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Getting Free: You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life
Since its original publication in 1982, Getting Free has changed the lives of tens of thousands of women. Written in an accessible style, packed with practical information and answers, special exercises designed to help a woman recognize abuse, and several success stories, Getting Free remains an important resource today—and this updated edition makes it an all the more relevant resource.
In this expanded edition, Ginny NiCarthy features important new information from the latest studies and most recent research on the subject. New chapters include an analysis of whether batterers’ treatment really works, which programs help violent men change, and which do not; the results of research on the ways that many men who batter also abuse their children, and specific reactions of children to battering; the cultural and legal issues relevant to immigrant women; and a presentation of how religious beliefs and religious communities affect the real and perceived choices of women facing violence.
In this expanded edition, Ginny NiCarthy features important new information from the latest studies and most recent research on the subject. New chapters include an analysis of whether batterers’ treatment really works, which programs help violent men change, and which do not; the results of research on the ways that many men who batter also abuse their children, and specific reactions of children to battering; the cultural and legal issues relevant to immigrant women; and a presentation of how religious beliefs and religious communities affect the real and perceived choices of women facing violence.
464 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1982
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142 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
July 20, 2009
Very much targeted at middle-class white women. It was written a long time ago, so I get it. The exercises are really good, though.
I adapted a lot of the exercises in this book to better serve my clients, most of whom are NOT middle-class white women. Hopefully, it will be a bit more accessible for them.
I adapted a lot of the exercises in this book to better serve my clients, most of whom are NOT middle-class white women. Hopefully, it will be a bit more accessible for them.
April 29, 2012
This book was imperative to me to get out of an abusive marriage. I could see fear and lack of confidence was holding me back. I could forward this book to anyone else who would like it or could use it.
March 5, 2025
Overall this is a great book and resource. This book really helped me right after I divorced my abusive husband of 24 years. This book was definitely worth reading. The beginning did concern me as it talks about helping and supporting your abuser as you leave. This is absolutely ridiculous and completely unsafe for the victim and her children. It is no way the victims job to help him through the divorce!! The best thing she can do is cut off all ties to protect herself and her children. Never underestimate the importance of restraining orders and having no contact. Do not let your abuser and his friends and family manipulate you and further abuse you. Your only obligation is to keep your kids and yourself safe. You did not choose to be abused. This was a choice he made and now he must live with the consequences. It is not your job to help him in any way. Escaping and the wellbeing of yourself and your children has to be your focus. Do NOT waste your time and energy on helping your abuser. He will take advantage of this and further abuse and manipulate you.
This book is worth keeping handy to refer back to as you escape and gain the confidence to more forward.
A few quotes I saved:
If you give in because you’re afraid not to, or because you know he’ll keep at you until he wears you down, it will be an important step to admit that he’s really forcing you. Pg.xxvii
It’s impossible to make a really good decision if the alternatives are either risking a beating or resigning yourself to isolation. Pg. 39
The institution of marriage, which is said to be based on love, respect and companionship should not foster power. Nor should it grant the partner who has the most economic power and greater physical strength the right to punish his spouse for either imagined or real faults. Pg.40
Any worthwhile activity you do in spite of the fact that it causes you nervousness, anxiety, pain or insecurity is a courageous act. Pg.125
Emotional abuse can be particularly confusing especially when it is in the guise of friendly playing around. Teasing is one example. You may be expected to be a good sport when your boyfriend makes "jokes" about things you've done or said that you're embarrassed about, or when he makes demeaning remarks about your body, your feelings, your friends or women in general. He might brag about other women he's interested in or who are chasing him. If you feel embarrassed, hurt, humiliated or inadequate as a result of his comments, you're being emotionally abused. Pg.268
It may be that the best decision for you is to be completely open about the battering. To say out loud what is happening can be a strong message to yourself that you are not the one to blame and that you are not ashamed. Pg.283
Chapter 24 is an absolutely amazing!!! So insightful, informative and helpful.
This book is worth keeping handy to refer back to as you escape and gain the confidence to more forward.
A few quotes I saved:
If you give in because you’re afraid not to, or because you know he’ll keep at you until he wears you down, it will be an important step to admit that he’s really forcing you. Pg.xxvii
It’s impossible to make a really good decision if the alternatives are either risking a beating or resigning yourself to isolation. Pg. 39
The institution of marriage, which is said to be based on love, respect and companionship should not foster power. Nor should it grant the partner who has the most economic power and greater physical strength the right to punish his spouse for either imagined or real faults. Pg.40
Any worthwhile activity you do in spite of the fact that it causes you nervousness, anxiety, pain or insecurity is a courageous act. Pg.125
Emotional abuse can be particularly confusing especially when it is in the guise of friendly playing around. Teasing is one example. You may be expected to be a good sport when your boyfriend makes "jokes" about things you've done or said that you're embarrassed about, or when he makes demeaning remarks about your body, your feelings, your friends or women in general. He might brag about other women he's interested in or who are chasing him. If you feel embarrassed, hurt, humiliated or inadequate as a result of his comments, you're being emotionally abused. Pg.268
It may be that the best decision for you is to be completely open about the battering. To say out loud what is happening can be a strong message to yourself that you are not the one to blame and that you are not ashamed. Pg.283
Chapter 24 is an absolutely amazing!!! So insightful, informative and helpful.
May 6, 2016
It's tragic that this book is necessary, but the advice here is practical.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews