Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by Preparation G.

Our own independent studies show that persons working as independent authors are 73% more likely than those in similar professions (such as trapeze artist and professional bull rider) to suffer from hemorrhoids.

Preparation G was designed to get to the bottom of the problem quickly. The active ingredients are a secret blend of caustic chemical agents that bring soothing relief (after a brief few moments of unspeakable pain) by searing the nerve endings.

Remember, the burning shows it’s working!

Disclaimer: Preparation G is not approved for use on animals. Do not use Preparation G on stone or concrete surfaces. In the event some small amount of Preparation G is swallowed, contact a mortician immediately.

Some smoking may appear around the application site for a few hours after initial application, accompanied by moderate to severe burning pain. Some users have reported other side effects, but we assume they are liars. Preparation G is available wherever fine imaginary products are sold.