Praise Her in the Gates: The Calling of Christian Motherhood

by Nancy Wilson

For a Christian, motherhood is the subtle art of building a house in grace-the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands (Prov. 14:1). Each day's work is significant, for it contributes toward the long-term plan. Each nail helps a house stand in a storm. But motherhood isn't a simple formula. Building a home-childbirth, education, discipline-requires holy joy and a love of beauty. The mother who fears God does not fear the future.

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Marriage, Family, Nonfiction, Theology, Christian Living

118 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

Nancy Wilson (née Greensides) is the wife of Pastor Douglas Wilson, mother of N.D. Wilson, Rebekah Merkle, and Rachel Jankovic, and grandmother of seventeen who are (as yet) unpublished. She lives in northern Idaho.

Reviews

[Megan Miller · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was going to give this 3 stars, but then decided to be drastic because that's how I feel right now.

I'm not entirely sure what demographic this might be aimed at? Overall, just seems to be aimed at women in general, which is fine. But I can't imagine handing this book to a struggling mom, or a confused homemaker, or a woman drowning in laundry and getting up every two hours at night. The amount of times Nancy used the phrase "you must" in this book is amazing.

The equating specific tasks or chores with godliness or spiritual health was too much. She said we could use the cleanliness of our homes to evaluate our spiritual health?? And while I am a big believer in a clean home, that is for sure legalism. I agree with her belief that as Christians we should strive for cleanliness because it echoes how God washes us clean both physically and internally (a truly beautiful picture!), BUT that doesn't mean you're in spiritual decline if the laundry is covering your living room floor.

There were also things when discussing raising boys vs girls that I didn't entirely agree with, though I did really love that she discussed some ideas on how to raise sons and daughters differently. However, dissing baseball caps as unfeminine and saying anyone who lets their kids play with Barbies should "deeply reconsider" is... Wild.

There were other things I liked, other things I didn't like. But overall... Really disappointed in this? Unexpectedly legalistic, checklist-y, and inconsiderate.

Edited to add: I did love her Big Picture Encouragement, of reminding that discipline and training are for the long run, not for today's convenience. We are raising eternal humans, not docile kids. Those were good reminders that I appreciated.

[Emma Whear · Rating 5 out of 5]

Always a gracious, fitting slap-in-the-face from Nancy Wilson. She's so kind, so motherly, and so no-nonsense. I love it.

Things I took away from this one especially:
-Clean house and clothes is a way you love your kids. If you consistently don't do these, you are showing your kids that you don't love them
-Girls primarily need to be praised for who they are. Boys primarily need to be praised for what they do
-Make dinner fun. This is only possible if breakfast and lunch are your real intense training grounds
-Keep the rules short. Enforce them

[Bambi Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Solid and practical wisdom on motherhood and home building. I’m not sure how many times I’ve read this little book but it always leaves me with renewed vision that each day’s work is contributing to a very big picture, for Christ’s sake.

[Chloe Sinnamon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Let’s talk in person before you read, then I’ll recommend.

[Elizabeth Tuecke · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars?

I mean…yeah. It was stiff, full of “do this, not that” statements, and had the decided flavor of being published in 2000—bland and lecture-y.

But also, I agree with a lot of what she’s saying. It’s not rocket science, either. Pretty basic? Not more than you could get in one solid sermon on Titus 2. It’s not written in a very encouraging manner—at least, personally, I did not find it so. (Again, so many “Mother must do such & such..” moments.) But I just heard earlier this morning a young mother express her gratitude for this book….(and say she’s gives it to everyone who is pregnant for the first time)…and she was coming from a place of absolute ignorance on biblical motherhood. I think for her it was just so refreshing to have someone tell her how to even start.

I want to quickly address something I think Mrs Wilson meant to imply, but possibly forgot? Basically: things could be true for some people and not for others. Let’s take her statement, for example…”Cleanliness is next to Godliness.”

1) With all due respect to Mrs Wilson, such a statement should not made (with the assertiveness and context in which it was given) without the clear foundation of Scripture. Whether or not I think a biblical case for this could be made is another matter—Mrs Wilson did not even attempt to make one.

2) Many if her (“These things are to be so”) statements, could, in fact, be true for some, and not for others. I know for a solid fact that for some, keeping the house spotless is the best thing you can do to encourage them toward godliness. Whether or not it is an absurd expectation is beside the question. For certain families, that is the case. For others, it is not.

I think this is the lens through which we should view this book. It is not Mrs Wilson’s job to tell you what to do, but it might be wise—if you are a wife and mother—to look at her statements as suggestions, to discuss with your husband what would be blessing and happiness to him, to his vision & his soul (and the souls of your little ones), and then use that as a guiding light.
Because most of her suggestions are, in fact, quite good! Just use Scripture and your husband as your “book of law”, and realize it’s different for different people.

(But you already knew all that, didn’t you?? Sorry, I’ll stop talking now. Haha 😛)

[Kaetlyn Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Encouraging read for when you want to be renewed in your motherhood! My favorite part was when Nancy urged women not to let differences in birthing, education, home culture, etc cause division, and then in the next breath called women who use alternative medicine and don't vaccinate their children "gullible women" "making decisions out of fear" and believing "old wive's tales". Bahahahahahah

[Gabrielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a wonderful little book on being a godly mother. It has excellent insights on how to cultivate a loving, joy-filled home that seeks to glorify the Lord. Most of the principles she gives are scripturally sound, but I would maybe disagree in the application of some of them. In some of her more extreme applications, I wanted more of an explanation as to why she said parenting “must” be done in this fashion and even a Biblical basis for her reasoning, but she didn’t explain why. So while I agree with her, for example, on encouraging our children to embrace their genders, and I think she gave some helpful ideas on how to do it, I disagree with the application point of forbidding our daughters to wear baseball caps. At the same time, I think the general philosophy of motherhood and the picture of the home that she paints is one that is Biblical and God-glorifying, and living this out would do much to strengthen our families, churches, and communities.

[Makayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good reminders and encouragements. Very even handed and emphasizes moderation, wisdom, and common sense in all things. Particularly liked how she brought out the careful balance of mercy and discipline respectively. I like Nancy's principals and the household model she writes about, and as a Christian it is familiar and easy to understand what she's talking about. However, just as she opposes the evils of egalitarianism and twisted feminity or masculinity, I think it would be helpful to include a more in depth definition of what it means to be a man or a woman. She often references that a woman's calling is inevitably the home-- which is true-- however, to someone not familiar with the Wilson's or good robust Christian homes, this could easily fall somewhat flat. I think reading this with Eve in Exile as an accompaniment strikes more of the balanced complexity in male/female roles that I missed in this book.

My favorite parts were the super practical looks at education, cleaning, housekeeping, bedtimes and meal times.

[Stephen Fox · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was pretty solid, and there was very little I disagreed with. There’s only one bone I have to pick. Her writing (as well as Pastor Wilson’s) involves a lot of “this is how it should (or should not) be” or “you should do this.” That’s not a problem if there is scriptural backing for the position, but there were a few chapters in this book with a lot of “should” or “should not” or “must” with very little (if any) biblical support. The chapter on education is one specific example of this. And, coincidentally (or not?), it is the chapter that I had the most disagreements with.

I also thought that the thoughts were a little scattered at times, but that could just be because I am not her target market. I imagine her writing style is more appealing to the women whom she is primarily speaking to.

Now that I picked the bone, I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed the book and learned a lot. I think I’m ready to be a mother now.

[Allyson Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid, practical advice in mothering from Nancy. I loved the chapters on making the home a special place for the family in so many practical ways, including Sabbath dinner!! Reading about their big family gathering to prepare their hearts to enjoy the sabbath is always inspiring to me and makes me excited to start the same tradition in my own family.

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I truly want to love a Nancy Wilson book (I love reading Doug Wilson, Rachel, and Rebekah), but I have yet to find it. While Wilson offers plenty of helpful advice, so much of it is sprinkled with bizarre fundamentalism that it's annoying to pick through. I absolutely appreciated tidbits in this book. Things like church manners, the importance of loving learning for the glory of God, keeping the household fun and lighthearted, making sure sons are respected, etc. are areas I can always improve upon.The chapter on pregnancy and birth focused on unity in the body and not letting personal choices cause divisions. I completely agree! But then the next chapter on sickness clearly showed that certain medical choices were logical and good while others weren't. Wilson clearly is a fan of allopathic medicine and thinks the natural is borderline witchcraft. So much for unifying the body. Then she moved on to her completely arbitrary rules and opinions. From girls must be feminine and can't be allowed to wear baseball caps, to don't let your children be introverted, or men need to know their purpose is not at home (in an era where working from home is the norm...) As an introverted, no frills homeschooling mom and wife to a chef who does the cooking, so much of this is unrelatable.

[Elizabeth Peterson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too legalistic

Some small ideas gained here, but overall very legalistic. I'm not saved by housework or child rearing or how good a wife I can be. Thank God! If I'm clinging to those things, I will fail before I can get out of bed in the morning. Christ alone can save me, and He already did.

[Caleb M. Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good stuff.

[Ashtyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can see why many women dislike this little book. This isn’t supposed to be a book of sappy encouragement for a mother failing in her duties who wants to wallow in that, it’s a hand up and “go get em” kind of book. So, if you don’t like someone pointing out that you have spinach in your teeth and that you probably need to clean your house better, then you probably shouldn’t read this.
And a lot of women seem uncharitable to Nancy in their reviews, we have to remember the principles over methods thing. She does give a lot of specific instruction, but she doesn’t mean for us to treat it like a checklist. These are general things to follow, the book would be 2 feet wide if she included every exception.
I enjoyed this and will probably read it again in the near future. As someone who is currently failing in many areas, I found this very encouraging and motivating to do better for God, my husband, and my children.

[Sophia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so very grateful for Nancy and women like her who give much value to the beauty and godliness of growing in femininity, something that is dying in our world today. I am so encouraged and excited to become a wife and mother and even grandmother because of the way Nancy explains these God-given roles and the joy that can be found in fulfilling them in a way that glorifies the Lord. 10/10 would recommend to every and all women.

[Mackenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. Proverbs 31:31

Encouraging, and convicting.
No-nonsense and clear, Nancy Wilson points you to the things that should be on your radar as a wife and mother who is striving to obey God in all her duties.

“The mother who fears God does not fear the future.”

[Brittany White · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book for mothers. It may seem challenging, but that is because she is encouraging us toward a high standard. I would encourage readers to use common sense and remember that she is teaching principles, not necessarily specifics for every family. So, if your child is having a hard day, your solution might not be a bowl of Cheerios floating in the bathtub. That might clog up your bathtub drain, and you need to do something different. God gave mothers creativity. That is a very beautiful thing. This is an excellent read, and I am thankful for it.

[Sarah Elliott · Rating 3 out of 5]

The last 3 chapters redeemed this book and had good advice re parenting children as they grow up into independent, godly adults, but the middle of the book was plagued with so many human-made rules!! Nancy says that children should stand with parents after church, not run around with their friends, and teenagers must sit with their family, not friends, during church. What Biblical principle do these actively fulfil?.l And saying anyone who lets their daughter play with Barbies will have her become bedroom-centred is crazy… I don’t know what kinds of Barbie’s Nancy has seen (if any) but I had 2 growing up- one was Cinderella in a ball gown & the other was Barbie doing grocery shopping (complete with pretend groceries) with little Kelly in the shopping trolley. What about them would cause a little girl to grow up bedroom-centred? And even young girls know that Barbie, with her small pointed toes and distorted body, is just pretend. Apart from that section, it wasn’t a bad book.

[Mystie Winckler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read at least 5 times.

[Christopher · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really great book of practical advice (I mean, as far as I can tell. I'm a dude). Also makes me really appreciate my mother who is often praised in the gates for being a godly woman. Thanks Mom!

[Anna Houweling · Rating 2 out of 5]

Had trouble finishing this book. I appreciated her wisdom and no-nonsense approach. However she came across quite legalistic and left little room for grace.

[Ashley Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Mothers must see each day's duties as part of this building process. Though it may not seem like much got accomplished in a single day, all those nails in the walls do add up. "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands" (Prov. 14:1)”

“The mother is central to the picture of blessing and prosperity…A mother who fulfills her fruitful calling is a means God uses to bring blessing for her entire family, her husband, the church, and the community.”

“When God gives a commandment, He also provides the grace to do it.”

“Godly discipline is focused on the long-term goal of maturity, not a short-term desire to make life easier for ourselves now.”

“Godly discipline is not for the parents' sake, but for the children's sake. If you are disciplining because you have "had enough of that," then you are not disciplining properly. Your discipline should not be the result of your impatience or anger. If you are angry, you are not fit to discipline your child; you need discipline yourself. If you allow bad behavior to go undisciplined until you lose your patience, you are not disciplining in a godly fashion. Your discipline should always be for your child's sake, to teach and conform him to the Word of God. It should not be because you want a little peace and quiet.”

“Innocence in our children is not preserved by ignorance.”

“Our homes are the canvases He has given us to paint. Let us paint them with soul, with gospel, and with all our might.”

“If your home is dirty, you are teaching your children that clean people should feel comfortable in dirty surroundings, and this is simply not true. A disordered home springs from a disordered soul. Our homes always reflect who we are on the inside…When we clean our homes and all that is in them, we should do it with a consciousness of the correlation between our work of cleaning and God's work of cleaning us. This will help us see the good work we are doing so we will not grow weary in it.”

A few of my favorite parts of this book. There is a bit of the “you must” that I would place caveats with. New baby, illness, etc; might not allow you to have a home you can lick the floors at (though the toddler will anyway) but the biblical basis she provides is one we should be weary of just making excuses at. While domesticity isn’t just cooking and mending/handicrafts, we should be seeking excellence and interest in things more than the bare minimum. Don’t read this book and feel guilty that you’re not learning to make lace but rather read it and think “what else can I find the joy and wonder of our creator in and mimic in?”

[Belle · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mother of a toddler, sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in the every day learnings and mishaps and victories that I lose sight of the true calling of motherhood and managing my home. It’s easy to miss the truth that I am to be doing all this to the glory of God. This little book was a timely and pointed reminder to repent of many areas where I have been proud in my parenting and self righteous when I should have been humbly submissive to Christ and His righteousness in all of it.

Children are a gift and this is reiterated throughout the book with the constant reminders that the aim of Christian mothers is to train up our children in the way they should go - to honor Christ and serve Him in all of life. This offers practical and Biblical guidance on how to properly train up our children. While I may not agree with every single word on how to apply this training, the truths remain that training must be done.

[Elizabeth Mycroft · Rating 3 out of 5]

Parts of this book I loved, others I really didn’t agree with… at least not in the way she phrased it. However, having read other books by Nancy Wilson, and listened to her podcasts, I think she addresses many of my concerns elsewhere. If this had been the first book I had read by her I probably would not have read anymore. Thankfully, that’s not the case, and I’ve benefitted a lot from her content. I would say this book is written in a way that might burden someone with a weak or tender spirit, but also might be the kick in the pants others might need. I definitely learned some things, but would qualify some of her statements on cleanliness being a reflection of the heart, for example. It certainly can be, but it can also indicate other things, such as health issues, periods of transition, a busier season of life, or a learning curve. From her other content, I think Nancy would agree as well. I would still recommend this, but maybe start with some of her other content first, so you can get to know her kind and gracious spirit before you try to swallow this one!

[sam cook · Rating 5 out of 5]

Convicting for me as a mother and homemaker! Nancy Wilson is no-nonsense and I love how direct she is.

One great comparison she made that I found convicting in the area of repentance: “Just as keeping a tidy home requires constant ‘picking up,’ so keeping things spiritually tidy requires the same sort of diligence. This means repentance and confession immediately. Putting off confession is just like leaving a kitchen full of dishes to do in the morning… To keep the atmosphere clear and clean, confession and repentance should take place regularly”

Need to read “Fruit of Her Hands” next which I think will be pretty similar to this one!

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5⭐️ Lots of things to take away, lots of things to pray about, things to talk with my husband about, and some things I don’t completely agree with. Nancy really is no-nonsense though and I appreciate that about her.

I love her mission statement that our job as parents is to bring glory to God however we are raising our children and that ultimately we are raising them to be adults who obey God.

If you are a new mama currently in the throes of baby/toddlerhood, do not become discouraged if your house is messy. There is a season for everything. And in those early years the cleanliness of your house might be sacrificed for that extra hands-on nurturing needed.

It is pretty lecturey + lots of “should/shouldn’t do xyz” so take that with a grain of salt😅

[Emmi Owens · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve enjoyed every book I’ve read by Nancy Wilson. She has a lot of biblical wisdom to share and isn’t afraid of hurting one’s feelings with the truth. While I don’t agree with every way she carries out the principles she writes of (ie girls shouldn’t wear baseball caps?) I do agree with the principles themselves. Very encouraging and inspiring to me as a new mother! I pray that God can use me to bless my husband and child.

[Rebekah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this little book! Nancy Wilson has a way of writing short books with short chapters that really pack a powerful punch! Definitely worth my time as a mama.

Just to clarify…. I did not agree with everything! Some things could have been worded in a more gracious manner. However, I think the overall message of the book was excellent and it challenged and encouraged me as a mama!

[Allyse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick and easy read. I love how she explains things so well. What a blessing to have your children praising you in the gates. Aspiring to live a life that points my kids to Christ and to raise mature and Christ-loving kids and eventual adults. A high and worthy calling for sure. ❤️

[William Schrecengost · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very good parenting book directed towards the mother. I really appreciated her insights.