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Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments
Are you tired of the dating game? Do you fear never finding that special someone? Don't give up hope. Just when you begin to dream of moving to Antarctica, or making your pet your lifelong companion, Shmuley Boteach can help you experience the overwhelming rewards of making someone else happy. Drawing on the ancient wisdom of the Ten Commandments, he will demonstrate the timeless attraction of mystique and explain the four steps of attraction, exploration, emotional intimacy, and physical intimacy.
* Express the self-confidence that will become your most attractive quality.
* Learn to become emotionally naked instead of just physically naked.
* Understand the difference between a loving soul mate and a partner.
* Learn to have what Boteach calls a "peasant" attitude toward love-discovering what you have to offer someone and what you need from that special someone.
Suddenly your view of dating will do an about finding a soul mate will be a simple, straightforward, and joyful process instead of a shot in the dark.
Shmuley Boteach is by turns self-deprecating and hilarious, but he is always on point. Here the author of Kosher Sex outlines the ultimate plan for fulfillment and contentment, no matter your age, sex, or situation.
* Express the self-confidence that will become your most attractive quality.
* Learn to become emotionally naked instead of just physically naked.
* Understand the difference between a loving soul mate and a partner.
* Learn to have what Boteach calls a "peasant" attitude toward love-discovering what you have to offer someone and what you need from that special someone.
Suddenly your view of dating will do an about finding a soul mate will be a simple, straightforward, and joyful process instead of a shot in the dark.
Shmuley Boteach is by turns self-deprecating and hilarious, but he is always on point. Here the author of Kosher Sex outlines the ultimate plan for fulfillment and contentment, no matter your age, sex, or situation.
- GenresNonfiction
304 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1999
1 person is currently reading
32 people want to read
About the author
Shmuley Boteach
46 books69 followersRabbi Shmuley Boteach, named by Talkers Magazine as one of the 100 most important radio hosts in America, is a nationally syndicated talk show host, the international best-selling author of 15 books, and an acclaimed syndicated columnist.
A winner of the London Times highly prestigious "Preacher of the Year" award, Rabbi Shmuley has lectured and appeared in print, radio, and TV all over the globe. His radio show, "Rabbi Shmuley's Passion," airs daily on Bonneville Broadcasting in afternoon drive-time.
He is the author of a number of books, including "Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy," "Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments," "Why Can't I Fall in Love," "Judaism for Everyone: Renewing your Life through the Vibrant Lessons of the Jewish Faith," and most recently, "Hating Women: America's Hostile Campaign Against the Fairer Sex." A winner of the annual "preacher of the year" contest sponsored by the Times of London, he was formerly rabbi of Oxford University.
Shmuley—he is known universally by his first name, has marketed himself as a rabbi to the stars and an expert on Jewish attitudes toward relationships and marriage. ("Dr. Ruth with a yarmulke," the Washington Post called him.)
A winner of the London Times highly prestigious "Preacher of the Year" award, Rabbi Shmuley has lectured and appeared in print, radio, and TV all over the globe. His radio show, "Rabbi Shmuley's Passion," airs daily on Bonneville Broadcasting in afternoon drive-time.
He is the author of a number of books, including "Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy," "Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments," "Why Can't I Fall in Love," "Judaism for Everyone: Renewing your Life through the Vibrant Lessons of the Jewish Faith," and most recently, "Hating Women: America's Hostile Campaign Against the Fairer Sex." A winner of the annual "preacher of the year" contest sponsored by the Times of London, he was formerly rabbi of Oxford University.
Shmuley—he is known universally by his first name, has marketed himself as a rabbi to the stars and an expert on Jewish attitudes toward relationships and marriage. ("Dr. Ruth with a yarmulke," the Washington Post called him.)
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
August 25, 2010
His 10 secrets are:
PRIMACY
EXCLUSIVITY
CONFIDENCE
SACRED MOMENTS
GRATITUDE
COMPLIMENTS
MYSTERY
SINCERITY
TRUST
CONTENTMENT
Some of my fave annotations:
today they date for recreation
just let go and be and allow the full vibrancy of the human personality to be manifest.
men find it easier to compartmentalize
(women) you have fully integrated your emotions into your whole person
(commitment free sex) separation of our emotions from our senses, asymmetry between body and soul
(self confidence) people today have no belief in themselves, an inner experience, when our external actions are in sync with our convictions we feel good about the direction of our lives - our character and actions and ability to contribute something positive, you have a precious gift to give the world that cannot be duplicated by anyone, you require no artificial embellishments.
(soulmate)focus not on what you have but what you lack, a feeling you are now complete, the mere thought - the knowledge they exist and belong to you and love you is enough, you want to share everything, improve as a person, your destiny.
Deep inside we all hope that we are somehow unique, irreplaceable.
We are nothing without love and appreciation. Being told we are wonderful changes everything.
If you give someone a thouroughly enjoyable time, make them laugh and help them to forget their worries for a while, they will always want your company. They will associate you with joy, and may come to think of the rest of their life without you as empty and meaningless.
Expose your soul, don't be afraid. Because you touch with a hand you feel a hand. Had you felt me with your soul you would see I am nothing but a soul. Open your heart and express your emotions.
Find someone to love with all their faults, not to change them. Embrace ALL of them.
In our capacity to give we find meaning an purpose in life. (*be sure to accept what others are willing to give to you!)
(Cheating/Jealousy) when you are in love you want to be the center of the other's universe, not just one of several small planets orbiting around their sun. there is no relationship that does not involve some sort of sacrifice. the essence of romance is that you actually give up something. there are certain things we have every right to claim that should not be shared with anybody else.
The only happily married people are those who get married every single day (its a choice)
looking into the eye can make a person blush, starking at their body makes them feel like a golden image.
Inner change comes from external action. force yourself. do it again, repetitive action becomes second nature. Change negative behaviors, go to the oppositte extreme. deal with your problems.
those who lie lack pride in themselves.
(Forgiveness) If you partner asks you to forgive them for causing you pain, and shows genunie remourse for their indiscretions, rise abouve your pain and sense of rejection and learn to forgive
...he realized he loved his father even more for being flawed....being a good and loving father had been achieved in spite of personal weaknesses and internal battles. And he loved his father even more for making the effort.
when someone chooses you they forgo everyone else, be worth the sacrifice.
the human heart and soul are worth more than material wealth. appreciate what you have. be totally engaged, radiate joy.
Men feel masculine when the succeed at pleasing a woman. Show gratitude. Adopt a positive attitude. Notice their efforts to please you.
Extend tolerance and unconditional love.
Do not disparage your eses, they were once important to you and contributed to your development.
"she wants my love for her to be like a flower, something delicate and wonderous, which must be renewed and reaffirmed every single day. Otherwise, it will wither and wilt."
Purge anger from our system. To act in anger is to lose our human dignity and betray the divine spark within us.
We lose our temper with those people whom we judge to have hurt us deliberately, or who have behaved selfishly and irresponsibly.
Never underestimate the importance of being a good listener. Too many married women have told me that often, when speaking to their husbands, they stop talking in mid-sentence because they are not being listened to. They feel like a piece of furniture, and this experience of being ignored is a denial of their value. Their spirit is crushed.
The important message to give is ou and I are the same, you are note alone.
We misuse our inimacy when we hand over ourselves to someone neither appropriate nor worthy.
When things dont work well in the bedroom they wont work well in the livingroom either. Make life exciting.
All of us want to be wanted and needed and when a person feels another will sacrifice anything to have them it is incredibly flattering and can cause a person to give up all their values just to be with someone who is passionate about them. Understand what the power of desire can achieve.
Judge others by their actions. The greatest discoveries come about looking into our own souls rather than to our partner.
love is infiinte and we must plumb it's depths.
respect is acknowledgins someone else's humanity and the rights that follow from them being your equal.
Dont engender false emotions in another merely to get something from them.
Be honest about your intentions always. Just as water reflects the face, so one human heart reflects another - what you show people will be reflected back. Do the right thing. Be a good person. Rebuild others.
a kind gesture is one undertaken with the sole intent of making another feel cherished and special. let your deeds bear witness to your integrity and character.
relationships are not about one person totally subsuming another's identity.
Sex is about exclusivity. A woman is sharing a secret with you.
When a man is not ready for commitment he is directing it at you and it is an insult.
A woman roots a man. She grounds him and gives him focus and allows him to get on with other important things in life. one woman is all he requires to satisfy all of his needs.
When we come home we want an anchor, a rock. We want a place where we can be ourselves, where we always feel we are good enough.
The saddest moment is when someone you love becomes a stranger. Always keep your promises, never exaggerte, be honest about your emotions, have moral and spiritual standards and never ask others to compromise theirs.
A rich person is content with all that they have. Don't be a prisioner of desire - what you want will not make you happy, it will be always outside of you, tempting you.
Coveting is a denial of abundance, a prson who sees the world is made up of a small pie and anthing that others have deprives him - a scarcity mentality. When someone is happy he feels miserable because someone has taken his smile - a win/lose mentality.
1 candle light can light 10,000 others and never lose it's intensity. Human greatness is achived in the giving rather than the taking.
PRIMACY
EXCLUSIVITY
CONFIDENCE
SACRED MOMENTS
GRATITUDE
COMPLIMENTS
MYSTERY
SINCERITY
TRUST
CONTENTMENT
Some of my fave annotations:
today they date for recreation
just let go and be and allow the full vibrancy of the human personality to be manifest.
men find it easier to compartmentalize
(women) you have fully integrated your emotions into your whole person
(commitment free sex) separation of our emotions from our senses, asymmetry between body and soul
(self confidence) people today have no belief in themselves, an inner experience, when our external actions are in sync with our convictions we feel good about the direction of our lives - our character and actions and ability to contribute something positive, you have a precious gift to give the world that cannot be duplicated by anyone, you require no artificial embellishments.
(soulmate)focus not on what you have but what you lack, a feeling you are now complete, the mere thought - the knowledge they exist and belong to you and love you is enough, you want to share everything, improve as a person, your destiny.
Deep inside we all hope that we are somehow unique, irreplaceable.
We are nothing without love and appreciation. Being told we are wonderful changes everything.
If you give someone a thouroughly enjoyable time, make them laugh and help them to forget their worries for a while, they will always want your company. They will associate you with joy, and may come to think of the rest of their life without you as empty and meaningless.
Expose your soul, don't be afraid. Because you touch with a hand you feel a hand. Had you felt me with your soul you would see I am nothing but a soul. Open your heart and express your emotions.
Find someone to love with all their faults, not to change them. Embrace ALL of them.
In our capacity to give we find meaning an purpose in life. (*be sure to accept what others are willing to give to you!)
(Cheating/Jealousy) when you are in love you want to be the center of the other's universe, not just one of several small planets orbiting around their sun. there is no relationship that does not involve some sort of sacrifice. the essence of romance is that you actually give up something. there are certain things we have every right to claim that should not be shared with anybody else.
The only happily married people are those who get married every single day (its a choice)
looking into the eye can make a person blush, starking at their body makes them feel like a golden image.
Inner change comes from external action. force yourself. do it again, repetitive action becomes second nature. Change negative behaviors, go to the oppositte extreme. deal with your problems.
those who lie lack pride in themselves.
(Forgiveness) If you partner asks you to forgive them for causing you pain, and shows genunie remourse for their indiscretions, rise abouve your pain and sense of rejection and learn to forgive
...he realized he loved his father even more for being flawed....being a good and loving father had been achieved in spite of personal weaknesses and internal battles. And he loved his father even more for making the effort.
when someone chooses you they forgo everyone else, be worth the sacrifice.
the human heart and soul are worth more than material wealth. appreciate what you have. be totally engaged, radiate joy.
Men feel masculine when the succeed at pleasing a woman. Show gratitude. Adopt a positive attitude. Notice their efforts to please you.
Extend tolerance and unconditional love.
Do not disparage your eses, they were once important to you and contributed to your development.
"she wants my love for her to be like a flower, something delicate and wonderous, which must be renewed and reaffirmed every single day. Otherwise, it will wither and wilt."
Purge anger from our system. To act in anger is to lose our human dignity and betray the divine spark within us.
We lose our temper with those people whom we judge to have hurt us deliberately, or who have behaved selfishly and irresponsibly.
Never underestimate the importance of being a good listener. Too many married women have told me that often, when speaking to their husbands, they stop talking in mid-sentence because they are not being listened to. They feel like a piece of furniture, and this experience of being ignored is a denial of their value. Their spirit is crushed.
The important message to give is ou and I are the same, you are note alone.
We misuse our inimacy when we hand over ourselves to someone neither appropriate nor worthy.
When things dont work well in the bedroom they wont work well in the livingroom either. Make life exciting.
All of us want to be wanted and needed and when a person feels another will sacrifice anything to have them it is incredibly flattering and can cause a person to give up all their values just to be with someone who is passionate about them. Understand what the power of desire can achieve.
Judge others by their actions. The greatest discoveries come about looking into our own souls rather than to our partner.
love is infiinte and we must plumb it's depths.
respect is acknowledgins someone else's humanity and the rights that follow from them being your equal.
Dont engender false emotions in another merely to get something from them.
Be honest about your intentions always. Just as water reflects the face, so one human heart reflects another - what you show people will be reflected back. Do the right thing. Be a good person. Rebuild others.
a kind gesture is one undertaken with the sole intent of making another feel cherished and special. let your deeds bear witness to your integrity and character.
relationships are not about one person totally subsuming another's identity.
Sex is about exclusivity. A woman is sharing a secret with you.
When a man is not ready for commitment he is directing it at you and it is an insult.
A woman roots a man. She grounds him and gives him focus and allows him to get on with other important things in life. one woman is all he requires to satisfy all of his needs.
When we come home we want an anchor, a rock. We want a place where we can be ourselves, where we always feel we are good enough.
The saddest moment is when someone you love becomes a stranger. Always keep your promises, never exaggerte, be honest about your emotions, have moral and spiritual standards and never ask others to compromise theirs.
A rich person is content with all that they have. Don't be a prisioner of desire - what you want will not make you happy, it will be always outside of you, tempting you.
Coveting is a denial of abundance, a prson who sees the world is made up of a small pie and anthing that others have deprives him - a scarcity mentality. When someone is happy he feels miserable because someone has taken his smile - a win/lose mentality.
1 candle light can light 10,000 others and never lose it's intensity. Human greatness is achived in the giving rather than the taking.
January 27, 2011
I enjoy reading Rabbi Boteach's blog, so I thought I might like one of his books. Sadly his writing does not translate well into a full book. This slim volume of "secrets" was slight on substance and overstuffed with fluff. I think I'll stick with his blog posts from now on.
April 5, 2014
Enjoyed - want to reread the last - coveting i.e. Contentment!
August 17, 2009
I love Rabi Shmuley! Parts have great advice, and other parts are just ok.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews