Parents Under Siege: Why You Are the Solution, Not the Problem in Your Child's Life

by James Garbarino

Is it always a parent's fault if a child grows up to become unruly, disruptive, or even destructive? Are parents always to blame for children “growing up wrong”? Is it possible that good parents can raise bad kids?

Is it always a parent's fault if a child grows up to become unruly, disruptive, or even destructive? Are parents always to blame for children “growing up wrong”? Is it possible that good parents can raise bad kids? Nationally recognized psychologist James Garbarino and child advocate Claire Bedard present tough-minded yet compassionate tactics for parents of children who don't make headlines-but who are exceptionally difficult and disruptive of normal family life.

Genres: Parenting, Psychology

272 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2001

Reviews

[Miebara Jato · Rating 4 out of 5]

My position on parenting and other family relationships is: if you've not lost your mind, you will not have an arching need for advice from a third party. But because no one is Highland, it's good and necessary to sometimes hear what the experts are saying, especially in areas you need expert opinion. (Note: trained academics and social researchers, not all these pastors parading and pretending to be masters of all).

If you survey parents with the question: Is there anything you'd like to see changed in your child? I bet you that no parent would check "None", especially parents of teenagers. But the length of your list is also an indication of your success or failure as a parent.

This book is written by two experts in psychology and human development. The book lays the argument for the changing and increasingly difficult challenges of parenting and offers a psychological compass for finding a successful path through the "cruel and perplexing dilemma of being a twenty-first-century".

The book has two parts and nine chapters. Part One, " The Real Lives of Parents" explores the many hazards parents face in the modern world and finds answers to these challenges that lead to a positive path.

Part Two is entitled "A Parent's Compass". This part offers parents strategies to aid them being a more positive influence on their child's life, first by finding the wellsprings of peace and harmony that resides within them (thus becoming a better observers of their own lives), then by becoming a more mindful and observant parents, and by acting to improve their communities.

Parenting Under Siege includes challenges to parents from inside and outside. The book addresses issues of social and cultural issues and how they affect children and youth.

The essential lessons:

-Why parents are responsible but not necessarily to blame when things go hardly with their children.

-Why, to regain control, parents must first recognise the social forces surrounding their family today: excessively violent imagery and unsupervised access to video games and the Internet.

-How by paying careful attention to what is happening without judgement and preconceptions--what is called mindfulness--parents can see their children for who they are and appreciate how parental behaviour contributes to the development of impossible children.

-How safety begins in the way children see the world, and thus teaching confidence rather than fear is the responsibility of parents.
That to establish their authority with their children, parents need to recognise and align themselves with the structures of adult authority in the world. Anarchy is not healthy for children.

-How every difficult child has a positive path if only parents have the wisdom and community support to discover it and be with the child on that path.

Highly recommended.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a decent book about parenting, with some very practical tips about how to handle kids with various personality styles, and some very basic child development information. Not the best book I've read on parenting, but not the worst either.