Simple Social Graces: Recapturing the Lost Art of Gracious Victorian Living

by Linda S. Lichter

If you randomly stopped people on the street and asked them to assess their lives, most would wonder, "Am I happy?" A Victorian would wonder, "Am I a good person?" National pride, self-respect, hard work, self-reliance, family, neighborliness -- these ideals were the embodiment of Victorian living. At a time when the national spotlight is cast on the demise of cultural decency and the disintegration of family, Victorian scholar Linda Lichter presents an invaluable guide that demonstrates how the ideals of character and civility that formed the bedrock of community during this bygone age can breathe new life and dignity into the troubled '90s. Illustrated with period black-and-white drawings, this engaging, enlightening text explores the fascinating underpinnings of Victorian mores and values; from courtship, child rearing, dress codes and manners to attitudes toward death, religion and sex. Celebrating a time when family was revered, children were raised in a mannerly and moral fashion, and love spoke of a transcendent state between the sexes, Simple Social Graces reminds readers of the traditional ideals that can help heal and strengthen American society today.

Genres: Victorian, Nonfiction, History

Hardcover

First published May 6, 1998

Reviews

[Jennifer Payne Jones · Rating 1 out of 5]

While well written, this book affirms every stereotype of a beautiful, über gracious past that is just not at all realistic. Her thesis that the majority of people in the nineteenth century were more likely to embrace polite language, follow standards of etiquette, and otherwise get along with each other is very much the fantasy of this Conservative think-tank member. I will concede that perhaps some polite lip service and basic courtesy was paid toward women and that children were instilled with less self-esteem lessons and more respect for their elders, however that the majority of folk were caught up in following the exacting standards outlined in behavior manuals of the day is rather far fetched. Indeed, some things we take for granted as standard practice of the times, such as "the Language of the Fan" and "The Language of flowers" or even the types of gifts given for anniversaries (paper, tin, wood) were largely fillers between articles inserted by the publishers. Those silly guides existed in part because post-civil war society was changing so rapidly that the nouveau-riche had to come up with intricate rules to further separate themselves from the more recent arrivistes! Old money would have had no truck with such rubbish! Read this book with some skepticism!!

[Beverly Wiedemann · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't finish the book.

From what I read, there were some interesting points. However, the author was extremely biased. As much as I was intrigued by some of the points she was trying to make, I was also distracted by all that she chose to ignore. Namely, how unhealthy passive agressive behavior can be. Also, not only did she lump all of victorian society into one category, but she also lumped all of modern society into one as well.

Example: To here her tell it, all women in todays society are living with abusive husbands and carrying guns or pepper spray for protection anytime we leave our homes. And none of us know how to demand respect for ourselves, but insist on playing to the whims of the men in our lives.

[polly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked it.

This book discusses the ways in which the Victorians "had it right" (certain social graces, manners, respect of women, home as the center of life). It also rues the things that are 'wrong' in our current culture. I agreed with much of it, but the author's too-slick, too-clever insertions of puns and parentheticals as she tried to make her point became tiresome. I did like the tidbits of Victorian living that this book provided and glances into some of the customs of that era. It was particularly interesting as my great-grandmother was, as my father says, "a true Victorian" and I saw many of her ideals in this book.

[Dianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unlike the stereotype, Victorian-era mannerly people weren’t prudish. In fact, they were deeply sexual in the fullest sense, within marriage. This book explains the gentle dance between the sexes that the manners of the period enhanced. In fact, the manners protected women and gave them much power. All very subtle. It describes an exciting, wonderful way to approach gender difference issues. The book also goes into other areas of life, but that is the section that stood out most for me.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

November 10, 2005: with (above)
August 2012

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A great book on what we have lost in the last century.
Our power as women, (does not include the vote!)
social grace,
style and more.

Worth at least a cursory read.

[Scarlett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super fun and interesting. Totally a favorite now!