Happiness: The Thinking Person's Guide

by Richard O'Connor

One of the basic beliefs of contemporary society has been that increasing prosperity and comfort will automatically lead to greater happiness. But we now have the data to prove that it's just not so...

Happiness: The Thinking Person's Guide teaches you how to be happier by exploring the science of happiness in human beings and revealing why we feel joy and sorrow when it often makes more sense to feel the opposite.Did you know that survival instincts left over from caveman days make us want things that are no longer good for us? Ever wondered why men tend to seek power and status and women worry about their physical appearance? Answering these questions and many more Richard O'Connor explains why we feel the way we do and trains us to:

- Develop core skills that we need to feel happiness today
- Fight the 'I see, I want' elements in ourselves that lead to unhappiness
- Manipulate dissatisfaction to change the way we view life
- Distinguish between second-rate desire and true happiness

Using self-assessment exercises combined with fascinating science this practical self-help guide will teach you how to rewire your brain to feel more joy; it's simply a learning process.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology

320 pages, Paperback

First published April 28, 2009

About the author

Richard O'Connor, PhD, is the author of Undoing Depression, Undoing Perpetual Stress, and Happy at Last. For fourteen years he was executive director of the Northwest Center for Family Service and Mental Health, a nonprofit mental health clinic, where he oversaw the work of twenty mental health professionals in treating almost a thousand patients per year. He is a practicing psychotherapist with offices in Connecticut and New York, and lives in Lakeville, Connecticut.

Reviews

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are very few self help and psychology books on the market that I would go as far as to say are as comprehensive as this one, but in Happiness: The Thinking Person's Guide, Richard O'Connor has managed to encompass nearly, if not possibly all approaches and steps towards creating and enjoying our own happiness.

Am important part to take away from this title is that our happiness is as much about the attitude we bring to our lives as what happens in our lives. We cannot expect happiness to just 'show up', and by chasing the hedonic treadmill and not enriching our lives we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and sadness.

The point here is, you can train yourself to be happier and it will become a habit. Whilst mindfulness is an important aspect here, it's not all about 'stopping and smelling the roses' (although, that doesn't hurt once in a while) - it's more about training ourselves to see the good as much as we can and to keep away from unnecessary misery.

But what IS unnecessary misery, and when is misery necessary? The author takes us through a full chapter explaining just that; that our defence mechanisms such as denial, projection and passive aggression are mostly our downfalls and what continue to bring us problems in our relationships and general life. For example, when we project our feelings on someone else, we feel guilty and we try to make the other guy the guilty party as a defence mechanism e.g. "I may be late home but are you going to ruin the evening by being angry with me over it?" We need to unlearn these unhealthy patterns that we have got ourselves into over the years. This also comes from the cognitive behavioural therapy school of psychology in that you can change the way you think in order to change your attitudes and outlooks and thereby your happiness level. It may sound silly or like a load of twaddle, but I can attest that it actually works.

Other parts of the book focus on the best ways we can increase our happiness by increasing our self esteem, personal growth, relationships and personal growth. Some of the things written in this book may be things you've heard before, but in my opinion this is the best way I've heard someone put them.

[Saalim Farhmand · Rating 4 out of 5]

Its last chapter makes it worth the reading time. The font type used in this book is so annoying. It makes really Hard to keep up reading for long.
All said though it isn't that bad. It does have some outstanding exercises to make life even more enjoyable if applied correctly and persistently.

[Deepak Chaudhary · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book honestly because of that title because I thought, "Hey, I'm a thinking person, and I like happiness". This book is for me.

I found the book. OK, it does not really have too many new insights on happiness for me because I have read many books on this topic, but for people exploring this topic for the first time, I think this will be a great read.

Some ideas, like not buying anything for a week, I did not get how this could change my level of happiness, but then I am a minimalist; I only buy food and things I may need, but for someone who shops to find happiness, this could be useful.

The book can't be read from front to back; it has exercises that the author asks you to do that you can skip, but you will feel like you have not gotten the books full value. I actually went back to these exercises half way through the book to these exercises, it felt like homework. I don't really know this author too well and felt he had not earned the right to ask me to do this extra work, and I did not find the exercises added anything extra. If you are someone who does not like getting off a good book and writing for a while, you won't like that.

Note that my personality and desires are unique to me, this book may be the best thing that has ever happened to you, so please read it if you are thinking about reading it. I am just talking about my experience of reading this book.