“Life felt like a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle with 600 pieces.” So writes MaryAnn McKibben Dana in the introduction of her book. As she considered her family’s frenetic suburban existence—a relentless list of work, errands, carpool, dishes, e-mail, bills, yardwork—she knew something had to change.
The family faced a choice: to continue at the same frantic pace or to fight back with a radically different way of being. They went radical. For one year, they committed to a practice of Sabbath-keeping. For a whole day each week, they set aside their doing in order to simply be. Work took a backseat to games, walks, Legos, naps, homebrewing, and leisurely contentment. The practice never got easier—the house was a mess, the kids still fought—but Sabbath became the one essential “to-do” each week.
With lively prose (“a fresh voice and energy” -Publishers Weekly), Dana documents the Sabbath experiment as a guide for families of all shapes and sizes. Each chapter includes tips to help you claim Sabbath moments—to see time not as an enemy to subdue, but as a friend to savor.
From Publishers Weekly: Dana brings a fresh voice and energy to the familiar topic of time management as understood by people who would describe themselves as either religious or spiritual but not religious: Sabbath-keeping. Bringing the gift of self-awareness and irony, Dana notes that a four-minute difference in school bus rides ought not to prompt a letter-writing campaign from anxious parents. She also brings theological awareness of the historical practice and meaning of Sabbath-keeping. Dana writes in a distinct voice about making a traditional religious practice meaningful to contemporary families.
This truly is a book [xii] "...for anyone who wants to learn to live at a savoring pace." Inspired by a visit to Iona, PC(USA) pastor MaryAnn McKibben Dana spent twelve months from September 2010 through August 2011 (literally) practicing keeping a weekly sabbatical day with her spouse and their three kids. "Sabbath" means to stop, to cease work and worry; keeping sabbath means bringing life back into balance by living fully and simply in this present, gifted "now," if only for 24 hours, 12 hours, or another measured segment of chronological time. Who does not need the sense and the reality of [117] "Sabbath [which] is about ... delighting in the sacred ordinary that's always around us ... being grounded in relationships and in place," along with the work of Sabbath, "Play without Purpose" [139]. Sabbath is about living here and living now.
The author writes and lives from a Christian perspective, but almost anyone of any or no religious, theological, or spiritual persuasion could benefit from taking twelve months to practice keeping sabbath one day each week. I loved the easygoing, easily readable pace of the narrative as it moved month by month beginning with September, the traditional start of the academic year. Your starting point "new year" could be the first Sunday of Advent, January 1, Lunar New Year, or any ethnic, cultural new year. Or invent and announce your own. MaryAnn has filled this book with useful examples from her own life, and brings dozens of relatable quotes from other writers, including Abraham Joshua Heschel, Henri Nouwen, and Wayne Muller.
Those of us familiar with the Hebrew scriptures know Genesis 2:2-3: "And on the seventh day God finished the work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all the work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all the work that he had done in creation." God calls us, and in the Spirit empowers us, to work as co-creators, co-re-creators of creation. But even more so, sabbath is for us because we no longer are slaves, no longer bound to labor and toil 24/7. Deuteronomy 5:15, "Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm; therefore the Lord your God commanded you to keep the sabbath day."
Most of us attempt to "practice resurrection," to live "as if," "fake it till we make it." MaryAnn assures us [23-24] acting "as if" we've achieved the fullness and completeness of a full day of sabbath rest is not lying, not pretending, but rather it is "an act of hope." You need this book, all of you out there, you need to read Sabbath in the Suburbs! But please don't take my word for it; get the book and start your own sabbath year for yourself!
I'll admit upfront, I read this book because the author is a dear friend. As a non-theist single guy, I didn't expect it would speak to me. I was surprised when it did. I'm not sure the message I received is the one that was sent, but I learned from it regardless.
The book traces the Dana's one year experiment in keeping the Sabbath. MaryAnn writes about the very real challenge of carving out time each week for this busy family of five and the things they tried that worked and didn't work. This is not just a treatise on the value of the Sabbath but a rubber meets the rode report of what worked for them and what didn't. Written almost like a journal, it feels less like reading and more like a conversation with a wise neighbor. But all along MaryAnn also discusses her family's growing understanding of Sabbath, what it means for them, and their growing appreciation for the choices and sacrifices they've made to keep Sabbath.
The takeaway for me was making explicit time for what is important to you. MaryAnn McKibben Dana points out the many ways that our lives revolve around the next thing we have to do. Whether externally imposed (jobs, family) or internally mandated (I should be more productive, what am I missing out on) we are often over committed and focussed on getting it all done. For the Danas, Sabbath was a time to slow down, to be with family, to do the restorative, contemplative, and spiritual things that were important to their family. Whether you are a person of faith or not, there are things important to each of us that we are likely not taking time for. MaryAnn makes the case that while not easy, taking that time brings rewards greater than what is given up.
I appreciated this first hand account of attempting a regular Sabbath practice in a family with young kids. It gave me some new ideas, and it also highlighting some things I was already doing without realizing it!
When I got this book & saw that it was aimed at a "family's" experiment in observing the Sabbath in the Suburbs, I thought, well, I'll read it but not much of it will apply to me. You see, I'm an empty nester & I live in the heart of Washington DC. Was I ever surprised? Of course there are wonderful stories about this young family & their adventures with slowing down for just 1 day a week. Parts of many of the stories made me laugh out loud. I loved the author's honesty about not doing this (observing Sabbath) perfectly. I tend to be a perfectionist about things & if I mess up, well then, I just scrap the whole thing. The author gave me permission to mess up & try again, without feeling guilty or like I've failed. One of the other things I liked about the book were the "hacks" at the end of chapters. These gave really practical advice on how to implement Sabbath in my own life. And 1 more thing, the Jewish & Christian theology was informative & practical & didn't deter this Unitarian!
This is a wonderful book for our "crazybusy" culture and those infected with "hurry sickness." The author, a Presbyterian minister, wife, and mother of young children, shares her own family's attempts to find sanity and peaceful approaches to time for a whole year. Church language is minimal -- the book is accessible to people without a faith background and those who consider themselves spiritual but not religious. The book's organization, by month beginning in September, makes it easy for most readers to take what they need for the day, week, or month -- but the lively writing, with humor and humility, may make it hard to put down. Highly recommend.
I'm an atheist yet found this book to be an essential guide to life. One doesn't need to believe in a divine Sabbath to understand the essential nature of taking time off from the hectic world we live in. I'd encourage families of all faiths and of no faiths to read and make use of this book's wisdom.
Although I checked it out of the library, I think I'll buy this one. It merits coming back to and checking up with. A fine mix of concrete tips, thoughtful theology and good stories. A great book for discussion.
Don't judge this book based on the bad cover design the publisher picked. This is a remarkably thoughtful, practical, much-needed text that seriously examines sabbath--but in the context of busy working families who are part of the rat race, however unwillingly, and are exhausted.
Fun fact: When my husband read this book for the adult ed class at our church, I had just birthed one kid and had a toddler. He was all "you should read this book" and I was all "sabbath isn't for parents--or women." I mean, I couldn't even make it to adult ed because of the baby who nursed and then napped during that time. The idea of sabbath was laughably out of reach.
More than six years later, I finally plucked it from our bookshelf and gave it a read. I was not disappointed.
McKibben Dana gives a month-by-month tale of how her family's experiment with sabbath plays out. Right from the outset, she questions the more gendered traditional versions--wifey getting everything all ready, husband showing up--and mercifully, and seriously, tackles what sabbath means for households where both parents work, the unpredictability of kids, technology, and kids' activities. At the time of writing, her oldest child was eight--not quite in the throes of overscheduled activity hell but oh so very close--and McKibben Dana acknowledges that tension throughout. With remarkable graciousness, she defends working parents against simplicity bloggers wistfully wishing kids could spend their summers lazily daydreaming instead of day camps (parents work!) and the fact that getting by financially may mean whole days for sabbath are not possible.
I looooooved how McKibben Dana took on JOY (Jesus, Others, Yourself)--the order we girls were taught to operate through in my evangelical upbringing (barf). She instantly calls out its sexism and its flaws. A star just for that.
Toward the last chapters, McKibben Dana gets extra theological (in an accessible way), and her writing in the "July" chapter was, I thought, brilliant. I dog-eared pages. I don't often do that. The "August" chapter has ideas on TIME that were seriously deep and that I had to stop and think about. No, there's not enough time. Sabbath doesn't make more time, or make you more efficient. Time actually will run out. It's scarce. So what does it mean to spend that scarce thing in sabbath?
In short, McKibben Dana tackles the idea and implementation of sabbath from all angles, from untidy houses to iPhones to whining, bored kids to birthday parties. Honestly, I read this book just hoping for a few inspirational tidbits, but I loved it. Maybe it's just that season in my life where I neeeeeded this book, but I really loved it. Highly recommended.
I liked this book a lot. And I like the idea of roping off time for Sabbath. I can imagine that would be very hard to do with three kids and two careers.
Some of it felt very different from my own life and I had a hard time identifying with problems very unlike my own. We work too but are both in our late 60's and 70's and working paycheck to paycheck.
Living in affluent Northern Virginia, we see the people around us fretting over SAT scores, mortgages, college tuition, dance recitals and Lacrosse. The part where she is on a dream vacation in Maine but is troubled when the power goes out felt particularly foreign.
But other parts felt right... the trying to find a balance between what we "should" be doing with our time, what our kids want and actually what we ourselves want. The longing for real connection and an escape from our electronic devices (for a freaking day, for crying out loud!) The desire to give our kids the peace of unplugging, the inner resources to create out of their own minds once everything is turned off and the face to face conversations that create not only connection but help to foster the more elusive goal of empathy.
I also enjoyed the familiar local places popping up... Mason Neck, Burke Lake and so on. Just in the last year, we have started to try and quiet our minds one day a week by avoiding Facebook and email. Hey it's a start. It is hard to give up all the chores that day though. Weekends are the only time we can get any of them done. During the week we are just too tired after work. The fun of being old, I guess.
I love the sign she has above her desk reminding her that now is their childhood. The mindfulness and the intent that brings to each daily interaction with all three of her kids has to be worth its weight in gold.
I absolutely loved this book. It is the first book about keeping the Sabbath that I have read that takes into account real life with real children. I loved the way the author pressed into finding a way to have Sabbath, even when life and activities weren't cooperating. She never gave up, just kept trying new things. Brilliant.
Here are my personal notes, with page numbers:
15 don't change your environment 18 The imperative voice is very anti-Sabbath 28 Parenting isn't repetitive. It's liturgical. 31 Focus on delight 34 Jesus manages to carve out time for the Sabbath, even though he had lots of pressing needs around him. 36 Map the boundaries (with questions for consideration) 37 What do you wish for your children when they are 21? This list is for you: do this as parents. 44 "I don't have time." Do any of us have time? Sabbath is the only tool in my arsenal for fighting back. 48 Baking bread. A shaggy loaf. 55 a study about how we are happier when we spend a little bit of money on an experience, rather than a lot of money on stuff. 56 Do whatever you want on the Sabbath, as long as it is slow. No rushing. 59 making pralines 63 finish things and tidy up on Friday night before Sabbath begins 67 Sabbath Hack: Kid Lists (a list of fun things to do on Sabbath) and Parking Lot (work things you think about but don't do on Sabbath) 75 novelty on the Sabbath. Build something if you don't do that kind of thing during the week. 83 when confronted with scheduling conflicts -- take it one week at a time and try out different solutions. 86 fasting from one thing. Technology is possible. Errands or driving. MaryAnn fasts from intellectual things on Fridays and does laundry. 93 walking slowly with child -- maddening but good 94 saying "yes" on the Sabbath (to children's requests) Improv rule of "yes-and" 97 Sabbath Hack: cheat once. Sell girl scout cookies but enjoy it. 101 (and previously) simple meals on Sabbath. Bagel Bites. 104 Sabbath Hack: Borrow from Looney Tunes. When looking at a mess, see what happened instead. (Like when looking at a chicken, seeing a roasted chicken or dollar signs.) 111 Easter picnic instead of big fancy meal. 116 Do you do birthday parties? (Sure, but I don't juggle!) And yes, birthday parties okay on Sabbath, but not buying gift. 121 Sabbath Hack: Do the Harder Thing. Prepare, pretend the car is a space ship, go somewhere. Sometimes it's easier in the long run to do the harder thing. 122 Kindle no fire. Don't be angry or harbor anger. 127 "I love you guys, but it was starting to feel like too many people in the car." On a technology/Facebook fast. 134 Letting go. The Persian flaw. Letting it go preemptively, "I'm not going to even try to do that." "Letting one thing go each day is a way of acknowledging that perfection will always be beyond me." 139 Play without purpose on the Sabbath. 148 Sabbath Hack: Embrace Scarcity. Holy scarcity -- there isn't ever enough time. Life isn't a puzzle to be solved. "Our hope is not in there being enough time but in there being enough grace to muddle through the scarcities of our days." 151 Karl Barth: "A being is free only when it can determine and limit its activity.
from her blog: The happiest people are those fortunate folks who have little or no excess time, and yet seldom feel rushed. http://sabbathinthesuburbs.wordpress....
bibliography How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household, by Blu Greenberg An Invitation to Shabbat: A Beginner's Guide to Weekly Celebration, by Ruth Perelson
This truly is a book [xii] "...for anyone who wants to learn to live at a savoring pace." Inspired by a visit to Iona, PC(USA) pastor MaryAnn McKibben Dana spent twelve months from September 2010 through August 2011 (literally) practicing keeping a weekly sabbatical day with her spouse and their three kids. "Sabbath" means to stop, to cease work and worry; keeping sabbath means bringing life back into balance by living fully and simply in this present, gifted "now," if only for 24 hours, 12 hours, or another measured segment of chronological time. Who does not need the sense and the reality of [117] "Sabbath [which] is about ... delighting in the sacred ordinary that's always around us ... being grounded in relationships and in place," along with the work of Sabbath, "Play without Purpose" [139]. Sabbath is about living here and living now.
The author writes and lives from a Christian perspective, but almost anyone of any or no religious, theological, or spiritual persuasion could benefit from taking twelve months to practice keeping sabbath one day each week. I loved the easygoing, easily readable pace of the narrative as it moved month by month beginning with September, the traditional start of the academic year. Your starting point "new year" could be the first Sunday of Advent, January 1, Lunar New Year, or any ethnic, cultural new year. Or invent and announce your own. MaryAnn has filled this book with useful examples from her own life, and brings dozens of relatable quotes from other writers, including Abraham Joshua Heschel, Henri Nouwen, and Wayne Muller.
Those of us familiar with the Hebrew scriptures know Genesis 2:2-3: "And on the seventh day God finished the work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all the work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all the work that he had done in creation." God calls us, and in the Spirit empowers us, to work as co-creators, co-re-creators of creation. But even more so, sabbath is for us because we no longer are slaves, no longer bound to labor and toil 24/7. Deuteronomy 5:15, "Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm; therefore the Lord your God commanded you to keep the sabbath day."
Most of us attempt to "practice resurrection," to live "as if," "fake it till we make it." MaryAnn assures us [23-24] acting "as if" we've achieved the fullness and completeness of a full day of sabbath rest is not lying, not pretending, but rather it is "an act of hope." You need this book, all of you out there, you need to read Sabbath in the Suburbs! But please don't take my word for it; get the book and start your own sabbath year for yourself!
Re-read this in 2018 in preparation for preaching on Sabbath rest. I found it helpful again, though perhaps not quite as helpful as the first time. I appreciate the authentic voice of the author as she writes about her family's experiment with Sabbath, and the way the rules and the experience change over time. There are some brilliant ideas and quotes, as well. Still a very helpful read.
The only hesitation in my review this time around is that I constantly wondered how things might be going now that the authors kids are older, whether they continued their practice or not. I felt a nagging in my own heart wondering if this is sustainable, if moving the Sabbath around and allowing for swim meets or birthday parties still works. I'd love to know how it's gone in the long-term. --- I have stacks of books about Sabbath on my bookshelf. As a Christian, I want to better observe the commandment to keep the Sabbath holy; but more than that, as a parent, a working person, a wife, a friend, a technology addict, etc., I long for a different speed of life than the frenetic non-stop sleep-too-little do-too-much pace that has become so prevalent these days. But none of the other books I've read have been nearly as helpful as Sabbath in the Suburbs.
Other books I've read have offered beautiful theology or philosophy on Sabbath-keeping, but no practical advice. Or they've offered Sabbath practices at which I have failed miserably. After reading these others, Sabbath has seemed like an impossible feat, the holy grail for which everyone is searching but which only a chosen few will actually find.
Dana's book is a welcome reprieve from the usual highbrow how-to's: it is beautiful, insightful, and spiritual, but also delightfully down-to-earth. She is the first author I've encountered who is able to make sabbath seem not only desirable but also possible and even fun. Sabbath in the Suburbs is for real people in real life who want to experience life to its fullest without missing huge chunks of beauty because they are too busy. The writing is easy and clear, the characters (Dana's own family) are lovable and warm, and the advice on sabbath-keeping is honest, gentle, and easy-to-receive. This is a book I will share again and again, one which has the potential to change lives for the better.
In one week, I am working all night, all day, and running errands anywhere from our home to NW DC, covering over 300 miles (and a tank of gas) with hardly blinking an eye. And though I may play Christian music, I am not taking time to refresh my heart and make space for God. It is a terrible habit of the suburbs that we think a half day once a week can be a "sabbath" -- particularly those of us in vocational ministry!
MaryAnn has managed to get "real" with those of us who play at this game of relational faith. She's honest and clear that if we are going to do more than a list of tasks, we need to take time to "savor" the people and places around us.
I'm working at this discipline of Sabbath-making, including unplugging from my phone and laptop, and loving the blessings of this life. Thanks, MaryAnn. :)
What does it mean that God wants our time, specifically one day in every seven?
If you're ever struggled with the concept of Sabbath, this book is for you. If you've ever thought Sabbath was an impossible abstraction, this is for you!
The author brings us along on her family's journey through a year of keeping the Sabbath, suburban-style. The ups and downs, the ridiculous and the sublime. There is nothing too "holy" about this book, and yet it is touched by the sacred!
Word has it that the author is creating a discussion guide -- sounds like a great resource for book clubs and study groups of all kinds!
My pastor mentioned this book in a sermon a couple of years ago, so I bought it, but never "had the time" to read it. I am so glad I finally did. I really, really loved this book. Rev. Dana's writing style was so relateable, and easy to digest. I learned that Sabbath isn't exactly what I thought it was, and that it is actually different for everyone. I found Rev. Dana's supplemental videos (at www.sabbathinthesuburbs.com) really helpful while I read. I read this book just at the right time -- it spoke to me on so many levels and I know that I will refer back to it over and over. I am looking forward to Rev. Dana's new book in May!
I picked up this book hoping to be able to recommend it to the young families I work with, but I ended up seeing myself in every page. This is the most accessible and honest encounter with sabbath that I have ever read. It is well written, and Dana keeps you turning the pages--both because you quickly become invested in her family's sabbath experiment and because she breaks open sabbath in a way that makes you want to start your own sabbath practice. I don't think you need to be a parent or live in the suburbs to love her story. I will be recommending this to everyone in my life.
I was interested in this book as I had done a similar experiment and written a paper while in school. The book is written in an easy to follow style and is a testimony of the author's feelings and experiences. The author clearly states this is not a how-to or academic theological study of the topic and that is correct. For those looking for a testimony on a person's experiment with Sabbath this is a fine book to read. For those looking for a deeper theological study of Sabbath the bibliography offers a solid list.
This is a little slip of a book but I'm glad to have read it. It was interesting to read a Christian take on Sabbath taking, especially from an author so aware and respectful of Jewish sources and practices. It also filled a gap the author noted, which was Sabbath literature featuring young children. Even though it reaffirmed that I do have specific beliefs about the Sabbath, the looseness with which the author approached Sabbath was inspiring to me, reminding me that, as ever, done is better than perfect.
I don't have kids, but I still found this book to have great insights into keeping a discipline of rest in the week. MMcKD does an artful job of interlacing Jewish and Christian perspectives, while finding with her family their own flexible but deeply intentional way of practicing Sabbath. And how Sabbath can creep into all corners of your life, not just staying relegated to a little weekly corner. Great book.
This is an excellent book! MaryAnn writes with honesty about her family's experiment of keeping Sabbath for a year. She acknowledges the trials, celebrates the triumphs, and shares how this spiritual practice transforms their thinking and lives in very healthy and wonderful ways! It's a great read and fun to watch this family grow together and grow deeper in their spiritual practice as the year goes along. I highly recommend it!
MaryAnn shares her family's experience for trying to preserve one Day a week for Sabbath. Her experimental year goes through some of the historical views of Sabbath and some of her experiences at a religious retreat center. But it shows the stress of family life and the hurriedness that our culture has created. It also showed the rewards from slowing down and being more intentional with work, play and relationships.
This book is an honest month-by-month account of a family endeavoring to set aside time away from working and scheduled events and tasks. I appreciated the author's candor about which chores do and don't get done when a commitment to sabbath is made. As a full-time pastor, I appreciate her listing out the regular tasks of the pastor, whether full-time or part-time, and the time it takes to accomplish them. Well done.
This is a great book. Practical, funny, and helpful, Dana does not live in some Utopian world where there are no sabbath day soccer matches, play rehearsals or need to go and buy groceries to make lunch tomorrow. She holds up thoughts as to how to preserve a time of togetherness without setting out elaborate frameworks that would never work in the real world.
Are you tired of reading just another Sabbath book that says, "rest, rest, rest" with no concern for the fact that life in the modern age is busy, complext and overscheduled? Then, MaryAnn's book is for you. Fresh, thoughtful and inviting you feel like you are sitting at her kitchen table as you read.
Every page is honest. There is no judgment passed, no soap box stood on. Her story invited me to witness her family in an intimate way while preserving family in her own way. The entire memoir is an invitation to consider sabbath in your own way, on hour own terms... With the clear conviction that sabbath is intentional,
Like the author, I've toyed with the idea of observing Sabbath, and how. I appreciate how she wrote so personally about her family's journey, but confess that it was hard to relate to large swaths of it because I don't have children. Still, enough of her examples resonated with me that I'm looking forward to my next day to just be.
I couldn't wait to pick up this book, it sounded so perfect for some of the challenges we are starting to face as a family, and I'm encountering as an individual. The writing was superb and the anecdotes made me feel like I know her family members. I also found her higher level discussions very approachable. Overall I found this to be a thought providing read.
I almost gave this 4 stars... it was better than I thought it would be. I liked how the author related raising young children and a parent's desire to cherish their childhood to the challenges of the real world today. It was a little bit "dear diary" in style, but overall very readable and has some good ideas for families.
I have been looking for a book like this for a while Practical, actual application for the Sabbath. There are some things here and there I disagree with, and I am disappointed in the author's recent blog post about her current view on Sabbath. However, it is a life that I don't live, so I will just take this book for what it is: a great kickstarter to a better lifestyle.