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Stripping Down: A Memoir
“I feel the weight of the hammer from the dusty workbench in my sweaty palm and hit the padlock. My heart thumps in my bony chest. I listen for the humming sound of my mother’s car backing into the driveway. I hit again. I listen. The lock pops open.”
At twelve years old, everything changed for Sheila with the discovery of her estranged father’s porn collection. Found locked away in a corner of the basement, the glossy images ignite in her an unrelenting desire for attention and adoration. Now, reflections on her past as a stripper permeate her thoughts as she takes on the new roles of mother, caregiver and wife. While helping her baby daughter take her first steps, she nurses her mother through the final stages of breast cancer. This powerful and beautiful story is a moving meditation on a woman’s life through her body, motherhood and loss.
Spiraling through memories and torn between the woman she is becoming and the woman she has been, Sheila Hageman is continually Stripping Down.
At twelve years old, everything changed for Sheila with the discovery of her estranged father’s porn collection. Found locked away in a corner of the basement, the glossy images ignite in her an unrelenting desire for attention and adoration. Now, reflections on her past as a stripper permeate her thoughts as she takes on the new roles of mother, caregiver and wife. While helping her baby daughter take her first steps, she nurses her mother through the final stages of breast cancer. This powerful and beautiful story is a moving meditation on a woman’s life through her body, motherhood and loss.
Spiraling through memories and torn between the woman she is becoming and the woman she has been, Sheila Hageman is continually Stripping Down.
282 pages, Paperback
First published February 9, 2012
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356 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
April 3, 2013
In 27 years of reading, this is my least favorite narrator & main character ever. Sadly, she's a real person, as this isn't fiction. I have never been so disgusted by anything that I've read before, not even on bathroom walls.
Full disclosure: I was so excited to read this because I thought I'd relate to it. I was a nude model & stripper, and now I'm a married stay at home mother of an infant. I enjoyed modeling & dancing. I look back at the memories fondly, and I'm extremely grateful for my experiences. It was fun & I made a lot of money, and I met my husband while dancing under contract in Guam. Now I am more than comfortable in my role as a wife & mother. I love it. I thought this book would be about a woman embracing both sides of herself, as someone sexual & maternal. I was wrong.
The author spent the entire book pretending she was a special snowflake, better than all other strippers. She went on and on and on about how she was a good girl, and not really a stripper, just "acting" a role. Yet she was also cheating on her husband with anyone who offered her their penis, because she couldn't say no to someone who wanted her.
How did she end up so disturbed? Did her father beat her or rape her? No. He was a nice & normal father who was a part of her childhood, but he had a locked trunk of men's magazines! Gasp! She discovered porn at the age of 12, like most people alive do. Especially now in the age of Internet. But it set her over the edge, apparently. Seeing that porn turned her into a sex-crazed self-centered attention whore.
She becomes obsessed with being seen as sexy by men, so that means cheating on the man she loves & being a stripper. Only being a stripper isn't about looks. Some plain Janes make a grand a night, and not by turning tricks. They use their personalities. Men pay for their conversation, buying them bottles of champagne they get commission on. She never seems to figure this out, since she spends the entire book ridiculing every single dancer's appearance. She is always saying how beautiful she thinks she is, and then wondering why she isn't making as much money as the other girls. Hmm, maybe because she has no personality & fucks everyone for free who smiles at her. Just a thought.
When she actually meets a dancer she thinks is prettier than her, she is jealous of the girl, even though the girl is crying from being raped. She goes as far as saying she'd trade places with her & be raped to look like that!
Then, finally, on page 196, she states that she had been thinking she was better than all those other dancers, but she's not. She's no different & no better. Just when I think she has grown as a person, she turns around & ridicules some girl who shows her labia on stage for money. Even though she's still having sex with everyone for free. So really, she still does think she's better.
Also, between all these flashbacks to her life as a dancer, she is continuously complaining about her current life. She has a third husband who loves her, but she won't let him touch her. She has a baby girl that she wanted, but she isn't enjoying motherhood. She doesn't like not having time to herself & the world not revolving around her. I feel so sad that her daughter is going to someday read all the bitching she did about her. If I knew this woman, I'd call children's services on her. She's quite negligent.
Then in the last 2 1/2 pages of the book, she goes from being an atheist to chanting & finding "her God." She suddenly decides she wants her husband & her daughter. And we as readers are supposed to believe that.
The only good parts of this book that make it worthy of one star instead of zero are the parts about her dying mother. The entire book should've been just that. But as it is, I wouldn't wish this book on my worst enemy. Anyone with half a brain would be uncomfortable reading such offensive, vile & misogynistic whining. People are praising her for being honest. But being willing to air your dirty laundry doesn't make it worth reading. There is no reason for this book to even exist, except that the author is still desperate for attention.
Full disclosure: I was so excited to read this because I thought I'd relate to it. I was a nude model & stripper, and now I'm a married stay at home mother of an infant. I enjoyed modeling & dancing. I look back at the memories fondly, and I'm extremely grateful for my experiences. It was fun & I made a lot of money, and I met my husband while dancing under contract in Guam. Now I am more than comfortable in my role as a wife & mother. I love it. I thought this book would be about a woman embracing both sides of herself, as someone sexual & maternal. I was wrong.
The author spent the entire book pretending she was a special snowflake, better than all other strippers. She went on and on and on about how she was a good girl, and not really a stripper, just "acting" a role. Yet she was also cheating on her husband with anyone who offered her their penis, because she couldn't say no to someone who wanted her.
How did she end up so disturbed? Did her father beat her or rape her? No. He was a nice & normal father who was a part of her childhood, but he had a locked trunk of men's magazines! Gasp! She discovered porn at the age of 12, like most people alive do. Especially now in the age of Internet. But it set her over the edge, apparently. Seeing that porn turned her into a sex-crazed self-centered attention whore.
She becomes obsessed with being seen as sexy by men, so that means cheating on the man she loves & being a stripper. Only being a stripper isn't about looks. Some plain Janes make a grand a night, and not by turning tricks. They use their personalities. Men pay for their conversation, buying them bottles of champagne they get commission on. She never seems to figure this out, since she spends the entire book ridiculing every single dancer's appearance. She is always saying how beautiful she thinks she is, and then wondering why she isn't making as much money as the other girls. Hmm, maybe because she has no personality & fucks everyone for free who smiles at her. Just a thought.
When she actually meets a dancer she thinks is prettier than her, she is jealous of the girl, even though the girl is crying from being raped. She goes as far as saying she'd trade places with her & be raped to look like that!
Then, finally, on page 196, she states that she had been thinking she was better than all those other dancers, but she's not. She's no different & no better. Just when I think she has grown as a person, she turns around & ridicules some girl who shows her labia on stage for money. Even though she's still having sex with everyone for free. So really, she still does think she's better.
Also, between all these flashbacks to her life as a dancer, she is continuously complaining about her current life. She has a third husband who loves her, but she won't let him touch her. She has a baby girl that she wanted, but she isn't enjoying motherhood. She doesn't like not having time to herself & the world not revolving around her. I feel so sad that her daughter is going to someday read all the bitching she did about her. If I knew this woman, I'd call children's services on her. She's quite negligent.
Then in the last 2 1/2 pages of the book, she goes from being an atheist to chanting & finding "her God." She suddenly decides she wants her husband & her daughter. And we as readers are supposed to believe that.
The only good parts of this book that make it worthy of one star instead of zero are the parts about her dying mother. The entire book should've been just that. But as it is, I wouldn't wish this book on my worst enemy. Anyone with half a brain would be uncomfortable reading such offensive, vile & misogynistic whining. People are praising her for being honest. But being willing to air your dirty laundry doesn't make it worth reading. There is no reason for this book to even exist, except that the author is still desperate for attention.
October 28, 2012
Sheila Hageman's Stripping Down is an interesting read. That much I can say without any reservation. However, I guess I am from a different time. One of the problems I have with today's society is this whimpering, pass-the-buck, blame the world mentality that is so pervasive. Nowadays, everybody gets a participation trophy...coaches can't raise their voice... When did we stop being accountable.
The main theme here seems to be that, because the author found a box of Playboys as a young girl, she is overcome with image issues and fights depression for the rest of her life. When life does not work out exactly how she wants, there is this barrage of self-doubt mixed with a liberal dose of "poor me" from the author.
Okay, I'm a guy. So maybe I don't get it, but this is not something new. The EMO music genre has built itself on the idea that "my parents didn't hug me enough so I am messed up."
All that said, she does lay down some insightful moments. It is interesting to see through her eyes when she is dancing. I think the industry might dry up a bit if every guy who frequented strip bars had to read just the parts of the book that related to her time in that role. Also, the dynamics between the author and her dying mother with the added element of the author having her own daughter to raise makes for an interesting case study that psyche students would love.
Overall, the book is okay. It isn't salacious or titillating; it is an emotional catharsis laid out for the public to read.
The main theme here seems to be that, because the author found a box of Playboys as a young girl, she is overcome with image issues and fights depression for the rest of her life. When life does not work out exactly how she wants, there is this barrage of self-doubt mixed with a liberal dose of "poor me" from the author.
Okay, I'm a guy. So maybe I don't get it, but this is not something new. The EMO music genre has built itself on the idea that "my parents didn't hug me enough so I am messed up."
All that said, she does lay down some insightful moments. It is interesting to see through her eyes when she is dancing. I think the industry might dry up a bit if every guy who frequented strip bars had to read just the parts of the book that related to her time in that role. Also, the dynamics between the author and her dying mother with the added element of the author having her own daughter to raise makes for an interesting case study that psyche students would love.
Overall, the book is okay. It isn't salacious or titillating; it is an emotional catharsis laid out for the public to read.
March 7, 2017
Twelve-year-old Sheila's discovery of her father's box of men's magazines is the driving event in her life, according to this memoir. Her lifetime of depression, anxiety, and feelings of insufficiency, lack of confidence, and probably her mother's breast cancer are all directly related to this one moment. The only time she seems to be "happy" is when she is nude and on stage, when men love and adore her.
The memoir is written mostly in the current tense, which makes for some confusion as the author jumps around in time, flashing back to various points in her life. I'm not a fan of self-absorbed navel-gazing, so it was a chore to finish this one - I'll be honest and say I skimmed the second half of the book just to be done with it.
The memoir is written mostly in the current tense, which makes for some confusion as the author jumps around in time, flashing back to various points in her life. I'm not a fan of self-absorbed navel-gazing, so it was a chore to finish this one - I'll be honest and say I skimmed the second half of the book just to be done with it.
March 10, 2013
I just started this book and am about one third into it. I will reserve the right to amend my star rating. I belive it is more than a three star book. Athough never a stripper, I can relate as so many women can to the relationship so many of us have with our own bodies. How society creates an expectation of us that we learn as preteens. But this book is as much about Sheila's struggle with her body image as it is her journey of coming to terms with her relationships with her family, especially her mother, and then herself as a mother. Lots of emotions that are so relatable. The feelings that she has gone through seem to mirror many of my own. The one problem I'm having is that she jumps back and forth through time so much...it wouldn't normally be a problem but each chapter starts with a year or her age, but then witin that chapter she shifts to another period of life without notice. I will update after I finish, but already I recommend to any woman in her forties as that seems to put us at her age now and that is what makes her so intriguing to me.
January 20, 2013
What are we saying to girls when we unreservedly affirm their desire to make themselves attractive to men? Where does it lead? How far can it go? A woman plays one card, then another and another. How long can she go on before she runs out of cards? Sheila takes us to that place.
[Spoiler?] The climax of the story is when Sheila goes to work at a club where most of the rules are out the window, most of the dancers have fake tans and boob jobs, and will do pretty much anything. That's when we know Sheila still has something she hasn't sold that she wants to keep for herself. [End spoiler]
Sheila gives voice to a generation of women who feel free to find new limits and decide for themselves what they require for their dignity. Her honesty validates the pain, fear, and doubt many of us have felt about beauty, contempt, and the value we place on ourselves.
[Spoiler?] The climax of the story is when Sheila goes to work at a club where most of the rules are out the window, most of the dancers have fake tans and boob jobs, and will do pretty much anything. That's when we know Sheila still has something she hasn't sold that she wants to keep for herself. [End spoiler]
Sheila gives voice to a generation of women who feel free to find new limits and decide for themselves what they require for their dignity. Her honesty validates the pain, fear, and doubt many of us have felt about beauty, contempt, and the value we place on ourselves.
March 15, 2012
This is a really fascinating read.
It's always great to examine yourself, but even more so when you're struggling through accepting so many things that just seem to snowball.
I love all of the life moments depicted - whether childhood, stripping, or the agonizing deterioration of her mother's condition. They all felt so real - and as a memoir that would be make sense - but particularly because I understand how stressful all of these events can be together and in just examining your life to help you figure out why you made the choices you made.
I'm glad I picked this up when I had the chance.
It's always great to examine yourself, but even more so when you're struggling through accepting so many things that just seem to snowball.
I love all of the life moments depicted - whether childhood, stripping, or the agonizing deterioration of her mother's condition. They all felt so real - and as a memoir that would be make sense - but particularly because I understand how stressful all of these events can be together and in just examining your life to help you figure out why you made the choices you made.
I'm glad I picked this up when I had the chance.
July 26, 2012
Raw and emotional, Stripping Down is more than a memoir--it's a fractal study of one woman's psyche, the pain put in place early, and the long quest for relief. For anyone who's ever struggled to understand themselves--and that's everyone--it's a must read.
December 15, 2017
I feel as though I’ve seen Sheila Hageman naked. I don’t mean that in a dirty sense but Sheila has let it all hang out. I’ve seen the scars from her childhood where her dad gave her little attention before she watched him and her mother divorce. I’ve watched her brazenly announce at the age of nineteen,
to her mother and stepfather that she was going to become an exotic dancer. I’ve laid eyes on the stretch marks from giving birth and becoming a new mother all while having to watch her mother dying.
All this raw realness reads like a conversation with a candid friend who truly understands the relief found in sharing your story to heal and help others heal. A friend who wants society to see the damage of how women feel pressured to use sex and sensuality in order to be seen, acknowledged, and believe they are loved.
Her honest memoir won’t leave you feeling cheap and uncomfortable but will make you face the truth of the matter ringing out within her words.
As a Christmas gift, I want one lucky reader/follower to experience Sheila’s struggle with excepting her body and everything that comes with being a female for yourself. To enter, visit the site starting December 15 2017.
to her mother and stepfather that she was going to become an exotic dancer. I’ve laid eyes on the stretch marks from giving birth and becoming a new mother all while having to watch her mother dying.
All this raw realness reads like a conversation with a candid friend who truly understands the relief found in sharing your story to heal and help others heal. A friend who wants society to see the damage of how women feel pressured to use sex and sensuality in order to be seen, acknowledged, and believe they are loved.
Her honest memoir won’t leave you feeling cheap and uncomfortable but will make you face the truth of the matter ringing out within her words.
As a Christmas gift, I want one lucky reader/follower to experience Sheila’s struggle with excepting her body and everything that comes with being a female for yourself. To enter, visit the site starting December 15 2017.
January 27, 2013
Self-help and therapy through the vicarious experience of another's memoir? Guilty-as-charged for this reader.
Sheila Hageman's deeply personal, very revealing memoir expertly and delicately examines the nature of motherhood, perfection, and sexuality. It also deals with death--literal, and the figurative death of youth and innocence, while laying bare her fraught-yet-intoxicating experience in the world of stripping.
I am the first person to dislike self-absorbed blame-games in memoir. But, I am also the self-reflecting sort, always wanting to find reasons and understanding. Hageman spends a lot of time driving in her memoir. Luckily (unlike me), her daughter, a toddler at the time, sleeps throughout most of the car tips, providing the author with mental space to reflect on how she ended up where she is.
Hageman is driving back and forth from her home in New York City to the hospital in Connecticut where her mother is dying from cancer. On top of that, each highway exit she passes brings back memories from her gigs at various strip clubs. Yep. She's a former stripper, a (married) mom, dealing with the imminent death of her mother. As she tries to understand what led her to such a career choice, Hageman lays bare all of her insecurities, guilt, and so-called bad behavior.
We may not get all the answers, but memoir isn't really about that, now is it? It's seeing one person's moment-in-time, trying to glean understanding of their perspective to find healing and hope in our own lives.
Hageman does just that, intelligently, openly and thoughtfully. I felt like I was sitting in the passenger seat, a fly-on-the wall, carried on her journey towards understanding and self-acceptance.
Laura Dennis
Author, Adopted Reality, A Memoir, Adopted Reality, A Memoir
Sheila Hageman's deeply personal, very revealing memoir expertly and delicately examines the nature of motherhood, perfection, and sexuality. It also deals with death--literal, and the figurative death of youth and innocence, while laying bare her fraught-yet-intoxicating experience in the world of stripping.
I am the first person to dislike self-absorbed blame-games in memoir. But, I am also the self-reflecting sort, always wanting to find reasons and understanding. Hageman spends a lot of time driving in her memoir. Luckily (unlike me), her daughter, a toddler at the time, sleeps throughout most of the car tips, providing the author with mental space to reflect on how she ended up where she is.
Hageman is driving back and forth from her home in New York City to the hospital in Connecticut where her mother is dying from cancer. On top of that, each highway exit she passes brings back memories from her gigs at various strip clubs. Yep. She's a former stripper, a (married) mom, dealing with the imminent death of her mother. As she tries to understand what led her to such a career choice, Hageman lays bare all of her insecurities, guilt, and so-called bad behavior.
We may not get all the answers, but memoir isn't really about that, now is it? It's seeing one person's moment-in-time, trying to glean understanding of their perspective to find healing and hope in our own lives.
Hageman does just that, intelligently, openly and thoughtfully. I felt like I was sitting in the passenger seat, a fly-on-the wall, carried on her journey towards understanding and self-acceptance.
Laura Dennis
Author, Adopted Reality, A Memoir, Adopted Reality, A Memoir
October 20, 2012
I enjoyed this book much more than I anticipated. Sheila writes with great honesty and truth that quickly made me feel as though I was sitting down to coffee with a good friend; a vulnerable, messy, truth-speaking friend. That being said, there are some explicit scenes (she was a stripper...so this should come as no surprise) that may be uncomfortable for some readers. Additionally, much like a good conversation - the book went back and forth between a few settings and experiences and did not maintain much of chronological order, which at times was confusing but didn't detract from the main purpose of the story, at least not for me.
"I never felt right, never what I wanted to be. I tried to be something else. The something else that seemed most dangerous, but most real, was to become that which had both scared and seduced me." (pg. 20/location 199).
"I not only hid the truth from myself, but I hid myself from the truth." (pg. 34/location 485)
"I felt so shy and awkward like there was some secret to being liked that everyone knew except for me." (pg. 59/location 997).
"I haven't neared acceptance of myself, yet. I haven't forgiven myself for who I was. It feels like I will always be stuck in my body, stuck in my head, trying to figure out what happened to me." (pg. 75/location 1349)
"Sometimes I think it's because I love him so much that I don't want his body to gather up my sadness. I don't want to hurt him with my ugliness." (pg. 97/location 1802)
"Thank you. And I know. I know you love me. It's just-I don't know how to separate sex and love. I mean, I don't know how to stop separating sex and love." (pg. 150/location 2830).
"I never felt right, never what I wanted to be. I tried to be something else. The something else that seemed most dangerous, but most real, was to become that which had both scared and seduced me." (pg. 20/location 199).
"I not only hid the truth from myself, but I hid myself from the truth." (pg. 34/location 485)
"I felt so shy and awkward like there was some secret to being liked that everyone knew except for me." (pg. 59/location 997).
"I haven't neared acceptance of myself, yet. I haven't forgiven myself for who I was. It feels like I will always be stuck in my body, stuck in my head, trying to figure out what happened to me." (pg. 75/location 1349)
"Sometimes I think it's because I love him so much that I don't want his body to gather up my sadness. I don't want to hurt him with my ugliness." (pg. 97/location 1802)
"Thank you. And I know. I know you love me. It's just-I don't know how to separate sex and love. I mean, I don't know how to stop separating sex and love." (pg. 150/location 2830).
February 10, 2013
A memoir from a woman who worked as a stripper starting in her late teens. The point is not salacious stories, rather exploring why she decided to take that road, the need to have male attention focused on her naked body. The title has two layers, her literal path as well as the figurative erasing of the layers she created to protect herself. It's also about love and loss, and motherhood. I really felt for her, although, to be honest, when I picked this up for free on kindle, I thought it was going to be more of her club experiences. I'm morbidly fascinated by women who work in the sex industry - there, I said it. But I was pleasantly surprised.
October 10, 2012
There was too much confusion back and forth from past to present to get a real feel for this story. It was analyzing every move she made, every mistake, more than a story line. I understand what she was trying to do, but I don't think it made for a very consistent read that would take the reader along with her. Better saved for a mental health professional. I was never really sure where the present things fit in with her past even though the chapters were labeled by age, she would suddenly discuss the present.
August 4, 2012
Mrs. Hageman and I could not have had a more different experience through the post high school years, yet I felt like I was able to relate to her on many levels. The book is very raw and makes you feel like you are in Sheila's head for the duration of time it takes you to read the book. You feel like you are there at every experience and decision point in her life.
Excellent book and a great read. Highly recommended.
Excellent book and a great read. Highly recommended.
March 20, 2012
This is a beautifully written and painfully honest memoir by a young woman taking stock of her life past and present. Hageman writes with a clear eye and paints a not always flattering picture of herself as wife/mother. I admired it greatly but must admit that given the subject matter - which also includes the death watch over her dying mother - it is not always an easy story to read.
September 13, 2012
This is the first time I have read anything by Sheila, but I must say I was compelled to keep on reading, though at times it was hard. This memoir cuts into some deep emotions and decisions and life aspects that some take for granted, others would never admit to having. From the first chapter I was hooked and very proud of this author for telling such a powerful story.
August 2, 2015
I enjoyed the first third of the book and found it strong and a great start to revealing a difficult past, but then the rest of the book became repetitive. Her thoughts were always the same and she was always feeling sorry for herself. After awhile, it was hard to empathize with her anymore and at that moment, the memoir became dull.
October 3, 2012
I really wanted to like this memoir. I enjoyed how the flashbacks are integrated. However, I have a hard time identifying with depressed protagonists and disliked the way the book seemed to come to a hasty conclusion without the main character resolving all of her conflicts.
November 14, 2012
This is a memoir. Not something I normally would read. But very well done, with the exception of the bouncing back and forth from her past to her present... sometimes I had to go back and see where I was.
April 30, 2013
Bumped this up to 3 stars, but owuld have got a 2 1/2 if I could do that. I liked it but it was also just ok. A life memoir from Sheila Hageman, she tells her story of being a stripper and how she feels she got there but also got out. Written quite well, but a little too self hating.
August 17, 2012
Liked it because she gee up in the same area we live
January 3, 2013
Excellent .
December 20, 2012
A lovely, well-written memoir about coming to terms with family, self, and clinical depression.
March 16, 2013
I felt like she jumped around too much. It was hard to keep track. About half way through it did get interesting and I loved the ending.
May 1, 2015
Sheila's book had me thinking about how I valued my own feminity and sexuality and how closely entertwined it has often been with my own depression and identification. A really good read.
March 20, 2016
this took a while to read, not something I would normally read, not one I would recommend. I do applaud her for the courage to tell the story and finally finding and accepting herself.
Read
July 17, 2015Was stolen or lost in a move. Incomplete. Want to find it or another copy.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 6, 2013
Having a hard time finishing it -- couldn't get through it -- moved on
June 6, 2013
I just couldn't get through it, so i can not truly give it a score, but i tried and got rid of it.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews