.

[J Crossley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rabbi Kushner looks at the depressing feeling that life has no meaning. By using the book of Ecclesiastes from the Bible as the structure for the book, he looks at common modern feelings about life. In the end, what makes life meaningful is not wealth, power, indulgence or education. What makes life meaningful is to live in the moment, to risk being hurt, and to be a good human being. Although Ecclesiastes was written centuries and centuries ago, the book still speaks wisdom for the current times.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ecclesiastes has been disappointed by organized religion, pleasure, wealth and learning.

The existence of God is not the issue.
What is the issue is the difference God can make in our lives.
Our lives become important because we are here on Earth
not just to eat, sleep and reproduce but to do God's will.

We could explain all the evil as the absence of God but how does one explain all the good in the world?

God gives us hope.

[Alberto Jacobo Baruqui · Rating 5 out of 5]

Si sientes que vas bien y el momento se estira por varios años continuos, llegara a ti una sensación que te hará cuestionarte acerca de tu vida y tus acciones diarias.
Muy recomendable leer en la etapa cercana a la madurez cuando no llega "la sensación de estar haciendo lo que se debe hacer" y existen algunos sentimientos de vacío. AJ

[Deepak Imandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Harold explains in this short volume comments on the nuances of life's ups and downs, that it is still possible to maintain sanity through one's sheer will. Though, I don't agree completely with Harold's spiritual views (having realized spiritual unity & mystic experiences & continue to do so), this work is quite well written & communicates a positivity in experiencing life's possibilities.

[Lolys Rodríguez · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Todas las cosas de nuestra vida, las complicadas estructuras en las que volcamos tanto tiempo y energía se alzan sobre cimientos de arena.
Lo único perdurable es el vínculo con nuestros semejantes. Tarde o temprano vendrá una ola y echará por tierra con todo lo que tanto nos costó construir. Cuando eso ocurra, sólo el que pueda tomar a otra persona de la mano será capaz de sonreír".

[Mayya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kushner bases his exploration of the subject around Ecclesiastes, but offers little in the way of other textual exploration. He does provide quite a few interesting anecdotes. Overall, I came away with some pearls of wisdom but can't say that this is a book that would help someone resolve an existential crisis.

[Arturo Hernández · Rating 5 out of 5]

Habla de los prejuicios que rodean la idea de felicidad y éxito, los enfrenta y plantea una solución para dar un mayor sentido a nuestra vida. Hay una capa de religión adjunta, sin embargo el libro no pierde fuerza por la misma. Es el tipo de libro que debes releer cuando pasa el tiempo.