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How to Click with People: The Secret to Better Relationships in Business and in Life
The Secret to Building Better Relationships in Business and in Life With some people, you just click. The connection is quick and easy. Communication flows. You can tell them anything and they know just what you mean. When you connect in this way, you feel understood and accepted for who you really are. You "get" these people and they get you. We think of this connection as an instantaneous thing, something that either happens or doesn't. Not so, says author Dr. Rick Kirschner. This connection isn't a magical phenomenon; it's a communication skill that can be learned with specific steps and techniques. Based on the author's three decades of experience as an interpersonal communication expert, How to Click with People will show you how -Recognize and respond effectively to the four basic communication styles everyone uses-Speak the same language as the person you're talking to, whether emotional or intellectual-Connect in a digital age ruled by e-mail and social media-Master the 7 Signals that will make you-and your ideas-click with others-Troubleshoot the nine obstacles that could be in your way and learn how to avoid or overcome themIn the end, Kirschner argues that these skills are crucial because success has less to do with professional knowledge than with "the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people." In this How to Win Friends and Influence People for the twenty-first century, he gives readers the advice and insights they need to strengthen their relationships and take charge of their future.
275 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2011
21 people are currently reading
107 people want to read
About the author
Rick Kirschner
24 books13 followersDr. Rick Kirschner is a communications expert, bestselling author, business trainer, internationally known speaker, blogger, and coach. He helps individuals and organizations embrace change, resolve conflict and improve communication. His entertaining, motivational and idea-packed speeches, training and coaching sessions have been called a life-changing experience by his clients.
Dr. Rick Kirschner has presented to and consulted with many of the world's best known organizations, including Argonne National Laboratory, Heineken, Kraft, McDonalds, NASA, National Association of Neonatal Nurses, Providence and Carolinas HealthCare Systems, Starbucks, Texas Instruments and numerous others to not only make their events memorable and entertaining but also to bring about positive change in the lives of their managers and employees.
Dr. Rick Kirschner is also the author of the comprehensive communication training books and audio, the 'Insider's Guide To The Art Of Persuasion', and other bestselling books including the coauthored work and international bestseller, ''Dealing With People You Can't Stand: How To Bring Out The Best In People At Their Worst''. His most recent book, ''How To Click With People: The Secret To Better Relationships In Business And In Life' is about turning contacts into connections, connections into relationships and relationships into results. 'Dealing With People You Can't Stand' (Kirschner, Brinkman, McGraw Hill 2012) is now in its third revised edition, with 3 new chapters, plus a refresh of the rest of the content to keep the material current.
Dr. Kirschner is on the faculty of the Institute for Management Studies, and is a thought leader with Athena Online and with the CanDoGo learning system. He is adjunct faculty with the Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine, where he teaches a five day intensive course on Healthy Communication (Psyc 604) to incoming freshmen.
He blogs fresh content each week on ideas and strategies to increase influence and improve persuasive interactions, plus offers his insights into world events, technology and politics as related to persuasive communication. More info at TheArtofChange.com
Dr. Rick Kirschner has presented to and consulted with many of the world's best known organizations, including Argonne National Laboratory, Heineken, Kraft, McDonalds, NASA, National Association of Neonatal Nurses, Providence and Carolinas HealthCare Systems, Starbucks, Texas Instruments and numerous others to not only make their events memorable and entertaining but also to bring about positive change in the lives of their managers and employees.
Dr. Rick Kirschner is also the author of the comprehensive communication training books and audio, the 'Insider's Guide To The Art Of Persuasion', and other bestselling books including the coauthored work and international bestseller, ''Dealing With People You Can't Stand: How To Bring Out The Best In People At Their Worst''. His most recent book, ''How To Click With People: The Secret To Better Relationships In Business And In Life' is about turning contacts into connections, connections into relationships and relationships into results. 'Dealing With People You Can't Stand' (Kirschner, Brinkman, McGraw Hill 2012) is now in its third revised edition, with 3 new chapters, plus a refresh of the rest of the content to keep the material current.
Dr. Kirschner is on the faculty of the Institute for Management Studies, and is a thought leader with Athena Online and with the CanDoGo learning system. He is adjunct faculty with the Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine, where he teaches a five day intensive course on Healthy Communication (Psyc 604) to incoming freshmen.
He blogs fresh content each week on ideas and strategies to increase influence and improve persuasive interactions, plus offers his insights into world events, technology and politics as related to persuasive communication. More info at TheArtofChange.com
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
January 13, 2017
I thought this book was helpful for getting along with people. It gave some helpful tips. I could have used it for when I had a co worker at work I wasn't clicking with. I don't know if these tactics would work all the time. The one things that bugged me was the author was switching from the he and she pronoun.
June 22, 2012
It is like the updated version of How to Win Friends and Influence People.
February 12, 2026
People form organizations around their shared values and work with great diligence to effect the world based on those values. Consciously invoking the patterns of similarity and resonance can create the common ground. Creating those patterns of similarity is called blending, and it is one of the most basic ways to create click.
Physical blending increases the likelihood of cooperation. By matching your posture to another person's, you jump-start the pattern of resonance. Matching the speed and volume at which someone is speaking is imperative in reaching that click.
People who live with passion find it easier to click with others. Knowing what you really care about, and why, lets you tap into your passion.
Take responsibility for the way you relate to others. Your greatest leverage in life is your response to what the moment brings. Taking charge of yourself takes you beyond reactions to others, so that you can be responsive to them instead. To increase your sense of ownership over the moments in your life, start by committing to learn from every experience, and prepare yourself before each new one.
Having clickability means treating everyone equally. When it comes to making people feel special, it's the little things that count the most. Start with something as simple as a name. Names matter. Notice how people introduce themselves, and let that be your guide in addressing them.
Keep the conversation going. Being attentive to people means trying to engage people by encouraging them to talk about themselves. Asking a question to learn more about something a person has said is an easy way to indicate interest.
People who know how to connect with others tend to be warmer rather than colder. Maintain a relaxed and open posture. Welcome people into your personal space. Look at people, and let people see warmth in your eyes. Focus on the person you are interacting with. Speak, and let people hear the warmth in your voice. Attend to people. Hold the other person at the center of your attention.
Listen before you talk. Once you've given the speaker an opportunity to express himself, repeat what you've just heard to demonstrate that you're both on the same page. This also lets the other person know he's been heard, and that you value what he is saying. Repeat the key words, phrases, and ideas you've just heard so as to clarify the information.
After the person has finished making his point, ask questions. Good listeners understand the limits of their knowledge. They are not afraid to explore the unknown to build the connection. The key is curiosity. Questions are powerful tools for clicking.
Listen for feelings, not just words. People want to be heard and understood not just logically, but also emotionally. Learning to hear both words and feelings is a valuable skill. Whenever people talk, what they most want to be heard and understood. Providing that experience is what really creates the click.
To build connection with people, you need to understand four basic styles of communication: action, accuracy, approval, and appreciation
Action: When a person is direct and to the point, your response should also be direct and to the point. Speak assertively. Be matter of fact.
Approval: A person using an approval-based communication style is also verbally indirect, but her focus is on people rather than issues. The key here is to be considerate yourself, and to let the person hear you taking others' thoughts and feelings into account. Be friendly. Speak patiently and with care.
Appreciation: This person is focused on people as opposed to goals, and on being rather than doing, but he is verbally direct. Be direct and enthusiastic. Use your words and attitude to create a spotlight effect.
Knowing your own values helps you to notice them in others. Because most people find value in people who are living their values, being able to state yours and act on yours with confidence, clarity, and authority increases your clickability, as well as improves your skills at clicking with someone else. Build your connection around what matters most to the other person.
Physical blending increases the likelihood of cooperation. By matching your posture to another person's, you jump-start the pattern of resonance. Matching the speed and volume at which someone is speaking is imperative in reaching that click.
People who live with passion find it easier to click with others. Knowing what you really care about, and why, lets you tap into your passion.
Take responsibility for the way you relate to others. Your greatest leverage in life is your response to what the moment brings. Taking charge of yourself takes you beyond reactions to others, so that you can be responsive to them instead. To increase your sense of ownership over the moments in your life, start by committing to learn from every experience, and prepare yourself before each new one.
Having clickability means treating everyone equally. When it comes to making people feel special, it's the little things that count the most. Start with something as simple as a name. Names matter. Notice how people introduce themselves, and let that be your guide in addressing them.
Keep the conversation going. Being attentive to people means trying to engage people by encouraging them to talk about themselves. Asking a question to learn more about something a person has said is an easy way to indicate interest.
People who know how to connect with others tend to be warmer rather than colder. Maintain a relaxed and open posture. Welcome people into your personal space. Look at people, and let people see warmth in your eyes. Focus on the person you are interacting with. Speak, and let people hear the warmth in your voice. Attend to people. Hold the other person at the center of your attention.
Listen before you talk. Once you've given the speaker an opportunity to express himself, repeat what you've just heard to demonstrate that you're both on the same page. This also lets the other person know he's been heard, and that you value what he is saying. Repeat the key words, phrases, and ideas you've just heard so as to clarify the information.
After the person has finished making his point, ask questions. Good listeners understand the limits of their knowledge. They are not afraid to explore the unknown to build the connection. The key is curiosity. Questions are powerful tools for clicking.
Listen for feelings, not just words. People want to be heard and understood not just logically, but also emotionally. Learning to hear both words and feelings is a valuable skill. Whenever people talk, what they most want to be heard and understood. Providing that experience is what really creates the click.
To build connection with people, you need to understand four basic styles of communication: action, accuracy, approval, and appreciation
Action: When a person is direct and to the point, your response should also be direct and to the point. Speak assertively. Be matter of fact.
Approval: A person using an approval-based communication style is also verbally indirect, but her focus is on people rather than issues. The key here is to be considerate yourself, and to let the person hear you taking others' thoughts and feelings into account. Be friendly. Speak patiently and with care.
Appreciation: This person is focused on people as opposed to goals, and on being rather than doing, but he is verbally direct. Be direct and enthusiastic. Use your words and attitude to create a spotlight effect.
Knowing your own values helps you to notice them in others. Because most people find value in people who are living their values, being able to state yours and act on yours with confidence, clarity, and authority increases your clickability, as well as improves your skills at clicking with someone else. Build your connection around what matters most to the other person.
December 24, 2024
Encontré que este libro presenta herramientas útiles para identificar y entender los patrones en la comunicación humana. Si bien la propuesta es interesante y puede ser valiosa para quienes están comenzando a explorar el tema de las relaciones interpersonales, debo admitir que me quedé con ganas de más profundidad.
Como alguien que ya tiene experiencia en el área de desarrollo personal y comunicación, sentí que el contenido apenas rasca la superficie de lo que implica verdaderamente conectar con otros. Las herramientas presentadas son sin duda funcionales, pero se mantienen en un nivel bastante básico que podría resultar más beneficioso para lectores que recién se introducen en estos temas.
La lectura es fluida y accesible, lo cual es un punto a favor. Sin embargo, creo que el libro podría haber explorado con mayor detalle las complejidades y matices de las interacciones humanas. Es como tener un manual de introducción cuando lo que buscaba era un análisis más profundo y desafiante.
En resumen: recomendable para principiantes, pero quizás demasiado elemental para lectores más experimentados en el campo de las relaciones interpersonales.
Como alguien que ya tiene experiencia en el área de desarrollo personal y comunicación, sentí que el contenido apenas rasca la superficie de lo que implica verdaderamente conectar con otros. Las herramientas presentadas son sin duda funcionales, pero se mantienen en un nivel bastante básico que podría resultar más beneficioso para lectores que recién se introducen en estos temas.
La lectura es fluida y accesible, lo cual es un punto a favor. Sin embargo, creo que el libro podría haber explorado con mayor detalle las complejidades y matices de las interacciones humanas. Es como tener un manual de introducción cuando lo que buscaba era un análisis más profundo y desafiante.
En resumen: recomendable para principiantes, pero quizás demasiado elemental para lectores más experimentados en el campo de las relaciones interpersonales.
August 2, 2023
I was intrigued and am interested in learning more about communication. This book was okay. Gave some things to think on like listening to people and asking questions/letting people talk to connect. Otherwise it was a long read that really by the end felt like it was drawing out messages that could have been said in way less words with examples that I did not connect with or find useful or interesting. Would recommend a different book on communication and connecting if you're looking.
January 1, 2018
Not any more helpful than a listicle.
October 28, 2020
I get lots of books in the mail because people want me to review them in this space. I received an advance proof of this book a few weeks ago and I was intrigued by the title. In my work as a trainer, consultant and speaker, when I can “click” with people I will be more successful. The subtitle of the book promises “Building the Personal Side of Business” and I have long talked about business as being a relationship business. - See more at: http://blog.kevineikenberry.com/coach...
September 29, 2012
Recommended to me as a modern version of the classic "How to Win Friends and Influence People", which I had been considering. A pretty quick read. Some interesting tips and insight. Wasn't blown away, but did learn a few things, including some about myself. A lot of it focused on workplace situations, which is fine, but less of what I was looking for.
June 12, 2012
The concepts in this book seemed relatively basic and straightforward. Not sure this brought me any new information, but served as a refresher to emphasize what I already know.
January 28, 2013
This book had some very good tips for "clicking" with people. I will be trying them out for sure. Definitely a book that would be good to revisit from time to time.
February 20, 2016
Good motivation for the new year.
March 15, 2016
Threats topic from many different aspects. Good reading.
January 11, 2012
Good for people that have a hard time feeling comfortable in environments that require networking
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews