The Secret Language of Sleep: A Couple's Guide to the Thirty-Nine Positions

by Evany Thomas, Amelia Bauer (Illustrator)

Some couples wonder if they have the mettle for a committed relationship, or the momentum for long-distance love, or the reflexes for fighting crime. Unsure couples waste years looking for answers in each other's eyes, or in the offices of behavioral therapists. And yet, each night their sleeping bodies reveal more than any doctor or private detective could ever discover.

With this book , a couple can unlock the meaning of their chosen pose. All thirty-nine poses (including Classic Spoons, the Tobogganer, and Softserve Swirl) come with easy-to-identify illustrations, detailed descriptions, and training tips. Handy icons indicate which positions are most therapeutic for snorers, outdoorsmen, or those who work on their feet.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Reference

64 pages, Hardcover

First published March 30, 2006

Reviews

[Aye, Secretary! · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was hilarious. And can be read in about 45 minutes to one hour and has great illustrations and nice sarcastic captions. Very fun. This was a great gift to get for Christmas.

[Lucie Wyeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Could use these as fun little fic prompts.

[Jonathan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This read (picked up cheap from McSweeney's) seemed promising, but I dig the premise and effort more than the finished product, as it turns out. At but 94 pages, 2 pages for each position description + accompanying art, it's a whimsical, informative little book. Some of the writing's engaging and clever and crisp -- what you'd expect from McSweeney's, sure -- and then some of it, well, made me want to snooze.

Classic Spoons position bats lead-off, and then it's a crazy ride through dreamland from there. Some of the positions shown are flat-out illogical, if not next to impossible (Downward Koala, Bread and Spread, and so on). As one who tends to overheat when conscious and not, some of the depictions only served to make me hot, and not in a good way. I wanted to start sweating just regarding the figures.

It's split into four sections, the Sun, Wind, Sea, and Wood sleepers. Sea sleepers fit me, as it focused on symmetry. (Even so, The Colon was one of the most uncomfortable-looking things I've seen. Yipes.) The Tetherball and Turnstile positions are laughable (or laughably great, take your pick). You just have to see this stuff to (dis)believe it.

Bonus points awarded for the asides about relational and personality dynamics, some useful nuggets, if I could remember them. Bonus points also for the legend at the start of the read that lends symbols to each position denoting such things as suitable for warmer/colder climates, can cause intense/vivid dreaming, proven morning-mood elevator, soothing for digestive ailments, promotes sleep in insomniacs, and the like.

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

Is this a serious guide to improving couples' sleeping and waking lives, or a very mildly funny joke? Evany does not reveal, although sleep positions with names like "sixth posture of the perfumed forest" or diagrams as uncomfortable and improbable as "starfish and conch" suggest the latter.

According to Evany, those who sleep in the "bubble blower" position "enjoy many careers (accountant, painter, driver, consultant, trainer, therapist), and many fads (peanut brittle diets, colon cleansers, sticker collections, Europe), and their look is always changing (from mod to soup dragon to robot chic)." Meanwhile, for a successful "pillow talk, pillow listen," she suggests that "underweight Pillows (figure A) can make an uncomfortable resting spot for Listeners (figure B), so they should switch to a 'fry and pie' diet until the necessary layer of soft fat forms."

Is she in earnest or in jest? Does it matter? I did enjoy the nicely drawn sleep position diagrams and derived some low-level amusement from her batty pronouncements. Only one burning question remains:

Soup dragon? What?

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

What is your favorite position? Downward koala, melting spoons or the sixth posture of the perfumed forest? Nope, we’re not talking yoga. This humorous little book is all about how you and your partner sleep and what it reveals about your relationship. There are 39 positions, each with a one page explanation and an accompanying illustration. Each position is marked with icons that indicate, for example, if it’s a good position if you snore, or if it “works well in outdoor situations” (think camping), or for all who encroachers who can’t stay on your side, “may require a larger bed.” Find your position and you’ll discover if the two of you are inseparable, co-dependant, or on the way out. So this isn’t exactly a hard science, but it is a highly amusing one.

[Janie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book and put it in my library queue after taking a clever, dinky little online test, one of those tests that labels some esoteric facet of your personality using your radio button answers to arbitrary and slightly intriguing questions.

I love those dinky little tests.

This one tells you which of the sleep poses is best for you and your partner: http://www.evany.com/sleeptest/

So I got the book. And discovered it's an astrological farce. Hilarious.

This is the only book I have wanted to read in the last month (after R was diagnosed with cancer) -- that is, the only one I've thought of after I've put it down. For that, it's five stars.

[Magda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This pose is also known as “Concertgoers,” after the particular hug and sway of a couple enjoying the slow “panty jam” of a saxophone solo.

There’s also an unexpected heroic streak that runs through Wind sleepers. Hunting down a wanted felon (a Softserver favorite) comes with its own risks, but as a Fireman’s Carry couples know, it can also take courage to agree to a third date after a lifetime running from commitment, or (in the case of Bird in Handers) to try again after long, loving relationships go sour.

Bubble Blowers always wake at the exact same moment, thanks to subtle flexible in the glutes, which telegraphs each person’s graduation ascension to consciousness.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book makes me so happy inside, I could scream. The thin, white-line drawings of non-gender-specific folks on the unobtrusively pastel pages, coupled with the giggle-worthy positions and accompanying descriptions, is enough to make anyone hop feet first into the sack for a good, old-fashioned cuddlefest.

My position is Pinching Koala and Tree. If that doesn't sell you, I don't know what will.

[Harriett Milnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can't remember who recommended this book. It only has 64 pages and half of them are the illustrations. Very cute, but sort of mystifying. Sort of like astrology based on sleep positions. But you can use the positions to bolster your relationship.

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

More tongue-in-cheek than dirty, really - that's part of the joke.

[Keight · Rating 3 out of 5]

Link to booklog

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's pretty charming. Have you ever heard of a sleep position called The Cliffhanger? That's when you sleep on opposite edges of the bed, facing away from each other.

[Stacy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Cute. The zodiac of the bed. When the bed is for sleeping, that is. I looked in vain for MY favorite sleep positions.

[Chess Schmidt · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book and actually gave it to one of my friends as a Christmas gift. Great illustrations and a funny view at sleeping habits of couples.

[Spencer · Rating 4 out of 5]

i read this a couple years ago and at night as i go to bed i still think about some of the illustrations in this book as i try to wrestle jen into a spoon and it makes me giggle long sentence

[Leilani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious. Hard to tell if she's serious or not.

[Kate Davis · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not sure why people said this was funny. Some humor, yes, but self-consciously so. Neither helpful nor hilarious.

[Peacegal · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book on a favorite activity of mine: sleeping! I have since lerned that I am a Stairway sleeper, as I like to curl up in a fetal position and place my shins against my partner's back.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hilarious, tongue-in-cheek, completely nonsexual, and faux psychological account of how we sleep (together).

[Rachelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny. I liked all the tips to make each position possible.

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Completely cute and charming and a funny little conversation starter to leave around the house.