Necessary Sins

by Lynn Darling

When Lynn Darling met Lee Lescaze at the Washington Post , they could not have been more different. He was older, married, more “establishment,” a celebrated foreign correspondent and editor. She, who entered Harvard at age sixteen, was a brilliant wild child of the sixties. She lived life in the present tense, where every affair was an adventure. Then Darling fell in love and everything changed.

This is a story of the many lessons love can teach us, of a marriage turned upside down and inside out, and all the tenderness, thrills, comfort, and yes, even disappointment, that comes with the territory. Lynn Darling thought she knew the narrative of her own life, until it really began with her “one true north,” and now, ten years after his death, her story is still unfolding.

Genres: Memoir, Biography

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Lynn Darling's work has appeared in the Washington Post, Esquire, Harper's Bazaar, and Elle, among others. She lives in New York City.

Reviews

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Darling’s affair with her married co-worker, Lee Lescaze, was so off-putting for me. These two educated, sophisticated people fell deeply in love and eventually married but brought terrible tumult and sorrow to Lee’s first wife and their daughters. What dug in and made it so morally reprehensible for me was that I didn't get much of a sense of guilt or consciousness for her actions and she seemed to have a total lack of empathy for Lee’s former wife. When she writes about being alone with his children for the first time I don’t think she held herself at least partially accountable for the emotional damage she and Lee had inflicted on his children. To be fair, maybe there was an inkling. She writes, “When you are young, you want to fly into the future; only time can teach you respect for the knives that are hidden there.” So there was some reflection.

Moving on, Darling and Lee do make their lives together and I believe they loved each other deeply and made it through a terrible family tragedy. Lee’s illness and death was heart-wrenching.

She overworks her vocabulary a bit for my taste but the book is well-written, absorbing and moving.

[Suzy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I usually put a book down as soon as it becomes clear that adultery is the topic. It's sort of like my distaste for horror movies. I don't know why I am so sensitive to the topic of cheating, but I am. In the case of Shyamalan, I make an exception for movies, though, and in the case of adultery, I made an exception for Lynn Darling. I hope she has written other books. What prevented me from quitting this memoir of the initially adulterous affair of two Washington Post writers was Lynne Darling's beautiful, spot-on descriptive writing--and the fact that it was the last of my current cache of books. I'm glad I stayed with it. It really becomes a story about a deep and abiding love, a love that was real, and I guess that made a difference to me, in the end. The end of the book is very poignant, spiritual and philosophical. It nearly wrung a tear from me. Me! (If it had, it would have earned 5 stars.) OK, off to the library!

[Kristine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed in this book. It's about two reporters at the Washington Post who have an affair. I was hoping to learn more about journalism at the Post, but it's a memoir written by a very self-centered person, who never wanted to grow up. I think it grated more on me because the last book I read was about another insecure woman. I'm amazed she was able to have a career in journalism with her work ethic.

[Keith Raffel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wisp of a memoir. The author careens through life until she meets her soulmate and has to confront the two big issues of anyone's life -- love and death. She meets the challenge with heart-wrenching honesty.

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

self-indulgent story of a Washington Post writer's affair with a married Post editor. Very nice writing, but over-romanticized.

[Kelly McCloskey-Romero · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful memoir. What a joy to spend a few hours in these pages, in Lynne Darling’s life, in her humanity. I was moved to tears so many times. Here are my favorite pieces of wisdom among so many :

How rare is the friendship that survives the careless cycles of affection and betrayal, the shifting nature of a patch of common ground that once seemed eternal.

Perhaps there is in every life an action, an event, whether great or small, that is meant to lie restlessly at the heart of who we are; if we’re lucky, it teaches us how to be human.

Grief is implacable, demanding its place among the living; that is the first lesson it teaches.

Colette: try not to regret the past too much. It tends to fall away when it is ready, like fruit from a tree.

(Talking of everyday moments) Together they comprised a marriage, a place that let the air in and kept the rain out.

[Pat · Rating 3 out of 5]

This memoir recounts a love story that young journalist Lynn Darling entered into with a much more noted journalist who also worked at the Washington Post. As she explains she was addicted to romance regardless of the consequences. Their secret affair broke all norms of workplace behavior causing disruption to both careers. Her lover was marred with children, a fact that is lightly touched on.
The memoir is engrossing though I could hear my writing teacher saying - enough with all the creaking similes!. I followed this by reading her next memoir Out of the Woods: A Memoir of Wayfinding which is much better written and takes you honestly and deeply into the experience of widowhood and empty nesting.

[Chris LaMarca · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautifully written account of the author’s affair with, and subsequent marriage, to a man with a wife and children. To me, a morally repugnant subject, yet one is almost persuaded that love is worth whatever the cost. She and her lover were high-flyers at the Washington Post from the days when it was a great newspaper. How would the cheated-on-wife tell the story?—not as well, I’m sure, because Darling is such a remarkable writer.

[Jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

After reading Lynn Darling’s, “Out of the Woods: A Memoir of Wayfinding”, 2014, I wanted to read her memoir, “Necessary Sins”, published seven years earlier. It too is full of angst, introspection and self-doubt. She is painfully honest about her feelings and courageous in examining in depth her motivations and actions.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book's based on Lynn Darling's life, beginning in her mid 20's through to about the age of 60. All I can say is that when you feel lost in any aspect of your life this book makes you feel a little less lonely and gives you a sense of hope about the future.

Be prepared to cry though. It will cause a few tears.

I'm such a nerd I actually pulled some quotes. Here are some examples:

“You know what it’s like when you first see Pompeii? It feels like it happened just yesterday. When I was there, I imagined this bright sunny day and a woman like me walking down the street to the market like she does every morning. She’s thinking about all the dumb stuff we all think about, like can she afford a new toga or the good-looking man at last night’s banquet, when somebody screams. She looks up and she can’t believe it: a river of fire is headed her way. The last thing she thinks is ‘Oh fuck, I’ve wasted my life!’ I feel like that.”
Pg. 80

When you are young, you want to fly into the future; only time can teach you respect for the knives that are hidden there.
Pg. 106

Life is paradox: the thing I thought would sink me had taught me how to swim.
Pg. 131

Perhaps there is in every life an action, an event, whether great or small, that is meant to lie restlessly at the heart of who we are; if we’re lucky, it teaches us how to be human.
Pg. 134

Mothers and daughters live in a matrix of emotions that blind insight and hobble love. They lose each other for a while, sometimes forever, each unable to see the person the other has become. Sometimes, though, an image crystallizes; the parts become a whole.
Pg. 136

[Linda Branham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Necessary Sins is a lovely memoir for the author's marriage to Lee Lescaze, which ended with his death from cancer at the age of 57.
This is the story of her affair with Lescaze, which began when he was married to his first wife. Acutely conscious of the pain inflicted on others through her choices, Darling unsparingly holds herself accountable for this damage, while cherishing the memory of what she and Lescaze built in their relationship.
Each sentence pays tribute to Lescaze and their shared love of language -- truly this book is a pleasure to read.

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

The beginning of the book was overly shocking to grab attention, but the 'shock factor' seemed unnecessary to me. Especially when it took a sudden turn and became boring with newsroom/work talk. I was trying to grasp if this book was going to be raunchy or dull, two complete opposites!

I was surprised that my favorite part of the book was Lynn's relationship with Lee and Lee's family. The book picked up when she met Lee! What started off to be a nightmare took a turn that I did not expect. It just showed how powerful love is.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

The very very beginning was full of humor and young abandon desires. As the book develops you begin to see how the author herself developed. What the world may have seen as a careless selfish decision was the moment that started a change in her that wasn't a mistake but a milestone in her life. It was a pivoting moment that took her down a path that I'm sure no one would encourage her to take, but nonetheless it was her path. On that path many discoveries were made about love, marriage, life, and one's self.

[Lori Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lynn Darling was very brave to write such a memoir -- and I'm glad she did. At many times raw, at other times touching, it will make you think about the choices you make in your life. And it very well might make you cry.

Lori Anderson

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[Mary Kruft · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an amazing love story. If you are able to get past passing judgement on how this relationship begins, you will discover a marriage that passes many tests and a couple that finds what many couples never do. I did not want this book to end. Very curious what the remaining family members feel about Lynn sharing so many details of her families past, but I'm so glad she did. What an incredible story. I was so sorry to see it end and wish her well.

[Dewitt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Darling is best at capturing and identifying with the state of career women in the feminist decades: “The women I knew improvised.” As a reporter for Washington Post Style, she becomes involved with the married head of the Style section; he divorces, they marry, and then Darling’s interesting soul searching gets blunted by melodrama as he suffers the death of a son, they have a baby, and then he dies himself, leaving Darling to fare forward with her daughter.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book grew on me. A young woman narrates her life as she falls in love with an older married man, becomes a step-mom (against the will of the ex-wife and the kids), and two close family members die. She starts off as a immature, spoiled ambitious young journalist and is quite mature by the end of the book. The writing is excellent and the author redeems herself by learning from her "mistakes".

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lynn Darling is an amazing writer and a great inspiration. This is a book merely about a love that is forbidden. Darling takes you every step of the way though her judgement and decisions as she recalls the many memories from a part of her life.. a part in which many people would have kept secret. You will laugh, you will cry, but most of all you will be able to relate in some way.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

a surprisingly insightful at look at the decisions we make in life. typical but prudent questions arise in abundance such as:
*are we punished on earth for our so-called sins?
*knowing then what you know now, would you have acted differently?
*was it worth it?

not exactly an uplifting tale - but it is a moving piece of writing and a brutal yet beautifully honest view into one life.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written, intensely emotive, a catharsis, a love letter. Darling emerges from the pages of her memoir as a flawed, unique and very gifted woman. Coming of age in the same era, I identified with her. Her voice speaks for all of us.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Poignant memoir about a young women in the 70's coming into her own and falling in love--if only it was that easy...

[Clara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think adultery sucks, but this was a pretty good book.

[Molly · Rating 2 out of 5]

eh. Rather self indulgent. I do have an insatiable need these days to read about early motherhood, and this included a little on that

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of those books that you simply cannot explain why it is so good. I love Lynn Darling. I love Lee Lescaze despite his adulterous ways. I love how unexpectedly sad this book makes me.

[Lisa Fingeroot · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting to newsies like me who find anything that happens in a newsroom interesting. The author is still feeling guilty, though, and I expected more of a great love story than I got.

[Kelcey · Rating 3 out of 5]

First book I ever bought at Target. I enjoyed an excerpt by Darling in Vivian Gornick's The Situation and the Story, but I didn't love this quite as much.

[Elle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like Darling's clean, crisp writing style. Easy reading but with depth. She takes reader through a range of emotions.

[Alex · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just do not like sad books.

[Hilary · Rating 1 out of 5]

did not get very far

[Monica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe 4 stars? I dunno. Nice to see a book from a mistress's point of view.