If I Go

by Emily Ann

Beneath the sprawling limbs of southern oaks, where Spanish moss drapes like lace and the scent of salt lingers in the air, Eleanor Davis and Fred Jackson spend their childhood in the heart of 19th century Charleston, South Carolina. Their friendship is as constant as the tides, as warm as the Southern sun. But as the nation fractures, so does their world. When Fred’s family moves North, Eleanor is left behind as whispers of war grow into a deafening roar.

Now a young woman seeking purpose, she answers the call of duty as a Confederate nurse. But just as she finds her footing, Fred returns—not as the carefree boy she once knew, but as a Union soldier, shaped by hardship and bound by conviction.

Their reunion is a collision of past and present, stirring memories of a bond that once felt unshakable. Yet war leaves little room for sentiment, demanding sacrifice from all who stand in its path. If I Go, Emily Ann’s debut novel, is a sweeping tale of devotion, duty, and the enduring pull of home.

Genres: Historical Fiction, Historical

356 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 30, 2025

About the author

Emily Ann is a historical fiction writer with a passion for bringing the past to life through compelling characters and immersive storytelling. Growing up in Charleston, South Carolina, she developed a deep appreciation for history and culture, which inspires her writing. Emily holds a Bachelor’s degree in Education and homeschools her own children. She is also an active member of her church community and enjoys gardening, crocheting, and photography.

Reviews

[Lynelle Barrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emily Ann's debut is a poignant, heart-tugging coming of age story set during the Civil War with memorable characters, and a whole lot of soul. I found Eleanor, in particular, to be a complete delight. It's been a while since I've felt this connected to a heroine, let alone one who's so lovable and relatable. Her insecurities and strong desire to fit in (even lying for the sake of making friends) will surely resonate with those who had bumpy childhoods. While she didn't relate so much to the girls in town, she did develop two strong friendships with Fred and Owen.

With Fred and Owen, I kind of flip-flopped on who was my favorite, and I equate that to how the story was told. Neither boy was featured consistently throughout the novel, so I wish Fred's childhood had been chronicled in the beginning, as well, because once he and his family moved up to Pennsylvania, the story moved on and it became more about Eleanor and Owen. That made me grow an instant attachment to Owen over Fred. I really loved Owen and Eleanor's sweet friendship, and how he helped her deal with her teenage woes. However, once Owen accepted the offer to spy for the Confederates as a Union soldier, he and Eleanor had a fight that suddenly made him rather unlikable and unpleasant, and after he disappeared, the focus suddenly shifted back to Fred, who we hadn't heard from in several chapters. Fred was still as warm and likable as he was in the opening chapters, if not more worldly. His reunion and upcoming romance with Eleanor were very sweet.

I love historical medicine, so I enjoyed seeing Eleanor serve as a nurse. It showcased female involvement in the war, and seamlessly bridged the two worlds between the three friends. With Owen, I do wish we'd gotten more about his spy work, because I find espionage during war settings very fascinating. I'm only familiar with American Revolution espionage, so I would've loved to have seen Owen actually spying, and what his tasks were. Even so, his part in the story paints the perfect POV into that time period. I felt bad for him for constantly trying to prove himself.

Lastly, I really loved the "found family" aspect, because Eleanor received a second family through Fred and his parents and sister. That whole dynamic was so sweet, and the ending sequence really warmed my heart. It's such a lovely reminder how even with the ugliness of war, there can still be so much beauty and love.

THANK YOU to Emily Ann for giving me the honor of reading this ARC. This was a beautiful story about friendship, love, faith, duty, and sacrifice. I'll be sure to keep this tucked away in the back of my mind for many years to come!

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I saw the cover and read the synopsis for this book, I had a feeling I’d really enjoy it. Childhood friends to lovers is my favorite trope and I adore historical fiction so this sounded like it would be my kind of book! I am happy to say I really enjoyed it!

If I Go is set over the span of many years so that the reader gets the chance to watch Fred and Eleanor grow from children to adults. I loved that! I loved their friendship and watching them fall in love when they grew up.❤️

I loved the characters in this book! Fred was a wonderful hero and Eleanor was a great heroine. I felt like I truly got to know Eleanor since I got to watch her grow from a young girl into a grown woman. Her story was really sad at times but I enjoyed watching her character growth. I loved reading about her experience as a nurse during the Civil War as well.
And I have to mention Owen because he was one of my favorite characters in this book! I quickly grew to love his character. He was so complex. His story was heartbreaking.🥺❤️

I loved the themes of faith, found family, and healing throughout the book.
I also loved the setting and the history woven in! I love books set in the south because it feels like home. I’m also really interested in this time period so that had me invested as well. I loved that this book made me feel all the feels. I was close to tears more than once. It was hard to put down because I didn’t know what to expect next!

Content notes: This book is clean. I’d recommend to ages 17+. There is some mild, very infrequent cursing. This book touches on some tough topics such as affairs, assault, and alcoholism. All was handled well.

In conclusion, I really enjoyed this story! If you’re a fan of emotional historical fiction, childhood friends to lovers, books set during the Civil War, and found family, I think you’ll love If I Go.❤️

*Thank you to the author for sending me a complimentary copy! All opinions are my own.

[Courtney Bellingar · Rating 5 out of 5]

I savored this book! I took my time and dove into the Civil War through Eleanor’s eyes! This book covered a lot of years, starting with Eleanor as a child, all the way through to her early 20s. The author transitioned through all the years so well. The storyline really flowed smoothly!

I thoroughly enjoyed Emily Ann’s debut novel! I loved reading about Eleanor and watch her grow throughout the years. Eleanor showed so much strength and bravery during an isolating time in her life. She endured so much loss, and remained kind and loving through it all!

This story gave me all the feels - sadness, anger, swoon, hurt, fear, love, and hope! A book that gives me all the emotions is a five stars in my opinion!

If I Go could easily be read in a couple days - but I’d encourage you to take your time with it and embrace the story ❤️

[Meagan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to the author for this #gifted book!*
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Title: If I Go
Author: Emily Ann
Genre: Historical Fiction
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Synopsis: Eleanor and Fred are childhood best friends in the antebellum South, but when different ideologies drive Fred’s family to move North, they are driven apart by location and time, and Eleanor finds a new friendship with Owen. As the two grow, they begin to pursue a future together. But as tensions rise in the nation, war seems imminent, and Eleanor finds herself questioning if she and Owen are really on the same side. When war breaks out, Eleanor enlists as a nurse in the Confederate army and reunites with a handsome injured Union soldier. Amid life choices, family struggles, and the hardships of war, Eleanor finds herself caught between two men and two sides of history. Can she still find hope and love even when the future seems so bleak?

Analysis: If you grew up on the American Girl and Dear America series, this is the book for you! Eleanor’s story takes you through life growing up in the South, and the choices Americans faced as friends and family picked different sides. I really enjoyed the multiple points of view and seeing the characters make different life choices. Emily doesn’t shy away from hard topics such as alcohol addiction, family affairs, and slavery; she really brings out the humanity of a sensitive time in our nation’s history. But while there are plenty of challenging moments, there is a sweet redemption arc. You’ll see themes of hope and forgiveness. And the slow-burn romance—I loved it! This author knows how to write a swoony, long-coming kiss. If you’re looking for a deep dive into characters over the course of war, definitely give this book a try!

Star Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Content Warning: there are a handful of mild curse words

*I received a complimentary copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions expressed in this review are my own.

[Amanda Meyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I Go by Emily Ann is a heartfelt and emotional story that lingers long after the final page. With beautifully drawn characters and raw, realistic emotions, the book explores love, loss, and the complicated choices that come with both.

The author does an incredible job portraying the inner turmoil of the main character—torn between staying in the safe and familiar or stepping into the unknown. The writing flows effortlessly, and the pacing keeps you engaged from beginning to end. While a few moments felt a little rushed or predictable, the overall impact of the story is powerful and moving.

This is a story about courage, healing, and discovering what truly matters. Thought-provoking and tender, If I Go is a journey worth taking.

[Erica Sherlock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emily Ann’s gift of the written word is undeniable from page one of If I Go. She vividly paints a picture that travels time, weaves characters into the fabric of a reader’s heart, and creates a page-turning urgency from start to finish. To say that this novel is a masterpiece is an understatement. This is a must-read for so many reasons and on so many levels!

[Jami Kahlhamer · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I Go (Valiant Devotion 1) is the debut novel by Emily Ann. It is a story of a young woman (Eleanor) who, ever since she was a young free spirited girl, struggled to connect with the other girls her age and found it easier to form friendships with boys, specifically Fred. Fred and Eleanor formed a strong bond that seemed unbreakable. However, due to the rise in tension in the country, Fred’s family decides to move North, leaving Eleanor without companionship. After years of struggling to fit in, she meets Owen. They quickly form a friendship and become inseparable. So much so that everyone in town believed they belonged to each other. Unfortunately, war breaks out and Eleanor again finds herself slowly being left behind by the people she holds dear.
Despite longing for love and a family of her own, she is forced to depend on herself to navigate a world where men are scarce and the effects of war are ever present.

I honestly loved this story. It really goes into the depths of what it was like for a young woman in the time of Civil War. Eleanor is a show of strength, determination, as well as vulnerability. She was dealt a bad hand, but despite all the pain and struggle she endures she never truly lost herself. You also get to experience Fred’s journey participating in the war and the struggles and decisions he faces for himself and for his future.

The author does an amazing job at painting the images of Eleanor and Fred’s lives during the story. The amount of detail put into the writing really pulls you in and allows you to have an intimate view of the struggles a young, unwed woman might have experienced during the Civil War. You also get a glimpse of how women participated in the war effort, which I loved seeing in the story. Switching from both Fred and Eleanor’s point of views was made easy and the storyline flowed seamlessly between the different characters and you can’t help but feel connected to all of them.

I am truly honored and blessed to be given a digital arc of If I Go, and I highly recommend this wonderful book. It is a historical fiction that also contains a sprinkle of Jesus, which is always a refreshing element. You will not be disappointed with this book. It is honestly a beautiful story!

[Jessika Caruso · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was so honored to be provided with an ARC copy of this book.

This book was an outstanding read! I read it in about two days because I needed to see what would happen. Eleanor was a compelling heroine who suffered hardship after hardship even before the Civil War broke out. She did not receive love from her mother as a child and didn’t have many friends. Her best friend Fred moved away while they were still very young. Yet, Eleanor continued to persevere and never got complacent. I admire that in a heroine, and it also kept the story’s pace moving quickly.

I was invested in learning what would happen to Eleanor and which man she would choose, but also how she would find love and self-worth. I was in suspense for so much of the book and it took many tragic turns for all of the characters during the war, which kept me turning the pages. I enjoyed the closed-door romance aspect and the atmospheric setting of Charleston, making me want to visit there even more. The ending was satisfying to me but I was sad to leave the characters. There was a faith thread that ran throughout the book, which was an added bonus. I would definitely read more books from this author.

[Danielle 🍄‍🟫🤎 TheReadingDanielleMcBride · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I Go (Valiant Devotion Book 1) by Emily Ann

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“…their souls had finally welcomed each other home.”

What a sweet debut! Emily Ann paints a beautifully heartbreaking picture of the years surrounding the Civil War & how it shapes the lives of Eleanor, Fred, & Owen.

Eleanor holds true to herself amid the ever changing landscape of war & the many obstacles she faces. While not perfect - she show grace to those around her. She shows that the women were warriors too.

Fred also holds true to himself while fighting seemingly unending battles. Fred & his brother are dealt the same hand but chose very different paths - showcasing how you are not solely a product of your circumstances.

Owen - bless his little heart. That’s all I can say about that.

Historical fiction is my jam! Add in some Jesus & I’m sold! I definitely recommend this story to those who can relate to me! I can’t wait to read more from Emily Ann! I’m very thankful to have been sent an e-ARC copy of this lovely book for my honest review of it.

[Gabby · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an excellent debut novel by author, Emily Ann! I’m anxiously awaiting her next in the series. My second graders and I studied the Civil War this year at school and so this Civil War time period was really interesting to read about. I felt it was incredibly well-written and she develops the characters all the way from their childhood all the way until the war ends. I was rooting for so many characters the whole book and loved the romance throughout. Definitely recommend!!

[Jaiden Lashei · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so beautiful. 😭 This story gripped me from the very first page. The short chapters and captivating writing style made it nearly impossible to put down. I am at a loss of words. Go read this book. It is so good.

[Charissa James]

I'm so glad I finally finished this book. I thought it would be one I enjoyed since I was led to believe it would feature romance, a Civil War setting, and faith, but I ended up dreading each time I would need to pick it back up. The only reason I finished was because I wanted to see exactly how much time Fred and Eleanor actually spent together. After their early childhood days, it was a total of 8% of the entire story. 8% of a book does not constitute a romance imo. I also would've liked to see more on the historical side of things. The story didn't really go into much detail about the Civil War. Sure, Fred participates in some battles, but they don't really seem significant as we're just given a mere glimpse of each one. The main reason I didn't enjoy this story was because it moved sooooo slowly. It felt like nothing ever happened, and I spent the whole time just WAITING for Fred and Eleanor to get together, only to be sorely disappointed that I didn't get more. I will be hesitant to give this author another chance unless I see she's made improvements in her writing.

Thanks to the author for giving me a chance to experience her writing with this ARC. All opinions are my own.

[Ann | This Quiet Heart Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

I grew up on civil war era historical romances, so I was immediately drawn to this book. I really enjoyed this story! I thought the story was very clever and really enjoyable. This was an amazing debut novel and I am already looking forward to what Emily Ann writes next!

I felt for Eleanor in the way that she was constantly patient as those she loved kept leaving her. I understood her fear of being and ending up alone and some of the desperate decisions she made out of that fear. I enjoyed seeing the redemption of her story and her love for Fred bringing family back into her life. It was beautiful to watch her healing and joy towards the end of the book.

I did struggle with a couple things throughout this book that took me out of the story a little bit. The pacing felt somewhat off as we jumped ahead in time often throughout the book, which also made it a somewhat slow start. There were also some implications made that I missed or misunderstood, so I had to get that out of the context later. The last thing was a lack of real faith arcs/content. I wanted more of Fred’s return to faith and more from Eleanor and other characters as well, but that is just a preference. There was also a lot of intimacy outside of marriage (side characters, implied) and that wasn’t necessarily redeemed, however, I am sure accurate to the time. None of these were major deterrants from the book, however, and maybe just on my side as a reader.

I loved Fred’s patience with Eleanor’s healing and his love for her. I also enjoyed the way that Eleanor grew and realized why her family and loved ones were making the sacrificial decisions that they were. I enjoyed the portrayal of friendship/discipleship portrayed through Taylor and Fred’s relationship as well, especially in contrast to Obadiah. There were many aspects of this story that shed light on truths to follow in real life, which I greatly enjoyed!

Overall, I am super glad that I read this book and look forward to more from Emily Ann!

Content Guide:
Language: No Language (Some implied, but not on page)
Spice: Kissing only & one fade to black scene betweeen married couple
TW: Miscarriages, slavery, stillbirth, alcoholism, death, gun/war violence, prostitution, sexual assault
Content Considerations: Intimacy outside of marriage implied multiple times, marital affair

[Hannah A · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I Go is the first book I’ve read by author Emily Ann. It’s filled with surprises and emotion as the characters share their experiences with war and the complex feelings that come with relationships starting as children and growing into adults searching for a spouse. The story shares the deep history of the American Civil War, following the characters from 1852 to 1865.

The book includes references to the Bible, Scripture verses, attending church, and prayer.
There are also mature scenes, including drinking, longer kissing, suggestive content, an intense moment of non-consensual behavior, and childbirth.

Although the chapters are short, it was easy to connect with and relate to the main character, Eleanor. As a young girl, she wants to explore like the boys, but her mother insists she become a proper lady. As she grows up, she struggles with balancing friendships, the hardships of war, and the fear of loneliness.

Fred, even at a young age, shows chivalry and romance, which makes him a favorite.
Owen, whose father was an alcoholic, is tempted by and begins to fall into the same lifestyle. He’s a character you’ll go back and forth on liking, disliking, and then feeling sorry for. He shares a different perspective on how emotions can be shaped by rejection.

Family, forgiveness, and freedom are strong themes throughout the book. I thought the author did a great job expressing the severity of war and how it affected everyone involved. I also liked the little details that were brought into a full circle towards the end.

As someone who enjoys historical fiction, I was sad to finish this book. It’s a story I’ll remember for a long time.

✨I won a free copy of the book and chose to review it. All opinions are my own.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

“their story was not simply a second act in the grand play of life; it was a marvelous continuation of the bond they had forged long before. It was as if their connection had always been and would always be.”

The premise of two childhood friends on opposite sides of the Civil War, intrigued me. Thank you to @authoremilyann for the chance to read and review her debut novel that comes out May 30!

This is a coming of age story that spans over a decade in the characters’ lives. I struggled with the first part of the book, but I wanted to see what happened. I expected more about the conflicting philosophies from both sides of the war. Instead the novel focuses more on the characters’ individual and connected journeys. Fred was my favorite character by far, and I admired his courage, growth, and unwavering desire to do what is right. Without Fred, Eleanor wasn’t my favorite, however I grew to love her by the end. With some of the harsh realities of war depicted, it was not my normal escape read. I still recommend checking it out if you enjoy historical fiction and books that span many years.

Content: a few minor swears, alcoholism, war, assault, immorality

[Audrey Colman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not only was the United States in turmoil, but poor Eleanor and Fred go through their own ups and downs.

This is a very very very slow burn, a bit of a love triangle, and there were some twists and turns I was not expecting at all. Fred and Eleanor had to rely on their faith as they faced the war (Fred) and their own family history (Eleanor).
There were several times when I wasn’t sure if Fred and Eleanor would find their way back to each other, or how they would be able to move past the skeletons in their closest.
But Emily wrapped it all up with an HEA! There’s even a bit of a found family at the end too!

Though the book is closed door, and contains faith elements, there is some cursing, and deep topics like alcoholism, abuse, and an attempted assault occur/are discussed.

Thank you to Emily for trusting me to read your book, and congrats on your first novel!

[Purple Turtle Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was wonderful! Between the masterful writing, story structure, and characterization, this novel was hard to put down once I started! I loved how this novel was structured, immersing in the childhood versions of Fred and Eleanor while displaying both viewpoints of the characters as well as the historical period. As my favorite romance trope, Fred and Eleanor are perfect for each other, being childhood friends. ❤️ This Civil War-era romance novel is filled with hardship and sacrifice, yet beauty and adorning romance also. I'm so excited to read this author's next novel as I fell in love with this story and her writing and storytelling! If I Go is one you don't want to leave sitting in your TBR!

✨ As Emily Ann's debut novel, If I Go is the first novel in the Valiant Devotion series, with the second book expected in early 2026. Suitable for young adult readers and older. ✨

[Luci Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an ARC copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I loved this book! I had a little trouble getting into it at first, but by the time I got to the halfway mark, I was hooked! I just had to find out what happened next and the ending was everything I hoped it would be. Emily Ann did a great job with the scene descriptions and I loved that the scenes were relatively short. Elenor and Fred were such a perfect match and I was rooting so hard for them to end up together. I would recommend this book to anyone 14 and older. Some scenes may require discussion with your teen depending on their maturity level, but I definitely recommend this book if you like heartfelt romances, character growth, and the idea of finding your soulmate all within a historical background.

[Anna Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoy this sweet debut! The scenes were always described beautifully and the characters were compelling. Eleanor is a character that all women will connect with. Fred was driven, caring, and justice driven. Owen was so complex and helped push the story forward.

The romance between Fred and Eleanor was delightfully entertaining. Such a tender and sweet relationship formed in childhood and deepened throughout the novel.

The setting of Charleston was nice. I enjoyed the scenes describing the charm of the South. I also enjoyed the conviction of the characters as they grew up in war torn county.

I can’t wait to read Emily’s next book!

[Emily Brewer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book! It’s been a REALLY long time since I’ve picked up historical fiction, especially one set during the Civil War. If I Go was a great way to jump back into the genre. Eleanor’s coming of age story was at times heartbreaking, yet her willingness to adapt and keep moving was endearing, and inspiring. I loved the parallels between Fred and Owen’s choices and where their lives ended up because of them. Although, I was team Fred all along! All in all an excellent debut novel from Emily Ann!

*I received an ARC in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

[Amanda LaBorde · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a beautifully written historical romance book! The events begin to take place a little before the civil war and a majority of the book goes through the years of the war.

You follow the story of a young woman growing up in the south who has friends come and go due to political tensions. When the war starts, friends and family enlist in the war. This takes you through a significant time period in our history with such elegance and grace and correctness. I feel like I am part of the story with the vivid descriptions!

There are a few of my favorite tropes:
❤️ Found family
❤️ He falls first
❤️ Cinnamon roll MMC

[Lizzie Bruce · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved Eleanor's story! The rich details drew me into this coming of age story. I enjoyed watching her grow up and rejoiced over her happy ending with {redacted}.

[Maggie Blankenship · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️ Closed-door Civil War Romance

🖊️ “If I Go” by Emily Ann

🫑 CONTENT & ROMANCE RATINGS / CONTENT WARNINGS:
* Kissing: 13&up
* Fade-to-black: 18&up
* Violence: 16&up
* Assault: 18&up
* Language: a couple uses of d@m$
* Strict “unloving” mother
* Mentioned affair
* Part of the story is told from the soldier’s POV on the battle field

#️⃣ standalone but first in the “Valiant Devotion” series

🗓️ FORMAT / AVAILABILITY
* available now
* Kindle
* Paperback

♥️ TROPES:
* best friends to lovers
* Childhood best friends
* Slow burn
* Military
* Found family
* Yearning
* One bed

📝 REVIEW:
I loved the storyline! It was carefully formatted in a way that allows readers to see the choices and consequences that led to the circumstances Eleanor and Fred found themselves in. I also appreciated how the story was crafted to showcase both sides of the war and the hardships everyone faced. Emily especially did an amazing job showcasing the sacrifice it took to fall in love in the middle of the war.
She did not shy away from history when creating their romance, and for that I will forever recommend If I Go.

*thank you Emily Ann for the advanced reader copy (my review is my genuine thoughts)*

[Angela - Enjoy Life With Me Podcast · Rating 5 out of 5]

You'd never know it was a debut novel, the words were beautiful and painted pictures.

While it was heavier than my normal genre it left the feeling of hope despite the hardships.



Content:
Style - multi pov, historical romance (childhood friends to more)
Intimacy - High (kisses, marriage and birth)
Language - Moderate (8x)
Violence - High (blood and death)
Potential Triggers - strained family relationships, no detail parental affair, sexual attack, war and injury violence