You Never Stop Being a Parent: Thriving in Relationship with Your Adult Children

by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick, Jim Newheiser

Are your parenting responsibilities continuing into your children’s adulthood? Here you’ll be grounded in the guidance of God’s Word and reminded that your relationship with your adult children hinges on your relationship with God.

Genres: Parenting, Counselling, Christian, Christian Living, Relationships, Teen, Family

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

About the author

Author of 20+ books on the Christian life and the gospel's impact on everyday living, Elyse is a frequent speaker at women's conferences nationally and internationally.

Elyse's ministry is summed up in these simple words: No fluff, No bricks, just the good news of a crucified and risen Christ.

In 1971 she married her sweetheart Phil and together they raised three children and are enjoying six really adorable grandchildren.

Together they attend Valley Center Community Church in the hills of the North County of San Diego where Phil is an elder.

Reviews

[Michael Beck · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is excellent in delivering on its purpose. This is the book I will recommend for Christ-centered relationships between parents and their adult children. Highly recommended.

[Autumn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. Not another on this topic.

[Kendra Fletcher · Rating 5 out of 5]

We leaped into the world of adult children last year and really appreciated the wisdom and help of Newheiser and Fitzpatrick. Thank you!

[Nona · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this book to anyone that has, or will soon have adult children. I continue to pray for grace in how to love our boys, our daughter-in-law and granddaughters.

Parenting books typically take you to a point where you can 'launch' your children successfully into the world. Some of us look forward to that event with the sense of that will be the point where we say 'job done' - but you never really stop being a parent! In the complex social, geographical, vocational and property-valued landscape that we inhabit parenting has never had more challenges to maintain healthy relationships with our adult children. Jim and Elyse will show you how to be the best parent you can to your adult child.

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good book about parenting adult children. It was interesting to read and the philosophies expressed were scripturally based common sense. After reading this book, I realized that I'm really a pretty good parent to my adult children :-D Thanks to my good friend Nona (school librarian where I teach) who loaned me this book and then let me keep it. I recommend this book for anyone with trying to navigate the waters of maintaining and improving relationships with adult children. I'm going to keep it and refer back to it often!

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very helpful. It is solidly Biblical & very well written. I appreciated it because it doesn't just deal with remedies for parents & adult children who don't get along. It deals with the changes that come about, boundaries & the blessings of having adult children. One of the chapter titles is "Your New Math: Adding By Subtracting". When children grow up and get married, our blessings are increased and we are to be blessings to our children & grandchildren. I am reading the book right now for the second time.

[Trisha · Rating 2 out of 5]

Remember that 2 stars means it was ok. It doesn't mean I completely disliked it or that I would never recommend it. This book certainly has helpful information, and I especially appreciated the chapter cautioning us about parenting like Eli, as well as the appendix regarding caring for aging parents. I also have friends who are the midst of some extreme parenting struggles who are finding this book quite encouraging and profitable. That said, I found it overall a bit discouraging and feel compelled to read Doug Wilson's Standing on the Promises again.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book that focuses on having a healthy relationship with your adult children. We did this book with a group, most of who had their last child graduating high school. The discussion was rich and added to what we got out of the book! I'd suggest reading this book BEFORE you have "adult children" and not after. Being PROactive is always better than being REactive.

[Jerry · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is excellent for parents with older wayward children, and for setting a vision for people who hope to have older children one day. It could have been stronger highlighting the Scriptural promises to parents for their children, but still a load of good advice.

[Jo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book leads a discussion toward biblical parenting and touches on issues not often dialogued in a clear way. It is a book I will recommend to parents of adult children. It answered a few questions I have asked myself. Very good read. Becky recommended this book on her blog. So glad she did.

[Rick Beideman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good material. I mostly agree with the authors. I was hoping for more emphasis on how to have a good relationship with your adult children. It has more of an emphasis on how to deal with problems you are having in your relationship with your adult children.

[Susanna]

"Thriving in relationship with your adult children."
Read the first chapter on-line. Looks fantastic! Can't wait to read it!

[Becky Pliego · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good. There are not many books that teach you how to parent your children as they become adults.

[Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful on a topic which no one talks or writes about very much.

[Nancy Boyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good, practical advice for parents of adult children, giving encouraging examples in a variety of situations.

[Trish Grennon biernat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Never! Learning what that means.

This book was yet another tool for the tool chest of parenting for me, a good reference to return to often to be reminded they are not mine but His.

[Angus Mcfarlane · Rating 4 out of 5]

My wife found this one, along with others, to get some perspective on how we might approach our role as parents as our kids become adults. Other titles included 'your teenager is not crazy' (or something like that), but this is the only one I got to. The book is written in a non-dogmatic style but nonetheless Christian in its outlook, and somewhat American as well. The latter aspect is easy enough to work around ( differences in college/university, for example), and while Christians are likely to enjoy this more easily, I don't see why others might not get something from it. To a large extent, the authors are aiming to help parents think through individual situations amidst tensions in values.

Some of the issues include work, money and marriage/inlaws/grandchildren, each of which can be points of joy when things go well, stress when children have to struggle through difficulties and in some cases pain for all when relationships break down. And this was probably the key message for me - continuing to stay connected as children grow up and respecting their adulthood. I may go back to this at some point to review specific situations but overall I found that the process of reflecting on the various topics helped me continue to appreciate the privilege and responsibility of being a dad and know that I can continue to enjoy this as I enter a new stage of life.

[Danny Pelichowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a parent of six children 12 years of age and under, and this book was informative and very useful for parenting in general as well as thinking about and preparing for my future parenting of adult children. Furthermore, it related not only to parenting, but also to interpersonal conflict and relationships in general and there was much wisdom to be gleaned on a variety of topics. I particularly appreciated the way the authors addressed conscience issues in nuanced ways that provided a great example of how to address these sensitive topics of parenting and family with flexibility and grace. Highly recommended!

[Jason Millsap · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an adult child myself seeking to know how to advise other parents with adult children, I found this book very helpful to determine how to thread the balance of generosity and help with distance to allow adult children to experience the natural consequences of their actions.

I had heard much of the contact expectations from talks by Newheiser in the past but what really touched my heart was the encouragement to parents to be involved and giving sacrificially of time and money to invest in their children. It helped me to think through and appreciate all the many ways my parents interested in me.

[Karrie Flegal · Rating 4 out of 5]

The authors provide a balanced perspective for parents in regard to what is and is not appropriate as they interact with their adult children. “Just as we need a literal passport to gain the right to enter a foreign land, we need to earn the right to speak into the life of another adult, (even our own child’s)…. We lose passport when we nag, manipulate, and demand control. When experience parents were asked to share the main lessons they had learned and dealing with their adult kids, the most common answers was learning when not to speak.” Pg 22

[Chuck · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book with a partner to discuss and help each other to apply its incites to our lives. I found the information and advice helpful. Jim readily admitted his biases and mindset as a Christian man, which helped to inform his advice and allowed me to adjust my thinking. I would recommend this book to any parent of adult children, but especially to Christian parents/grandparents as wise counsel regarding how to biblically interact with adult children, grandchildren, and even in-laws.

[Jeremy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book walks through topics relevant to families who have older children living at home, and a few topics for adult children who have left home. The clarity on "being of age" to make decisions was helpful. I thought the Contract with Adult Child in Appendix D was actually really instructive for parenting: Less nagging, and use logical consequences. Scriptures throughout were helpful and the applications of particular passages made this a worthy read.

[Lester Flaquer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Este libro es una ´guía ´ necesaria para todos los que tenemos hijos adultos. Desde el fundamento bíblico hasta los ejemplos prácticos, son una ayuda de importancia para navegar esas aguas que muchas veces se tornan difíciles. Nunca dejamos de ser padres, seamos los mejores posibles con la ayuda del Espíritu Santo.

[Melissa Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book that covers everything from how to handle a wayward child to having a Godly repationship with your child's spouse & their family, to everything in between. It even covers dealing with aging parents. Well written, an easy read. Lots of scripture references, all Biblical advice. A must read for anyone with teenagers or adult children of any age.

[April · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit slanted towards dealing with the problem of "Failure to Launch" adult kids than the flip side of over-controlling parents.

[Hopson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very few solid resources are available to help parents biblically relate to their adult children. I found this book to be very practical, insightful and gospel-centered.

[Bernadette · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is well written and a great tool for parents of adult children. I would recommend reading it before your kids are adults, so you and your spouse can talk about boundaries.

[Kristin Mitchell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great Biblical wisdom for navigating parenting adult kids in or out of the home and grandparenting

[Troy Borst · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fantastic and exactly what I needed.

[Jonathan Pait · Rating 4 out of 5]

Content was good, but if you listen to the Christian Audio version be sure to listen at a minimum of 2x. It is the slowest pace I have ever heard a book read!