Look at My Striped Shirt!: Confessions of the People You Love to Hate

by The Phat Phree

Target. Observe. Ridicule.

You run into them every day—the striped-shirt guy, the karaoke master, the dude with a pencil-thin beard, the guy who won’t shut up about his fantasy football team—characters who annoy, irritate, and incense us all. Based on the wildly popular essay on ThePhatPhree.com by Mike Polk, this book is a look inside the heads of the most infuriating douchebags on Earth.

It’s the best of ThePhatPhree.com plus more than fifty all-new, hilarious pieces written by some of your favorite writers from this site.

Everyone’s (Least) Favorite, The Striped-Shirt Guy…
I will valet tonight! I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him. I will tell him, “Take it easy on the brakes, champ”! When I do not hook up with a girl at the club, I will say that the place is “full of skanks” and wait in line at another bar, only to strike out again!

Your “Cool” High School Teacher…
Here are some things I allow in my class that other teachers don’t: eating, drinking,swearing, dancing, smoking, fighting, cell phones, Texas hold ’em, iPods, and sex. Like my Goo Goo Dolls tee? Anyone else here down with the Dolls? No? Me either. I’m just wearing it as a goof.

The Guy with Amazing Taste in Music…
Personally, I haven’t listened to the radio in fifteen years. If you have ever heard a band on the radio, then I can assure you, I am not a fan. I stopped listening to American music about ten years ago.

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Comedy

192 pages, Paperback

First published December 26, 2006

Reviews

[Lance · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun for awhile, then got kind of boring

[Amanda (spooky.octopus.reads) Turner · Rating 2 out of 5]

The premise of the book is what sucked me in. I love a good “poke fun at everyone” type of book...a lighter read to just make me laugh. A few of the stories made me laugh, but some were just overkill, or simply trying too hard to be funny which resulted in something far away from humorous. Ehhhh.....

[Andréa Boone · Rating 1 out of 5]

Such a god awful book. I wanted to enjoy it but it was written by someone with the brainpower of a 5th grade who is angry his crush turned him down for the snowflake dance.

[Stella · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this in ‘07. To this day, I still use the “rubber mallet and cheese grater” line.

[Elaine Meszaros · Rating 3 out of 5]

OMG! IT'S PEOPLE! THAT YOU HATE! This book is a collection of modern soliloquies rendered in the style of some of the most irritating and despicable people we have the misfortune to run into. Charming people like:

I Just Made Some Statements that I Can't Back Up
"No, the pineal gland is the third eye. Fourth eye is the gall bladder. I'm sorry, I can't tell you my sensei's name. He's wanted by the army of Myanmar... Check this out. This is called a death punch. If I used it against you it would instantly break all 206 bones in your body"

I'm Your Cool Teacher
"I wear tight blue jeans to work, as I find this further breaks down the barrier between student and teach...I complement the Levi's with a sport coat in order to be appease the powers that be...The only thing I don't allow in my class is for you to not like me."

I Want You To Be in My Wedding
'Since we're pretty tight, I want you to be in the wedding... As for the bachelor party, I was hoping you could put that together. I was definitely thinking Vegas...Of course you won't need a hotel room if you have family down there. I doubt you have family in Antigua, though...Send your RSVP bas as soon as possible, because if we can't make it, I need to get someone from the the B list. We need asses in the seats!"

[Suede · Rating 1 out of 5]

seriously? this book averages a 4.20? wtf? can i get my money back?

the reason I bought this book was because I was interested that tucker max's book was a nyt bestseller.

tucker max is an imbecile.

so i can't buy his book. and i TRIED to read it at a bookstore without actually purchasing it. but it's so bad and so so so offensive that i just couldn't "enlighten" myself in that way.

so i took your advice, mr. goodreads, and i bought this book instead. i read exactly 52 pages (approximately 40 on the toilet) and i skipped ahead to the ending.

i can't finish. and i like to see things through to the bitter end. i like punishing my eyes, my thoughts. i like words thrown together without thought. give me stream of consciousness, or give me a little herion and happy thoughts.

do not, give me contrived shit.

[Sally · Rating 2 out of 5]

by The Phat Phree
2.5/5

it doesnt have a continuous story line so i would just read it at random times
but so far my favorites have been...
in chapter 1: "look at my stripped shirt" (pg2); "does this outfit make me look slutty enough?" (pg6); "i'm your bartender and i hate you" (pg19);
in chapter 2: "i'm your cool teacher" (pg33); "seriously, get this sweater off me" (pg35);
nothing worthwhile mentioning in chapters 3 and 4
in chapter 5: "the world is my phone booth!" (pg96); "i'm, like, really into philosophy" (pg100); "i'm just like one of the guys!" (pg106); "pot really opens my mind" (pg113);
in chapter 6: "i am the greatest pretend worker this company has" (pg136)
in chapter 7: "man, do i love stealing your music" (pg152); "you cant plinko for shit, you dumb bitch" (pg164)

...reading in progress...

[cathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some stereotypes are for a reason, and this book serves as the Rich Little of a-holes. It’s one of those super-quick reads with lots of filler and a couple of standout, pee-your-pants essays from the point of view of jackasses you love to hate (and mock). There’s the “cool” high school teacher, naked locker room guy, the music snob, meathead at the gym, ballgame streaker, Hooters waitress, vacuous post-college woman on a freeloading date, etc.--they are all here. The contributors really do their homework, and the ridicule is laser beam accurate. If you want to save yourself a couple of bucks, just check out most of these “confessions” on-line, including the title essay:
http://www.lookatmystripedshirt.com/a...

Look at it! You will valet tonight!

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I'm just like one of the guys! Hey, can I be in your fantasy football league? I think I'll take Joe Montana as my first pick. Then I'll take LeBron James followed by Indiana Jones."

Okay, so not EVERY essay in this book was great, but enough of them were. I laughed so hard my face hurt.

And by the way...my business cards are glossy and magnificent!

[Maryam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book because it validates the point I've been trying to make my whole life... That most people are self-centered jerks. Which is why I don't like most people. Except for you. I like you...maybe. But the book is really funny. It's a good quick read because it keeps you laughing. Once you've read it, it makes a a good bathroom book. It's funny in there too.

[Whitney · Rating 3 out of 5]

hilarious. i gave it three stars because i could only relate to some of the stories/people. the stories just aren't as funny when they don't relate to your life or the people you've encountered. there are MANY stories though, and when you find one you like or can relate to, it really is outrageously funny.

[jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a weird book.It's humorous essays supposedly written by the most annoying segments of the American population, like the couple who will fight to be the first off a plane, the convenience store clerk who hates his customers or the office coordinator who barely restrains her rage in a memo about stolen snacks. Pretty funny and accurate.

[Oi Yin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Satirical essays by a bunch of sarcastic guys who say all those things you're thinking to yourself but would only admit to your girlfriends. It's one of those fluff books that you'd read to empty your mind for a meatier read.

[Patrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny essays told from the perspective of various douchebag archetypes, like "I am the master of karaoke," "Let me tell you about my fantasy football team," and "That bartender is totally into me." From a patmagazine-esque website called thephatphree.com.

[Kimmie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarity! I read passages over and over and have nearly caused car accidents from reading passages out loud on car trips.

My favorites are the one about Plinko, "Its Ladybugs for me" and "welcome to every date you have ever been on."

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this book from my brother as a gift. I think he hoped it would function as a hilarious antidote to the decidedly unfunny epidemic of striped shirts and other assorted characters that I faced during my tenure in the midwest. It served me well. Well played, young Mike.

[Chandler]

Downright hilarious. These guys rival The Onion for quality in parody/mockuwriting style. Pretty much sums up every annoying person type you have met in your life, especially in college and the mid 20s years. Recommended reading for a laugh after a long rough day.

[Brian · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the greatest books of all time.

[Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny funny funny.

[Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the funniest book I have ever read. Not for the easily offended - if you are in your 20's or 30's you will know the people discussed in this book!

[Andrew · Rating 3 out of 5]

scathing social satire

[Jordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's hilarious. It's not a "deep" read. It's something to carry with you and even when you are done you'll add your own chapters to it as you come into contact with new bizarre people.

[Fallon · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is basically a bunch of people bitching about other people. Milding funny and entertaining.

[Leonard Pierce · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wildly inconsistent but occasionally quite hilarious book of 'types' from the folks at the Phat Phree.

[Jenapher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably hands-down, the funniest book I have ever read. If you ever wanted to know what goes on in the mind of the people who drive you crazy on a daily basis, you have to read this book.

[Tom K · Rating 4 out of 5]

This shit is hilarious.

[Hilary · Rating 2 out of 5]

Was a poor man's tucker max. Captain Obvious. not worth your time. Very few parts actually made me laugh, the rest was just annoying and lame.

[Roxy · Rating 3 out of 5]

short essays written from the view of all the people you love to hate.

[Darryll]

Has its moments of good humor. Especially the dog with the sweater.

[Kaitlyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Portrays all the people that we typically hate around us- but it could have been funnier.