The Hip Mama Survival Guide: Advice from the Trenches on Pregnancy, Childbirth, Cool Names, Clueless Doctors, Potty Training, and Toddler Avengers

Hip Mama

by Ariel Gore

"The Gen-X Dr. Spock" and the founder of Hip The Parenting 'Zine gives readers advice from the trenches on pregnancy, childbirth, cool names, clueless doctors, potty training, domestic mayhem, right-wing losers, the evil patriarchy, nervous breakdowns, and way more. Line drawings.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Feminism

288 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 1998

About the author

ARIEL GORE is the author of We Were Witches (The Feminist Press, 2017), The End of Eve (Hawthorne Books, 2014), and numerous other books on parenting, the novel The Traveling Death and Resurrection Show, the memoir Atlas of the Human Heart, and the writer’s guide How to Become a Famous Writer Before You’re Dead. Farrar, Straus and Giroux will publish Bluebird: Women and the New Psychology of Happiness in January 2010.

Reviews

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been spending entirely too much time checking the blogs of perfect blissed-out hippy women who become wealthy from people following along on their bliss about life, motherhood and crafts. Lisa, get a life and come back to planet earth. The Hip Mama Survival Guide rocked. This chick ROCKS!!!! Crafts are good I guess but I'm not so sure crafts are really that important if, for example, you're a single mom, a working mom, or just a mom spending your nights on the internet trying to figure out if you qualify for food stamps or what will really happen if you declare bankruptcy or if can't refinance your home or some other stressful thing (so pretty much if you're any real mom with real life issues!). Ariel Gore is cool because she tackles all issues in a very down to earth way, from the ugly stuff we don't want to deal with or don't know how to deal with, to the stuff that is totally fun and rewarding. She has been there and she makes no apologies, THANK GOODNESS. This book was the reality check I needed going into this third pregnancy. I came to the conclusion that you either are a blissed-out hippy with no worries and incredible sewing skills, or you're not. I AM NOT. Neither is Ariel Gore, but she has a hippy heart and does right by her kid. Put me in her camp from now on.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was one of the first books I bought on parenting. I got it at a feminist bookstore in Toledo, Ohio, right after I found out I was pregnant, and it was absolutely the right book for me to buy at that point in my life! It's not your traditional parenting book, for sure, but for me, it was perfect-- there's an optimism throughout the book that even if you're not settled down behind a white picket fence, you too can be a really great (and hip) mama.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the funniest most spot-on books about parenting out there. when I was a young mum I couldn't abide all the judgmental books (Mommy is never OK.) nor the scare-mongering ones. And those make up at least 95% of all child-rearing books published. Ariel Gore is the exception to the parenting book pack. She is funny and straightforward but still loving in her approach to modern family life. I often give this book to first time parents. Super!

[H Adela · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a pregnancy and new parent lifesaver!

[Elizabeth Lund · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dated and made me long for the days of actual welfare, but on the plus side it's not heteronormative and doesn't pretend that being a mom is all sunshine and roses.

[HeavyReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

I gave a copy of this book to my sister when my nephew was little, and I read it too.

My favorite parts were as list of "music to divorce by" and the advice that if anyone gives a mamma a dirty look for nursing her toddler in public, she should "squirt 'em in the eye."

This book is sassy and spunky and cool. Do your breeder friends a favor and give them a copy of this book.

The following it the review that I wrote for the September/October 1998 issue of the Minnesota Social Responsibility Round Table Newsletter:

While this may not be the only pregnancy, birth, and child-rearing handbook you need, The Hip Mama Survival Guide belongs in libraries to serve radical and activist mothers, poor people, and parents disgusted by "family values" rhetoric.

The author covers a plethora of topics, including circumcision, breast feeding, immunization, weaning, poverty, support networks, co-parenting, depression, and family breakup. At the end of each chapter is an interview with a rebel mom (or dad), a parent who is raising her kid(s) using non-traditional methods. There are plenty of quotes from moms explaining how they deal with parenting without a partner, while on welfare, with green hair and facial piercings, or while depressed. Sidebars give cool information like "What Poor People Know," "Daily Affirmations for Crazed Moms," "Scary Facts About Family Law," "What Your Fetus is Up To," and "Music to Divorce By."

This book is written in down-to-earth language and is arranged so a frazzled mom can skip from one topic to another with no need to read from cover to cover. It includes an index, an extensive bibliography, and information about subscribing to HIp Mama: The Parenting Zine!. It's full of cartoons and funny illustrations, quizzes, and a hilarious "Family values Flow Chart."

Even people without kids should read this book so they can understand what mom and kids are up against and give support where it is desperately needed.

[Anastasia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have always wondered what people think when they see me with the girls. I hope they see a confident hip mama who has everything under control. But really they probably see me as I am. Barely contained frustration, frazzled mom with the dirty kids. Or maybe they think I'm the nanny?

I use to worry about it a lot more, I use to think people would think I was a bad mom. But I've learned that everyone has those moments. The kid whose been potty trained for over a year, out of nowhere has an accident and you didn't bring any extra clothes. Your toddler throws a fit in the restaurant because you are trying to get them to actually eat what they ordered! And people are always going to judge.That's the one constant of parenting.

I reread a book recently that I bought when I was pregnant with Pea. The Hip Mama Survival Guide. Its written by Ariel Gore who started the 'zine Hip Mama. She also has a blog. I love this book because it caters to all kinds of moms. She gives advice, from how to balance your being "Mommy", but also being you. And even advice for woman who (god forbid) have to go through a custody battle. Sometimes its hard not to compare yourself with those moms who look like they have it all together. Trust me I know this. But its nice to hear that someone else is struggling, who has kids who throw temper tantrums, and can still take it in stride.

She talks about how you have to go with the flow, like when your kid throws a temper tantrum and goes limp when you try and pick them up. Just think that they'll be really great at a protest. Things like that make me love this book. So go check it out, especially if your having an "I'm a terrible mom day."

[Marin · Rating 3 out of 5]

There aren't very many parenting books that make me laugh out loud, but this book is totally funny. It also served to help me feel relaxed and empowered with my status as a mother and a non-perfect human being. This is something I can always use.

Still, I don't think I fit into the intended audience for this book. It was intended as a guide for nontraditional moms or moms-to-be who feel alone in a world of traditional families. There are tons of those moms, and I'm really glad that this book was written for them, but as a blissfully married mom who is past her first-time pregnancy and childbirth phase, and almost completely done with her starving student phase, I won't be able to use much of the information in the book. But I did appreciate the fact that the book was there and the love and humor with which the information was offered.

Another small problem: The author is such a hip mom that it made me feel a little square. Unless you are fairly confident about your hipness, this book may make you feel a little guilty that you're not hugely tolerant about letting your little boy dress up like a princess, and you don't take your little girl to pro-choice marches on Washington.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though this book was written in the 90's and all of the resources have phone numbers--because the internet basically didn't exist then--WHAT? The writing is still dead on and not dated at all. I was pregnant and totally overwhelmed by the amount of information that was being given to me, and this book and Your Mama Wears Combat Boots were the only two parenting books that spoke to me at all about what reality actually was going to be like as a new mother. These two books were the only ones that told me that I not only was going to have a hard time but that it was going to be horrible and beautiful and I needed to be fierce and strong and even more political afterwards, not less, like everybody else says...

[Terri · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't read all the sections in this book because either they didn't apply to me, or I had already experienced that aspect of pregnancy/parenting already and just didn't feel the need to read or revisit. Overall poor writing, really dated references, and the "expert moms" interview sections were neither inspiring or interesting to me. A few chapters were okay ("Finding Your Village" and "Beauty and the Gender Beast") but these days one can find entire books or online resources which are more relevant, timely and well-written than this guide.

[Sarah Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ariel Gore is a dream boat, and this book is fantastic. She chronicles her moments through being a (hip) mom and examining things such as: patriarchy, sexism, racism, gender, capitalism, etc...and its all with some form of humor. She speaks from the experience of being a single mom and being supported by her community. It's one of my favorites to give to new-mom's as a different/less traditional example of motherhood.

[Ryan Mishap · Rating 3 out of 5]

What am I doing reading this? Ask me why I’ve read any number of things—because I like to learn about others and their experiences, even if I could never or will never have them. I won’t ever have kids, but this book was mostly awesome to read. Very little nonsense guide to pregnancy, coping, dealing with right-wingers, and much more. Recommended, especially for those who have or are about to have kids—or are maybe thinking about it.

[jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like Ariel Gore's fiction better than I like a lot of the hip mama stuff. I feel like this was an interesting read, but it probably won't end up on my shelf of fave books. The book is ten years old, and it reads like it. The world is a little different now, but a lot of the anecdotal sections are still valuable if you are the type to read out loud to your partner, which I am.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ariel's voice is very straightforward, but humorous at the same time. Sometimes the anarchy/protest/screw all conservatives gets a bit much at times, but then again, you can tell that her anger stems from policies and experiences that aren't always in the best interests of families and kids. A good antidote to supermom-type attitudes.

[Ruby · Rating 4 out of 5]

i've only screened this book, but it looks pretty good. i like her attitude, despite her blanket hatred of republicans. she claims to want to "support" rather than "advise" with her guide. that seems a a good approach. useful for pregnancy on.

[Kati · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wish I had read this earlier in my career as a parent. Most, but not all, of her advice is pitched to het women, and her advice for family law disputes is clearly grounded in a negative experience.

Still, it's a valuable perspective on how to raise your kids in a non-traditional environment.

[Kelly Holmes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first baby/parenting book I read cover to cover. It was a great introduction to what motherhood might be like, even for someone who once thought she would never want kids! I highly recommend it to anyone considering having a baby.

[Mad-Bibliobimbo · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was excited that this book was recommended by the gang at Offbeatmamma.com but I could barely make it past the first chapter, it was badly written, hard to follow, the advice was outdated and at times truly odd.

Would not recommend it to anyone wanting any kind of strong advice about pregnancy

[Ami · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh. Feels a bit dated already (late 90s), due to the "edgy" voice that reads a lot like a Michelle Goodman book from Seal Press. Not a lot of new takeaways, but might have been a good primer, if it was the first book I ran into with these concepts.

[shana · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hmm.. I've always really liked Ariel Gore, but this wasn't for me. It's just too dated. Also contains some really bad advice about bouncing checks on purpose and lying to get free meals in restaurants.

[Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A hilarious look at childbirth and parenting, including how to write a bad check and following your dreams while chasing your munchkins.

[Kate (lkatemm on Storygraph) · Rating 2 out of 5]

eh. a little outdated.

[Ashley McCoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

best no bull shit, no barfy-pastels-to-the-max baby and mama book i've read...hoorah!

[Kara Owens]

Another one that gives a leg-up on anti-Joan Crawford / anti-"Family Values" parenting with a lot of warmth, humor, and open-mindedness for families of all shapes, color and sizes!

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Hip Mama Survival Guide : Advice from the Trenches on Pregnancy, Childbirth, Cool Names, Clueless Doctors, Potty Training and Toddler Avengers by Ariel Gore (1998)

[Cristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another gorilla rebel parenting book that I chose to read instead of blather from scientists conducting studies on herds of children. I found this much more compelling, entertaining and practical.

[Elizabeth Weltin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think I'm just not that hip. This book just wasn't for my lifestyle but I can see it being good for those with a more alternative lifestyle.

[Kenzi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book for anyone not following the traditional pregnancy path, especially single mothers. Way better than what to expect (but what isn't?)

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

The story of the birth of Maia is simultaneously one of the most scary, hilarious, and memorable stories I've read.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

by far the best book i read when i was pregnant. F*CK what to expect when you're expecting (even though i read that, too), this is the real deal.