The Good Mother

by Sue Miller

Waging a custody battle for her four-year-old daughter Molly, Anna Dunlap finds herself caught in a conflict arising from her former husband and in-laws' self-righteous definition of a good mother and her own sexual needs

Genres: Fiction, Contemporary, Novels, Literary Fiction, Chick Lit, Adult Fiction, Romance

322 pages, Paperback

Published September 17, 2002

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. See this thread for more information.

Sue Miller is an American novelist and short story writer who has written a number of best-selling novels. She graduated from Radcliffe College.

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

As far as characters in society go, mothers are some of the most scrutinized of all. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what makes a woman a good mother. Even the smallest of choices, such as baby-wearing vs. a stroller, can incite a firestorm.

The Good Mother explores an issue much larger in its controversy. The novel begins immediately after a divorce between a mother, Anna, and her husband Brian. Anna is awarded custody of their daughter Molly, with generous visitation rights for Brian. As Anna begins to get back on her feet, she starts seeing a new man, Leo, and for the first time in her life, she feels free. When an incident occurs between Leo and Molly, Anna must decide what's important to her and figure out how to get it.

Besides being a page-turner, Sue Miller's first novel contains intricate themes and forces readers to ask themselves tough questions about society’s expectations and what makes a good mother. Anna is placed at the forefront for the judgment of others. And what I gather from reviews, judge they do. She is someone who was kept in a small box her whole life, first by her parents, then by her peers, and finally by her first husband Brian. When she finally finds passion and begins a journey of personal growth, it is quickly taken away by a sterile system, uncaring and unfeeling. The reader must decide what Anna deserves and at what expense.

Interestingly, there is never any question in Anna's mind about the course of action she will take. Of course she will avoid contact with Leo. Of course she will attend therapy sessions. Of course she will leave Leo entirely. I felt deep sadness as she resigned herself to further controls over her life. She quickly falls into the place the system constructed for her, yet she still loses (I appreciated the subtle commentary on the failings of the state in this regard – for many readers, Leo's actions were a simple case of bad judgment and did not warrant the punishment Anna was given).

Anna sacrifices so much to be considered worthy in others' eyes over her entire life. Within lies the central dilemma: what women must sacrifice to be good mothers. Love? Happiness? Their sense of self? Anna ends up believing she was just never meant to be a passionate person, that she is more suited to 'disciplined distance' and is incapable of 'connection and exposure'. What does this say about what she has truly sacrificed? From Miller’s point of view, being a good mother is much more subjective than many would have us believe, but the answers to the numerous questions this book explores are not obvious.

Beyond an intriguing storyline and dynamic characters, Sue Miller has crafted beautiful prose. Her words construct vivid images in the minds of readers, so much that they can feel Anna's world around them.

The Good Mother is an important book to be read by anyone with an open heart and mind.

[William · Rating 3 out of 5]

in our local library there is a shelf where the librarians put books that they have read and recommend. a week or so ago "the good mother" was on the rack. so i picked it up. i had read one other of miller's books, "private lives", and liked it. from a review of her most recent book i knew that this one was probably her best -- imagine having your first novel be very well reviewed and never writing another that was as highly regarded. that would feel weird.

after reading this novel i can see why it is considered to be very good. it is complex, has good characters, a good and clever plot, and some fine imagery. and it tells an unusual and original story.

the plot centers around a divorced woman, her 3-year-old daughter, molly, and her artist lover, leo. complex sexual events occur that cause anna's ex-husband to file for custody (the divorce was "amicable" and anna got custody, with the father getting liberal visitation rights). these precipitating events are well-constructed -- both believable as events that a "good mother" would allow and believable as an outrageous justification for the father's response.

i believe that the title is not meant ironically, but as a true description of how this woman sees herself and what she tries to be. one of the questions that the novel raises, i think, is what makes a good mother. as a girl, the mother, anna, had taken piano lessons until a summer camp teacher told her mother that she didn't have talent. music is used as a metaphor for mothering throughout the story (facilitated by the fact that anna partly supports herself by taking piano students). anna says that she envied those pianists who had gifts, while she had a "mechanical" relation to the piano. somewhere in here is the notion of having a gift for being a mother or having to do it day-by-day in a trial-and-error fashion. however, there is no woman in the story who is presented as a gifted mother. perhaps the point is that there is no such thing as a "good mother" in this sense of being naturally talented.

another conflicted notion of a good mother is depicted in the broader context of humanity, which highlights our society's cramped rules. a female friend of anna's, the delightful ursula, points out that other societies have very different notions of what is acceptable in childhood upbringing and that anna's and leo’s behavior wouldn't raise eyebrows except in 1% of the whole world and history.

when anna's custody of her daughter is threatened by her ex-husband due to leo’s (innocently intended and probably not harmful) actions, anna's strongest response is to abandon leo to increase her chance of retaining custody of molly. later there is a point after anna had lost custody of molly at which she could retain her relationship with leo and still have access to visits with molly. she deliberately rejects this possibility in order to have more extensive contact with molly. in both phases she makes a choice -- child over lover. i thought this was telling. do you have to put your child first to be a good mother, or a good parent generally? does a woman have to sacrifice her own happiness to sustain her daughter's happiness? or perhaps being with molly gives anna greater happiness than she could achieve with leo. i couldn't tell what the story was saying about these questions. personally, i don’t think the answers are obvious. perhaps that’s because i’m a man.

to me the most interesting part of the “good mother” paradox is the personal growth and freedom aspect that is strongly embedded in the plot. one thing anna likes about leo is that he frees her to be a passionate person, which she was brought up not to be and which she was not able to be with her ex-husband. it is arguable that the most important demonstration of the story is that if you try both to live a free life and be a good mother at the same time society will slap you down. it’s not possible to combine the two. one reason why i think this is the main “message” of the novel is that anna’s life is shadowed by a subplot involving her youngest aunt, edith, called babe, who is strong and irrepressible and seeks to live life fully. babe’s life follows an even more tragic course than anna’s. anna is identified with babe in several ways, especially when, after babe’s funeral, anna’s sedated grandmother calls her “edith”.

in a powerful bit of virtuosic writing, miller develops a revealing metaphor regarding anna’s second part-time job -- “running rats” for an experimental psychologist. she describes the rats learning to run the maze, some quickly and some “stupid” rats more slowly. at the end of the book anna goes to pick up molly for the first time after losing custody. her description of negotiating the huge washington, dc, apartment complex where her ex-husband lives evokes the rats running their maze. anna had to learn how to make the correct turns to get her reward – her daughter. society, like the humans who control the rats’ lives, dictates that she must take only the permissible course if she wants to get her reward. after making the wrong turn with leo, anna figures out what she must do and does it.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was physically accosted by an unfamiliar woman when I was checking this book out in the library. She was quite literally shaking with anticipation for me to read, love, and devour this book. It was by far her most absolute, favorite-of-all-time book!! I know how it feels to love a book so much that you just want to share your joy and have others love it just as much. So I was eager to crack it open when I got home to dive into all the promised goodness.

Well, let me say that it's not the worst book I've ever read, but I certainly wouldn't chase somebody across the library and gush unabashedly over it. The main character was without any charm or redeeming value and the boyfriend was despicable. I just couldn't conjure up any sympathy for the situation they found themselves in.

[debra · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this ( read it with my eyes vs my ears) soooooo many years ago, and thought it was interesting and well written. I'm not sure if I would feel the same way If I read it today, but the fact that I so clearly have "mind movies" of many of the scenes in the story- made me remember what an impression it made on me

[Gohnar23 · Rating 5 out of 5]

5️⃣🌟, How much can a mother do for her children?

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

#️⃣7️⃣0️⃣0️⃣ Read & Reviewed in 2025 🧊🏔️
Date Read: Friday, December 12, 2025 ☃️🌨️
30th read in "Its TIMEEEE!!!!! (to read more books)" December ❄️⛄

The good mother is simply just that — A GOOD DAMN MOTHER. But an ethical one? NAAAAAANANANANANANANANANA she is one HELLA unetical woman. She'd do everything for her daughter. For the custody of her 4 yr old daughter.

What makes someone a "good mother?" This is what this book tries to answer. Could it be to do everything for her children? Cuz this one pretty much shows that as an answer. It shows a pretty individualistic journey of Anna as she is progressively put into these boxes on what is considered a 'good mother' by society. It's genuenely one of a hella fast paced and highly engaging book. You just can't stop from reading it! (I mean i read this in one sitting but like you get the point it's SOOOOOOO captivating. The mesmerizing decisions that Anna makes that are just peak random and certainly unexpected. You just don't know what she's gonna do next! All for the skae of her personal development and to protect her daughter. Which is for her — what truly makes someone....a "good" "mother".

Spice Level 🌶️: 1️⃣
Vibe ☘️: Court case revenge story
Who'd Like This ❓👥: Mother Judges

[Esther · Rating 2 out of 5]

first read this when I was about 13, and it made quite an ..cough cough...impression with the whole sex/relationships theme. I thought it was brilliant, in that way you do at that pretentious age when you read something meant for readers older than you. Came across a dusty copy in a secondhand store recently and so I'm curious to re-read as a cynical thirtysomething old bag. Wondering if its really just a steaming pile of chick-lit with literary aspirations. We'll see....
Finished this today and well, interesting that my 13 yr old self zoned in on the sex and glossed over the main thrust (arf) of the book, the custody battle for the child. It was an ok read, but I found the main characters self absorbed and they just keep shagging all the time, morning noon and night, Its really irritating. I found myself sat reading this on the el wanting to cry out, oh for christsake put it away man I'm getting sore just reading this.
The preciousness of the mother was annoying too. The meaningful descriptions of how her 3 yr old girl plays with her dolls. Yuck & boring. I see those mothers at Trader Joes blocking the aisles.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Occasionally when looking up the prices for these reviews I write, I have a quick look at what has been said previously about the book. I have found, on the odd occasion, that another review has made me consider something I had not previously even been aware of the existence of. The reviews never alter what I think about the book, but may add to it.



Not in this instance though. The cover of the book poses a question about whether she should chose her lover or her daughter when she is being…..the good mother. The reviews which are actually just summaries focus solely on the situation which occurs between Anna's lover and her daughter and creates a sense of her facing this Sophie’s choice type situation. These reviews and comments diminish this book so badly that if I were Sue Miller I’d be deeply offended and very angry.



Yes, there is a situation in the book where Anna, the protagonist, faces the situation of sexually inappropriate behaviour between her lover and her daughter. And yes, the last third of the book is filled with the narration of the court case and results thereof.



But it is not what the book is about. The book is about a woman trying to escape her controlling sense of belonging. It is about a girl who is moved around and controlled by her extended family and can’t find who she is or where she belongs. Or even where she wants to belong. The story follows Anna both as a child growing into the woman who eventually does face her specific challenge as well as the woman who is moving towards it.



I felt such a deep sympathy for Anna. She tries so hard to break from the bindings of her life; of the expectation of her parents, grandparents, ex-husband, and daughter (Molly). And just as she does, as for once in her life she is not controlled by the expectations of others; she is free to do what she wants and to work out what that is, a situation which, although when recounted seems scary, actually wasn’t, manages to blow up all of her ambitions for her self and her belief in her ability to be independent. Never did I think that a ‘sexual encounter’ between a grown man and a little girl would be so easy to understand. It is impossible not to empathize with the man, Leo, but also understand why Molly’s father wants her out of that home and away from her mother.



I wept for Anna and for the unfairness of life. I wept for her bad luck and marginally poor decision making. She paid an awful price. And so did Molly. And maybe that’s the saddest of all. Maybe the circle of insecurities and dependence continues because of one poor judgment call and a judge.



And never once was there even the slightest consideration that she would choose her lover over her child. The question never even arises. But I guess as a byline, it sells books. Sadly, it sells this book short.



I inherited this book and it is a book I will not be reading and releasing. I want to own this book and revisit it. Worth reading, and it has just be re-released so it’s available.



Brilliant narrative and brilliant characters and brilliant examination of the life too many women live.

[Angie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Blah, blah, blah..... Do not waste your time. What a character!!! Having your sleeping child in the bed with you when you are making love??? Really?? And you're worried about being a "Good Mother?" Cripey!!!!!

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you really want to enjoy this book start half-way through it. Seriously. The beginning is depressing and very slow paced. As I slogged my way through the book I contemplated giving up on it. Once I hit the halfway point, all of a sudden, the real story began. It became an instant page turner. I couldn't wait to keep reading. I don't know why her editor didn't think of chopping the book down. It likely would have sold a lot more copies.
The story is about a mother who gets divorced and retains custody of her child. She becomes involved with a man who her ex does not approve of and, as a result, gets her custody arrangement challenged. The situation she finds herself in is intriguing. I often felt conflicted as to whether or not I wanted the mother to keep raising her child or not. It poses lots of interesting questions to the reader as to what can be forgiven and what cannot. I'm not sure I liked the ending but at least it wasn't slow paced.
I don't know whether or not I would recommend this book. The first half is so boring. If you can stick with it, you'll likely find yourself immersed.

[Barbara · Rating 1 out of 5]

The first half of the book kept me wondering if there was even a plot. When I figured out where the story was going, I no longer cared enough to finish it.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Miller pulled off something difficult here, making Anna a sympathetic character in spite of her careless behavior. A thought-provoking book.

[Dana M · Rating 3 out of 5]

Took me awhile to finish this one. I guess I finally need a break from Sue Miller. For what it’s worth, this was probably a better book in 1990 than it is in 2021. Parts of it didn’t age well. I still like the way Miller writes, but she’s pondering and long-winded (also not as socially conscious as she should be). I do need a break—that was three Miller books in a row!

[Nmyers · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Good Mother was a disappointment for me in several ways. The biggest disappointment was the fact that Anna never was taught by her own family or learned it herself, that "you don't have to let boys touch you or have sex with you that are mean to you and that you have a choice." You find Anna doing this in high school, in her marriage, and in her relationships after Leo. In fact, you read about her doing this when there is an upcoming court case to determine custody for her daughter. I find this position highly unlikely. In fact, I would suggest that most people in the circumstance Leo placed her in would have protected her daughter by contacting the police and getting him charged with sexual misconduct with a minor, or depending on how angry they were choosing a Lorena Bobbit approach to settling matters. A Good Mother would have protected her daughter at all costs!

[Lise · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was a highly rated book in all the reviews I'd read. It was the first of several Sue Miller novels I intended to read. I chose The Good Mother for all of the possibilities this subject presented. For me, it was terribly written. Not one main character was to my liking and the clinical, flat tone of the writing made it tough for me to even finish. I'd like to see this topic tackled by an author I like. It could have been a really good book.

[Joy H. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Added 2/14/11. I finished reading this book in September 2011.

As I got into the plot, I found parts of this story very compelling. I never thought I'd enjoy reading a book about a child-custody battle between a husband and wife, but Sue Miller has presented the story in such a way that you gradually get drawn in. That seems to be the nature of all of her books that I've read so far. She slowly draws you in. The ending is very sobering.

[Vanessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book seems like it's going to be some kind of banal divorced woman with child finds love again type of story, only to go off in a different direction about halfway through. It's thoughtful and disturbing enough that the story has stayed with me for years.

Anna Dunlap is divorced and making a living teaching piano in Massachusetts with her young daughter Molly, who is not only the best thing in her life, but one of the few good things. Then she meets an artist named Leo at the laundromat and although they fight over a washer, sparks fly (as an aside that needs to be stated, I was totally on Anna's side in this dispute because we aren't animals! The laundromat has rules, man!) Soon they are dating and Anna is really living for the first time, since childhood at least or maybe ever. The sex is great, the pseudo-Bohemian lifestyle is great, Leo loves her kid, her kid loves Leo. Then Anna's ex-husband accuses Leo of sexually molesting their daughter, and things really go to shit.

I like that Miller is clearly smarter than her protagonists here. She writes with compassion, but clearly she thinks both Anna and Leo made some poor decisions. She's also pretty bold in her narrative choices. I think a parent might find this borderline too painful to read, regardless of who they sympathized with. Is Anna a good mother? Each reader has to answer that question for themselves.

This was turned into a fairly decent movie with Diane Keaton and Liam Neeson. It skipped some of the material near the end which was some of the best writing in the book, but I can also see why they didn't want the movie to drag on after the denouement.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read the book then watched a DVD based on the book. Surprisingly, the movie pretty much followed the story line in an abbreviated version. Some scenes were directly from the book into the movie.

Now, what do I think of the book. Was Anna a good mother to Molly? What does it mean to be a good mother? Will a good mother leave her child with a strange man? I know that when my baby daughter was in a home daycare and I arrived after work to find her alone with a strange man I NEVER brought her back to that daycare provider again.

Brian was awarded custody. Was that only because he had more money, or because he was married or he could afford a full time nanny? The book was written in 1986, a fact that must be taken into consideration.

This book made me think. I was angry at the stupid mistakes made by the characters in this book. But don't we all make stupid mistakes?

[Kellie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a pretty good book. However, I despised the main character. The story was about a family, Anna, Brian and Molly. Anna and Brian get a divorce and Molly goes with Anna. Anna meets Leo. She is very sexual with Leo and the sexuality bleeds into the relationship with Molly. Brian sues for custody. Anna is limp and doesn’t do a damn thing to fight for Molly. This is not a character I could ever relate to. I could understand her loneliness and her struggle to have a relationship with a man. But jeopardizing her child’s security, is totally unacceptable. The book was well written although I felt there were some undeveloped parts of the book that really could have been omitted. Like her history and her family. To me the most important part of her history was the fact she could not say no to a guy. No matter what he did to her.

[Kelly Konrad]

Boo. I thought I would really like another Sue Miller novel after "The Senator's Wife," but the main character in this book is so unbelievably narcissistic, I just can't find anything remotely redeeming in her. I don't have a problem with Anna Dunlap leaving her husband - I do have a problem with the totally reckless behavior that followed, and I can't force sympathy for someone who would sleep with a guy AFTER he had been accused of something so wildly inappropriate. I thought about what it would be like if my husband was in a similar situation with our daughter, and that just skeeves me out. And we are about as far from prudish as we can be. Yuck. Still, I won't give up on Sue Miller as an author -- it's not her talent that eludes me -- just this particular cast of characters. Anna, you got what you deserved.

[Victoria · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't particularly like this one. I read it because it was mentioned on the cover of Harvesting the Heart, though I have two other books by this author that made no impression on me (to be honest, I think it was by mistake that I even had more than other one). On the surface, I can see why this can be seen as similar to Jodi Picoult's work - the family drama, the court case... but the characters (other than the little girl), were not very real or endearing. And while the ending was in depth - it still wasn't satisfying. Mostly, it felt like a book carrying a heavy-handed feminist slant and was barely masked in the plot. I wouldn't recommend this.

[Leigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good writing but it's hard to be sympathetic to the main character. She leaves her husband to find herself and becomes involved in a passionate affair with an artist. Her husband sues for custody and he wins on the grounds that her new found sexuality makes her a poor mother. I loved the writing but the "I gotta find myself and discover sexual passion, even if it damages my child" makes the character hard to like.

[Sarah Obsesses over Books & Cookies · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5. The writing is fantastic but the story was meh

[Lynn Vaillancourt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book dealt with powerful issues, It was honest, sad, a very emotional and human book. I book that will stay with me for long time.

[Rhonda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of Anna Dunlap is a flawed mother who loves her daughter dearly, and who gets raked over the coals when she makes choices she believes best in the moment but turn out to be detrimental. Sue Miller is a master at giving her readers a view deep into the psyche of her characters to really understand why someone would make the choices they do and elicit a sense of compassion and empathy for her characters. A great read.

[Sheryl Sorrentino]

Read it a long time ago. I remember liking it.

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

So so sad and depressing, but well written I suppose. I just need lighter, happier books right now.

[Renita D'Silva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Poignant

[Courtney Madison · Rating 2 out of 5]

The plot line of this book was really interesting! I loved how relatable some of the aspects of motherhood felt from Anna; especially from a single mom’s perspective.

As far as characters go, Anna was pretty boring to me. She wasn’t written to have really any individual personality or deep interests. Even with piano, it wasn’t HER interest. She kind of used the more vibrant people in her life as a crutch. Babe, Molly, Leo, and Ursula.

As far as writing goes, there are racist tones in the descriptions of the black characters that made me uncomfy. She mentions going to a bar or a club full of “blacks” at some point. Then describes the black doctor as looking like an ape. Because of that, I don’t see myself reading any of her other books and glad I bought it secondhand.

I also feel like the story fell kinda flat after the trial was over. The highlight of the book to me was her relationship with Leo. How sexually liberated he allowed her to feel and how drawn to him she was. Towards the end, there was a great representation of how you can feel 2 very conflicting feelings about someone at once, especially with the conflict at hand. I am interested in seeing the movie, but yea would not read any other books written by this author.

[Snotchocheez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Certainly you'd imagine there's little entertainment value in reading about a divorce. With all its attendant negativity and emotion, the subject of divorce is complicated, messy, often disturbing; it's not primary on my list of things to read about, let alone experience first-hand. Sue Miller, then, chose quite a dubious subject to showcase front-and-center in her first novel, "The Good Mother".

This is a book I'd never gravitate toward unbidden; only a curious review from a friend (urging the reader to start reading this book in the middle because the first half is dull and depressing, the other half breezy and page-turning) and a commendation on the jacket from the (well, my favorite, anyway) king of contemplative fiction, Russell Banks, led me to traipse through this rather depressingly-themed novel. To Ms. Miller's credit, she provides quite a bit of background in the titular Good Mother's life to perhaps empathize or feel anything for her character's plight. The dual-edged sword that this information imparts, while giving the requisite substance to Anna (mom), alas also very nearly provides for the book's undoing. As alluded to earlier, the first half of the novel (which contains the bulk part of Anna's pre-marriage days) is a painful slog to sort through. You can almost see the creative wheels spinning in Ms. Miller's head as she desperately tried to find "her voice" to tell the story. Strangely enough, the first half, while being an incredibly slow read, is the best and most important part of the book. We trace her days from adolescence to her college days examining her life (and the decisions she's made in it), giving us clues that she's not exactly the good person/mother as advertised in the title. Much of the second half of the novel takes place after the divorce, after an incident (cue the serious Movie-of-the-Week music here) with Anna's new boyfriend causes a contentious child custody battle between Anna and the ex-husband for the rights to keep their four-year-old daughter. This section, while a breezy quick read, fails to capture the gravitas that the first section poignantly, if not succinctly, conveyed. It focuses on the court trial...and teeters ever-so-close to the edge of a schmaltzy faux-emotional precipice, but fortunately Ms. Miller (to her credit) reins in her main characters enough to keep the story from drowning in the abyss of maudlin emotion (fueled by the somewhat ridiculous "incident". (for this whisper-thin story, revealing this incident would practically be a spoiler)).

Despite "The Good Mother"'s faults (including an over-wrought episode toward the very end that defies credibility), Ms Miller does effectively convey the heartbreak and emotional upheaval of divorce and the subsequent psychological toll that befalls the child(ren) of a a failed marriage. You can't help but have your heartstrings yanked as you follow Anna's travails post-divorce and her attempts at salvaging some semblance of motherhood. Whether the reader cares to wring out entertainment value from this emotional train-wreck is left to his/her discretion.

[Liv · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought the language and way of telling the narrative was amazing but all the stuff with the sexual themes made me v uncomfortable in the narrator’s excusing of it.