Parenting the Ephraim's Child: Characteristics, Capabilities, and Challenges of Children Who Are Intensely More

by Deborah Talmadge, Jaime Theler

Determination, energy, and a headstrong will---the very traits that make your child a parenting challenge---are, in fact, the character strengths the Lord needs in our day. This revolutionary parenting guide combines real-life examples, scriptural passages, and sound techniques that will change the way you see your child. Learn to love your children because of their personalities, not in spite of them.

Genres: Parenting, Self Help, Nonfiction, Lds

263 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2004

Reviews

[Nathan Rose]

Attempts to fill in the gaps that other "traditional" parenting books leave with thoughtful discussion on parenting. I thought the scriptural references were a little stretched, but oh well. Lots of decent suggestions, or food for thought in developing a more positive and proactive (rather than reactive) parenting style. We've been trying several techinques, and they seem to be going pretty well.

[Jenny]

Written from an LDS perspective, this may just have been the most helpful parenting book I've read. It gives both great strategies for dealing with children who are intense (in my case, intensely sensitive, in particular) but also really helps reshape the way you view these children...seeing these characteristics as strengths and blessings rather than just as problems/challenges.

[Greta]

I LOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEDDDD this book. It was right on for both of my children. I wish I could have discovered it three or four years ago.

[Kelsie]

Maybe a 3.5. Maybe. I wanted to like this one a lot more than I did. It had some good parenting suggestions and I appreciated the ways it reframed often frustrating traits as potential positives, especially in a latter-day context. But I had three issues with it. First, it seemed like the author threw a bunch of traits together and tried to slap a label or diagnosis on them out of desperation. And I say this as a mom who is binging parenting and ADHD-related books out of desperation. The social science researcher in me was just losing it. Second, while I understand the reasoning behind the particular label. But the point is that these kids are supposedly rare (which is part of what makes them so challenging) but the tribe of Ephraim is... basically nearly every member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. More of a pet peeve or a nitpick than a genuine criticism. But still. Last, the edition I read had a number of glaring typos, including one an entire sentence was nearly unintelligible until I realized that the author had been typing with their entire hand shifted over by one key. Either they had no editor or a very crappy one.

I made note of the suggestions and passages I liked, but that was it. You would probably be better served looking up advice on the specific challenges and not one that is so broad as to become mediocre.

[Marni]

This is a really intriguing, eye-opening book. I've got 5 children, one that from birth has given us more opportunities to learn and practice good parenting skills (nice way to say, "He's one tough kid!"). I had read and read and read about how to "fix" him, looking for the magic formula, magic words, magic anything to help me help this kid. Newsflash, there isn't one.

But there is still good news - we can help our difficult children become great adults by recognizing their difficult traits for what they are or at least can become. Any time we label our children as difficult, we are focusing solely on the bad and not recognizing the good. "Ephraim's Child" helps parents to see the positive side of the difficult traits. For instance, stubbornness becomes perseverance. Picky becomes selective. Sensitive becomes tenderhearted. Wild becomes energetic or enthusiastic. The perspective change alone made this worthwhile reading, but Talmadge and Theler give suggestions on how to work with each of the traits as well.

The book is intended as one for parents of more difficult children, but I found it helpful to understand traits my other children display as well. They may not have the same traits as intensely as others, but the principles still apply.

[Danielle]

I really liked this and as I was reading I kept thinking "yes! this is my child..." I feel like I have my eyes opened up to a new way to view my firstborn. This is written by mother-daughter of some pretty intense children. Not just kids going through the 'terrible twos' or whatever, but kids who are super emotional, super intense, super clever and super passionate.
There is a lot of scripture, a lot of refrences to prophets and apostles who talk about why and how these children have been saved for the 'last days'. Of course we have heard this before, but it was really refreshing to hear how and why these children need more now, but if steered in the right direction can be such an influence for good.

I wish that there were more 'tools' that they could have imparted, somethings that have worked for them and help them. But I understand obviously that because it is parenting, and it is unique and individualized for each child it is up to us to figure that part out. :)
Overall I feel like I have a better 'version' and a better way to view my own daughter. I feel like I can see her through eyes that have a broader perspective, and a bigger understanding of how these traits and capabilities can be used for good- if I can help train and teach her to do so.

[Kristine]

I think this book is written by LDS authors (hence the title). A cool LDS perspective on why maybe children who are saved for the latter days may be a little more difficult to parent: "an EC has great determination, energy, and a headstrong will. EC are also often high maintenance, emotional, controlling and aggravating."

If your kid is INTENSE and feels everything 0% or 200% (Ellie's been bossy since day 1) this can help give you ideas on coping and strategies for negotiation. I think it really helped me find my way with Ellie to know when to pick my battles. Helpful, but not life changing. I actually didn't read the whole thing cover-to-cover . . .

[Amy]

I borrowed this from a friend a while back--it is sort of a "Raising Your Spirited Child" with an LDS perspective. Having a daughter who is definitely "intensely more" with her feelings, I really enjoyed the "our strengths are our weaknesses" reminder. I honestly can't remember if I even finished the book--otherwise I'd give it 5 stars...I'm thinking if I finished it, then I would remember more tangible advice from it....however, it did give me a lot of good ideas and inspiration to not keep trying to "fix" her but rather try to help her (and me!) to grow up without being afraid/embarrassed of her own intense emotions so that as she matures she will be better equipped to handle them.

[Michelle]

This is an amazing book. If you're child seems not to fit the ordinary cast of children... If other parenting strategies aren't working...you'll love this book. It shows how what seem like difficult personality traits in your child can actually become wonderful strengths later in life, if they are nurtured correctly. It helps you understand where this "crazy person" is coming from and how best to deal with them in a constructive, loving and understanding way. It has a definite LDS perspective, but can be helpful with any child

[Elspeth]

This is one of the best parenting books I've ever read. It combines parenting advice with the gospel to teach parents, not only how to help their children behave but how to encourage the traits they will need to grow up to be contributers to the world and the church. This book goes beyond making it through power struggles with your child to turning your child's persistence into steadfastness. A wonderful look at how the traits your child has now that make parenting such a challenge can be developed into qualities they will need in the future. And how to do it.

[Krissy]

I wouldn't say this book is a great piece of writing, but it does have some good information. Do the authors have degrees behind their knowledge? No, but they have experience. This book did not solve all the issues with my daughter, but it did help me understand her (and myself) better. If anything, it helped me realize that I'm not alone, and that other parents are dealing with the same frustrations I am.

[Robert]

Maybe it was just my mood at the time, but tone of this book struck me as off. I'm sure the authors are well-intentioned, but I would cringe at every mention of "my child is more". It felt borderline elitist, describing a class of children who are better than others.

I only made it a few chapters in, then skimmed the rest. Most of it was simple common sense. Had I read this at a different time perhaps it would have worked for me.

[Sheralyn]

Loved this book! I do not usually say this about parenting books, but this one was written with such love for children that normally make you want to pull your hair out and brought up such little things that make such a big difference. This is a book I keep around as a reference and I look into it on a regular basis.

[Kara]

This book was awesome. It totally changed how I viewed my children and has helped in many ways especially in parenting and disciplining during difficult/exhausting/frustrating situations. I plan to read it again in a year and keep reminding myself what I can do to raise my children to become who they are meant to become as spirit children of God.

[Sarah]

I LOVE this book. From infancy, all of my kids have been something more. The family doctor has always told us that most kids have 2 batteries and mine run on three. It was really refreshing to read practical solutions especially from an LDS perspective.

[Summer Beckwith Gibby]

This book has helped me a lot with Tyler. He is so intense in all his emotions and so sensitive to certain things like sound, groups and certain fabric; it's helped us understand why he reacts the way he does to things.

[Emily]

I have lent this book to my sister, so I haven't been able to finish it yet, but I just love it! It changes your perspective so much and helps you understand your children and why they act the way they do. A must read for mommies of incredibly strong-willed children!

[Eva]

This book was great in some ways, like any other parenting book in other ways, and poorly edited. Good things: discipline ideas for kids that don't respond to tradional methods, keys to understanding and teaching your child, etc.

[Cayenne]

This book was the best parenting book I have ever read. My children are all definitely "intensely more" and the information, guidance, and hope I found in this book has totally changed the way I think about my children.

[Kellie]

I really needed this book. At least 2 of my kids fit this book perfectly and sometimes I can see the others in it, too. This book really helped me understand my kids better and it has helped me have a better relationship with them.

[Afton]

Really helped me understand my own children and others better.

[Amanda]

This book has helped Bryan and I with Broc. It helps us to know how to help him with strong emotions.

[Becky]

This book I will buy. I have finally found a book that explains my child to a tee! Now I just need to put the suggestions and skills in practice!

[Monique]

So far, very interesting. I feel like I connect with the authors in some of their experiences. I am not very far, so I will add more after I've read further.

[Michelle]

So far so good! Very insightful and helpful information!

[Katie]

This book has been so helpful for me and came highly recommended by a dear friend. It's really help me understand the strengths of my children.

[Heidi Krueger]

Great book on how to raise the children of these days.

[Becky]

Very easy read. Interesting ideas.

[Krista]

A helpful perspective on kiddos who present more opportunities for *ahem* learning as parents, heh... I appreciated both the practicalities and the concepts.

[Lindsey Leon]

not everything applied to my child, but i loved the advice that did!