Surrendering to Motherhood: Losing Your Mind, Finding Your Soul

by Iris Krasnow

The story of a woman's search for spiritual fulfillment and personal identity takes her from a career as a feature writer for UPI to finding her true self in motherhood

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Memoir, Book Club, Family, Relationships, Self Help

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

About the author

Iris Krasnow was born and raised in Oak Park, Illinois. A graduate of Stanford University, she became the fashion writer for the Dallas Times Herald, then moved to United Press International in Washington, D.C. for the position of national feature writer. In her several years at UPI, Krasnow specialized in lifestyle stories and celebrity profiles, including Yoko Ono, Billy Graham, Ted Kennedy, Elie Wiesel and Queen Noor of Jordan.

Krasnow is the author of SURRENDERING TO MOTHERHOOD, the New York Times bestseller SURRENDERING TO MARRIAGE, and SURRENDERING TO YOURSELF, all published by Miramax Books, as well as the newly-released I Am My Mother's Daughter (Basic Books). Her writing has been featured in many national publications, among them Parade magazine, The Wall Street Journal, SELF magazine and The Washington Post. Krasnow is the relationship correspondent for the Fox Morning News in Baltimore, and has been a guest on numerous national radio and television programs including Oprah, Good Morning America, The Today Show, CBS Early Show, Fox & Family and several times on CNN. Interviews with Krasnow, and reviews of her work, have appeared in Time, O The Oprah Magazine, Glamour, The New Yorker, U.S. News & World Report and Redbook.

A longtime journalism professor at American University, Krasnow lives in Maryland with her husband and four sons. She speaks on marriage, childrearing and "female generational angst" to groups across the country.

Reviews

[Melinda · Rating 1 out of 5]

This books is for career women who are struggling with the idea of becoming a mother, or for career women who are struggling to juggle motherhood at the same time. She spends most of the book name dropping and going on about various lovers and amazing travel adventures, as if she is trying to say, See I am Relevant, I did things in my life. Two-thirds of the book is her boasting of her accomplishments pre-baby instead of building up motherhood and the sacrifice of career for something more significant and worthy of Womanhood. She makes some good honest, pure, points, but they would only resonate with other mothers and would be lost on anyone who hasn't raised a child of their own. I thought it would be uplifting, but instead it's just a story about a woman I can barely relate too.

[K. · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know what I expected, but this wasn't really, truly surrendering to motherhood. It was more about "look how dang cool I was, I used to hang out will all of these really big people and now I sit home in my bathrobe with my kids" except she didn't really sit home. She still worked, still hobnobbed with the "stars" and had a maid and a nanny!!

[Sonya Feher · Rating 3 out of 5]

In Surrendering to Motherhood, Iris Krasnow searched her work, travel, relationship and family history as a means of exploring her own mothering. Having decided that she wanted to have four kids by forty, she then found herself itching to get out of her house, back to the glamorous and fulfilling job as a professional writer interviewing celebrities and politicians and traveling the globe. After spending twenty years to establish a career most people only dream about, she can not get comfortable leaving her children, nor staying with them. Surrendering to Motherhood maps her quest to live in the present moment and define her identity outside of professional accomplishments.

I appreciated the book for Krasnow's willlingness to share her failures as well as her successes. What could read like name-dropping in the list of her famed interview subjects instead illustrates how she sought out figures to help her in her own philosophical search from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Queen Noor of Jordan, to her time as a Cosmo girl at fancy parties in little dresses. The substance and honesty in this book make it a compelling read even if one does not reach the same conclusions as Krasnow about parenting.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am so grateful to have happened upon this book in the library. Despite our major differences, Krasnow’s story of her journey into motherhood resonates deeply with my own story. After over a decade of working in the fast-paced, adrenaline-filled news industry, Krasnow finds it difficult to surrender to everything that motherhood requires when she has her first child. Similarly, my transition from recent college graduate to stay-at-home-mom was terribly difficult. I felt like I was disappointing everyone who had worked so hard to help me succeed in school. I hated that I was no longer intellectually or socially stimulated, and I found myself very bored, lonely, and resenting my decision to have a child. Only with the passage of time and the growth of my daughter have I been able to embrace motherhood and realize how blessed I am to be a stay-at-home-mom. Krasnow’s honest narrative stands as a challenge to mothers everywhere to evaluate their circumstances and decide whether or not they can afford (in many senses of the word) to give up all or some of their careers to really Be There with their children. Ultimately Krasnow reminds us to live in the moment with our children each day because childhood passes in the blink of an eye.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very personal glimpse into IK finding herself finally in her children. She does often go on and on about questions and stresses but it was a wonderful read for Moms to know that you can CHOOSE to stay at home and still be a feminist. Fortunately we live in a time where we do have choices and many are realizing the importance of being with your kids when they are young. Yes, we could have a better house, newer cars and two cells phone but I am choosing instead to be the one who gets to hear Lydia call an umbrella, gorilla and koala the same thing and I get to see her run across the yard everyday, and also have time to volunteer at church instead of rushing around trying to make everything fit. It was good to hear from other successful women about the importance of living in the moment of motherhood.
I guess you could sum up the book as 200 pages of telling you that on their deathbed no one wishes they spent more time at the office especially while their children were little.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

For moms conflicted about staying at home versus working. Iris doesn't mince words, and she probably could, meaning she repeats herself quite a bit, but I think she's writing with an imperative. She truly does not want mothers to miss out on their children's childhood. Quite a bit of name-dropping from her journalist days and falls prey to society's tendency to look to celebrities for insight into how to live life. But all in all, a book that says what a lot of books aren't. It's OK to stay at home, you should stay at home and you're really missing out if you don't.

[Courtney Spivey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This lady is not a Christian and has some major flaws in her theology and thoughts on life…. However, the meaning of her book is wonderfully written. The way she shares her life and her journey to motherhood and ultimately surrendering to it is precious and very inspiring. I would recommend this book to young women who are struggling identifying with being a mother or even fighting the natural tendency to put down your own life for the life of your children and family.

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

This isn’t for everyone.

‘They will read my message over and over: If you choose to become a parent, Be There. Childhood is over in an eye blink; you don't want to miss the chance to love fully and to feel whole and to be fully loved, sensations no job can ever give you.’

[Megan Rumbles · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd give this book a 5 star rating for the intro.

[Barbara]

"2012"

Yellow highlighter and annotated.

[Syifarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Buku ini menceritakan tentang perjalanan hidup Iris Krasnow yang sejak remaja terus mencoba mencari pegangan hidup, mencari kedamaian hati dan jiwa, mencari Tuhan. Ketika membaca buku ini aku benar-benar bersyukur akan nikmat iman Islam di dalam hati ini. Tidak usah mengalami pencarian yang panjang dan berliku seperti yang dialami oleh Iris.

Iris mengalami masa-masa lahirnya feminisme yang memandang bahwa menjadi ibu RT saja itu tidaklah adil bagi wanita. Iris mempunyai karir nan gemilang tapi tetap merasakan kehampaan. Ketika akhirnya dia mempunyai anak, di situlah timbul kebimbangan dalam hatinya. Antara memilih karir atau menjadi seorang ibu yang sebenarnya. Bahwa menjadi wanita yang berada di rumah saja itu tidaklah buruk sama sekali, bahkan tetap bisa bekerja dari rumah. Benar-benar memberi semangat buatku, meski pilihanku kini adalah sebagai ibu bekerja. Tapi aku yakin bisa -dengan usaha amat keras- untuk tetap dekat dengan anak-anak.

Pada akhirnya Iris menemukan ketenangan dan kedamaian yang diperolehnya dari menjadi seorang ibu. Ya, berserah diri menjadi ibu. Ternyata tidak mudah memang untuk menjadi seorang ibu, tidak hanya dengan melahirkan anak saja lalu kita disebut sebagai ibu.Tidak hanya itu. Perlu proses panjang termasuk untuk mengalahkan ego dalam diri seorang wanita, menomorduakan hal lainnya dan menomorsatukan anak-anak.

Membaca buku ini membuatku merenung, menutup buku sebentar, lalu menerawang.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Iris Krasnow had an interesting life as a journalist, which she gave up her successful career to be a mother full-time (well, with writing bouts in the wee hours of the night). So it was interesting to read her insights and the truths she found out about motherhood--especially for someone who is non-Mormon and/or unaccustomed to the idea of of staying at home with children. There are some nuggets of goodness here. Some of her stories really made me appreciate being an at-home mom and helped me to remember why this calling is so important. At the same time, I really questioned many of her life choices and wondered why it took her until almost age 40 to discover that money, fame, and power (and a few other red herrings) aren't all they're cracked up to be. I was disturbed that she equates motherhood to religion and gave up on her supposed spiritual enlightenment. But otherwise, I thought this was an interesting read. It's one in a series. The others are: Surrendering to Self, Surrendering to Marriage, and (can't remember the exact title) one on mother-daughter relationships. Krasnow is an Annapolis resident, and I heard her speak to my mother's group last fall. She was a very interesting speaker and personality, and that's what led me to read the book.

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really want to give this 3.5 stars, because I really liked it, but it dragged at the end. (I started thinking, "Ok, I get your point, you don't have to say it over and over 5 different ways.")

I stumbled across this book at the library, and since, like the author I'm in my mid-30s and considering parenthood, it seemed like a good fit. Krasnow is very honest about her struggle between her career ambitions and raising her sons, and while she ultimately chooses full-time parenthood, she does not preach that all mothers should stay home full-time. What she does say, however, is that mothers of young children especially need to be careful not to miss their children's childhood, whether that means staying home full-time or cutting back your work schedule enough that you can be fully present for your children and not constantly distracted with work.

I plan to buy this and keep it next to Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions when I have children.

[Emy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this based on Power of Moms retreat recommendation. This author had an exciting career as a journalist but what she really longed for was home and family. This was the story of finding her purpose in life, and the struggle between career and motherhood. As a new mother she really struggled with wanting to do career full-time still, but after her child's illness, she realized that she was the one who needed to be home caring for her kids, because no one could do it like she could. She ended up raising young 4 boys under 4 in the 90's, still working occasionally. I never struggled with the career pull but I admire her for finding a balance with putting kids first.

[Evaly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. It made me so grateful for the spiritual direction I have had in my life and for the opportunity to be a mother. I think she has very wise advice for modern women- a return to the basics. She learned this the hard way by trying to be part of the feminist movement, but then realizing that being the stereotypical stay-at-home mom was what brought her lasting happiness. I loved this quote "Having small kids is like the last day of summer vacation, when you are savoring every second coming at you..."

[Nichole · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked this book because it's the story of a reporter who "surrenders" her career to raise her children. I could relate in many ways. In the book she talkes about finding "mom" clothes. I was there!! Two days after I left the news business, I called my mom crying because I didn't own a pair of jeans! Others read this and didn't enjoy it as much. Maybe it's a news-junky thing.

[Sarah Pelletier · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mid-pregnancy on the verge of a new journey into motherhood, I absolutely LOVED this book! It sounds cheesy, but it really spoke to me. :) Would recommend to all young women of this generation who've felt they were searching for some seemingly evasive fulfillment in life... and/or those who consider having children... and/or those who've considered themselves feminists of any kind. :)

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recommend this book to ANY mother. It really puts alot of things about motherhood in perspective quite succinctly. While I didn't identify with everything she writes about, there are so many "I wasn't the only one who thought that?" or "Amen!" moments in the book it was a gratifying experience. Great mom book.

[Fawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're a mother that struggles with sense of self, and whether you would be better as a working mom or as a stay at home mom, this is a fantastic read by an accomplished journalist, bolstered by excerpts from several sources on motherhood and soul-searching. I found this book to be incredibly relate-able and easy to read. (planning to do a more in-depth review on my blog...)

[Toby · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was referred to me by my sister-in-law who felt that it helped her accept the chaos of her life. I felt it was frustrating. I don't want to surrener to motherhood and give up all I am. I want a balance. I did not like the premise and it in fact made me angry.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took a while to get to what I'd call the "meat" of this book, but It left me feeling joyful and at peace with my role as a stay at home mother. I am able to "be where I am" and really enjoy the moment more often now, after reading this book. Well written and insightful.

[Rebecca Cooley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really helped change my perspective on how we should really cherish and value our role as mothers!

[Molly Christensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book on mothering. Gave me a new perspective that I hadn't gotten before, and I've read a lot of mothering books.

[Leslie Sholly · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's all about mindfulness.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Let Motherhood fill me up while it is my present.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book to understand what it means to be a mother.

[Mindy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wanted to like this one, but couldn't quite get into it. I wanted to read about motherhood and spirituality, but the book took too long to get to it.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was extremely compelling. It prompted me give my notice to my job and stay at home with my two sons...cleaning mac n cheese off the floor. BEST decision I've ever made.

[Kimberly Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so amazing!!!! I am going to be recommending it to everyone. It is so neat to see how she truly finds herself, so to speak as she becomes committed to motherhood.

[Bookclub · Rating 3 out of 5]

read 3,3,2,2,2.5,4