Every Young Woman's Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World

The Every Man

by Shannon Ethridge, Stephen F. Arterburn, Josh McDowell (Foreword)

Guys Aren’t the Only Ones Fighting a Battle for Purity.

The world you live in promotes sex as the answer to just about everything. The pressure to go along with the crowd is greater than ever before, and it’s easy to compromise in little ways that are a lot more harmful than they seem. You and your friends may become caught up in destructive relationships or sexual activities without even knowing how you got there. You just want to be normal–to fit in, to be liked, to look attractive to the opposite sex. But are you paying too high a price?
This counterpart to the award-winning Every Young Man’s Battle can help you:

· learn how the sexual battle begins in your heart and mind
· understand your hunger for attention from guys
· recognize and avoid the potential pitfalls awaiting young women on the journey toward adulthood and possibly marriage
· find out how the media, novels, fashion, internet chat rooms, and body and beauty obsessions influence your sexual choices–and what you can do about it
· guard your mind, heart, and body against sexual and emotional compromise
· develop a deeper, more satisfying level of intimacy with God

Whether you have so far protected yourself emotionally and sexually, feel that you’ve been robbed of your purity, or have given in to temptation in some way, this book can help you achieve or reclaim sexual integrity. It can also guide you through the temptations and pressures of young adulthood while demonstrating how you can live your life to the fullest–without regrets.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Christianity, Self Help, Relationships, Spirituality

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Shannon is a million-copy best-selling author, speaker, lay counselor, and advocate for healthy sexuality with a master’s degree in counseling/human relations from Liberty University. She has spoken to youth, college students, and adults since 1989 and her passions include:

* Challenging adults and teens to embrace a life of sexual integrity
* Encouraging married couples in their pursuit of sexual fulfillment
* Counseling women who have looked for love in all the wrong places
* Equipping parents to instill sexual values in children at an early age

Her passion for healthy sexuality was ignited as a result of her own painful experiences. After being sexually abused by uncles during puberty and surviving many painful years as a promiscuous teenager, Shannon sought to overcome her past and become the faithful wife she desperately wanted to be. Six months of individual and group counseling gave Shannon the confidence to declare her graduation from the school of hard knocks, and she began speaking boldly and bluntly about the benefits of sexual integrity and sexual intimacy within marriage. She has since taught and counseled thousands of teens, single adults, and married couples over the past decade. Shannon is the Gold-Medallion Award-winning author of 18 books, including the best-selling Every Woman’s Battle series (WaterBrook Press, 2003-2006) which has been printed in 11 different languages, the 5-book Loving Jesus Without Limits series (WaterBrook Press, 2007), and her new book for the mainstream market, The Sexually Confident Wife (Random House, September 2008).

Shannon has been featured on the cover of Today’s Christian Woman Magazine and is a frequent guest on such national radio & television shows as Focus on the Family, The 700 Club, Life Today with James & Betty Robison, FamilyLife Today with Dennis Rainey, and New Life Live! with Stephen Arterburn. She has also been published in magazines such as Focus on the Family, Brio, Christian Single, Discipleship Journal, LifeWay, and Enrichment Journal.

Reviews

[Kay · Rating 1 out of 5]

WARNING **** IF YOU RESPECT AND LOVE GIRLS IN YOUR LIFE DO NOT GIVE THEM THIS BOOK! THIS BOOK IS TRAAAAAAASH.🤬It is full of shaming and it places a lot of blame on women and little girls–––LITTLE GIRLS. It is marketed like a Christian, morals and self-respect book but it is nothing more than propaganda to shame little girls and young women about her sexuality. The red flag begins with the author: she is a "born again Christian" who discusses her childhood sexual abuse and chronic re-victimization as if it was her fault and she goes on to say that she ruined her relationships because of her promiscuity when in reality what she needed was a little less bible thumping and hell of a lot of therapy. She shames girls for exploring their sexuality and goes as far as waiting to kiss until after you are married. She completely misses the point of informing about sexual assault, childhood molestation and rape verses self love and healthy sexual explorations. Ethridge even goes as far as placing blame on a child for being molested by an adult as if children have any way to consent. She even goes on further to say that a woman who confided in Ethridge shared that she had masterbated and therefore had marital problems because she could not orgasm with her husband with intercourse alone and he resented HER for exploring her sexuality and the author had the audacity to suggest that if it weren't for the woman exploring her own body she would have a healthy marriage––––first off if her partner was only interested in his own orgasm and not hers. He is a pig. How dare he shame his wife for exploring her body to achieve an entitled to orgasm ? News flash misogynists: Your dick and penetrative sex is rarely the end all be all for a woman's orgasm (if she even orgasms from penetrative sex at all). This book does not discuss any forms of contraception, safe sex or female sexual health. Abstinence only sex education is not only dystopic and unrealistic, moreover it puts people's sexual health at risk. And don't get me started on Etheridge's homophobic pseudo-Christian rhetoric...🤮This book enraged me on so many levels.

[Audrey Swanson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I felt as though this book goes past appropriate topics for young women. It may have been written with good intentions, but I found that it gives the impression that sex in general is sinful, which it's not. It suggested absolutely no talking to males after a certain hour because, as a rule, young men are unable to control their sexual thoughts. The book should be remained "SOME" because it makes atrocious generalizations and creates a prudish stereotype for abstinent young Christian teens.

[Chris McLain · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I was in high school I read Every Young Man's Battle and it changed the way I fought sexual temptation. Now, as a youth minister, I read Every Young Woman's Battle to understand the what the girls in my group are facing. I cannot accurately judge the content of the book because it does not directly relate to my experiences, but I found it to be excellent in several respects. Eldridge and Arterburn peg the aspects of male sexuality perfectly when they explain them to the women, and the chapter discussing what strong Christian guys want in a girlfriend is also spot on. In addition, the authors use a lot of scripture to present their messages to the reader and certainly come from a Biblical perspective on the topic of sexuality. They stand fast with God's word against the waves of a culture in sex overdrive to give young women and single women the tools they need to fight their battle.

[Dray]

Thank you, Ethridge for royally fucking up my views on sexuality from about ages 12-17.

[Judas · Rating 1 out of 5]

My parents gave this book to me around the age of 13, and now that I'm an adult I've decided to revisit it. At the time, I was struggling with so much self-hate and insecurity, topped off by the fact that I was realizing I was having my first crushes on other girls at school. Though youth pastors and evangelical, conservative parents sing its praises, I can firmly state that this book is a perfect way to convince your child to leave the church. It shames and sexualizes the bodies of young girls, and places blame on victims of sexual assault. They find ways to say that somehow their clothing was too revealing or their behavior was tempting to a boy, and that if they didn't want to be raped, they should have made better choices. But wait! there is still salvation for them if they promise to be a good wife to their future husband. It draws normal parts of teeen sexual realization and experimentation in negative light, discussing the act of masturbation as stealing pleasure from one's future husband. To top it off, it says that women who "struggle with same-sex attraction", with the help of prayer and guidance from god, and a bit of repression, can go on to lead "happy, heterosexual lives." This book is a monstrosity, and it is why so many people with similar experiences to me have felt the need to leave christianity behind in our adult lives.

[Mouse · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got this book for Christmas when I was about 13. God, I wish my Mom had just talked to me herself. This book is so patronizing, and to be honest it just made me feel like I had to hate myself for being sexually attracted to any male, or for wanting sexual contact in any way. I realize that’s not what the book’s message was trying to convey, but from the “experience” stories, that is what I ended up with. This book really messed with me in a lot of ways. I feel that I would have been far better off not having read it. I found it just now in my closet and I think I’d like to burn it; just looking at it makes me want to vomit.

[Rowan · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't usually write reviews for Goodreads, but...

Overall, I was very unimpressed by the tone of this book, the sweeping generalizations it made about sexuality in young men and women, and the stereotypes that it perpetuated. I found the tone of Chapter 4 especially judgmental and shaming of women; the authors quote the testimony of a college student who says, "Guys wouldn't try so hard [to pursue girls sexually] if girls didn't dress like that's what they want!" The authors proceed to commend him for dispelling the myth that they say is, "How I dress is my business. It shouldn't be a concern for God or guys" (32).

What?

The afterword starting on page 221 is the cherry on top of an uninformed and opinionated book that occasionally gets things right with scripture. It is ridiculous in its claims about what causes homosexuality, and very isolating to women who might have finished the book and related to it, only to be invalidated and judged. It is also condoning of ex-gay therapy and organizations such as Exodus International, which has since dissolved and publicly apologized for their methods. Outdated.

There were definitely parts of the book that were valid in its interpretation of scripture, but the parts that were opinionated and made scientifically and sociologically unfounded claims makes it a book to read with several grains of salt. I see many pitfalls where it might be misleading to a younger, more impressionable individual reading this book - one such misleading implication being that young women should aspire for godly marriages, which obviously is not problematic in itself, save for the fact that a young woman's highest aspiration in her journey with God should not be marriage.

One star.

[Kadence · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hated it. My very homophobic Christian mom gave this to me after I came out as bi. This book is awful. It shames girls non stop and tells them how wrong everything they do is. That it is shameful to explore your own body and dress in short skirts, etc. I'm 16 and everyone who likes this book should be ashamed of themselves.

[Lilly Elder · Rating 1 out of 5]

Too many analogies my dude.
This book is exactly what you would expect from a Christian book written in 2004 about teenage sexuality. To the letter. It's bad ya'll.

[Rajeev Sugandhi · Rating 1 out of 5]

I know i am a guy and this book doesn't really apply to me, But i saw it and wanted to understand what young women today have to go through.

I read some of reviews gushing about it being a great book for young christian woman, that they should read and follow. In all honesty, i am severely disappointed after having read it.

I understand that most parents and older people would want their daughters and girls to not indulge in sexual activities and practice abstinence till marriage, Which is a great idea if the young girl agrees to it, when it is her decision as well. This book given to the youth makes them think that it is the right decision.

The book works towards getting the message across but the logic used to get there is pretty terrible, Not to mention the out right lies at point and twisting of verses from the bible to justify what is being said. The stories sound made up and even the names looked made up, and i couldn't find a a pages that said they had taken all relevant permissions either. A whole lot of content goes against what science tells us has been proven right. It makes it sound like that a woman's worth something only if she is pure.

I agree that not having to go through a series of relationships during your youth does have some merits but then again it needs to be because you choose to do it, not because someone influenced or manipulated you to do it. On the other hand going through relationships also teaches you alot.

In the end you should do what you feel is right, instead of doing something someone forces or brainwashes you to do.

[Amber · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know what I expected from a book about female purity that is only co-written by a woman- and then co-written by a man, introduced by a man, and commented on throughout by a man. Part of a re-read of books given to me as a teen. Will not be keeping.

[Dapplenose]

This book might be a little mature for 12 and 13 year olds...

[A B · Rating 1 out of 5]

Filled with false information about female sexuality, scare tactics and unrealistic expectations. Don't read this and don't give it to your daughter to read.

[Ashley E · Rating 1 out of 5]

First, before anything, let me just say: If there is any young woman out there who has read this book and come out the other side feeling confused, ashamed, or uncomfortable, please fee free to PM me. Seriously. I will answer whatever questions that you have to the best of my ability.

I do not, and cannot in good conscience, recommend this book, for several reasons. Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with abstinence or choosing to save your virginity for that "special someone" or even your wedding night, I firmly believe that this book is coercive and shaming. Additionally the book rigidly reinforces a sex/gender binary. As above, if you want and have the resources to be a stay-at-home mom (or fulfill other traditional gender stereotypes) that is perfectly all right. But it is not the only way to live life, and others' choices shouldn't be condemned. The authors are biased to the point of inaccuracy, and some of the research was outdated when the book was originally published, let alone now, 15 years later. For the curious among you, here is a list of points I derived from this book that I think are unhealthy and damaging.

Things I Learned from This Book (that aren't true):
~medically and academically inaccurate definitions of sex and sexuality
~that all men are sexual predators and all women are emotionally needy
~that masturbation is wrong, unhealthy, and addictive
~that sexual assault often leads to promiscuity (what even?)
~that women taking any sort of lead in relationships is unhealthy
~that romance novels are of the devil (or something. I was rolling my eyes too hard to pay attention)
~that lesbianism is the result of dysfunctional relationships and/or sexual abuse
~that condoms are horribly ineffective against most STIs
~that most teen suicides are directly related to premarital sex

Don't get me wrong, there are some positive portions of this book, including the section on self-esteem and body image. However, these good parts are vastly outweighed by the negatives. This book tries to push anecdotes as evidence, rather than what they are: subjective, personal experiences that may or may not apply to the person reading them. It supports most of its biblical claims with nothing more than "sexual immorality," which can be defined in any number of ways. And when it comes to the very brief chapter that specifically targets lesbianism, well, there's still much debate about that. If you want to learn more about homosexuality in the Bible, please see these articles:
The Bible, Christianity and Homosexuality
The Bible does not condemn "homosexuality"

[Olivia · Rating 1 out of 5]

It is truly disheartening to find such a profusion of garbage within these books.

https://meanwhileinrivendell.blogspot...

[Arlee · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was given this book by my grief counselor (whom I no longer see because of this attitude) when I mentioned I was having minor issues with my sexuality. Myself, being an Theistic Agnostic as well as a feminist, was shocked by the contents of this work.

This book is absolutely terrible. I'm totally okay if someone believes that they should wait for marriage--heck, I'm even okay for something to endorse it. But this book is full of lies and plain old stupidity.

1) Literally, every argument in the book is: "BECUZ OF JEEBUS!!!!!111!!!!" There are several reasonable reasons why to wait for marriage (i.e. trying to avoid STIs, wanting your sexuality to 'fit' well with your partner, wanting to be your partner's 'first'), but this book hardly touches upon any of them while still dumping on the Bible verses.

2) There is a whole chapter dedicated to--*gasp!*--female masturbation, stating it's unhealthy. That is a direct lie; a simple Google search on "benefits of female masturbation" can show the many reasons why a woman can--and should--masturbate frequently. Also, it gives the most bogus reasons, such as "You wouldn't want to be able to please yourself better than your husband and he might be offended by it". Look, if my hypothetical husband can't please me like I please myself, he's not trying hard enough. And if he's offended by it, then he can hand me the pen, because I wouldn't want to be married to such a conceited jerk anyway.

3) It weighs all of women's value on their 'purity', which is rather laughable since 'purity' is a social construct and should have nothing to do with a girl's self worth. No one owes their sexuality to anyone, and that should be a fact.

[Lisa Rathbun · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent read for teenagers, challenging them to live a pure life. Everyone who claims to be a Christian should be living a life to please Jesus: as He said, "Why do you call me Lord, but do not do the things I say?" This book comprehensively deals with many areas, including the dangers of emotional intimacy via the internet. As far as its openness content-wise, the intro says, "If she regularly watches television, listens to pop music, or reads teen magazines, nothing in this book will be too graphic." However, if your daughter is as sheltered as I was when a teen, this book will discuss issues and share people's stories that may be disturbing and that she may not be ready for. Already, there are ideas in this book that I want to share with my 6th grader because of issues coming up with her peers at the public school, but I don't want her reading this on her own yet.



Sadly there are all too many people who name the name of Christ but do not obey Him: "Be ye holy even as I am holy." I am heartbroken at the promiscuous behavior prevalent among "Christians" in this sex-saturated world. This book appropriately challenges Christian girls to seek purity. (If you're a grown woman, read "Every Woman's Battle"; a teenage boy, read "Every Young Man's Battle; a man, "Every Man's Battle.")

[Emily R. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Generally an okay book, only slightly cheesy. Here's my brief notes on it.
• Lots of unfiltered stories from young people ranging from masturbation, rape, porn and harmful consequences (STIs, pregnancy) to risky actions. Appreciated how graphic it was, think young people can handle it
• Did not touch on developmental stages, not evidenced-based, most references were to other people who have written opinion pieces in the same field, (very biased ones). It sort of tried to paint somewhat of a "normal" picture of sexual desires and health
• Framed by Emotional, Sexual, Spiritual, Mental health and avoiding compromise in these areas, examples of and exercises for preserving integrity
• Could have been more sex positive
• Only slightly cheesy, but better than some other Christian sex books I've read
• Some outdated references to pop culture from 90s
Had some quotes imbedded from men talking about wanting their wives to be "whole" for their wedding day, felt like these references need to be rounded out, not just spoken in a cliché way. Don't remember a reference to "damaged goods," but feel that sometimes these projections of what it means to "save yourself for marriage" are impossible to grasp at this age. Young people need more concrete examples and real stories, not just corny youth group slogans.

[Daphne Lin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must-read for every teenage girl! Honest and informative. Each chapter has a few case studies, and are written in detailed with bible verses to support.

I give it a 4 stars instead of 5 as I find the content a bit graphic. Perhaps I am more conservative and still quite innocent when I first read it (at the age of 17).

However, it makes the point that ignorance makes one vulnerable. And just like that bible says, we should be as innocent as dove but as shrewd as snake. It's better for young women to learn about it from this book, and learning what God's word says on the subject, than hearing about about sex in the locker room, and having their curiosity aroused without being told what is right and wrong according to God.

[Olivia Norris · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s terrible lol

[Emily W]

[Another, Overdue Update - 12/12/17]
Not long after my last review of this book, I came out of a two year relationship. In the aftermath, I realised the extent to which our realtionship had been ruled by fear - and I began to see some of the more harmful ideologies in books such as these for what they were.
It was the sort of book that claimed it was my responsibility to dress so that men would not list after, or even assault me. It was the sort of book that claimed that "boys will be boys", not holding men accountable for the way they view women.
Maybe once this book seemed important to me, but not anymore. To my Christian family, we need to change the way we look at and talk about sex, bodies, and relationships.

[Updated Review - 22/3/15]
Now that I have my own copy, it's been good being able to go through the book again - this time with highlighters, post-it notes, and a lot of annotations. I also used the additional workbook (at the back of the main text) alongside the main text - something which I hadn't done the first time because I didn't know about the workbook.


[Original Review - 30/12/14]

Sure, people have their problems with this book. And I'm no exception. I read through parts that I didn't quite agree with, but you know what? On the whole I found this book to be a great tool.

I took a lot of notes and really thought about how I could apply what I was reading to my life. I let God challenge me through the book, and have made some new decisions based on things that I read. There were some helpful tools, charts, and questions that made me rethink my perspective.

This book is a helpful tool for any girl who wants to live a God-centered life in a sex saturated world.

[Tamara M · Rating 3 out of 5]

Where was this book when I was 13-15 years old?
I guess it's never too late to read books like this.
This is an excellent resource for teen-girls who are facing many questions and insecurities about their appearances, their longings, wishes, emotions and their sexuality. It gives biblical perspective on those questions, offering practical ways in how a girl can keep her mind, body and soul protected and nourished in the healthy way. Each chapter is supported with many examples from different girls, women and author herself. Reading it in this season of my life - it was more a way to refresh my memory and remind myself how it was to be in teen years and it gave me some great resources that I can use when helping other young girls. Highly recomended for all the teen-girls ages 13/14-20 :)

[Aprile · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow...This book blew me away. It is a great book for any girls (or curious guys) in the teens to early twenties. This book is an in-depth look at dating, the steps from friendship to dating, perversions of God's will for our sexuality, and how to guard ourselves spiritually, mentally, and bodily. A MUST-READ for any young Christian woman.

[Mayra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a great book. my best friend recomended it to me and it was just great. it's really not like any other book i've read on this subject. it's very down to earth and real, and one actually learns from it.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I strongly recommend this to girls. It covers absolutely everything there is to cover about sexuality, and as it actually did change my life. Highly, highly recommend it for any girl who has ever struggled with their own sexuality, which should be all of us.

[Elsie-Blossom · Rating 2 out of 5]

Obviously I’m no longer a young women because half of this was downright painful to read. (Ridiculous oversimplification of some things)

Additionally, some of this made me think “maybe I’m a feminist now”.

Definitely some good points though.

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ethridge provides important information for young adults, Christian and non-Christian alike.

[Joanna Jennings · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great content, but very mature. Excellent material for a mom to sift through and talk with her daughter about. Such an important topic!

[ari [gin’s vrsn 🩵] [semi ia] · Rating 4 out of 5]

color me traumatized 🥲

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I started reading the book, it was a bit of a shock...I didn t expect it to be so straight to the point. But I kept on reading and at the end I realised this was exactly what I needed to know as a christian teenage girl. I really liked the fact that they explained what problems are the boys facing, too. Yes, I think 14+ is the age you should read it, because there are some matters that would bring confusion to girls less than 14 (it touches some delicate subjects) . But it s definitely a good book to start yout teenager period with. And it helped me a lot.