Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child

by Trish Maskew

Based on the author's experiences as an adoptive mother and foster parent, as well as interviews with numerous adoptive families, adoption professionals and adults who were adopted, Our Own thoroughly explores both the joys and the challenges of older child adoption. Suitable for families adopting domestically or internationally, it covers such topics as:

Evaluating whether you have what it takes to adopt a child who's no longer a baby.

Choosing an agency and finding a child to adopt.

Dealing with school officials, language difficulties, and grade placement.

Recognizing how grief affects childrens behavior.

Deciding how much birthfamily contact is appropriate.

Teaching your child to deal with racism.

Handling difficult behavior such as tantrums and lying.

Testing for and treating attachment disorder, ADHD, posttraumatic stress disorder, hepatitis, parasites, and other mental health and medical issues.

Genres: Adoption, Parenting, Nonfiction

283 pages, Hardcover

First published September 1, 1999

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a fantastic resource for prospective adoptive parents who desire to adopt older (age 4+) children. Many if not most books related to adoption are focused on newborn, infant, or young-child adoption, and while that is useful the challenges with older child adoption are very different. This book felt completely unfiltered and got into all of the nitty gritty about the adjustment process and how the needs of an adopted child *might* be different. It was slightly lighter on process, which felt okay because that is always changing so any book would fast become outdated. It also came with a slew of resources, so I'm excited to explore those as well. All in all a good inside look from the eyes of adoptive parents.

[Ben Murphy · Rating 3 out of 5]

An incredible book if you are planning or are thinking about adopting an older child. This book does a really good job of showing all the ins and outs of adopting an older child, mostly from research and first hand accounts. It is a tad dated (talking about how the child thought they would be rich with their own TV and VCR). I think the biggest negative is that it drops any and all possible negative aspects. Which, for some, will seem very very daunting. My wife had to stop reading it as it brought on high levels of anxiety thinking of all the possible things that could go wrong.
What this book does well though is its honesty with adopting older children. It’s not this glamorous thing. It’s hard, it’s difficult, and incredibly challenging. A very good resource👍🏼

[Charlotte Gross · Rating 4 out of 5]

The information is a little dated, but overall the book provided useful information for thinking about adapting your life when adopting an older child. They did focus on 'older' as being around toddler to early elementary school though, so anyone look for ages above that might not find this to be the most useful resource. I also appreciated that they addressed families who are adopting with other adopted children vs those adopting with biological children.

[Hannah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly didn't find that much useful information in here for our situation - most of what they were discussing pertained to international adoptions, or transracial adoptions, and what DID pertain to adopting an older child from foster care seemed pretty outdated. I mean, for crying out loud, they tried to validate "holding therapy" as a useful tool. You'd be much better off picking up a copy of The Connected Child and attending your nearest Empowered to Connect simulcast in April.

[Kris Kittle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. She provides helpful information to consider when adopting an older child. While she does classify "older" as over age 4, you can still gleen information if the child you adopt is older.

[Heather Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was disappointed that “older” was kids over 4. I also would have liked to have seen the book separated by domestic and international adoptions. There were a lot of things that didn’t pertain, but still a good resource.

[Ami · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great overview of issues surrounding older child adoption. It was a quick, easy read and addresses hurdles one might face when adopting an older child. I felt that this book was balanced, giving the reader some worst case scenarios while simultaneously providing hope.

This is one I asked my husband to read as well because I believe it will give him an understanding of the basics of what to expect when adopting an older child.

This would have been a great book to read while we were still thinking about adoption, and we wish we would have read it before the home study process.

Would definitely recommend to anyone adopting an older child. It might also be good to share this book with close family and friends in order to educate them.

[Cassandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

So far, this is the best book I've read on adopting an older child. The book only spends a couple chapters talking about the adoption process and the rest of the book on what happens AFTER the child comes home. Most of what I've read and researched thus far has been about the actual adoption process; I've read little on parenting. Parenting is the most important part! Otherwise our child will come home and we'll look at each other and wonder what comes next. This book tackles the "what next" question, talking about bonding/attachment, schooling options, the transition into a family, medical issues that will possibly need to be dealt with, and more. Highly recommended read for anyone interested in adopting an older child.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a great one for those considering adopting older kids. We aren't there yet but I still enjoyed this book. So many things that I wouldn't have thought of on my own (like diet, toileting issues, etc.) that were included - I think the book covered so many topics. I liked how it included so many real-life examples too. It does make me cringe a bit because it focuses so much on the negative aspects but it does focus on the positive too and I think we all need to be aware of all the potential "problems" that can arise. Really a must read if considering adoption.

[Cabrielle Rudisill · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a wonderful read for all parents adopting and for all friends and family of couples adopting. The book covers the various stages of adoption including "the wait" and "the honeymoon period" while offering advice and suggestions to ease your passage through each stage. If you already have children and are adding to your family through adoption there are a lot of specific tips to ease the transition for the whole family. Many people find the idea of adopting older children to be a scary prospect, this book shows that it is truly a miraculous (albeit challenging) adventure.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

My husband needs to read this-I was not surprised by any of the information in it since I work with special needs kids-and I liked the input from "real" adoptive parents about what happened with their kids-but I have no clear idea if my husband knows what to expect. This book classifies older children as "pre-k and up" Some of the issues mentioned also apply to toddler adoptions...

[Kami · Rating 4 out of 5]

Informative, not too lengthy, and good overview of issues involved in adoption. Gave recommendations for further books depending on your child's issues.

[Tom Panning · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book on older child adoption.

[Susan Brownhill · Rating 4 out of 5]

very informative. a bit repetitive. lots of tips & resource list for additional information. seems accurate but I don't know since I haven't adopted.

[Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

very thorough analysis of the hardships and rewards of special needs/older child adoption

[Victoria B. Gentry · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a great companion to The Connected Child and Parenting from the Inside Out. It is mostly full of real life stories that adoptive families have lived when adopting older children. I think it serves as a great place for parents to have some of their experiences validated and to take some of the pressure off the kids. I especially enjoyed how this book was specifically tailored toward older child adoption. I liked the pragmatic instructions in the education section as well. it can feel a little dated at times because Dr. Purvis' research on TBRI has come so far since this book was published, so that is something to take into consideration when the author mentions sending adopted children to their room as punishment (which we now know is very harmful and disruptive to the attachment process). Overall I enjoyed reading this and would recommend it to others.