Made to Belong: Five Practices for Cultivating Community in a Disconnected World

by David Kim

Even though we are connected more than ever through digital devices and social media, we still find ourselves feeling lonely and disconnected.
 
We are asking questions such Who are my people?   How can I build meaningful relationships?   Where do I belong?  
 
Author and pastor David Kim shares his experiences with loneliness as a Korean American immigrant and delivers compelling research about belonging that includes the revolutionary five practices for developing meaningful relationships .  As the discipleship pastor of WestGate Church in Silicon Valley, Kim decided to research the reasons why—and uncovered surprising answers.
 
In his survey of more than 1,300 Christians, Kim discovered that the number-one common struggle is loneliness. We crave life-giving relationships and community yet realize they are difficult to find and cultivate.  We want to belong, we just don't know how .  When we are left to ourselves, Kim says, we naturally drift away from God and others, and we begin to believe the lies of the  
 
Kim combats those lies with the incredible hope found in the Five Practices for Cultivating  
 
 
Kim teaches us that true belonging takes intentional effort.  Through sound wisdom from the Bible, proven research from the social sciences and his own data, and examples from his pastoral ministry and moving personal anecdotes, Kim shows us that we are uniquely designed by God to belong to one another for our flourishing.  We are made to belong—to each other and to Jesus. 

Genres: Nonfiction, Faith, Christian, Ecclesiology, Spirituality, Friendship, Religion

240 pages, Paperback

Published February 7, 2023

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.

Reviews

[Brandi Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have you ever had those moments where you “stumble upon” the right book at the right time? This was one of those books for me.

Vulnerable moment: I’ve struggled with belonging for most of my life. Painful moments of childhood rejection were seared into my long-term memory like a branding iron on wood, making their mark on how I perceived myself and others’ thoughts about me.

This is something I’ve been working through intensely for the last year or so. I’ve always desired community while also being utterly afraid of it. Y’all, I’m SO grateful for this book! David Kim made cultivating community seem more manageable, even while acknowledging the risk involved.

He does this through sharing five practices for creating transformative community:

🫶🏾 Priority
🫶🏾 Chemistry
🫶🏾 Vulnerability
🫶🏾 Empathy
🫶🏾 Accountability

He also discusses barriers to belonging, discerning God-induced isolation from self-induced isolation, and strategies to help leaders cultivate meaningful community in their churches.

This book is a treasure and one I will be referring back to frequently as I continue to do the hard work of believing that I was made to belong. Highly recommend!!!

[Liberty {LittyLibby} · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a refreshing take on community and belonging. I felt seen and validated as someone who has always struggled to make meaningful connections within church circles and friend groups. Instead of laying the blame at the feet of the person who feels always like an outsider, David Kim lays out useful tools and helps identify roadblocks to belonging. He is honest and vulnerable about his own experiences, and I appreciate that even as a pastor, he broaches the ways in which churches often get community wrong.
I know so many people who might benefit from this book, because loneliness is at an all-time high these days.

[Graydon Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book on an important topic! Anyone who’s trying to cultivate true community within the church would benefit from reading this book.

[Sean · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made to Belong is like a great TV series, it gets better the deeper you go. Honestly, I struggled with the first section. It felt overly negative, and I’m never a fan when authors make sweeping statements like “we all feel this way” it assumes too much and risks alienating readers like myself who may not share that perspective.

But thankfully, part two turned things around. The tone shifts, the ideas become more constructive, and the practices David Kim outlines begin to build on one another in a way that’s both logical and encouraging. The examples also become more practical and applicable, which really helped me engage.

As a pastor, I especially appreciated the final section. It resonated deeply with the vision I have for both my church and my ministry at home. Kim’s insights in that part are not just thoughtful… they’re actionable, and they align beautifully with the kind of community I’m hoping to cultivate.

All in all, a strong read with a slow start but a powerful finish.

[Isaac Eames · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great guide to help the Christian identify what's getting the way of feeling a sense of belonging and how to cultivate belonging. He gives us a great vision of Christian belonging and how to get there personally and through church structure. I appreciate how he tackles topics such as shame, truth vs grace, chemistry vs cliques, levels of belonging and community, staying or leaving a church/community. I also appreciate his perspective of growing up as a Korean-American and how that affected his view of belonging.

Very simply, he makes us aware that a Christian cannot thrive without community and he gives us hope to cultivate and find community.

Favorite quote: "We are desperate for connection, yet feel profound shame for needing it. So we hide from God and each other hoping to avoid more shame and rejection"

[Marcus Floyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

David Kim does a wonderful job in his book “Made to Belong” describing the pitfalls to forming friendships in community and presenting theological basis for why the cultivation of deep friendship, belonging, and community is so vital–for every season of life. The book focuses on five practices to create an oasis of deep community and belonging in the midst of our disconnected culture. I deeply appreciated Kim’s personal stories, sharing honestly how he’s navigating belonging as a follower of Jesus, immigrant Korean American discipleship/ formation pastor in Silicon Valley. I’m looking forward to putting these 5 areas hS presents into practice! Definitely a go to resource I’ll be using in my own ministry context. Highly recommend!

[Cole Pate · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had lots of practical steps for belonging both personally and for the larger Christian community. I’d definitely recommend it for people searching for community!


Lord of the Rings rating: 5/5. The first reference was on page 13.

[Keith Lockhart · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kinda mid

[Nathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

real.

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where can the lonely look to find connection? In Made to Belong, David Kim discusses five practices for cultivating community in a disconnected world.

Kim begins with a startling story from his youth: His best friend was breaking up with him. Their relationship was one-sided, and Kim was to blame. Thankfully, Kim adds how they actually ended up remaining best friends into their adulthood. But the story illustrates the difficulty of making genuine connections with others. In Made to Belong, Kim writes persuasively that our sense of belonging and true community can only come from Jesus and through the relationships we build from our relationship with Him.

Cultivating Connection
Part 1 of Made to Belong explains why belonging is so hard. Kim shares what he calls “the false connection cycle” and lists common barriers to belonging. It is interesting how these play out in our personal lives as well as in the life of the church. Throughout the book, Kim shares about his own experience as an Asian American immigrant male. His experiences are relatable to anyone who has felt lonely, isolated, and like an outsider.

Part 2 is the practical side of the book that shows how belonging is possible. Kim presents five practices for cultivating connection: Priority, Chemistry, Vulnerability, Empathy, and Accountability.

Church and Culture
Church leaders will find Kim’s experience as a pastor to be insightful. He shares that chemistry is something that must be discovered, and this especially plays out in the life of the church. This section allowed me to identify some toxic traits in others (people who overtalk, people who bring everything back to themselves, people who criticize often, people who victimize themselves) while warning me about how I must watch out for these traits in myself.

Being vulnerable, empathy, and accountability are next. Culture has a large part in how these play out, and Kim helps you give them consideration. Even Christians can find ways to avoid these topics, such as hiding behind fake spirituality, using holiness to hinder yourself and others, and following a lack of authentic vulnerability modeled by leaders. I appreciate how Kim writes clearly about these issues.

Cultivating Community
Part 3 describes how belonging deepens our discipleship to Jesus. He shares that belonging is a blessing of being fully known and truly loved. And he explains how those who are struggling with loneliness may have been given a seasonal gift of isolation. He encourages examination, communication, and preparation during this time. The book ends with a call to seek Jesus in solitude, and to cultivate belonging in Christian community.

Kim says that the Christian life isn’t just difficult to do alone—it is impossible. After reading this book, I am convinced that this is true. I am inspired to be a better leader in cultivating community with the people that Christ has given to my care. And I am drawn to cling closer to Christ and his church—where the lost can be found, and where strangers can become sons.

I received a media copy of Made to Belong and this is my honest review.

[Hansub · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the best I've read on friendship, community, and belonging. After reading it, it's strange that no one has done this before. It's personal, easy to read, but deep in psychology, theology, and practical wisdom. It answers questions I've been wondering about for a long time. Am I supposed to be best friends with everyone at my church? Is it wrong for there to be so many social groups even though the church is called to be unified? It's changed how I approach my own friendships and community. I consider this a must read for everyone. I wouldn't be surprised if it becomes the go-to book for friendships.

[Tessa Poyner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a heartfelt and thoughtful exploration of the deep human need for connection, written with compassion and clarity. David Kim blends personal stories, biblical insight, and practical guidance that made me reflect on how I show up in community. I appreciated his vulnerability about his own ongoing journey in community. It leaned a little heavy on the church-staff/culture commentary but it’s to be expected as that is his lived experience.

[David Go · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s always difficult to write a book about belonging due to books’ individual nature but David Kim does a good job capturing what we need.
There isn’t much in terms of earth-shattering insight but he does a good job reinforcing and building on the concept of belonging, one of modern society’s biggest challenges.

[Campbell Lakatos · Rating 4 out of 5]

In a disconnected world, connection is paramount. A place to belong. A people to belong to. To be known and loved. These are non-negotiable if we want to experience an abundant life. This book is a guide to help forge these communities of belonging. The 5 practices include: commitment, chemistry, vulnerability, empathy, and accountability.

[Kathleen Moy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pastors or other church leaders in the us may find this book helpful, but it was too narrow to the US context for it to be what I am looking for. That being said, still recommend it for US church leaders. This being written from a pastor and immigrant, he has a unique perspective and gives practical suggestions.

[Janelle Koontz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and want to sit down now and type out some notes. I feel like it just got better and better as I kept reading. I was encouraged and got great ideas for investing in community from reading this.

[Andy Gilford · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of great nuggets and practical application for pursuing Jesus centered community and loving those around you the way we were meant to love and do community

[Summer · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice book to listen to for spiritual encouragement. Written specifically for a Christian audience.

[Amaris Beecher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought provoking and very practical. Helpful in communication if you’re a ministry leader or facilitator.

[Anya Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started this book for my capstone project and my initial response was that it was kinda meh, but as I got into it, I began to appreciate his simple, clearly outlined message.
3.9/5

[Efrain Escalante · Rating 4 out of 5]

Must read fir those who want actual friendships! Provides excellent practical steps to implement in your day to day!