Making Contact: A Guide to Overcoming Shyness

by Arthur Wassmer

Describes the problems caused by shyness, explains how to develop a more positive attitude, and tells how to develop friendships and become more assertive

Genres: Nonfiction

Paperback

Published January 1, 1991

Reviews

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably one of the five most influential books I've read. It would not be exaggerating much to say that this book not only changed but saved my life.

I'm probably borderline autistic. In various self-diagnosis exams, I usually score just above the level where treatment is recommended. At the time I read this book as a kid, just entering into adolescence, I had absolutely no knowledge of how human social interaction worked nor had anyone thought to try to explain it to me. No one had bothered to consider that my anti-social behavior was simple ignorance on my part. And at the time, no research had been conducted into high function autism, so I didn't even get to benefit from the recent overdiagnosis of same. This book was an absolute revelation. I literally didn't know that people wanted you to make eye contact with them when you talked. It wasn't that I was afraid to do so, it had just never occurred to me that looking at someone was important to listening with your ears. I literally didn't know that people cared whether you smiled, or that people were consciously or unconsciously taking up clues to your emotions based on your posture. I only thought of posture was something you did to get comfortable and avoid damaging your spine.

I found this book on the shelf of a library by browsing shelves. I knew that other people said I was shy - a word that I interpreted as to mean 'suffers from Enochlophobia' - and I knew that I was increasingly frustrated with my inability to get along with anyone who wasn't as nerdy as I was. The book hooked me in almost immediately. The information it contained was so astounding I could hardly believe it. I think I must have skipped class and hid in the library reading this (a bad habit I never lost), because I don't recall putting it down until I finished it.

I have no real basis for knowing whether this is a good self-help book for people whose shyness is principally due to being overly self-conscious. But in my case, the problem was often that I wasn't nearly self-conscious enough. This book formed the basis of my ability to role-play being 'normal', 'social', and 'friendly'.

I cannot recommend this book strongly enough to the parents of kids exhibiting borderline Aspberger's syndrome, and it should be in the office of every school counselor.

[Chris Jaffe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good book. It probably would've helped more 25 years ago when I was a lot shier than I am now - but then again, it ain't like I still ain't shy. Wassmer does a good job going over the problems and causes of shyness and offers some practical and understandable advice for how to improve things. This ranges from how to be an active listener, how to improve your body language, how to disclose yourself to another person, and how to avoid being so self-involved in your own thoughts that you don't really listen to the other person. He makes some really good points, such as that shyness and assertiveness are words to describe behavior, NOT people. It also has some good exercises, such as writing up a new self-description, and reading it every day until you start acting on it. Also, the book doesn't really expect perfection, which is a relief. If you have conversations with people, pauses happen. If you start talking to people you've trained to ignore you, don't expect changes from them overnight. There's a six month guideline in the back to changing behavior, but he notes if it takes you a few years instead of six months - that's fine, don't worry about it.

[Juan Gabriel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Este libro cambio mi vida cuando lo leí. Fundamental para aquellos que tengan problemas graves de timidez.