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The Truth About Sex: A Sex Primer for the 21st Century Volume I: Sex and the Self
Have you ever wondered why we think one type of sex is better than another? Are inhibitions or confusion about sex holding you back? Do you think you're a sex addict? Have you given up on having good orgasms with your partner? Are you worried sex will break up your relationship? The Truth About Sex will set you free.
The Truth About Sex is an important new work by internationally renowned sex therapist, bestselling author ( Different Loving, Come Hither ), and sex blogger/historian (Gloria's Oversexed Mind, The Bilerico Project), Gloria G. Brame, Ph.D. Twenty years of Dr. Brame's research on human sexuality is distilled into three fast-paced volumes that will change the way you look at sex. They offer reality-based models which combine Brame's original theories, hard facts, and over 10 years of highly successful, results-oriented sex therapy. Brame addresses the most intimate, complicated questions about sex in page-turning, warmly empathic prose. Using cutting-edge sex and medical studies, historical research, and composite case studies from her private practice, she teaches adults how to make sexual ecstasy a reality.
Volume 1, SEX AND THE SELF, is a complete primer on masturbation, orgasm and new models for talking about, thinking about and understanding your inner sexual identity. It includes Dr. Brame's best clinical techniques for improving sexual performance and increasing every adult's potential for complete sexual satisfaction.
Critical Reviews :
"Healthy sexuality is fundamental to building healthy lives, relationships, communities and societies, and we all could use some guidance. This honest and reassuring book is an excellent resource for those seeking greater confidence in, and understanding of, this basic right. Thank you, Dr. Brame!"
- Nina Hartley, R.N., Author of Nina Hartley's Guide to Total Sex
"If you don't have a sex therapist on speed dial, Dr. Gloria Brame will be your emergency contact. Calling shenanigans on the way our culture deals with sexuality, The Truth About Sex plants a sex-positive flag into the American landscape."
- Megan Andelloux, Certified Sexuality Educator, Board Certified Sexologist
About the Author :
Gloria G. Brame is a sex therapist and bestselling author ( Different Loving, Come Hither ). She holds an M.A. in English from Columbia University (GSAS 1978) and a Ph.D. from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (2000). Her frequently censored yet astonishingly popular blog, Gloria's Oversexed Mind, covers all aspects of sexual history, and was selected for "Best of SexBlogs 2010" and "NY Sex Bloggers Calendar 2011." Professor of Human Sexuality, Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (San Francisco); Fellow, Erotic Heritage Museum (Las Vegas); named "Hero of the Sexual Revolution" (Exodus Trust, 2006); regular contributor to The Bilerico Project, the Sexual Health Network, and iFriends Adult Forums. Frequently cited in Cosmo, Men’s Health, Esquire, GQ and other print and digital media. Google Gloria Brame or follow DrGloriaBrame on Twitter.
The Truth About Sex is an important new work by internationally renowned sex therapist, bestselling author ( Different Loving, Come Hither ), and sex blogger/historian (Gloria's Oversexed Mind, The Bilerico Project), Gloria G. Brame, Ph.D. Twenty years of Dr. Brame's research on human sexuality is distilled into three fast-paced volumes that will change the way you look at sex. They offer reality-based models which combine Brame's original theories, hard facts, and over 10 years of highly successful, results-oriented sex therapy. Brame addresses the most intimate, complicated questions about sex in page-turning, warmly empathic prose. Using cutting-edge sex and medical studies, historical research, and composite case studies from her private practice, she teaches adults how to make sexual ecstasy a reality.
Volume 1, SEX AND THE SELF, is a complete primer on masturbation, orgasm and new models for talking about, thinking about and understanding your inner sexual identity. It includes Dr. Brame's best clinical techniques for improving sexual performance and increasing every adult's potential for complete sexual satisfaction.
Critical Reviews :
"Healthy sexuality is fundamental to building healthy lives, relationships, communities and societies, and we all could use some guidance. This honest and reassuring book is an excellent resource for those seeking greater confidence in, and understanding of, this basic right. Thank you, Dr. Brame!"
- Nina Hartley, R.N., Author of Nina Hartley's Guide to Total Sex
"If you don't have a sex therapist on speed dial, Dr. Gloria Brame will be your emergency contact. Calling shenanigans on the way our culture deals with sexuality, The Truth About Sex plants a sex-positive flag into the American landscape."
- Megan Andelloux, Certified Sexuality Educator, Board Certified Sexologist
About the Author :
Gloria G. Brame is a sex therapist and bestselling author ( Different Loving, Come Hither ). She holds an M.A. in English from Columbia University (GSAS 1978) and a Ph.D. from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (2000). Her frequently censored yet astonishingly popular blog, Gloria's Oversexed Mind, covers all aspects of sexual history, and was selected for "Best of SexBlogs 2010" and "NY Sex Bloggers Calendar 2011." Professor of Human Sexuality, Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (San Francisco); Fellow, Erotic Heritage Museum (Las Vegas); named "Hero of the Sexual Revolution" (Exodus Trust, 2006); regular contributor to The Bilerico Project, the Sexual Health Network, and iFriends Adult Forums. Frequently cited in Cosmo, Men’s Health, Esquire, GQ and other print and digital media. Google Gloria Brame or follow DrGloriaBrame on Twitter.
166 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
May 19, 2026
(The English review is placed beneath the Russian one)
В принципе, эта книга мало чем отличается от сотни других книг на тему сексуального здоровья или сексуального просвещения, с тем исключением, что эта книга написана достаточно хорошо из-за чего читать её легко и приятно. Я уже встречал такие книги и поэтому не нашёл в книге чего-то нового, но несмотря на это книгу стоит порекомендовать главным образом тем, кто только знакомится с темой сексуального здоровья или у кого есть вопросы по теме сексуальности. Другими словами, перед нами книга, в которой повторяется привычный тезис: в сексе нет ничего постыдного.
Но начинается книга, вернее, первая часть книги посвящается не совсем теме секса, а такой табуированной теме как мастурбация. В отличие от множества других книг на тему сексуального здоровья, где лишь одна-две главы адресованы мастурбации, в этой книге вся первая половина книги исключительно говорит о теме мастурбации, в частности объясняет читателю, что это совершенно естественный процесс. Автор посвящает одну главу исторической справке о том, как в XX веке, зачастую с подачи врачей, боролись с мастурбационными практиками, как среди молодых людей, так и среди взрослых. Читать о том какие средства придумывались в то время для борьбы с мастурбацией, довольно забавно, но на самом деле ситуация хотя и смешная, но подобное заблуждение врачей, а также подобная мания среди медицинских экспертов скорее пугает. Если даже представители науки (медицины) настолько сильно заблуждались даже в таком простом вопросе, то можно лишь предполагать какие ошибочные видения в других вопросах имели место тогда.
Несмотря на «забавность» темы, этот вопрос достаточно важен и автор как раз и пишет об этом, а конкретно, что через мастурбацию, через исследование своего тела, партнёры и могут понять, что нравится им в сексте, т.е. что они хотели бы получить и как следует вести другому партнеру, чтобы сделать секс более запоминающимся, более ярким. Трудно не согласиться с автором, ведь если мужчина или женщина не понимают, как их собственное тело реагирует на те или иные прикосновения, как это может понять его или её партнёр? Это важно, ибо без этого понимания довольно затруднительно, а возможно даже невозможно, иметь хорошую сексуальную жизнь. Так что именно в этом смысл того, почему автор одну половину книги посвящает такой, казалось бы, исключительно подростковой теме, ведь на самом деле, это тема идёт намного дальше конкретного человека, за пределы собственного тела. Это вопрос благополучия сексуальной жизни в целом.
It’s a myth that frequent masturbation is a gateway to sexual addiction or psychological problems. There is no evidence whatsoever that people who masturbate regularly become obsessed with it, or need more and crazier masturbation to feel satisfied. Those who have positive sexual self-esteem generally experience masturbation as a warm, fun experience and feel satisfied and complete afterwards.
<…>
On the other hand, people who are sexually conflicted are the ones at greatest risk of becoming obsessive or compulsive about masturbation. Sometimes they are simply so nervous and overwrought about their sexuality (or sexual identity) that their sexual impulses are neurotic and malformed. They may lead secret lives in which they indulge in every guilty pleasure they can imagine. They may go on binges — during which they lose all self-control — followed by purges during which they deny and punish themselves. They may have underlying stresses or compulsive tendencies that express themselves sexually
<…>
In all cases, when someone spirals out of control it isn’t the fault of the masturbation itself. My clinical experience has repeatedly shown that people who feel comfortable and relaxed about touching themselves are more likely to exert sexual moderation than people who think genitals are dirty or that sexual pleasure is a sin.
Вторая часть посвящена более привычной теме, а именно проблеме в сексуальной жизни пар, в частности автор описывает случаи из своей практики и как она эти случаи или проблему клиентов решала. Зачастую все эти проблемы сводятся к здравому смыслу, если оценивать эти случаи из дня сегодняшнего, ибо сегодня всё это видится каким-то самоочевидным. Хотя действительно, лишь совсем недавно то, что раньше казалось ненормальным поведением, сегодня принимается как нормальное. Пускай книга была издана относительно недавно – 2011 – возникает ощущение, что автор решала проблему людей из мира начала XX века, т.е. когда мастурбация была болезнью, а практики BDSM были сигналом психического отклонения. Да взять хотя бы нижеследующую цитату, которая как будто описывает людей из начала XX века, а не XXI.
The Kinsey study asked people if they considered oral sex to be sex, or only vaginal penetration to be sex, and how did they feel about masturbation — was that sex? In the end, results were all over the map. While 95% of the people surveyed believed sexual intercourse was sex, for example, some of them made exceptions depending on the circumstances of the intercourse. When it came to sex acts such as anal and oral sex, there was considerable disagreement on whether those acts were really sex or not.
Too bad the study wasn’t around when President Clinton tried to explain that he didn’t consider oral sex to be sex. People laughed or thought he was lying, but I knew he probably was genuinely confused. And why wouldn’t he be? Several urban studies of high school students have shown that teenage girls don’t equate oral sex with “real” sex and are willing to give their male friends blow-jobs on that basis. Personally, I always considered it a sexual event when a penis was in my mouth but in Kentucky, I’d be in the minority. A 2007 study of about 500 college students by the University of Kentucky showed that only one fifth (20%) of them thought that oral sex counts as sex, while 22% didn’t believe that anal intercourse was sex either.
Справедливости ради, я бы всё же отметил, что большая часть второй половины книги, это врачебные случаи из собственной практики автора, суть которых можно свести к нижеследующей цитате из этой же книги:
From my perspective, their inability to communicate their needs and be honest in bed had created an emotional divide in their lives outside of bed.
Это приводит нас к самому началу: когда человек не понимает или не знает, что конкретно доставляет ему удовольствие, секс не будет удачным, какими бы виртуозными техниками не обладал бы его или её партнёр/партнёрша.
Basically, this book isn’t much different from hundreds of other books on sexual health or sex education, except that it’s written quite well, making it an easy and enjoyable read. I’ve come across books like this before, so I didn’t find anything new in it, but despite that, the book is worth recommending, mainly to those who are just getting acquainted with the topic of sexual health or who have questions about sexuality. In other words, this is a book that reiterates the familiar message: there is nothing shameful about sex.
But the book—or rather, the first part of the book—doesn’t really focus on sex, but rather on a taboo topic like masturbation. Unlike many other books on sexual health, where only one or two chapters are devoted to masturbation, the entire first half of this book focuses exclusively on the topic of masturbation, specifically explaining to the reader that it is a completely natural process. The author devotes an entire chapter to a historical overview of how, in the 20th century—often at the instigation of doctors—masturbation was combated among both young people and adults. It’s quite amusing to read about the methods devised at the time to combat masturbation, but in reality, while the situation is funny, such misconceptions among doctors, as well as this obsession among medical experts, are actually rather frightening. If even representatives of science (medicine) were so deeply mistaken on such a simple issue, one can only imagine what erroneous views prevailed on other matters at that time.
Despite the seemingly “lighthearted” nature of the topic, this issue is actually quite important, and that is precisely what the author is writing about—specifically, that through masturbation and exploring their own bodies, partners can discover what they enjoy in sex, that is, what they would like to experience and how their partner should respond to make sex more memorable and more intense. It’s hard to disagree with the author, because if a man or woman doesn’t understand how their own body reacts to certain touches, how can their partner possibly understand? This is important because without this understanding, it’s quite difficult—and perhaps even impossible—to have a fulfilling sex life. So this is precisely the point of why the author devotes half of the book to a topic that might seem exclusively for teenagers; in reality, this topic goes far beyond the individual, extending beyond one’s own body. It is a matter of the well-being of one’s sex life as a whole.
It’s a myth that frequent masturbation is a gateway to sexual addiction or psychological problems. There is no evidence whatsoever that people who masturbate regularly become obsessed with it, or need more and crazier masturbation to feel satisfied. Those who have positive sexual self-esteem generally experience masturbation as a warm, fun experience and feel satisfied and complete afterwards.
<…>
On the other hand, people who are sexually conflicted are the ones at greatest risk of becoming obsessive or compulsive about masturbation. Sometimes they are simply so nervous and overwrought about their sexuality (or sexual identity) that their sexual impulses are neurotic and malformed. They may lead secret lives in which they indulge in every guilty pleasure they can imagine. They may go on binges — during which they lose all self-control — followed by purges during which they deny and punish themselves. They may have underlying stresses or compulsive tendencies that express themselves sexually
<…>
In all cases, when someone spirals out of control it isn’t the fault of the masturbation itself. My clinical experience has repeatedly shown that people who feel comfortable and relaxed about touching themselves are more likely to exert sexual moderation than people who think genitals are dirty or that sexual pleasure is a sin.
The second part is devoted to a more familiar topic, namely issues in couples’ sex lives; specifically, the author describes cases from her practice and how she resolved these cases or her clients’ problems. Often, all these problems boil down to common sense when viewed from today’s perspective, since today all of this seems self-evident. Although it is true that only very recently, what used to be considered abnormal behavior is now accepted as normal. Although the book was published relatively recently—in 2011—it feels as though the author was addressing issues faced by people in the early 20th century, that is, when masturbation was considered a disease, and BDSM practices were seen as a sign of mental illness. Take, for example, the following quote, which seems to describe people from the early 20th century rather than the 21st.
The Kinsey study asked people if they considered oral sex to be sex, or only vaginal penetration to be sex, and how did they feel about masturbation — was that sex? In the end, results were all over the map. While 95% of the people surveyed believed sexual intercourse was sex, for example, some of them made exceptions depending on the circumstances of the intercourse. When it came to sex acts such as anal and oral sex, there was considerable disagreement on whether those acts were really sex or not.
Too bad the study wasn’t around when President Clinton tried to explain that he didn’t consider oral sex to be sex. People laughed or thought he was lying, but I knew he probably was genuinely confused. And why wouldn’t he be? Several urban studies of high school students have shown that teenage girls don’t equate oral sex with “real” sex and are willing to give their male friends blow-jobs on that basis. Personally, I always considered it a sexual event when a penis was in my mouth but in Kentucky, I’d be in the minority. A 2007 study of about 500 college students by the University of Kentucky showed that only one fifth (20%) of them thought that oral sex counts as sex, while 22% didn’t believe that anal intercourse was sex either.
To be fair, I should point out that most of the second half of the book consists of clinical cases from the author’s own practice, the essence of which can be summed up by the following quote from the book itself:
From my perspective, their inability to communicate their needs and be honest in bed had created an emotional divide in their lives outside of bed.
This brings us back to the very beginning: when a person doesn’t understand or doesn’t know what exactly gives them pleasure, sex won’t be satisfying, no matter how skilled their partner may be.
В принципе, эта книга мало чем отличается от сотни других книг на тему сексуального здоровья или сексуального просвещения, с тем исключением, что эта книга написана достаточно хорошо из-за чего читать её легко и приятно. Я уже встречал такие книги и поэтому не нашёл в книге чего-то нового, но несмотря на это книгу стоит порекомендовать главным образом тем, кто только знакомится с темой сексуального здоровья или у кого есть вопросы по теме сексуальности. Другими словами, перед нами книга, в которой повторяется привычный тезис: в сексе нет ничего постыдного.
Но начинается книга, вернее, первая часть книги посвящается не совсем теме секса, а такой табуированной теме как мастурбация. В отличие от множества других книг на тему сексуального здоровья, где лишь одна-две главы адресованы мастурбации, в этой книге вся первая половина книги исключительно говорит о теме мастурбации, в частности объясняет читателю, что это совершенно естественный процесс. Автор посвящает одну главу исторической справке о том, как в XX веке, зачастую с подачи врачей, боролись с мастурбационными практиками, как среди молодых людей, так и среди взрослых. Читать о том какие средства придумывались в то время для борьбы с мастурбацией, довольно забавно, но на самом деле ситуация хотя и смешная, но подобное заблуждение врачей, а также подобная мания среди медицинских экспертов скорее пугает. Если даже представители науки (медицины) настолько сильно заблуждались даже в таком простом вопросе, то можно лишь предполагать какие ошибочные видения в других вопросах имели место тогда.
Несмотря на «забавность» темы, этот вопрос достаточно важен и автор как раз и пишет об этом, а конкретно, что через мастурбацию, через исследование своего тела, партнёры и могут понять, что нравится им в сексте, т.е. что они хотели бы получить и как следует вести другому партнеру, чтобы сделать секс более запоминающимся, более ярким. Трудно не согласиться с автором, ведь если мужчина или женщина не понимают, как их собственное тело реагирует на те или иные прикосновения, как это может понять его или её партнёр? Это важно, ибо без этого понимания довольно затруднительно, а возможно даже невозможно, иметь хорошую сексуальную жизнь. Так что именно в этом смысл того, почему автор одну половину книги посвящает такой, казалось бы, исключительно подростковой теме, ведь на самом деле, это тема идёт намного дальше конкретного человека, за пределы собственного тела. Это вопрос благополучия сексуальной жизни в целом.
It’s a myth that frequent masturbation is a gateway to sexual addiction or psychological problems. There is no evidence whatsoever that people who masturbate regularly become obsessed with it, or need more and crazier masturbation to feel satisfied. Those who have positive sexual self-esteem generally experience masturbation as a warm, fun experience and feel satisfied and complete afterwards.
<…>
On the other hand, people who are sexually conflicted are the ones at greatest risk of becoming obsessive or compulsive about masturbation. Sometimes they are simply so nervous and overwrought about their sexuality (or sexual identity) that their sexual impulses are neurotic and malformed. They may lead secret lives in which they indulge in every guilty pleasure they can imagine. They may go on binges — during which they lose all self-control — followed by purges during which they deny and punish themselves. They may have underlying stresses or compulsive tendencies that express themselves sexually
<…>
In all cases, when someone spirals out of control it isn’t the fault of the masturbation itself. My clinical experience has repeatedly shown that people who feel comfortable and relaxed about touching themselves are more likely to exert sexual moderation than people who think genitals are dirty or that sexual pleasure is a sin.
Вторая часть посвящена более привычной теме, а именно проблеме в сексуальной жизни пар, в частности автор описывает случаи из своей практики и как она эти случаи или проблему клиентов решала. Зачастую все эти проблемы сводятся к здравому смыслу, если оценивать эти случаи из дня сегодняшнего, ибо сегодня всё это видится каким-то самоочевидным. Хотя действительно, лишь совсем недавно то, что раньше казалось ненормальным поведением, сегодня принимается как нормальное. Пускай книга была издана относительно недавно – 2011 – возникает ощущение, что автор решала проблему людей из мира начала XX века, т.е. когда мастурбация была болезнью, а практики BDSM были сигналом психического отклонения. Да взять хотя бы нижеследующую цитату, которая как будто описывает людей из начала XX века, а не XXI.
The Kinsey study asked people if they considered oral sex to be sex, or only vaginal penetration to be sex, and how did they feel about masturbation — was that sex? In the end, results were all over the map. While 95% of the people surveyed believed sexual intercourse was sex, for example, some of them made exceptions depending on the circumstances of the intercourse. When it came to sex acts such as anal and oral sex, there was considerable disagreement on whether those acts were really sex or not.
Too bad the study wasn’t around when President Clinton tried to explain that he didn’t consider oral sex to be sex. People laughed or thought he was lying, but I knew he probably was genuinely confused. And why wouldn’t he be? Several urban studies of high school students have shown that teenage girls don’t equate oral sex with “real” sex and are willing to give their male friends blow-jobs on that basis. Personally, I always considered it a sexual event when a penis was in my mouth but in Kentucky, I’d be in the minority. A 2007 study of about 500 college students by the University of Kentucky showed that only one fifth (20%) of them thought that oral sex counts as sex, while 22% didn’t believe that anal intercourse was sex either.
Справедливости ради, я бы всё же отметил, что большая часть второй половины книги, это врачебные случаи из собственной практики автора, суть которых можно свести к нижеследующей цитате из этой же книги:
From my perspective, their inability to communicate their needs and be honest in bed had created an emotional divide in their lives outside of bed.
Это приводит нас к самому началу: когда человек не понимает или не знает, что конкретно доставляет ему удовольствие, секс не будет удачным, какими бы виртуозными техниками не обладал бы его или её партнёр/партнёрша.
Basically, this book isn’t much different from hundreds of other books on sexual health or sex education, except that it’s written quite well, making it an easy and enjoyable read. I’ve come across books like this before, so I didn’t find anything new in it, but despite that, the book is worth recommending, mainly to those who are just getting acquainted with the topic of sexual health or who have questions about sexuality. In other words, this is a book that reiterates the familiar message: there is nothing shameful about sex.
But the book—or rather, the first part of the book—doesn’t really focus on sex, but rather on a taboo topic like masturbation. Unlike many other books on sexual health, where only one or two chapters are devoted to masturbation, the entire first half of this book focuses exclusively on the topic of masturbation, specifically explaining to the reader that it is a completely natural process. The author devotes an entire chapter to a historical overview of how, in the 20th century—often at the instigation of doctors—masturbation was combated among both young people and adults. It’s quite amusing to read about the methods devised at the time to combat masturbation, but in reality, while the situation is funny, such misconceptions among doctors, as well as this obsession among medical experts, are actually rather frightening. If even representatives of science (medicine) were so deeply mistaken on such a simple issue, one can only imagine what erroneous views prevailed on other matters at that time.
Despite the seemingly “lighthearted” nature of the topic, this issue is actually quite important, and that is precisely what the author is writing about—specifically, that through masturbation and exploring their own bodies, partners can discover what they enjoy in sex, that is, what they would like to experience and how their partner should respond to make sex more memorable and more intense. It’s hard to disagree with the author, because if a man or woman doesn’t understand how their own body reacts to certain touches, how can their partner possibly understand? This is important because without this understanding, it’s quite difficult—and perhaps even impossible—to have a fulfilling sex life. So this is precisely the point of why the author devotes half of the book to a topic that might seem exclusively for teenagers; in reality, this topic goes far beyond the individual, extending beyond one’s own body. It is a matter of the well-being of one’s sex life as a whole.
It’s a myth that frequent masturbation is a gateway to sexual addiction or psychological problems. There is no evidence whatsoever that people who masturbate regularly become obsessed with it, or need more and crazier masturbation to feel satisfied. Those who have positive sexual self-esteem generally experience masturbation as a warm, fun experience and feel satisfied and complete afterwards.
<…>
On the other hand, people who are sexually conflicted are the ones at greatest risk of becoming obsessive or compulsive about masturbation. Sometimes they are simply so nervous and overwrought about their sexuality (or sexual identity) that their sexual impulses are neurotic and malformed. They may lead secret lives in which they indulge in every guilty pleasure they can imagine. They may go on binges — during which they lose all self-control — followed by purges during which they deny and punish themselves. They may have underlying stresses or compulsive tendencies that express themselves sexually
<…>
In all cases, when someone spirals out of control it isn’t the fault of the masturbation itself. My clinical experience has repeatedly shown that people who feel comfortable and relaxed about touching themselves are more likely to exert sexual moderation than people who think genitals are dirty or that sexual pleasure is a sin.
The second part is devoted to a more familiar topic, namely issues in couples’ sex lives; specifically, the author describes cases from her practice and how she resolved these cases or her clients’ problems. Often, all these problems boil down to common sense when viewed from today’s perspective, since today all of this seems self-evident. Although it is true that only very recently, what used to be considered abnormal behavior is now accepted as normal. Although the book was published relatively recently—in 2011—it feels as though the author was addressing issues faced by people in the early 20th century, that is, when masturbation was considered a disease, and BDSM practices were seen as a sign of mental illness. Take, for example, the following quote, which seems to describe people from the early 20th century rather than the 21st.
The Kinsey study asked people if they considered oral sex to be sex, or only vaginal penetration to be sex, and how did they feel about masturbation — was that sex? In the end, results were all over the map. While 95% of the people surveyed believed sexual intercourse was sex, for example, some of them made exceptions depending on the circumstances of the intercourse. When it came to sex acts such as anal and oral sex, there was considerable disagreement on whether those acts were really sex or not.
Too bad the study wasn’t around when President Clinton tried to explain that he didn’t consider oral sex to be sex. People laughed or thought he was lying, but I knew he probably was genuinely confused. And why wouldn’t he be? Several urban studies of high school students have shown that teenage girls don’t equate oral sex with “real” sex and are willing to give their male friends blow-jobs on that basis. Personally, I always considered it a sexual event when a penis was in my mouth but in Kentucky, I’d be in the minority. A 2007 study of about 500 college students by the University of Kentucky showed that only one fifth (20%) of them thought that oral sex counts as sex, while 22% didn’t believe that anal intercourse was sex either.
To be fair, I should point out that most of the second half of the book consists of clinical cases from the author’s own practice, the essence of which can be summed up by the following quote from the book itself:
From my perspective, their inability to communicate their needs and be honest in bed had created an emotional divide in their lives outside of bed.
This brings us back to the very beginning: when a person doesn’t understand or doesn’t know what exactly gives them pleasure, sex won’t be satisfying, no matter how skilled their partner may be.
July 30, 2011
The Truth About Sex, A Sex Primer For The 21st Century Volume I : Sex And The Self by Gloria G. Brame Ph.D. is an excellent book. While it covers the essentials to sex I think it says one thing above all. Sex is good and healthy. It is not a dirty act and so what if you don't like boring vanilla missionary position sex and that alone in the dark with you eyes closed, you know what that's okay.
While reading it all I kept thinking was why don't more people have healthy views about sex like her and I'm quite pleased that I feel the way a sex therapist does as she and I are eye to eye on the subject.
The book in my opinion takes the subject that everyone is obsessed with but only whispers about and lays it out in a matter of fact common sense relate able to all kind of way. Not that I understand the weirdness, I mean we are all proof that our dad orgasmed at least once in our mother so we need to get over the weird dirty gross factor that many people have and be mature and honest about it. People like sex that's okay people want to have sex also okay. People masturbate that's also okay in fact most people probably don't do it enough.
Did you know that men who masturbate daily reduce the risk of prostate cancer? That masturbation is good for your skin? That Mr Kellogg the one who invented everyone's favorite breakfast cereal was actually trying to invent a cure for masturbation? Same for Mr. Graham you know him for the yummy crackers you enjoy every time you make smores. Yep for real.
This book I find so refreshing on the view of sex that no sex between a married couple solely for procreation is not the only acceptable form of sex. That masturbation is actually an okay think to do, can you believe in the early 90s a woman got fired by Clinton because she suggested as much?! The point is that what one, two or sometimes more consenting adults do in private is their own business and it's okay for them to do it and gasp enjoy themselves. They do not need to feel guilty for it or ashamed because of it. As long as you are willing and with your partner you should have a good time and that is okay.
This book is smart, informative with anecdotes that are relate able.
The book is smart so much so I would encourage everyone to read it in fact I think high school students should read it. Yes really, that abstinence only crap will not work but maybe if they masturbated more they would leave each other alone till they were mature enough to handle sex. Which is the whole point of the book be mature about sex. When you are and you are with a willing partner the sex will be good.
Sex is not black and white very few things in fact are most things are grey so don't be narrow minded about new things about what sex "should" be and allow yourself to find what works best for you and your partner.
The book is broken into chapters, the first couple are focused on masturbation then onto orgasm. The book moves on to sex specifically talking about it, defining it and the best reasons to have sex. It is very much about how to have the best sex you can be it with yourself or with a partner. Not just do what feels good whenever with whoever but mature consenting adults can get the best out of it and it is okay.
I do recommend this book to all as I think it is a book everyone could learn from. The Truth About Sex is volume 1 in a three part series. I for one am looking forward to the rest of the series.
While reading it all I kept thinking was why don't more people have healthy views about sex like her and I'm quite pleased that I feel the way a sex therapist does as she and I are eye to eye on the subject.
The book in my opinion takes the subject that everyone is obsessed with but only whispers about and lays it out in a matter of fact common sense relate able to all kind of way. Not that I understand the weirdness, I mean we are all proof that our dad orgasmed at least once in our mother so we need to get over the weird dirty gross factor that many people have and be mature and honest about it. People like sex that's okay people want to have sex also okay. People masturbate that's also okay in fact most people probably don't do it enough.
Did you know that men who masturbate daily reduce the risk of prostate cancer? That masturbation is good for your skin? That Mr Kellogg the one who invented everyone's favorite breakfast cereal was actually trying to invent a cure for masturbation? Same for Mr. Graham you know him for the yummy crackers you enjoy every time you make smores. Yep for real.
This book I find so refreshing on the view of sex that no sex between a married couple solely for procreation is not the only acceptable form of sex. That masturbation is actually an okay think to do, can you believe in the early 90s a woman got fired by Clinton because she suggested as much?! The point is that what one, two or sometimes more consenting adults do in private is their own business and it's okay for them to do it and gasp enjoy themselves. They do not need to feel guilty for it or ashamed because of it. As long as you are willing and with your partner you should have a good time and that is okay.
This book is smart, informative with anecdotes that are relate able.
The book is smart so much so I would encourage everyone to read it in fact I think high school students should read it. Yes really, that abstinence only crap will not work but maybe if they masturbated more they would leave each other alone till they were mature enough to handle sex. Which is the whole point of the book be mature about sex. When you are and you are with a willing partner the sex will be good.
Sex is not black and white very few things in fact are most things are grey so don't be narrow minded about new things about what sex "should" be and allow yourself to find what works best for you and your partner.
The book is broken into chapters, the first couple are focused on masturbation then onto orgasm. The book moves on to sex specifically talking about it, defining it and the best reasons to have sex. It is very much about how to have the best sex you can be it with yourself or with a partner. Not just do what feels good whenever with whoever but mature consenting adults can get the best out of it and it is okay.
I do recommend this book to all as I think it is a book everyone could learn from. The Truth About Sex is volume 1 in a three part series. I for one am looking forward to the rest of the series.
July 6, 2013
from the library
finally, a book about sex that I wish I had written, that says what I want it to say, that tells the simple truths about sex,
This is a book that I could recommend to most people.
The history part is perhaps less perfect, but definitely good enough.
finally, a book about sex that I wish I had written, that says what I want it to say, that tells the simple truths about sex,
This is a book that I could recommend to most people.
The history part is perhaps less perfect, but definitely good enough.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 28, 2021
An in-depth overview of the psychology of sexual behaviors from the days when people hawked graham crackers to hold off the urges to masturbate to a professor of entomology who rewrote the book on human sexuality. Gloria G. Brame puts a microscope to the fine print of what we as humans need to know about how we are sexual beings and have needs outside of reproductive acts that when unfulfilled, can lead to other physiological and psychological issues.
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