How to Succeed with Women

by Ron Louis, David Copeland

A serious response to The Rules offers single and divorced men practical, tested advice on how to find, relate to, and either commit to or break up with a woman and includes a host of basic dating tips for the 1990s. Original. 25,000 first printing.

Genres: Relationships, Self Help, Nonfiction

464 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 1998

About the author

Ron Louis is a dating coach, author of Sexpectations: Women Talk Candidly About Sex and Dating, and coauthor of How to Succeed with Women, How to Succeed with Men, The Sex Lover’s Book of Lists, and the Mastery Program tape series. Louis has appeared on numerous television shows, including the NBC game show To Tell the Truth and The Roseanne Show.

Reviews

[Elle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel that I need to explain. Found myself in the relationships isle of the library. Ended up borrowing almost the entire section. I was intrigued. When I came across this book it occurred to me that i should pick it up. Not because I am interested in succeeding with women sexually but because I wanted to compare the advice they gear towards men with the advice they gear towards women.

Totally worth the effort. This book does not disappoint in terms of broad generalizations about the female sex. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and there were some great nuggets of advice in here.

I found it interesting that most of the books I've read that are geared towards women are about securing a man, moving towards marriage. This was about getting a woman to talk to you. Being successful at getting her into bed. You're on your own after that.

But it wasn't one of those books with a "plan" and it actually calls out those ridiculous plans we have come to know and love (like the program that teaches men that insulting women will get the hot ones to sleep with you. Umm. Only the insecure hot ones... and insecurity makes your exponentially less hot. I must say that I am pretty hot and if you come up and covertly insult me, I will get annoyed and walk away... bit I digress).

So this book was more of a no-bullshit mating guide. But it still approach 'women' as one homogeneous group of mystery beings ... which ... is hilarious. The author *clearly* got it backwards. Women are normal, everyday people. It's the men that are mysterious beings.

[Kirk Battle · Rating 3 out of 5]

On some levels the book is yet another argument about what modern man should be like. They are critical of overly-sensitive men, new age types, feminist men who apologize for their sexuality, and various other stereotypes. At the same time they are very strict about their own guy codes of respecting women in particular areas but being assertive in others.

Generally I found it to be a positive, politically correct, respectful, and utterly amoral in its explanations on the procurement of sex in modern society.

They are pleasantly blunt about the purposes of the book while leaving judgments up to the individual. If you want a long term relationship, these methods will work just as well for that person as someone who wants to just sleep around. The first part of the book engages with the negative cycle men get stuck in when trying to cope with rejection from women. Their solution is...not unusual in that they recommend being more generative and upbeat. This amounts to practicing flirting and meeting new women while not being deterred when one blows you off. If you are talking to multiple people, one person ignoring you does not have such a bad impact. I suppose that's one of the first things they really hammer onto: if you are only chasing after one woman, it won't work. You will be too needy and looking for feedback from them.

They go so far as to indicate that it's the woman's job to convince you to be monogamous with her. Which is a problematic assertion but these are people advocating and selling sexual freedom, so it's all part of the pitch. Other advice is far more practical: invest in good clothing, work out, spend time with male friends, and a lot of really interesting tips on dating. Talk about feelings more, have serious conversations, ask questions about romantic things, etc.

As various women have seen me reading the book and asked to check it over, they inevitably flip to the how to plan a date portion. Most have said it was good advice and that they'd be pretty thrilled about it. A lot of them don't understand the need to flirt with so many people simultaneously, but I just said that rejection can become a vicious cycle that men have to cope with when trying to date.

If the book has done anything for me, it's the constant stressing that you have to be happy with yourself and your life before you are going to make much progress with dating. You can't be looking for support from a woman because they don't want a baby, they want a man. It has inspired a lot of hard looking at my own life and continuing to establish activities and goals that make me happy.

So, a self-help book promising sex all the while secretly convincing you to improve your life. Not a bad deal.

[Rebecca · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book for a laugh, mostly. And I did laugh. And cringe.

There's some good stuff in here, for sure. Nobody's going to argue that it's bad to look presentable and smell nice, or to roll with rejection rather than take it personally, or say hi to lots of people. The chapter on style and confidence was pretty solid.

But there was so much bullshit. Ignoring the manipulation in the book (despite how often the authors said it wasn't about manipulating women, it was pretty blatant), the sexism and the authors' clear ignorance of feminism, the fact that every woman in the examples was described in terms of her youth and legs and breasts, the overuse of the word "seduce" to the point where it's become almost as creepy as "moist"--ignoring all that, a lot of the advice wasn't good. If somebody asked me to "describe my favorite princess story," I would think that's weird, not romantic. Nearly all of their canned romantic questions or lines elicited the same feeling: this is artificial, not authentic, and it's not even good.

Sure, some women might respond positively to some of those lines; we're not all the same. In the end, I guess, if it doesn't bother you that the book treats women as irrational objects that are a means to an end (the end being sex) most of the time, there's some okay advice in here.

[Doomed Lions · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you as a man need just one book to be able to understand the million year history of biological evolution and sexual selection and all the tactics employed by women to choose a mating partner (which means fall in love with you), this is it. A deep insight into the psyche of women. The authors clearly have extensive experience in utilizing the play field to their advantage. This is not a scientific book on evolution though.

If you want to be the alpha male, the one that all women crave, this book will help you understand what kind of changes you need to make. It will let women run after you rather than you running after them in vain and ending up writing ghazals like those written by the Urdu poets from not-so-distant past for the unrequited love that their beloved never reciprocated (and hence did not mate).

Take charge of the ocean of happiness (which involves women!) rather than letting women trickle down happiness into your life like water drops in a dying man's throat.

[Douglas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hands-down, the *best* book on dating I have ever read. The problem with all the other dating books like 'The Game' or 'Double Your Dating' by David DeAngelo is that you have to have a certain personality to execute their suggestions. This book is all about just getting out there and not being discouraged. I learned some great things and the book is divided into a variety of sections from: first impressions, priming, seduction, one-night stands, relationships, to breakups, then casual to committed. So it really gives a guy a complete look at the entire dating process. If there is any book that every guy needs to read, its this one. Go get it.

[Luis Zelaya III · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I read this book i was a freshman in college, had only had one gf in my entire life and did not seem like i would ever "meet" someone.

This book changed it all. It teaches men (myself included) basic instructions on how to interact with women on many different levels. And contrary to other books on the subject, the authors want their readers to better their lives, relationships, and self-esteem.

I went from being an awkward person, to feeling comfortable in social situations, while lesrning to interact and meet people in the process.

What sets this book apart from other PA lit is that there is no intention to train men into pick-up artists. It just brings perspective to an important aspect of human relations; courting. Some men are naturally good with this or have "luck" with women. Most of us had to learn it.

How To Succeed With Women makes it easier to understand the most essential rule of dating. Women (or men if thats your interest) will reject to for an infinite number of reasons, none of them have anything to do with you.

[Jason Chaos]

there's a bit of comical history between a friend and I with this book...the result was going on a wild rampage around the city hitting on women and infuriating more than we ended up seducing...but this book is a definite good source of common sense in a anti romantic era we're living in.

[Penalgrease · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I always use to be nervous around woman this book has given me the confidence to embark on sexual conquests. I had my first threesome six days after reading this.

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not the type who spends much time reading relationship advice / self-help / pop psychology type books, but this was excellent. It came recommended to me by a good friend, a professional psychologist, who felt it contained a lot of very useful advice. If you are like most American men, you probably did not learn very much about how to deal with women and relationships while you were growing up. Our parents did not teach us much about what to do (only what not to) and women are only very rarely going to explain to you how they want to be treated. You probably ended up relying on your buddies for counsel and support and, well, do I really have to point out the shortcomings in that approach?

This turned out to be an excellent book for explaining the dating game to men who are not very knowledgeable about the subject, or lacking in self-confidence, or unsure about how to proceed. I must say it taught me a lot about the right ways to approach women, to be attractive to them, and to deal with problems that arise. In a nutshell, it says that a man needs to be confident, generative, and flirtatious. He needs to not be thrown off his game when women reject him or ignore him or behave badly towards him. He needs to stay positive and keep putting himself out there. His person must be clean and appealing, as must his car and his home. He does not have to primp himself constantly or shop at high end boutiques, but he has to pay some attention to what women find attractive. Great wealth and physical perfection are not required, but paying attention to women and what they want are.

What to do with dating problems and problem women? The authors categorize them for you (e.g. the paranoid police-caller, the argumentive fighter, etc.) and offer advice on how to handle them. This is also very beneficial since a lot of men handle these things in a dumb, angry, flat-footed way, and your buddies will not be much help - probably they will just gripe and swear along with you and pour you another beer.

After applying some of the lessons and principles here, I was able to improve my dating life a fair amount! Of course, I did run into some limitations in Louis & Copeland's program after a while. This book can teach a guy a lot about how to get the ball rolling and how to get some good dates going with attractive ladies. What it cannot do is teach you how to manage a lasting relationship, or deal with the personality differences you will inevitably encounter in a serious romance. There is a short section on how to keep a good thing going (keep doing the little things, they say, keep showing her you love her), but it is not enough to cover all the relationship problems that exist out there. There are shelves of books and numerous radio programs and the like that deal with all of those things.

It is a little manipulative, but this book is an excellent and possibly very helpful read for single men who want to improve their love lives. So thanks Ron Louis and David Copeland! I wish I had read this when I was younger rather than wasting my time on fun and supportive but fruitless bull sessions with my pals.

[Nick · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked up this book thinking I might get some good info from it... This book was written for someone who has NO social skill at all. It was dry and repetitive. I wouldn't recommended this book to a retarded monkey.

[Christopher Kawaja · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kind of embarrassed I ever read this actually.

[James Cowley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I initially saw the title, and thought that even if the advice sucked it would at least make for some decent anecdotes, but I was quite disappointed.
The advice itself, I would say is quite solid. I think it would help people get into the right frame of mind for dating, and it'll certainly give them a good jumping off point for some date ideas; but in other aspects the book is quite old, and people of the Tinder generation will probably feel let down. Rather comically at one point it says something like: "we've heard stories that some men have had success with 'online dating'..."
hmm, you don't say...

Maybe it got revised at some point, and I just have an old copy, but I don't think I'll be E-mailing any of my dates on the world wide web, or leaving a message on their landline any time soon. But that's very minor.

My main complaint, is that this book reads dryer than a car manual. In fact, presented with a choice, I'd EASILY choose to read the car manual rather than re-read this book. Getting through this book was a slog. It took me almost a year from when I started it, just because the thought of reading through it gave me a headache. The only reason I'm able to say I "finished" it, is because I skimmed from page 280 to the end (pg. 443!) This book doesn't read very well at all. If you happen to come across this book, just read what is in bold, and read what looks interesting to you personally, but that's it; because the book is written for absolute dullards.

Here's some examples of what isn't good:
- Way too many anecdotes. Every single point they make needs to have a: "Bob did X and was surprised when so and so rejected him, Bruce did what we said and did Y, and got the girl of his dreams." Every anecdote is way too long and has way too many superfluous details. A hundred and fifty pages could have been saved if there was some restraint shown here. They feel the need to illustrate every point to a kindergarteners level of cognition.

- Cringe inducing and gratuitous descriptions of women. For some reason the authors feel the need to justify each of their anecdotes with a really poorly written and classless description of how "thin and sexy" the 19 year old girl, "that their student Don ended up with,"
"...who had great breasts and amazing legs!" Yuck. Guys don't even talk like this to eachother at the bar.

- Clichés.... oh God, the clichés! I wouldn't even care, if they just weren't so horrendously executed, but they will make you violently roll your eyes. They constantly say things like: "The authors of this book believe it is best to kill two birds with one stone." Uh-huh.

- Lot's of typos.

I could go on, but then this review would become more bloated than this book, and I don't like to be overly negative about books, especially books written by non-career writers. This book seriously could have used a heavier editing, and possibly a shadow writer to give it *some* amount of flavour.

So if you are still interested at all, I'd recommend skimming it, or just simply finding some cliff notes of it. The core advice is decent. Just don't try to read it like a book the way I did, you'll be bored and frustrated and a little embarrassed; and you won't get any interesting anecdotes to tell anyone. It's just decent advice spread across 200 too many pages.

[Carla Parreira]

Melhores trechos polêmicos: "...Muitos homens de mente prática não sabem ser românticos de uma forma que realmente faça uma mulher sentir-se especial... Realizado adequadamente, o primeiro beijo é encantador. Realizado inadequadamente — que é a forma como a maioria dos homens o realizam —, o primeiro beijo parece mais um empurra - empurra de lábios... Achamos que dizer que 'o segredo do sucesso é ter atitude' é o mesmo que dizer que 'o segredo do sucesso é ter sucesso'. Na nossa opinião, a palavra 'atitude' é utilizada com excesso e não exprime nada útil. Atitude e sucesso são ambos resultado de fazer coisas certas numa base consistente... Em vez de se concentrar em ser charmosos, confiantes, engraçados e romanticos, desperdiçam sua inteligência preocupando-se com o que as mulheres pensam a seu respeito. Um dos principais medos que um homem pode sentir é o de que a mulher pense que ele irá agredi-la ou violentá-la. A bem da verdade, as mulheres com quem você falar pensarão nessas possibilidades. Elas têm todo o direito de pensar nisso — para as mulheres, os encontros romanticos são atividades perigosas. O que esses homens 'sensíveis' e inseguros não sabem é que tentar fazer com que uma mulher não sinta medo de você apenas fará com que ela sinta mais medo... Ao interagir com mulheres, lembre a si mesmo que o resultado não é importante. Quando fizer isso, entrará em alfa, ficará mais relaxado e adquirirá uma 'química' com ela..."

[Mr. Cuddles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Men are from Mars. women are from Venus. This book applies the concept on a practical basis in the daily life and dealings of men, whether they are already in a relationship, or are looking for a relationship with women. The concepts of being considerate, caring and sensitive to the needs of a romantic partner are explained well in this book.

This book does not profess to be a quick fix to succeed in the realm of dating and relationships. It puts forward a way to make subtle but significant changes in your lifestyle and outlook so as to be able to come out as a successful partner. One of the most significant statements this book makes is . "if you want to have the woman you adore, you must become the man she'd like to go out with." It debunks all the myths of "I am what I am and take me as I am". How will your life change if you are bent on being stuck up?

[Haytham Badawey · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS BOOK HAS EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW TO ABOUT SEDUCING WOMEN, KEEPING WOMEN IN YOUR COMPANY, AND EVEN HOW TO GET RID OF THEM.

I CAN NOT SAY I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING IN IT, BUT I CERTAINLY DO ADMIT THAT THIS BOOK HAS A VAST AMOUNT OF INFORMATION ABOUT:

1- DATING WOMEN
2- TYPE OF WOMEN
3- WHAT WOMEN LIKE AND DISLIKE
4- WHAT WOMEN EXPECT TO GET HER INTO YOUR BED (BE CAREFUL WITH THIS ONE)
5- HOW TO MANIPULATE WOMEN AFTER YOUR UNDERSTAND THEIR NATURE.