Weekly Short Stories Contest and Company! discussion
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Week 170 (June 10-17). Poems. Topic: Florescence
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Guy wrote: “Now just M! M, is it okay to upload my reading of your poem?”You’re welcome to it, Guy, if I ever get finish revising it. I think I’ve fixed the last stanza, but the first stanza still has problems.
I’ve never understood the attraction of hearing a poem performed. To me, the proper voice, mood, inflection, are those that arise spontaneously in the reader’s mind.
@ Belly! Yes, that's why I like to read other peoples' works! LOL!M, I agree with you. The pleasure of reading a poem out loud is more onanistic than something for public consumption. For me it was fun to see if I could embody how I felt and heard the poem. If others like it, well, that's okay to. (Yours was hard to read out loud, the nuance of meaning is so dense it kept escaping how I thought I was hearing it in my head and in my ear. Excellent poem!)
with all the poems about flowers and goats... I just remembered I had something... will this do?-0-
Amber Fort Goats
The first one I saw was close
to the hotel, standing on its hind legs,
udders dangling like a pair
of lifeless arms.
She was the neighbourhood’s
resident pruner of shrubs and trees,
chewing away at the reds and greens
of bougainvillae along a spiked fence.
Later as I took on the stone steps
up Amber Fort I saw more.
Long limbed and silent hooved,
nudging not a pebble as they trotted.
Free to roam the ruins, more at home
here than the lumbering elephants
forced to ferry tourists past arches,
brown as burnt french fries.
Perhaps in another life
they were princes,
courtiers, palace officials,
a conquering raj.
I must practice my curtsey, wag
an ear or attempt the humblest bleat.
I might have a turn one day sifting through
garbage, savouring petals of velvet red.
Dream again of being king.
February 2010
-o-
this poem appears in my book ALIEN TO ANY SKIN
I liked Paula’s poem, but the “I’ll take that pill now, doctor” really cracked me up. At first I thought it was a freestanding line at the end, a wry commentary on an interest in goats.Jim’s “Amber Fort Goats” is like a living description. Its introspective atmosphere puts the reader right there, in the hotel’s neighborhood and on Amber Fort’s stone steps, contemplating, along with the poem’s speaker, the goats’ possible past lives and the possibility that a human observer might earn a cosmic demotion and awaken, after an interim of death, only to discover that he’s a goat.
Je suis frustré comme l'enfer! I wrote last night what I thought was a rather funny and off the cuff version of fluorescent stuff, filled with enough nuance, and glowing meaning to satisfy all. So, pardon my French, but,J'accuse!!!" I don't know exactly who I accuse, but I am quite certain that gremlins have gotten aboard our pirate ship, mateys, and are removing the really good stuff. I mean, this poem had internal rhyme, external rhyme, convoluted meanings, and even an appearance from Liberty Vallance in it. Needless to say, it is not rewritable, so I won't say my accusations and unwillingness to try to rewrite it doesn't sound a bit suspicious, but the l'enfer with it!
Don't you just love the neon fluorescence of my French? Don't you love the way I spell fluoresence floressence, florencehenderson, and the inimitable, unspellable Florence Foster Jenkins?
Aren't you glad I'm back?
Gotta go scrounge me up another pill.
Put that on your recording and glow with it. . .
If a pen name is required, call me Emile Z.
Jim Pascual Agustin wrote: "with all the poems about flowers and goats... I just remembered I had something... will this do?-0-
Amber Fort Goats
The first one I saw was close
to the hotel, standing on its hind legs,
udde..."
How about some amber for those goats> I love how this poem glows, Jim. In all truthfulness, Jim, since it comes so close to being as good as my poem was - and as yours usually do - (cheer up - some day you will be ALMOST as good as I!), it is YOU that J'accuse! Your "Amber for the Goats" is just too good to be yours. . .therefore, it must be mine! You just disguised it by removing the line from "Liberty Vallence." He was the greatest of them all - or at least the guy who shot him was, Pilgrim.
Je t'aime,
Emile Z.
Belly wrote: "Guy wrote: "I wonder if I can hire my self out to parents with restless children at bed time?"
Not if they've read any of your poetry."
Lol! I agree with you Belly :)
Guy, it's like hypnosis :D
Not if they've read any of your poetry."
Lol! I agree with you Belly :)
Guy, it's like hypnosis :D
Paula? hahahahahahaha!Thanks, guys. This one was in my book from 2011. We used to have goats at home here in Cape Town... ate more than flowers. Then tragic things happened. :(
Paula and Jim: may I read and upload your poems with the rest of the ones from this week?
Guy wrote: "Paula and Jim: may I read and upload your poems with the rest of the ones from this week?"Guy, it would be an honor.
Thank you Jim! Now for Paula!*** Paula ****
Thank you, Robyn! Poe and Frost are good company to be in.
Robyn wrote: "Thanks M and Guy. I was feeling defeated when the poem came out about the opposite of what I wanted - like I have no control over my own brain. How do I start with a snippet from Kafka's diaries as..."The mark of a true writer, in a sense: merely the scribe for words that bubble up from the unconscious. At least that is the tiny shredded remains of a straw of rationalization I use to get me through the day. It reads orally exceptionally well, by the way! Once I've got Paula's yea or nay I'll finish up and upload. Will keep you posted.
Guy wrote: "Thank you Jim! Now for Paula!*** Paula ****"
Sorry,, Guy but I just saw these comments. But if you still want ti read it, you are welcome to it and you now have blanket permission from me to read any of my stuff you want to. - unless I say otherwise, which I would do at time of posting. GOOD GRIEF!! The arrogant assumption ofthat last sentence is staggering, is it not?
LOL!Not at all. It is the mark of the truly optimistic writer, the dream of a future reader. Ok. I'll get to it in a few days, and will announce accordingly.
Guy wrote: "LOL!Not at all. It is the mark of the truly optimistic writer, the dream of a future reader. Ok. I'll get to it in a few days, and will announce accordingly."
OPTIMISTIC??? TODAY??? I think NOT!
My computer, Sonya, has gone to pot!
And if you've never seen a laptop puffin' on the weed, man, you ain't seen nothing! Read my post for today to see what I mean. (On my blog, RFACM) I've been working on her all evening, and I think I may have gotten some of her problems solved
Paula, you name your machines? LOL! I have been known to do that on occasion, too.
Well it all started when I was a kid and we named our cars. . .then it just took off from there. By the time hubs and I had children ourselves, it had pretty much come into vogue to even name your children - actually give each one a DIFFERENT name! AMAZING. Personally. I never saw any real use for doing that as long as you had fewer than 7 or 8 kids. When you have less than that - we only had three - you only have to say, "hey you kid, quit what you'd re doing and come here right now! "Since you are pretty much assured that they will all come, since each one knows s/he 's guilty of something. That can be really tough on the parents if they have a LOT of kids - I mean, who wants to dish out discipline to all of them at once? Exhausting. So some jerk came up with this idea of naming everybody and everything some kind of different appellation. Ridiculous - when it's so much more convenient to just "point ' n shoot." Everything has been made so complicated. Just trying to remember the "name" of your dog is a big enough challenge.
In all reality, I named my Sony Vaio laptop when she was a newborn three years ago, as. " Sonya. " Made sense to me then. Now I'm having trouble not calling her "It, " or piece of s __t. . .
Since it has now been officially 42 hours since I last slept the time has come for me to shut off Pericles (my Kindle Fire) and at least 0retend to go to sleep.
Later, You. . .
The reading is done and uploaded!I kept it to simple reading, with no music.
I like the colletion! I hope you do too.
Listen to your works @ WSS Week 170 'Florescence' Reading.
Oops! Sorry, Belly. Typo. I didn't check when I posted it. It's working now.
I've also blogged this here.
Thank you, Al. I enjoyed reading them, and will do this again if I get the okay. My challenge is finding enough quiet time.
I agree with Al. All the poems are beautifully read, Guy! Thank you so much!
LoL. You are welcome, Ajay. This was absolutely my pleasure to do. Did yours sound anything like what you heard in your head when you were writing it? (And I finally read one of your poems! Oh frabjous day, callooh callay! Now to read one of Ryan's.)
And I here publicly apologize to Paula who, even after giving me the proper pronunciation of her name, will hear it mispronounced.Paula I am sorry. And I will correct as soon as I get a quiet time to re-record and re-upload.
When I say Paula, I always put the stress on the first syllable.
Oh yes! In fact, the reading makes it sound better. My friends liked it too. Thanks again, Guy! I'm reading the rest of your blog now. 'Lullaby for Pi' sure sounds interesting. I'll try to get hold of the dvd this weekend. Or is it available on Youtube?
LOL! Yes. Me too. Sadly, unlike yourself, M and a few others, Paula has a multiple name name, and a difficult middle one.
Ajay wrote: "Oh yes! In fact, the reading makes it sound better. My friends liked it too. Thanks again, Guy! I'm reading the rest of your blog now. 'Lullaby for Pi' sure sounds interesting. I'll try to get hold..."Really!? [Smiles.] Yours was so playful I found it a challenge to figure out how you may have wanted to emphasize this or that. That was driving me crazy, so I eventually went with what felt 'good' to me.
And now I get to thank you for perusing my oddity blog. I absolutely loved Lullaby for Pi, and my wife has watched it probably a dozen times. I have no idea if it is available on the web, but I imagine it is through Netflix, or the equivalent in India. On the other hand it is an obscure independent France/Canada co-production, so perhaps India will never see it. (Sidenote: our entertainment papers claim that Canada is the second largest production centre of Bollywood films in the world. I have no idea if that is true or not, but an ostensibly very famous Canadian Bollywood star is Lisa Ray.)
Yes, really :) It felt good to finally 'listen' to one of my poems. Again, I doubt if anyone can read it better than that. I absolutely loved the reading of Hannah's poem-Beyond. Simply exquisite. You're right, Guy. Here in India, only the big, loud and crashy summer movies make it to the theatres. The academy/bafta nominees/winners make it to the theatres/dvd outlets (eventually). And they have subtitles, another thing I dislike. The public literally worships lead actors like Arnold/Stallone/Jackie Chan. Their movies receive standing ovations! Whereas, I couldn't watch the movie 'The Artist' in the theatres and had to wait for the dvd release. (They removed the movie from the weekend slots)!Wow, Canada is the second largest!? I had no idea, I hardly watch any of them myself (I still haven't got a hang of Hindi yet). And yes! Lisa Ray is still quite famous here.
Yes to Hannah's poem! Its rhythm fit being read very well. I also was surprised at how well I liked the sound of the villanelle by Robyn.My Hindi is nonexistent, so I've not watched them at all. Earlier this year the equivalent of the Bollywood Oscars was held in metropolitan Vancouver (City of Surrey). Big splashy affair, lots of media coverage. No, I didn't buy a ticket.
Belly, I loved the action scenes, but the best? Pure fun, though.
Guy wrote: "The reading is done and uploaded!
I kept it to simple reading, with no music.
I like the colletion! I hope you do too.
Listen to your works @ WSS Week 170 'Florescence' Reading."
Guy! I love this lol I let the kids listen to it the other night and they went still, they actually listened without making a fuss! :)) So yes, I think you'll do great with bedtime stories :P
I kept it to simple reading, with no music.
I like the colletion! I hope you do too.
Listen to your works @ WSS Week 170 'Florescence' Reading."
Guy! I love this lol I let the kids listen to it the other night and they went still, they actually listened without making a fuss! :)) So yes, I think you'll do great with bedtime stories :P
This has brought a huge smile to my face! What a great way to end my day. Thank you and your children.When I read my modern updating of Little Red Riding Hood to a group of pre-schoolers, once I had showed them that it didn't have pictures, they likewise went still.
And you and your children understand spoken English well enough for this to not be largely gibberish? Excellent!
I'm thinking that next time I do this I'll record it in a park. We'll see.
I'm sure with my 3-year old daughter, it was gibberish :)) but still, she was quiet all throughout.
Han, that is a beautiful poem! You make your mama proud!
La Winners:1st: Ajay (Congratulations!)
2nd: Han and Robyn
3rd: Belly, Al, Jim, and M
4th: Guy, CJ, Rikki, and Roshan
Thanks for submitting an entry, everyone!
:-) So, are you saying my readings put you to sleep? LOL! I wonder if I can hire my self out to parents with restless children at bed time?