Battered Wives

by Del Martin

Published in 1976 and updated in 1981, Battered Wives was the first book on the subject of domestic violence in the United States and still the best general introduction to the problem of abuse.

This book includes excellent critical summaries of the legal and political status of battered women, and the extent to which their immediate predicament must be understood in broad political terms.

What follows is the first person story of how Ruth Gottstein, Publisher Emerita, got the idea to publish Del Martin's ground breaking book.
In the mid-seventies, I was a publisher for the Glide Foundation in San Francisco. This enabled me to attend book fairs in other places, and find out what the world of publishing was like in those days. The Big Apple of publishing conferences was held annually in Frankfurt, Germany. It was rather unusual for small presses to attend, and I had gathered some San Francisco Bay area publishers into a group exhibit. A man sidled up to me at our booth, and almost in the style of offering dirty pictures, he quietly told me had a manuscript for a book entitled Scream Quietly or the Neighbors Will Hear by Erin Pizzey, which was going to be published in England.

My reaction was almost visceral. Although I had never heard the term domestic violence (and I am not sure it even existed then), I immediately flashed on my own childhood, and the violence both my mother and I had experienced.

For some reason, I visualized the terrazzo steps I always walked up to our front door--and how I hated going through that door. When I spoke to the other people at our stand about this book idea, they were astonished. That's not really a subject on which to publish,they said.

When I returned to San Francisco, negotiations with publishing with the British book foundered. So I turned to Del Martin, and asked her to write a book for us about the situation the United States. A book could almost be written on the difficulties we encountered in obtaining sufficient data with which to go forward...there were no agencies, no government support. Women's groups here and there tried to help victims clandestinely, almost in the style of the underground railway for Black people which existed during the Civil War. Del and I learned that some pioneer work on behalf of domestic victims had been done by the Brooklyn Legal Services in New York. We really needed their data, and a New York friend did a sit in at their busy, overworked office. She sat in the lobby with her arms crossed and said she wasn't leaving until she got the information.

Remember, we didn't have computers or other methods of forwarding that information. But one day into our office in Glide arrived a cardboard box packed with actual case histories from the Legal Services...we were off and running.

Actually, issuing the book cost me my closest friendship with a psychiatric social worker who was then the president of the Orthopsychiatric Association. Since the organization was meeting that year in San Francisco, I suggested to her a panel on domestic violence. Her response? That's not a subject we would discuss. Battered Wives was published in 1976, and every word is as valid today as it was then, and the book is still in print.
Archival copies only now available until this print runs out.

Genres: Feminism, Nonfiction, Womens Studies, Sociology

281 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1976

About the author

Del Martin was born as Dorothy Louise Taliaferro on May 5, 1921, in San Francisco. She was the first salutatorian to graduate from George Washington High School. She was educated at the University of California, Berkeley and at San Francisco State College, where she studied journalism, and she earned a Doctor of Arts degree from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She was married for four years to James Martin and retained his name after their divorce. She had one daughter, Kendra Mon.

Martin died on August 27, 2008, at UCSF Hospice in San Francisco from complications of an arm bone fracture. She was 87 years old.Her wife, Phyllis, was at her side. San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom ordered that the flags at City Hall be flown at half-staff in her honor.

Reviews

[Steven H · Rating 5 out of 5]

A POWERFUL 1976 BOOK IDENTIFYING AND ATTACKING THE PROBLEM

Dorothy Louise Taliaferro Martin (‘Del’; 1921-2008) was an author and lesbian, gay, and feminist activist. (She had one daughter, with a man to whom she was married for four years.) She was closely associated in her activities with her long-term partner, Phyllis Lyon (1924-2020). They cofounded the Daughters of Bilitis organization for lesbians, and its magazine ‘The Ladder,’ and became the first ‘out’ lesbian couple to join NOW. They married in 2004, as the first same-sex couple married in San Francisco. (Their marriage was temporarily voided by the California Supreme Court in 2004, but in 2008 they were again allowed to remarry.)

She wrote in the Preface of this 1976 book, “Throughout this book I have used the term ‘battered wives,’ although most of what I have to say applies equally to unmarried women who live with violent men, and many of the examples cited involve unmarried cohabitants…The term ‘battered wife,’ therefore… refers to any woman who is beaten by her mate, whether legally married or not, and the word ‘husband’ applies to the man in the couple.”

She explains, “A year ago, I knew that wife-beating was a problem in some marriages. But I had no idea of the prevalence of marital violence, nor of its tacit acceptance as a part of life for so many families… Wife-beating, I soon learned, is a complex problem that involves much more than the act itself… It has its roots in historical attitudes toward women, the institution of marriage, the economy, the intricacies of criminal and civil law, and the delivery system of social service agencies. Blame is not easily fixed, nor are the causes of marital violence readily identified.” (Pg. xv-xvi)

She continues, “The economic and social structure of our present society depends on the degradation, subjugation, and exploitation of women. Many husbands who batter their wives in anger and frustration are really striking out at a system that entraps them, too. In a peculiar way, they, too, are expressing a desire for change in attitudes toward husband/wife roles and the institution of marriage. Social change is inevitable. The question is whether it will be accomplished by violent or peaceful means.” (Pg. xvii)

She points out, “In the traditional Christian marriage ceremony, the minister warns, ‘Whom therefore God has joined together let no man put asunder.’ These words stand between the battered wife and any help she may seek. No one dares to interfere in the intimate relationship between husband and wife, even when the husband’s violence and wife’s danger are apparent. Often the battered woman is completely isolated. She cannot discuss her problem with anyone—she is too embarrassed and humiliated.” (Pg. 5)

She reports, “In their article on jealousy, Joan and Larry Constantine conclude that ‘sex is almost never the real issue, only the arena.’ They see sex, like alcohol, as affording the husband a socially accepted excuse for venting his violent feelings, which erupt over the loss of control of his wife as property.” (Pg. 60-61)

Of a British survey of battered wives conducted by J.J. Gaylord of the Department of Psychiatry of Westminster Hospital in London, she reports, “Gaylord sums up his findings by stating that all the women he interviewed ‘had made disastrous marriages, often undertaken by a desire to leave home and attracted by the protective image of their man.’” Then she comments, “Gaylord’s sample represents women who, for whatever reason, remained at home or returned to their homes after they had been beaten the first time…. we know there are a great many women… who walked out the door, never to return, the first time their husbands raised a hand to them… It must be remembered, then, that all the available data … have been gathered from women who… saw themselves as trapped, not from women who had managed to get out and stay out.” (Pg. 76)

She notes, “By the time the police arrive… the wife may be so terrorized … that she may… even turn the officers away…. Doubtless many women have called the police, discovered that that had inadvertently worsened their plight, and chosen to endure silently their violent husband’s outbursts from that time forward.” (Pg. 77)

Of a case where San Jose Superior Court Eugene Premo dismissed the case against the husband on the grounds that the law ‘discriminates on the basis of sex,’ she notes, “Judge Premo’s decision … takes advantage of the existing male bias within the criminal justice system … Even more galling is that sexism---the underlying CAUSE of marital violence---was cited as the means by which this assailant … escaped prosecution.” (Pg. 101-102)

She reports, “Once [a] restraining order is granted, what can the woman do with it? ‘So she waves a piece of paper in his face and he thumps on her anyway,’ a Legal Services attorney said… If the husband threatens her again and she calls the police, they will tell her they can do nothing until he actually hurts her. If he does injure her, the police are likely to tell her that because the husband is under the restraining order, the matter is now civil, and thus out of their jurisdiction.” (Pg. 106)

Of a woman in the Social Services system, she suggests, “imagine the prospect of such a makeshift life stretching out indefinitely before the woman who has never been on her own before. Imagine her wondering how she will support herself and her children… These circumstances alone… are, understandably, enough to drive a battered woman back to the quasi security of a violent but familiar home that provides food and shelter.” (Pg. 121)

Of Mental Health Services, she reports, “So long as the violent man limited his threats to his family, no agency was willing to respond. Once more the door to the family home stood between society and the woman isolated with a dangerous man. When he finally went outside into the neighborhood, the police admitted that a problem existed and took him into custody. OTHER people were endangered then; presumably the threats the man made on his wife’s life didn’t count.” (Pg.. 143)

She concludes, “Marital violence is a social disaster … and its victims have … desperate need for relief and support. Thousands of women and children need protection from injury, food and shelter, advice, and encouragement. The American government spends millions of dollars in aid to displaced persons all over the world, but the victims of violence at home are practically ignored. The problem of wife-battering has been defined, the evidence has been presented, and one immediate solution, in the form of feminist-run shelters, has been identified. What is your response, America? Send a CARE package home today.” (Pg. 254)

In the nearly fifty years since this book was written, some of the solutions Martin proposed have been implemented (e.g., shelters, law changes). But this book remains a power statement outlining a still-desperate situation.

[Rosie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good book, but I started to, unfortunately, get rather bored around halfway through, just because the information it was giving was no longer of use to me (though that’s a cold way to put it); basically, it stopped analyzing and describing the phenomenon of wife battering and moved onto talking about resources for victims, and that was boring to me for a few reasons: For one, I don’t find fifty pages in a row of descriptions of one after another battered women’s shelters as interesting as sociological analyses of the phenomenon of wife battering or descriptions of the circumstances or psychology of battered women. For another, I am not a battered wife, so the information is not particularly relevant or useful to me. And thirdly, the information is about fifty years out of date by now. I understand that this is a personal reason to be bored by a book, and I do not take issue with the author – this is one way in which the book isn’t for me, but instead for other women who actually need the information – but the fact remains that it did lower my enjoyment.

In general, anyway, though I remember some vivid moments of horror or shock at certain passages, my experience of reading the book was quite ordinary. This book was like 3 out of 5 stars for me. Decent but not remarkable. I think this could definitely have been different if the information provided had been up to date, so it’s not really the fault of the book or author but personal, individual circumstances. Unfortunately, a lot of the shocking stuff I won’t be able to confidently cite, because things may have changed in the years between the book’s publication and now. I do acknowledge that this book was very important in the movement for recognition of and justice for battered women – it was one of the first books to speak up about the horrific and prolific phenomenon in the US. And I know the topic of this book is still very much relevant, based off of some casual research I have done online on modern domestic abuse statistics. (One thing I do find quite obnoxious about the surveys/reports I find online is the way they obscure the gendered nature of domestic abuse by saying “this many people were domestically abused” or whatever, when the numbers undoubtedly are very different between male and female victims. It erases how many more women are victimized than men, and it’s misogyny masking itself as equality, which makes it more insidious, since it’s more difficult to spot.)

Quotes:
“Now, the first response to this story, which I myself think of, will be ‘Why didn’t you seek help?’

I did. Early in our marriage I went to a clergyman who, after a few visits, told me that my husband meant no real harm, that he was just confused and insecure. I was encouraged to be more tolerant and understanding. Most important, I was told to forgive him the beatings just as Christ had forgiven me from the cross. I did that too.

Things continued. Next time I turned to a doctor. I was given little pills to relax me and told to take things a little easier. I was just too nervous.

I turned to a friend, and when her husband found out, he accused me of either making things up or exaggerating the situation. She was told to stay away from me. She didn’t, but she could no longer really help me. Just by believing me she was made to feel disloyal.

I turned to a professional family guidance agency. I was told there that my husband needed help and that I should find a way to control the incidents. I couldn’t control the beatings – that was the whole point of my seeking help. At the agency I found I had to defend myself against the suspicion that I wanted to be hit, that I invited the beatings. Good God! Did the Jews invite themselves to be slaughtered in Germany?

I did go to two more doctors. One asked me what I had done to provoke my husband. The other asked if we had made up yet.

I called the police one time. They not only did not respond to the call, they called several hours later to ask if things had ‘settled down.’ I could have been dead by then!

I have nowhere to go if it happens again. No one wants to take in a woman with four children. Even if there were someone kind enough to care, no one wants to become involved in what is commonly referred to as a ‘domestic situation.’

Everyone I have gone to for help has somehow wanted to blame me and vindicate my husband. I can see it lying there between their words and at the end of their sentences. The clergyman, the doctor, the counselor, my friend’s husband, the police – all of them have found a way to vindicate my husband.

No one has to ‘provoke’ a wife-beater. He will strike out when he’s ready and for whatever reason he has at the moment.

I may be his excuse, but I have never been the reason.

I know that I do not want to be hit. I know, too, that I will be beaten again unless I can find a way out for myself and my children. I am terrified for them also.

As a married woman I have no recourse but to remain in the situation which is causing me to be painfully abused. I have suffered physical and emotional battering and spiritual rape because the social structure of my world says I cannot do anything about a man who wants to beat me . . . . But staying with my husband means that my children must be subjected to the emotional battering caused when they see their mother’s beaten face or hear her screams in the middle of the night.

I know that I have to get out. But when you have nowhere to go, you know that you must go on your own and expect no support. I have to be ready for that. I have to be ready to support myself and the children completely, and still provide a decent environment for them. I pray that I can do that before I am murdered in my own home.” (2-4)


“In Russia during the reign of Ivan the Terrible in the sixteenth century, the state church sanctified the oppression of women by issuing a Household Ordinance that spelled out when and how a man might most effectively beat his wife. A man was even allowed to kill a wife or a serf if he did so for disciplinary purposes. There being no restraints, such punishment meted out by Russian husbands often exceeded the bounds of reason. Dr. Samuel Collins, an Englishman who acted as physician to Tsar Alexei from 1660 to 1669, wrote about a merchant who beat his wife until he was exhausted, using a whip about two inches thick. Afterwards he forced the woman to put on a smock that had been dipped in brandy, which he then set on fire. She perished in the flames, and the man simply went on about his business scot free.

Nearly half a century later, many Russian women rose up in desperation against such treatment. They fought back. They went on a rampage, murdering their husbands in revenge for all the injustices they had been forced to endure. Although there was no law against wife-killing, a law did exist to prohibit husband-killing. As punishment, the women were buried alive, standing upright with only their heads left above the earth. A guard was set to watch over them until they died. According to John Perry, an English engineer who lived and worked in Russia, it was ‘a common sight . . . and I have known them to live sometimes seven or eight days in this posture.’” (30-31)


“Bernard goes on to say of marriage, ‘Men have cursed it, aimed barbed witticisms at it, denigrated it, bemoaned it—and never ceased to want and need it or to profit from it.’ The key word here is ‘profit.’ Research shows that marriage has positive effects on a man’s mental health, his career and earning power, his longevity, his happiness, and his comfort. For example, the suicide rate for single men is almost twice as high as that for married men. And once men have been married, research shows that they can’t live without it: Most divorced and widowed men remarry; widowers who don’t often suffer psychological difficulties and have a high mortality rate. Married men live longer than unmarried men. And married men, compared with bachelors, are less likely to become criminals.

Women do not fare as well. The bride who was catered to before marriage becomes the caterer after marriage. She is required to redefine her role, and often she must actively reshape her personality to conform to her husband’s expectations. The husband’s role proves to be the key to the marriage, and the wife finds she must accommodate, adapt, and adjust to keep the marriage intact. Research shows that, as a result of these pressures on the woman, wives express unhappiness, seek marriage counseling, and initiate divorce proceedings more often than husbands do. More married women suffer poor mental and emotional health than single women do. Married women commit more crimes than unmarried women do. And, while women generally live longer than men, there is less difference in deathrates between married and unmarried women than between married and unmarried men.” (39-40)


“Naturally, much of the socialization process derives from how men behave toward women publicly within sight of the child. As an example of public behavior, Pogrebin cites an experiment created by three psychologists at Michigan State University in which a series of fights were staged on the sidewalk and the reactions of passerby recorded. The researchers found, much to their amazement, that passing men rushed to the aid of other men whether they were being assaulted by women or men. They also helped women who were being hit by other women. But not one male bystander interfered when a man was assaulting a woman.” (64-5)


“It is one thing to try to push a case through the criminal justice system, and another to keep a roof over your head while you are doing it. Many women stay with their violent husbands for the simple reason that they have nowhere else to go and no means of supporting themselves, even for a night, if they do leave. If the husband controls the bank account, the wife's hands are completely tied. But even if she does have some money of her own, taking a hotel room for an indefinite period or paying holding and security deposits on an apartment are expensive commitments. One must be either very lucky or extremely well-prepared to afford them at a moment's notice. I am assuming, while considering these contingencies, that the woman is not physically debilitated by the beatings that drove her away.

If the woman has taken her children with her, the urgency of the situation is greatly increased. A woman alone might miss a meal or two without suffering much. She might dare to impose herself on a friend in the middle of the night. But a mother could be reluctant to impose herself and several frightened children on an unsuspecting friend or relative who may be in little better financial circumstances than she. Few households can provide space, bedding, clothing, and food for a second family. Temporary arrangements are often made willingly by concerned friends. But a woman who has left home in the middle of the night probably has no idea how long she will need to intrude or accept a friend's hospitality, nor when her outraged husband might show up to cause more trouble. Generous friends may be putting themselves in danger just by offering to help.” (119)


“Time and again I have pointed out the discrepancy between theory and practice with regard to the battered woman's options and the legal relief she can expect from the social system. In theory a wife who is beaten by her husband can leave him and get a divorce. In reality she must go to extremes to prove she deserves a divorce, and very often her suit is denied. In theory a wife beater, as with anyone else who commits physical assault, is apprehended, prosecuted, and punished. In practice the offender is above the law because of his marital status and is seldom held responsible for his criminal acts. For the sake of sanity, if not human decency, our social institutions must translate these theoretical options into practice through legislation. Existing laws that do not accomplish their purpose must be thrown out or revised. Situations which are not accounted for under the law must be attended to. And, perhaps most important of all, equities in the law on our books must be corrected. Finally, as an active expression of these legal reforms, family-violence prevention and treatment programs must be created, funded, and put into operation.” (175-6)

[Hyacinth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although the statistics in this book are outdated, the problem is still alive and well in societies around the world. It seems since the OJ Simpson trial, domestic violence in the US seems to be taken a little more seriously. It is amazing to see the how the laws can be misconstrued and leave women in a bad state in regards to abuse. There is still much work to be done to tear down antiquated mindsets and funding for mental health issues are a must if society as a whole is to come to some sort of healing for this problem. I kept reading asking, "Is this real?" and women are still plagued with the same reasoning from 25 years ago as to why they stay in these types of relationships. It is still taboo, and families are still fractured as a result.

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

Battered Wives (Paperback)
by Del Martin

[Michele bookloverforever · Rating 4 out of 5]

read first in 1979 while in volunteer training for the Manchester, NH Women's Crises Service. as a survivor of long term spousal battering it was an eye opener and ave me a bond with all the other women past, present and future who survived male violence. I no longer felt isolated or alone. I felt empowered by the truth.