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Santa Lives!: Five Conclusive Arguments for the Existence of Santa Claus
The National Lampoon editor and author of Yiddish with Dick and Jane addresses the reality of Santa Claus as he introduces his five definitive arguments for the existence of the cultural and marketing icon, along with a discussion on the history of Santa, the existence of napkins, and the crucial distinctions between birthday cake and fruitcake. Reissue.
112 pages, Hardcover
First published October 25, 2005
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
December 7, 2011
Santa Claus is not just totally a product of imagination. He evolved to what he is now from the many sources depending on where you are, your beliefs or your religion as these could be what your parents believed in too. If you were from Greece, he could have been based on Sinterklaas, their traditional Winter holiday figure. If you are a Catholic, you probably believe that he was based on the 4th century Greek Christian bishop called Saint Nicholas of Myra. If you believe in mythology, Norse has Odin who was believed to have been generous in giving gifts. Lastly, there is Father Christmas that was immortalized (not created as the character has been in existence since the 17th century) by Charles Dickens as Ghost of the Christmas Present in his 1843 novel, The Christmas Carol.
So this book Santa Lives! Five Conclusive Arguments for the Existence of Santa Claus by Eliis Weiner, no longer aims to prove the existence of Santa Claus based on historical perspective. Rather, it wants to prove Santa’s existence using five “philosophical” arguments in a way that is funny supposedly. After all, Weiner is an editor at National Lampoon, a columnist for Spy, and is the author of Drop Dead, My Lovely and The Big Boat to Bye-Bye. He is also a co-author of Yiddish with Dick and Jane. All of those to tickle your funny bone.
There are parts that I laughed at but some are very American for my taste. The center of Christmas for me should be the babe in the manger and not the big fat guy in a red suit. The birth of the baby that gives hope to mankind is what the season is all about and not the gifts that children all over the worlds dream of having under the tree. I think this misplaced idea of Christmas is the offshoot of materialism that seems to be a worldwide dilemma. Everything is about money and its promise of happiness.
However, this book is preaching neither about religion nor morality. Weiner only uses the idea of Santa Claus to elicit laughers or smiles from its reader. So, I set the misplaced emphasis of Christmas aside and tried to enjoy the book that Weiner used to argue for the existence of Santa Claus. He used five different arguments:
Overall, this is a book that I picked up out of curiosity. Anyway, it’s Christmastime and it’s nice to read something about the season. It is also thin and could be finished in just few hours. I am not really big on philosophy so his arguments seem to be impractical, i.e., inconclusive, even if he raised or substantiated them in a funny American way. There are just those that are really too American for me.
So this book Santa Lives! Five Conclusive Arguments for the Existence of Santa Claus by Eliis Weiner, no longer aims to prove the existence of Santa Claus based on historical perspective. Rather, it wants to prove Santa’s existence using five “philosophical” arguments in a way that is funny supposedly. After all, Weiner is an editor at National Lampoon, a columnist for Spy, and is the author of Drop Dead, My Lovely and The Big Boat to Bye-Bye. He is also a co-author of Yiddish with Dick and Jane. All of those to tickle your funny bone.
There are parts that I laughed at but some are very American for my taste. The center of Christmas for me should be the babe in the manger and not the big fat guy in a red suit. The birth of the baby that gives hope to mankind is what the season is all about and not the gifts that children all over the worlds dream of having under the tree. I think this misplaced idea of Christmas is the offshoot of materialism that seems to be a worldwide dilemma. Everything is about money and its promise of happiness.
However, this book is preaching neither about religion nor morality. Weiner only uses the idea of Santa Claus to elicit laughers or smiles from its reader. So, I set the misplaced emphasis of Christmas aside and tried to enjoy the book that Weiner used to argue for the existence of Santa Claus. He used five different arguments:
1. Ontological - we imagine that he is a perfect Santa, so he must exist! According to Ontology, which is part of the major branch of Philosophy called Metaphysics, something or someone can exist if we imagine that to be part of a scheme or hierarchy. So, if Santa Claus is perfect as part of the whole idea of Christmas, then he must exist!So you see? Weiner’s style on proving the existence of Santa Claus is not historical but rather philosophical with comical spice.
2. Causal - what causes Christmas? Answer: the gifts. What causes the gifts? If you believe that those come from Santa Claus, then he must exist! Imagine gifts mysteriously appearing under the tree all over the world on Christmas morning causing such joy and happiness to all small children. We were once like those children, right?
3. Teleological - argues that Santa must exist because Christmas has been designed for him. From the Christmas cards bearing the cute little reindeer on gift paper, pretty snowflake pattern on sweaters, etc. we see all the images of Santa, his reindeers, sleigh, gifts and the snowy sceneries. I said, I do not agree and in fact sad about this, but we now associate Santa Claus with Christmas and as long as we don’t venerate and call on Santa to help us before we are wheeled to the operating table, I guess it should be okay.
4. Experiential - at some points when we were very young, we all believed in Santa Claus. We opened gifts from him. We found our stockings (my daddy’s old work socks in my case) filled with candies from him. We were all made to believe in Santa and we did. I remember my sister telling me to sleep early on Christmas eve because Santa will not come to our house if I am wide awake from 8:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. So, I did make sure to sleep and if I could not sleep, I just closed my eyes even if they hurt because I would want to have my gift of horse toy. She said that if there was a toy I wanted, I have to tell that to Santa Claus in my prayer. So, I did almost every night but I never got that toy. These experiences that we had, even if we did not see Santa Claus, are proofs that he exists!
5.Morality - from being an arbiter of morality, whether we’ve been good or bad, Santa Claus must exist! He makes a list. He checks it twice. He finds out who, in his estimation, is naughty and who, in contrast, is nice. He then gives gifts only to those who are nice. That maybe is the reason why I have not gotten my horse toy that I’d wished to have when I was a little boy ha ha.
Overall, this is a book that I picked up out of curiosity. Anyway, it’s Christmastime and it’s nice to read something about the season. It is also thin and could be finished in just few hours. I am not really big on philosophy so his arguments seem to be impractical, i.e., inconclusive, even if he raised or substantiated them in a funny American way. There are just those that are really too American for me.
Want to read
December 6, 2011Looking at the other reviews, the case seems unanswerable. How anyone could not believe in Santa is beyond me.
I should stress, however, that the arguments only prove the existence of the New Reformed Santa (Genevan Chapter). People who believe in the Orthodox Santa or the Old Reformed Santa are wrong. The members of the Zürich Chapter are particularly naughty and will not receive any presents.
I should stress, however, that the arguments only prove the existence of the New Reformed Santa (Genevan Chapter). People who believe in the Orthodox Santa or the Old Reformed Santa are wrong. The members of the Zürich Chapter are particularly naughty and will not receive any presents.
December 14, 2010
I, a devout Clausian, didn't need convincing, but this was still an interesting read.
November 6, 2012
From 1265-1274, the famous Catholic theologian Thomas Aquinas (c. 1225-1274) worked on his most famous work, Summa Theologica, which remained unfinished at his death. Within this massive work are Aquinas’s five proofs of the existence of God: there must be a first mover, unmoved; a first cause in the chain of causes; an absolutely necessary being; an absolutely perfect being; and a rational designer. Whether one accepts Aquinas’s arguments or not is not the issue at stake here, it is how Ellis Weiner humorously applies these arguments to prove the existence of Santa Claus.
The slim volume, Santa Lives! by Ellis Weiner is appropriately subtitled Five Conclusive Arguments for the Existence of Santa Claus. In this volume, Weiner provides essentially the same arguments as Aquinas did about God, but used in the cause of Claus, and then expands on these to “prove” his case. These arguments are fun and his explanations are very funny in most cases. Weiner is a former editor for National Lampoon, a columnist for Spy and the author of several books. This book is a wonderful, humorous quick read for the holiday season.
So what are the arguments for the existence of Santa? The Ontological Argument is:
“It is possible to imagine a perfect Santa Claus. But this perfection would not be complete if it did not include existence. Indeed, a Santa Claus who didn’t exist would not be perfect—for, if he did not exist, then no matter how jolly, fat, and generous he was, how could he bring us presents?
Therefore, the perfect Santa Claus, because we can imagine him, must exist.”(11, 12)
Weiner then explains what attributes our perfect Santa must have in buttressing his argument.
The second argument is the Causal Argument:
“Everything in our experience, in both the animate and inanimate worlds, must have a cause, …When we ask ourselves, ‘What is the cause of Christmas?’ we have an immediate and strong intuition that we haven’t the faintest idea. Then, when we ask someone who knows, the answer is, ‘Christmas presents,’ since it wouldn’t be Christmas without presents.
But we then find ourselves confronting an even more puzzling conundrum, a huge, orderly, and astoundingly well-coordinated spectacle that cries out for explanation. What causes Christmas presents? And, even more striking and ‘weird,’ what causes them to appear (a) all over the world, (b) under identical trees, and (c) at the same time?
This is an effect that can only be explained by a single cause, i.e., Santa Claus. It must follow then that Santa Claus exists.”(21, 22)
To bolster this argument, Weiner applies the principle of parsimony in the guise of Occam’s razor, i.e. given several possible explanations for the cause of a phenomenon, usually the simplest explanation is the correct one.
The third argument is the Argument from Design or the Teleological Argument:
“Christmas is a nonrandom event. It shows clear signs of having been designed for a number of specific purposes. These purposes conform exactly to the salient characteristics, talents, and abilities of Santa Claus. It is as though Christmas had been designed for Santa Claus—which would be impossible if Santa did not exist.
In addition, Santa Claus is the only figure well-suited (in red, with fluffy white fringe, available for Santa fans at Big ‘n’ Tall ‘n’ Immense ‘n’ Obese stores everywhere) to embody Christmas. Yet it is absurd to imagine so important a holiday has been created to be incarnated in a being that does not exist.
Therefore, from both the purposes of Christmas being what they are, and from the success of Christmas at achieving those purposes, we can conclude that Santa Claus must exist.” (35, 36)
The fourth argument is the Experiential Argument:
“Many people have had a direct, personal experience of Santa Claus. Indeed, many have reported with unquestionable sincerity, that they have sat in his lap. Moreover, they report that their lives were significantly changed by these encounters. Objective, third-party observation confirms many of these reports.
Since it is impossible to sit on the lap of a being who does not exist, and since it is impossible for one’s life to be changed by a being who does not exist, and because so many people have claimed such experiences, Santa Claus must exist.” (53, 54)
Weiner’s elaboration consists of the argument that even though many, if not most, of these experiences are with faux Clauses, and although many children might not be truthful, at least some must be and some (few, perhaps) must experience the real Santa Claus.
His final argument is the Argument from Morality:
“One of the chief functions and purposes of Santa Claus at Christmastime is to serve as moral arbiter of whether we have been good or bad.
His methodology for this helpful (if seasonal) protocol is well-known: He makes a list. He checks it twice. He finds out who, in his estimation, is naughty and who, in contrast, is nice. He then awards or withholds presents accordingly.
In addition, when we’re told to be good in order to receive what we want for Christmas, we usually are good, for exactly this reason.
We would not be inclined—and might not be able—to be good in order to appease a being who does not exist. Nor could Santa himself make such persuasive and binding moral judgments about us if he did not exist. Therefore, for both reasons, Santa Claus must exist.” (71, 72)
To bolster his argument Weiner first looks at where morality comes from. He argues that until Santa was born, morality was just obeying the law and chance. Then he moves into how Santa enforces his moral code through an examination of “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” written in 1932 by Haven Gillespie and J. Fred Coots.
Weiner concludes his book with an appendix offering, briefly, three other arguments for Santa’s existence: Pascal’s Wager, the Argument from Fame, and the Argument from Truism.
I found this to be a fast and hilarious read. Weiner writes well and doesn’t take himself, or his editor for that matter, particularly seriously. I think this would be a great book to have for the Christmas season to be read, reread and savor every year. I highly recommend it for its brevity, wild good humor and entertaining arguments. Now, all I need to do is actually read Aquinas’s Summa Theologica.
The slim volume, Santa Lives! by Ellis Weiner is appropriately subtitled Five Conclusive Arguments for the Existence of Santa Claus. In this volume, Weiner provides essentially the same arguments as Aquinas did about God, but used in the cause of Claus, and then expands on these to “prove” his case. These arguments are fun and his explanations are very funny in most cases. Weiner is a former editor for National Lampoon, a columnist for Spy and the author of several books. This book is a wonderful, humorous quick read for the holiday season.
So what are the arguments for the existence of Santa? The Ontological Argument is:
“It is possible to imagine a perfect Santa Claus. But this perfection would not be complete if it did not include existence. Indeed, a Santa Claus who didn’t exist would not be perfect—for, if he did not exist, then no matter how jolly, fat, and generous he was, how could he bring us presents?
Therefore, the perfect Santa Claus, because we can imagine him, must exist.”(11, 12)
Weiner then explains what attributes our perfect Santa must have in buttressing his argument.
The second argument is the Causal Argument:
“Everything in our experience, in both the animate and inanimate worlds, must have a cause, …When we ask ourselves, ‘What is the cause of Christmas?’ we have an immediate and strong intuition that we haven’t the faintest idea. Then, when we ask someone who knows, the answer is, ‘Christmas presents,’ since it wouldn’t be Christmas without presents.
But we then find ourselves confronting an even more puzzling conundrum, a huge, orderly, and astoundingly well-coordinated spectacle that cries out for explanation. What causes Christmas presents? And, even more striking and ‘weird,’ what causes them to appear (a) all over the world, (b) under identical trees, and (c) at the same time?
This is an effect that can only be explained by a single cause, i.e., Santa Claus. It must follow then that Santa Claus exists.”(21, 22)
To bolster this argument, Weiner applies the principle of parsimony in the guise of Occam’s razor, i.e. given several possible explanations for the cause of a phenomenon, usually the simplest explanation is the correct one.
The third argument is the Argument from Design or the Teleological Argument:
“Christmas is a nonrandom event. It shows clear signs of having been designed for a number of specific purposes. These purposes conform exactly to the salient characteristics, talents, and abilities of Santa Claus. It is as though Christmas had been designed for Santa Claus—which would be impossible if Santa did not exist.
In addition, Santa Claus is the only figure well-suited (in red, with fluffy white fringe, available for Santa fans at Big ‘n’ Tall ‘n’ Immense ‘n’ Obese stores everywhere) to embody Christmas. Yet it is absurd to imagine so important a holiday has been created to be incarnated in a being that does not exist.
Therefore, from both the purposes of Christmas being what they are, and from the success of Christmas at achieving those purposes, we can conclude that Santa Claus must exist.” (35, 36)
The fourth argument is the Experiential Argument:
“Many people have had a direct, personal experience of Santa Claus. Indeed, many have reported with unquestionable sincerity, that they have sat in his lap. Moreover, they report that their lives were significantly changed by these encounters. Objective, third-party observation confirms many of these reports.
Since it is impossible to sit on the lap of a being who does not exist, and since it is impossible for one’s life to be changed by a being who does not exist, and because so many people have claimed such experiences, Santa Claus must exist.” (53, 54)
Weiner’s elaboration consists of the argument that even though many, if not most, of these experiences are with faux Clauses, and although many children might not be truthful, at least some must be and some (few, perhaps) must experience the real Santa Claus.
His final argument is the Argument from Morality:
“One of the chief functions and purposes of Santa Claus at Christmastime is to serve as moral arbiter of whether we have been good or bad.
His methodology for this helpful (if seasonal) protocol is well-known: He makes a list. He checks it twice. He finds out who, in his estimation, is naughty and who, in contrast, is nice. He then awards or withholds presents accordingly.
In addition, when we’re told to be good in order to receive what we want for Christmas, we usually are good, for exactly this reason.
We would not be inclined—and might not be able—to be good in order to appease a being who does not exist. Nor could Santa himself make such persuasive and binding moral judgments about us if he did not exist. Therefore, for both reasons, Santa Claus must exist.” (71, 72)
To bolster his argument Weiner first looks at where morality comes from. He argues that until Santa was born, morality was just obeying the law and chance. Then he moves into how Santa enforces his moral code through an examination of “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” written in 1932 by Haven Gillespie and J. Fred Coots.
Weiner concludes his book with an appendix offering, briefly, three other arguments for Santa’s existence: Pascal’s Wager, the Argument from Fame, and the Argument from Truism.
I found this to be a fast and hilarious read. Weiner writes well and doesn’t take himself, or his editor for that matter, particularly seriously. I think this would be a great book to have for the Christmas season to be read, reread and savor every year. I highly recommend it for its brevity, wild good humor and entertaining arguments. Now, all I need to do is actually read Aquinas’s Summa Theologica.
December 27, 2016
For some reason, I thought this book was of a more serious bent when I picked it up. It was mostly satirical. In my opinion, the best line was a throw-away about specific individuals who are embarrassing to their entire species, such as, for humans, Donald Trump. Sigh - the accuracy of the sentiment kept the book from being an escape from reality.
August 7, 2012
This book is just plain silly. Isn't it just a step from there to realizing that the Ontological Argument, the Teleological Argument, and the others are always a little silly even outside this book and outside the context of Christmas? A stocking stuffer that makes you think.
November 14, 2008
Santa is awesome and so is this book.
December 24, 2016
Hilarious psydo-philosophy with flawed and brilliant logical arguments for why Santa is real.
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