A Private Family Matter: A Memoir

by Victor Rivas Rivers

The heart-breaking, yet powerfully uplifting story of a family in crisis, and how one man rises from the shadow of a violent, brutal father to become a shining example of transcendance.

This is a story about how I was saved by love, at a time when most people considered me beyond rescue.

So begins Victor Rivas Rivers in this powerful chronicle of his escape from the war zone of domestic violence—too often regarded as a “private family matter”—and his journey toward independence, recovery, and renewal.

In A Private Family Matter , Victor recalls his days as an angry youth living under the rule and wrath of his father. A Cuban immigrant, Victor's dad was nicknamed El Ciclón for his tempestuous temperament, which led him not only to beat his wife but to abuse—and eventually kidnap—his own children. How Victor managed to seek help for his family and criminal punishment for his father, overcome his demons and learn to love himself, and share his experience with other victims and survivors of domestic abuse is at the heart of this profound and affecting memoir.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Family, Biography Memoir

400 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

Reviews

[Antonia Apisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible book have read many times. Amazingly heart breaking but still a great read.

[Koren · Rating 5 out of 5]

How can a book be so hard to read and yet you cant put it down? The father in this book heaps tons of abuse on his children but the second son seems to get the worst of it. The oldest is put in the position of tattling on his younger brother or risk worse abuse. It was hard to imagine today how this went on for so long but it was the 60's and 70's and people looked the other way. I was really upset with the mother who did nothing to defend her children but she risked her own abuse by stepping in. Even the authorities and school personel who knew what was going on did nothing. The cover tells us that Victor Rivas Rivers went on to become a spokesperson for the National Network to End Domestic Violence, so we pretty much know going in that the he is going to overcome his past. Along the way, sports is a great help in forming the man he was to become and he goes on to play college football and become an actor. This book made me think about what makes some people overcome abuse and others go on to carry on the family tradition of abuse.

[Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

This paints the harsh truth about domestic violence and the long lasting harm that it leaves on a family. This is an incredible story of a young man's life and the pain he endured at the hands of his abusive father. Lucky for this young man, there was light at the end of the tunnel but thanks to wonderful angels placed in his path.

[Adrian Henriquez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Una historia que merece ser leída…

La magnitud de lo hechos narrándose en esta obra, como lector, pero también cómo ser humano, te hacen reflexionar sobre cuántas personas —mujeres y niños—, estarán viviendo situaciones semejantes. La violencia doméstica es un tema que debe de ser tratado y estudiado en las escuelas. Deben crearse más sistemas y herramientas sociales que permitan a las víctimas poder defenderse. Esta obra debería ser recomendada en todas las escuelas…
Adrian Henriquez

[Tamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

...Another story of perseverance and an unwavering belief in faith and family. Completely oblivious to the severity of spousal and child (Domestic) abuse; you won't be the same after this read...I cried and laughed my way through each and every single page. (Can U say Hispanic Dennis the Menace) Great Read!

[SouthWestZippy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Due to the subject this was not a easy read. The writing is choppy, stories feel half written and at other times repetitive. The story however heartbreaking and worth the time reading the book and that is why I am giving it three stars.

[Gayle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I saw this handsome actor/author on Montel Williams ages ago. Victor Rivas survived horrific abuse at the hands of his father.

A true testament of human survival and victory.

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

straightforward accounting of horrible times, healing, struggle, forward movement. please read it.

[Linda Surritte · Rating 5 out of 5]

Memoir of a kid that grew up in a home with an abusive father. Tough to read sometimes but he struggles to survive and grows into a responsible family man and an advocate for the abused.

[Julie Warford · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was introduced to this book by the author himself at the “Thriving Young Children” conference in Kearney, NE last September. His speech was captivating and I felt it was my obligation to read more about his life experience. This book started off slow for me, but maybe that was because it was so hard to read about a father and husband treating his wife and children so poorly. It’s ironic that I finished this book during Child Abuse Awareness month. I never want anyone of any age to go through anything like this!

[Kim Schellin-Rog · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sad but true story of growing up in an abusive household. Shows how kindness and live can help the recovery from abusive.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written. Very heartbreaking read but he soared and has become an amazing role model.

[Yolanda Punsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was telling and sad. The writer got his triumphant win. The book is about abuse and cruelty. I’ve lived a life like that. I’m glad I was able to read this book. It helped me heal a lot.

[Blane Rivera · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible💚

[Jessica Brazeal Slaven · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great depiction of what domestic violence looks like up close.

[Meredith Wyatt · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really like the idea of this memoir. I feel like it wasn't done well though. Victor really should have just told the story of the abuse he and his family went through and left it at that. Instead he made (in my opinion) a memoir about his entire life. I was lead to believe that this was a memoir about abusive experiences he and his family had gone through and more than half the book is but the last half is mainly just a memoir of his struggle after separating himself from his father. I do see how that's an important part to the story but it really should have been made into it's own separate book.

[Laurie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I decided to read this book because a lot of the children I counsel have grown up in homes with domestic violence. The author of this book endured a horrific childhood, due to his father's violent temper and mistreatment of those in his family. I had hoped that more of the book would be focused on how he overcame obstacles, but instead, it kind of rambled for about 200 pages in the middle and I found the ending to be quite abrupt. I mean, was it really necessary to have 5 pages devoted to the crazy antics of a pet monkey? Overall the book was okay, not terrible, not wonderful either.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

What this guy went through was completely horrific... I just wish the book had been written better. So many beatings were detailed out in the first 150 pages that it got mind-numbing, like watching horror movies. Then he switches to all the people who helped him and it's like he needed to list everyone he'd ever met in the history of ever, I started to lose track of who people were. And it's more a catalog of events than a memoir with any analysis, really, which is too bad. And it ends really abruptly.... the guy needed a better editor.

[Stephanie Aragon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was the PR person for the local shelter (as well as the NMCADV in Albq) & brought Victor to speak on several occasions. This is his memoir. I thought it was an awesome book except for the "football" chapters. Check out his website! www.victorrivers.com

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book for a graduate class on family violence. It is incredibly hard to read, violent, and upsetting. I am glad I read it, but I think it would have been too much on my own, it was kind of necessary to have the opportunity to process it with a class.

[Susan Mars · Rating 5 out of 5]

When you aren’t exposed to child abuse, it is unbelievable to read what Victor Rivas Rivers went thru. This book is heartbreaking to read about reality in many families. I couldn’t put the book down. So sad.

[Desiree Hargrove · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book really brought some issues to my attention that I was naive to.

[Ruth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I couldn't put this book down! A gut renching and inspiring memoir of how love can save a life.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing story of recovery and empowerment!

[John · Rating 2 out of 5]

WRITTEN OK but only ok.Just a bio of an unremarkable person in my opinion. sad life if true

[Sandy WK · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are many books in this disturbing 'genre' of just how low human beings can go but none so compelling, riveting, hopeful and victorious as Victor Rivas Rivers'. Read it!

[Wanda Torres · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book very much.

[Susan]

Touching but at times veers to the cliche, which is forgivable given his amazing life story.