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Good to Go: A Guide to Preparing for the End of Life
One of the few things in life that’s certain is death—and here’s a realistic, practical, and even humorous book about preparing for it. From cremation ("Making an Ash of Yourself") to funeral plans (“Plan and Plot Your Own Demise”) to choosing executors and dealing with family relationships, media figure Jo Myers covers it all. It’s sure to appeal to boomers caring for aging parents and anyone else who needs help approaching this not-so-easy-to-talk-about subject.
- GenresNonfiction
224 pages, Paperback
First published July 6, 2010
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
September 23, 2017
With the recent passing of my grandfather, I was finally motivated to learn more about how to plan for end of life care and death. While this book succeeds in providing such information in an approachable way, it is perhaps too casual. It reads like as if it is a letter to a friend without the benefit of a gifted editor to help sort out the bits that are unnecessary tongue wagging, complaints about family grudges, the occasional sexist comment, or advising against the purposeless alphabetical chapter formatting. The notes I took notes what I learned number five in total. I've got How to Get the Death You Want from the library next, and I'm hoping it will be better, but its goodreads rating compared to this one is not looking good.
July 15, 2016
Useful guide for thinking through end-of-life decisions.
Death happens. A good plan helps it happen with fairness, dignity and integrity.
Survivors have a better chance at a happy ending if parents make their wishes known, if they meet with family members as a tight-knit unit, if they have exit plans, and if they leave simple written instructions -- even if the instructions are scribbled on a cocktail napkin!
Middle-aged offspring may act like children when mommy and daddy leave them alone... together... unsupervised. In my head, I hear my father threaten from his grave, "You're never too old for a spanking!"
People may change when a loved one dies. Sometimes the change is for the better. Too often, the change is for the worse, and irreparable damage is done.
I have witnessed the value of a good preplan, and how other families often struggle and make mistakes, too.
Tip for Home Healthcare Attitude Adjustment
- Encourage, approach, re-approach, and re-re-approach
Healing is commensurate with attitude, activity and adaptation -- and a sense of adventure.
Body donation tip:
Body removal and transport can cost hundreds of dollars. Expect to pay $400-$800 for body transportation and any refrigeration that might be needed. This usually includes paperwork that is legally required.
When you die, it goes something like this: Your survivors call the medical people, and in some states, they pick up the corpse. They do what they do with it. Then, a couple years or so later (when they're done with it), your body is cremated, and your survivors get a call from someone who tells them to pick up your ashes. In some states, the survivors of the deceased are responsible for delivery of the cadaver.
Cadaver Travel Tip: Call a local funeral director or a mortuary service provider. The anatomical board can make recommendations. You can prearrange (prepay with locked-in prices) so 2 quick phone calls handle it all upon death of a body donor -- 1) to the state Anatomical Board and 2) to the prearranged mortuary for transport.
Mind Your Manners
Thank-you notes are sent to anyone who:
- Calls on the phone
- Visits the house
- Attends the funeral
- Makes a donation in the deceased's name
- Sends flowers.
Eulogy Tip
Do it before you die.
One formula: Give an overview. Talk about how the deceased lived, and detail your relationship with the deceased. Add stories about the decedent's life with a partner. Tell about the children and their relationship with the deceased. Wrap-up. Talk about friendships, talents and other attributes.
Jeweler's Tip
A person might obtain more money by donating jewelry to charity and taking the tax write-off than by selling it outright.
Therapist's Tip
Have a family meeting after a parent dies.
- Include only biological (and adopted) children and family members (to facilitate decision making)
- Structure what needs to be done
- Schedule for a few days or weeks after the death, if possible, to allow some emotional distance from grief after the death
- State clearly: 1) There will be difficult times and open communication is important; 2) All parties are important
- Plan regular contact in increments (weekly, monthly, or every 4-6 mos), as needed
A Positive-Thinking Tip
Replace the word worry with 'wonder,' and the word anxious with 'eager.'
Therapist's Tip
How to communicate with someone who is angry & you don't know why:
Say: I think I've offended you. Is now a good time to talk?
- If the person says, yes - restate: I think I've offended you
- If the person says it's not convenient to talk - Ask when is convenient & set up a time to meet.
If possible, have this conversation before any decision making with that person.
Preplanning Checklist
- Funeral home, crematory
- Retirement pay info
- Insurance policies (and value of each)
- Bank accounts
- Safe deposit boxes (who has key?)
- User names/PW for online accounts, e/m, blogs
- House info
- Homeowner's insurance
- Auto insurance
- Investments
- Medical insurance
- Lawyer
- Tax preparer and filing info
- Credit cards
- Obit
- Newspaper and/or websites for obit posting
- Associations to be notified for inclusion in obit section of newsletters
Green Burial
John Wilkerson, steward of Glendale Memorial Nature Preserve
Biodegradable caskets, and caskets aren't even necessary. A blanket or shroud works.
Note
As people begin to cross over, they connect to the other side. During the transition, they might see spirit guides, loved ones or angels. For most, it is welcoming and comforting. They feel as if they are going home. If they haven't connected with parents, other family members and friends in years, they are likely to feel their presence as well.
Those who are in the process of transition do hear us -- our words, our music -- and feel our touch. The body shuts down but not the soul. The soul can experience the transition by practicing being in both realms. This happens mostly with those who are ill for a time and are preparing for their passing.
Give the person a feeling of safety and permission to release themselves from this Earthly connection. It is remarkable to see the peace that takes place.
After all the preparation... in the last hours, all that was left to do? Wait for Ruthie to 'tiptoe away.'
Remembering the suggestion of the hospice nurse, I whispered to my friend, "Ruthie, you're good to go."
Death happens. A good plan helps it happen with fairness, dignity and integrity.
Survivors have a better chance at a happy ending if parents make their wishes known, if they meet with family members as a tight-knit unit, if they have exit plans, and if they leave simple written instructions -- even if the instructions are scribbled on a cocktail napkin!
Middle-aged offspring may act like children when mommy and daddy leave them alone... together... unsupervised. In my head, I hear my father threaten from his grave, "You're never too old for a spanking!"
People may change when a loved one dies. Sometimes the change is for the better. Too often, the change is for the worse, and irreparable damage is done.
I have witnessed the value of a good preplan, and how other families often struggle and make mistakes, too.
Tip for Home Healthcare Attitude Adjustment
- Encourage, approach, re-approach, and re-re-approach
Healing is commensurate with attitude, activity and adaptation -- and a sense of adventure.
Body donation tip:
Body removal and transport can cost hundreds of dollars. Expect to pay $400-$800 for body transportation and any refrigeration that might be needed. This usually includes paperwork that is legally required.
When you die, it goes something like this: Your survivors call the medical people, and in some states, they pick up the corpse. They do what they do with it. Then, a couple years or so later (when they're done with it), your body is cremated, and your survivors get a call from someone who tells them to pick up your ashes. In some states, the survivors of the deceased are responsible for delivery of the cadaver.
Cadaver Travel Tip: Call a local funeral director or a mortuary service provider. The anatomical board can make recommendations. You can prearrange (prepay with locked-in prices) so 2 quick phone calls handle it all upon death of a body donor -- 1) to the state Anatomical Board and 2) to the prearranged mortuary for transport.
Mind Your Manners
Thank-you notes are sent to anyone who:
- Calls on the phone
- Visits the house
- Attends the funeral
- Makes a donation in the deceased's name
- Sends flowers.
Eulogy Tip
Do it before you die.
One formula: Give an overview. Talk about how the deceased lived, and detail your relationship with the deceased. Add stories about the decedent's life with a partner. Tell about the children and their relationship with the deceased. Wrap-up. Talk about friendships, talents and other attributes.
Jeweler's Tip
A person might obtain more money by donating jewelry to charity and taking the tax write-off than by selling it outright.
Therapist's Tip
Have a family meeting after a parent dies.
- Include only biological (and adopted) children and family members (to facilitate decision making)
- Structure what needs to be done
- Schedule for a few days or weeks after the death, if possible, to allow some emotional distance from grief after the death
- State clearly: 1) There will be difficult times and open communication is important; 2) All parties are important
- Plan regular contact in increments (weekly, monthly, or every 4-6 mos), as needed
A Positive-Thinking Tip
Replace the word worry with 'wonder,' and the word anxious with 'eager.'
Therapist's Tip
How to communicate with someone who is angry & you don't know why:
Say: I think I've offended you. Is now a good time to talk?
- If the person says, yes - restate: I think I've offended you
- If the person says it's not convenient to talk - Ask when is convenient & set up a time to meet.
If possible, have this conversation before any decision making with that person.
Preplanning Checklist
- Funeral home, crematory
- Retirement pay info
- Insurance policies (and value of each)
- Bank accounts
- Safe deposit boxes (who has key?)
- User names/PW for online accounts, e/m, blogs
- House info
- Homeowner's insurance
- Auto insurance
- Investments
- Medical insurance
- Lawyer
- Tax preparer and filing info
- Credit cards
- Obit
- Newspaper and/or websites for obit posting
- Associations to be notified for inclusion in obit section of newsletters
Green Burial
John Wilkerson, steward of Glendale Memorial Nature Preserve
Biodegradable caskets, and caskets aren't even necessary. A blanket or shroud works.
Note
As people begin to cross over, they connect to the other side. During the transition, they might see spirit guides, loved ones or angels. For most, it is welcoming and comforting. They feel as if they are going home. If they haven't connected with parents, other family members and friends in years, they are likely to feel their presence as well.
Those who are in the process of transition do hear us -- our words, our music -- and feel our touch. The body shuts down but not the soul. The soul can experience the transition by practicing being in both realms. This happens mostly with those who are ill for a time and are preparing for their passing.
Give the person a feeling of safety and permission to release themselves from this Earthly connection. It is remarkable to see the peace that takes place.
After all the preparation... in the last hours, all that was left to do? Wait for Ruthie to 'tiptoe away.'
Remembering the suggestion of the hospice nurse, I whispered to my friend, "Ruthie, you're good to go."
August 23, 2019
Really a 3++ rating. Super easy to read, light and humorous at times. Good overview of all sorts of end of life issues that most people may not have thought of. Was not super technical or in depth, but gave enough information that at least you’d have a starting point for dealing with these issues.
January 25, 2021
If author Jo Myers had not wielded this book as a vehicle to air grievances about her siblings, it might have been a worthwhile read. Would have been interesting to see sidebars with the siblings' "other side of the story."
If you're not in the mood for a muddy slog through tedious family drama, there are other excellent books on this topic that do not require hip waders.
If you're not in the mood for a muddy slog through tedious family drama, there are other excellent books on this topic that do not require hip waders.
December 16, 2022
Some good information about things to consider when preparing for death, but not a lot of depth. Lots of information about how the author and her siblings struggled after her parents death, which is a good caution on strained family relationships
October 15, 2018
Interesting book about things everyone should know about preparing for death to make things easier for those who have to deal with your estate.
March 18, 2020
A very quick, episodic read. No arc. Just vignettes.
May 19, 2022
Not for actually planning for your own death, although there are some good tips for that. It's great for someone who is or expects to be a caregiver to someone who is preparing to die.
January 31, 2013
One of the challenges to caregivers and to people who are dying is just how disorienting and confusing the things are that we need to do to prepare - indicating disposal of what we own, clearing up our debts, deciding what do with the remains, and, always, handling relationships under tension in the best ways we can. Death and dying can bring out the worst in people, both survivors fighting with each other and the dying making hard demands and painful or impossible requests. Myers makes an appeal to do our best to sort out what we can before we reach the most disorienting and confusing part of dying, or even the active dying stage, when the one dying has little ability or energy to turn to other matters. The book is structured in very short chapters, to make it easier to comprehend.
This is not a calm and comforting process of dying book, but a trouble-shooting and trouble-prevention guide. Best to pick it up earlier and move into the easier and more comforting process of dying books to (1) remind us what dying is really all about (hint: not the disposition of the wee collectibles) and (2) why we're making room and way for a better dying by attending to the details in advance. Myers makes clear that we do no one any favors by avoiding the painful topic of our deaths and what to do when we're gone, and that preplanning, informing our loved ones, and regularly updating those plans can be a powerful witness to our love and care of each other.
This is not a calm and comforting process of dying book, but a trouble-shooting and trouble-prevention guide. Best to pick it up earlier and move into the easier and more comforting process of dying books to (1) remind us what dying is really all about (hint: not the disposition of the wee collectibles) and (2) why we're making room and way for a better dying by attending to the details in advance. Myers makes clear that we do no one any favors by avoiding the painful topic of our deaths and what to do when we're gone, and that preplanning, informing our loved ones, and regularly updating those plans can be a powerful witness to our love and care of each other.
March 28, 2015
I am 53 years old, not that old, but old enough to start thinking about the next stage of life. A friend recommended this book to me. I thought I would read it and then pass it on to other friends. But no, I want to hang onto this book. Written in a very accessible manner, it covers all kinds of end-of-life topics, from how cremation works to picking out songs for a funeral to how to get along with your siblings when dealing with the death of a parent. Simply an excellent guide to the end of life. Whether you are interested in planning your own final disposition, or dealing with aging parents, this is a fantastic, quick read you will want to have in your collection.
August 9, 2011
Read this book in one day! Arranged alphabetically (a librarian's dream), it covered many familiar and not-so-familiar aspects of dying and the journey getting there, as well as its aftermath for the survivors. Assuming I'll be the latter for the next few years, I found many practical suggestions from Jo Myers' real-life experiences as the daughter, sister, and friend of the deceased, and how she handled those events. I will be passing this book to my sisters for the eventuality of our dad's demise, so we will all literally be "on the same page" in dealing with his wishes.
September 29, 2012
I read this book because the author was coming to our church to talk. Otherwise, I would never have picked it up. However, I'm glad I did. There was a lot of useful information, it was written as entertaininly as possible, and it got me thinking about a lot of things . . . a lot of things I'd rather not think about, to be honest. The book is not only written for those getting closer to death, but for everyone -- because we'll all be facing it someday!
January 29, 2014
Friends have recommended a different book on the same subject called "The Other Talk" so when I saw this one at the library I picked it up. Did not finish! Did not like! Don't think that is because I am afraid of the subject-- think it is because one chapter was called "put the fun back in funeral"! Now I will get the book I intended to read in the first place.
July 22, 2011
Practical and helpful book for preparing for death.
August 28, 2011
Highly recommend for anyone facing a loved one's end of life. A great help in planning one's own arrangements. Helpful insight told in a compassionate and light hearted way.
September 25, 2011
Informative.
October 24, 2012
This book didn't quite live up to my expectations. It gave a few useful hints, but I was expecting more.
February 3, 2013
I enjoyed this book. Lots of antedotes on the dying process. Good food for thought. Picked up some ideas for handling my parents affairs when they are gone.
Loaned to Carrie 2.3.13
Loaned to Carrie 2.3.13
January 21, 2015
Good book on preparing for one's, and other's, deaths. My husband is also reading this, and I think it will be an important jumping off place for good discussions between us.
May 30, 2015
It's a quick read and has some decent advice. Not heavy reading, considering the subject matter.
June 10, 2016
Great information delivered in a readable way!
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews