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Neil Gaiman's advice on how to seduce a writer.

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message 1: by Nick (new)

Nick (Whyzen) | 1263 comments Patrick Rothfuss posted a picture of this post on his facebook but I did a quick google to see if I could find the original or nearest to it.

http://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/18...

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birdartpoetry asked: Mister Gaiman, you’re kickass. I was just wondering, what do you think is the best way to seduce a writer? I figured your answer would be pretty spectacular.


In my experience, writers tend to be really good at the inside of their own heads and imaginary people, and a lot less good at the stuff going on outside, which means that quite often if you flirt with us we will completely fail to notice, leaving everybody involved slightly uncomfortable and more than slightly unlaid.

So I would suggest that any attempted seduction of a writer would probably go a great deal easier for all parties if you sent them a cheerful note saying “YOU ARE INVITED TO A SEDUCTION: Please come to dinner on Friday Night. Wear the kind of clothes you would like to be seduced in.”

And alcohol may help, too. Or kissing. Many writers figure out that they’re being seduced or flirted with if someone is actually kissing them.



message 2: by Aloha (new)

Aloha | 919 comments LMAO! This is hilarious. Thank you for the chuckle this morning.


message 3: by Tamahome (new)

Tamahome | 4549 comments I think that applies to all men.


message 4: by Aloha (new)

Aloha | 919 comments Actually, no. It seems a lot of them wants to attack you on the first date if they're attracted to you.


message 5: by Nick (new)

Nick (Whyzen) | 1263 comments @Aloha - Maybe your date picker-outer needs adjustment.


message 6: by Nick (new)

Nick (Whyzen) | 1263 comments A thought occurred to me about what Gaiman has said. He is essentially declaring writers to be geeks or nerds since the behavior he describes would fit with the way geeks/nerds behave.

Case in point, my last girlfriend almost gave up on me since I hadn't hit on her until the third date. She told me she thought I wasn't interested but couldn't figure out why we were still going out on dates. So yes I consider my self a geek and or nerd.


message 7: by Aloha (new)

Aloha | 919 comments I dated a writer, and this theory is wrong. Actually, wrong for several writers I know. LOL.


message 8: by Tamahome (new)

Tamahome | 4549 comments Ok, maybe it's just science fiction writers.


message 9: by Aloha (new)

Aloha | 919 comments Not sure what defines a geek. I usually date intellectuals, and this theory is also wrong. Vapid guys don't do it for me. Maybe I was wearing too much pheromones.


message 10: by David(LA,CA) (new)

David(LA,CA) (DavidScharf) | 321 comments I wonder if this works in reverse. Like if you frequently fail to notice others attempting to flirt with you, you should attempt writing.


message 11: by Kamil (new)

Kamil | 372 comments "you’re kickass... figured your answer would be pretty spectacular."

aren't those compliments? wasn't the question some sort of flirting?


message 12: by Aloha (new)

Aloha | 919 comments It's two different processes. One is the writer being attracted to someone first, the other one is someone attracted to the writer. It has nothing to do with writing, but whether someone stirred your hormones upon first impression.


message 13: by Napoez3 (new)

Napoez3 | 158 comments This might be applied to a hand full of nerds/geeks I know, including myself.


message 14: by Rasnac (new)

Rasnac | 335 comments Napoez3 wrote: "This might be applied to a hand full of nerds/geeks I know, including myself."

My thoughts exactly!


message 15: by Jonathan (new)

Jonathan | 183 comments I'd have to agree with Gaiman. At least it's pretty accurate to me.


message 16: by Aloha (new)

Aloha | 919 comments This is really sad. Imagine all the conquests you all would have had if you'd only pay attention. I stuffed my bras with tissues but all I get is a geek using it to wipe his nose. So sad....


message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

Never a truer word spoken in jest, LOL :)


message 18: by Walter (new)

Walter Spence (WalterSpence) | 380 comments I recall Tori Amos wanted Neil to make her into a tree. Wonder if that constitutes 'flirting'.

Hmm, two geeks flirting with one another. Imagine the possibilities...


message 19: by David(LA,CA) (new)

David(LA,CA) (DavidScharf) | 321 comments Walter wrote: "Hmm, two geeks flirting with one another. Imagine the possibilities..."

They share a smile of less than half a second before they quickly look away because they notice they're looking at each other. One wanders over and musters all their courage to say "Hi". The other says "Hi" as well, maybe because that one didn't hear the first one correctly and they were just repeating what they thought was said, maybe because of social reflexes kicking in. They stand there in silence for a minute, before the one that actually took the intiative to try and start social interaction again takes the initiative, nods their head, and walks back to the area of the party they were occupying before, clearly pleased with the progress they've made for today in developing a social life.

Or at least that's the pattern I seem to follow. =-}


message 20: by Walter (new)

Walter Spence (WalterSpence) | 380 comments Ah, so you've seen that scene in The Amazing Spider Man with Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone in the school hallway too, then. ;)


message 21: by terpkristin (new)

terpkristin | 2896 comments Walter wrote: "Hmm, two geeks flirting with one another. Imagine the possibilities..."

I can't seem to pick up the geeks. But they're the ones I want!


message 22: by Aloha (new)

Aloha | 919 comments Veronica's fiance looks like he's a geek. He must be paying attention because they're engaged.


message 23: by Random (new)

Random (rand0m1s) Walter wrote: "I recall Tori Amos wanted Neil to make her into a tree. Wonder if that constitutes 'flirting'.

Hmm, two geeks flirting with one another. Imagine the possibilities..."


Actually its a pretty sad situation. We usually just sit around and geek out and forget the concept of romance or flirting.

Some women get flowers, jewelry, or vacations at luxury hotels. I get video cards. :)


message 24: by Aloha (new)

Aloha | 919 comments I want a geek to turn me on by talking about Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, then forget about it for some fun.


message 25: by Rob Secundus (new)

Rob Secundus (Quintessential_Defenestration) | 564 comments It's interesting to see that, regardless of general geekery becoming less and less stigmatized, we still see something describing introversion or social awkwardness and immediately apply it to ourselves.


message 26: by Walter (new)

Walter Spence (WalterSpence) | 380 comments Some women get flowers, jewelry, or vacations at luxury hotels. I get video cards. :)

My wife gets a lot of flowers, jewelry, and the occasional vacation someplace nice (not so much of the latter of late, since her mother lives in an assisted living facility and has some issues, so the wife doesn't like being too far away right now).

Video cards, eh? Hmm...


message 27: by Joe Informatico (new)

Joe Informatico (joeinformatico) | 731 comments Nick wrote: "A thought occurred to me about what Gaiman has said. He is essentially declaring writers to be geeks or nerds since the behavior he describes would fit with the way geeks/nerds behave."

I agree. The first time I met a big-deal novelist was a Guy Gavriel Kay reading years ago. I made some off-hand comment about the pattern of his books, and he went into a 10-minute explanation of why Sailing to Sarantium had to be set in the same world as The Lions of Al-Rassan because of Byzantine mosaics. I immediately clued in, "writers are really nerdy people."

Walter wrote: "Hmm, two geeks flirting with one another. Imagine the possibilities..."

If you can track down a copy of The Gamers: Dorkness Rising, there's a great scene of geek flirtation about halfway through. We had a screening at my place, and every one of my D&D gaming group flashed back to their high school traumas and yelled at the screen, "KISS HER, YOU FOOL!"


message 28: by Random (new)

Random (rand0m1s) Walter wrote: "Video cards, eh? Hmm... "

Well not just video cards, but a lot of electronics in general.

Not that I'm complaining. I don't wear jewelry and I like keeping my video card up to date. :D


message 29: by Joy2b (new)

Joy2b | 1 comments I can't help but share a shortcut - To seduce a geek with a great inner life, first, ask about something that you both know well. Smile when appropriate, but wait for wit to sparkle before mixing in real flirting. Being really involved makes it easier to hear the unexpected sounds of flirtation, and you are also providing a safe topic to run back to while they sort out what's happening, which lowers the odds of the shy person retreat.
Use your body language: mirroring to get in sync, lengthen your eye contact a little and smile, test out getting a little closer, and little touches. The physical back and forth counts as much as the verbal. Advance and retreat, invite the same in return with an open pose and a smile.

(Strangely, listening well is more important to these exchanges than speaking well.)


message 30: by Tamahome (new)

Tamahome | 4549 comments Just say 'me Jane, you Tarzan'.


message 31: by Raphael (new)

Raphael | 14 comments That's me in a nutshell... I'd still be single if it weren't for IRC.


message 32: by Alex (new)

Alex Ristea (alexristea) | 641 comments It's funny because this is almost exactly how Rothfuss describes his earlier relationships too...


message 33: by Tamahome (new)

Tamahome | 4549 comments I used to be big man on campus on the MUD's.


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Books mentioned in this topic

Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid (other topics)