Too Good for Her Own Good: Searching for Self and Intimacy in Important Relationships

by Claudia Bepko, Jo-Ann Krestan

In the bestselling tradition of The Dance of Anger , a compassionate and insightful guide that shows women how they can learn to feel good about who they are and what they do.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Communication

272 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 1990

Reviews

[Kristie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of the material in this book is quite dated. But the basic premise, that there is a code of conduct that shapes the way women are socialized that affects how we think about ourselves, our roles in the world, and our self worth, is really interesting. If you are someone who falls into the "too-good-for-her-own-good"-category, this book--primarily the beginning--could really open your eyes. I felt the book lacked sufficient information about how to make changes in your life if you accept the book's initial ideas about construction of self.

[Feezlfuzzl · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's pretty impressive that they included lesbians in their examples, and even a special section about lesbian relationships--barely into the 90s! They remembered we exist!

Most "relationship books" for women even today only include one type of relationship. And it's not always easy just because your spouse is also a woman.

I'm keeping my copy of this and plan to reread it every few years. It's sound advice for everyone, not just straight women, and not just about romantic relationships.

[Louise Silk · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were many great things about this book. It describes most of the women I know with great detail and insight and then it goes on to give excellent prescriptive advice about how to make changes from being too good to being good to oneself.

The new Code of Balance comes by making the choice to change,to be more comfortable with self,to be direct in your focus, to be genuinely responsive in your nurturing of self and others and to stand firm in your choices resulting in the expansion of goodness into wholeness with a life balance that is more authentic, spiritual, engaged, and creative.

[Paula Kirman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent advice on how to live a different "code" for women, whereby she can take her own feelings and needs into account, rather than taking care of everyone else and suffering burnout, resentment, and relationship breakdowns.

[Suzanne Sprague · Rating 5 out of 5]

As current as the day it was written

[Kimberly Hallahan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Learned a lot from this. Working on improvements to myself. It is a long, challenging process.

[Katrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! Was emotionally hard for me. I know I have been abused and couldn't figure out why I allowed it especially for so long. This book really helped me. Here is one of my favorite quotes from this book. I can't begin to put all of them: - Dysfunctional families teach by shaming. A dysfunctional family, loosely defined, is one that's dominated by conflict and anxiety. Family members don't get their basic needs met, and they find themselves doing whatever they have to do to survive. There's little time or energy available in such a family to respond to or to value people's feelings. People don't feel safe or secure. Such an unsafe environment sets the stage for or maintains serious problems like addiction and abuse. Someone who grows up in a dysfunctional family develops a shame bound identity. In other words, people whose families ignore their developmental needs and who are repeatedly shamed for those needs end up feeling bad about who they are. Pg. 44

[Sue Kozlowski · Rating 2 out of 5]

Self-help.