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Breaking the Cycle of Divorce: How Your Marriage Can Succeed Even If Your Parents' Didn't
In an age when the pressures on marriage are heavier than ever and divorce is more accepted and easier to obtain, marriages seem to fail as often as they succeed. As an adult child of divorce, Dr. John Trent offers insights into why adult children of divorce tend to repeat their parents' mistakes. He then lays out a plan for a lifelong marriage that is strong and healthy. Couples will learn how to avoid repeating the mistakes that often lead to divorce.
208 pages, Hardcover
First published April 20, 2006
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About the author
John Trent
145 books25 followersDr. John Trent is an award winning author of marriage and family books such as The Blessing.[1] He is the creator of the Lion, Otter, Golden Retriever, and Beaver (LOGB) way of looking at personalities. He is the President of StrongFamilies.com and the Center for StrongFamilies both are organizations committed to strengthening marriage and family relationships worldwide.[2] He and his wife Cindy have been married for 30 years and have two daughters Kari and Laura.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
July 4, 2011
John Trent refers to being an adult child of divorce (ACOD) as living under a curse. A curse simply referring to the fact that the "flow of life-giving love and encouragement has been cut off." As an ACOD the example of a healthy marriage was unavailable consequently affecting one's perception of marriage, never witnessing his/her parents fight for the marriage and perhaps being exposed to a rather unhealthy approach to dealing with conflict. What an ACOD saw when the marriage got tough was that his/her parents just gave up, walked out and got a separation. An ACOD is tempted to do the same and exhibits similar behaviors that he/she learned from a young age perhaps without even being aware of it. He identifies 12 manifestations of the curse in ACOD which are the following: isolation, unhealthy family secrets,false guilt, fear-based procrastination, poor choices, false starts, broken commitments, blaming others, smoldering anger, not really listening, unending arguments, and seeing only an impersonal God.
Although ACOD generally did not have good role models of marriage when growing up, he encourages the reader to find a couple that can mentor them. A couple to learn from. John Trent recognizes that although his mother did not have a successful marriage, she nonetheless helped guide them in knowing how to love their spouse unconditionally as she displayed this towards her children always placing their needs before her own needs.
What I myself found most powerful in this book was the idea of the two degree turn. In his own example he admits that he had an issue with anger and would point his finger at his daughters. In order to change, he made an agreement with them and vowed to pay them $1 every time he pointed at them. He says that being conscious of this act, helped him control his anger. Although many times, he would make progress he would also fail at other times. The two degree turn is acknowledging that change does not occur overnight but rather it takes place little by little. Although it may feel like you are taking two steps forward and one back, he encourages you not to give up.
"We are sold on Cinderella, not on how uncomfortable wearing glass slippers for the next 50 years might be. In other words, we forget how much hard and consistent work it takes to live "happily ever after."
Although ACOD generally did not have good role models of marriage when growing up, he encourages the reader to find a couple that can mentor them. A couple to learn from. John Trent recognizes that although his mother did not have a successful marriage, she nonetheless helped guide them in knowing how to love their spouse unconditionally as she displayed this towards her children always placing their needs before her own needs.
What I myself found most powerful in this book was the idea of the two degree turn. In his own example he admits that he had an issue with anger and would point his finger at his daughters. In order to change, he made an agreement with them and vowed to pay them $1 every time he pointed at them. He says that being conscious of this act, helped him control his anger. Although many times, he would make progress he would also fail at other times. The two degree turn is acknowledging that change does not occur overnight but rather it takes place little by little. Although it may feel like you are taking two steps forward and one back, he encourages you not to give up.
"We are sold on Cinderella, not on how uncomfortable wearing glass slippers for the next 50 years might be. In other words, we forget how much hard and consistent work it takes to live "happily ever after."
August 7, 2020
Buen recurso que encontré antes de casarme y sigo practicado casi 10 años después
February 6, 2008
I wouldn't have bought this book if I knew how much of it was going to be about God. The description on Amazon and on the book cover mentions nothing about religion, but so much of the book was devoted to having a relationship with God, God's grace, etc. etc. That annoyed me a lot.
He did do a great job in the first chapters in describing the effects divorce has on people who grew up in a broken him. He closely analyzed all of the characteristics people develop as a result, and so much of it resonated with me. A lot of them were things I'd never thought about, but once I read it, it made complete sense.
However, when it came to the HOW to break the cycle of divorce part, I didn't find much helpful information. All the God stuff didn't help (if you can't tell, I'm not religious). He also tried to use his one individual story as major proof for the fact that divorce can be overcome, which was kind of annoying since it's just one instance.
Overall, this book had some helpful information, but not enough. I would not recommend it to anyone unless you're very religious.
He did do a great job in the first chapters in describing the effects divorce has on people who grew up in a broken him. He closely analyzed all of the characteristics people develop as a result, and so much of it resonated with me. A lot of them were things I'd never thought about, but once I read it, it made complete sense.
However, when it came to the HOW to break the cycle of divorce part, I didn't find much helpful information. All the God stuff didn't help (if you can't tell, I'm not religious). He also tried to use his one individual story as major proof for the fact that divorce can be overcome, which was kind of annoying since it's just one instance.
Overall, this book had some helpful information, but not enough. I would not recommend it to anyone unless you're very religious.
February 24, 2009
a gift from my grandmother...surprisingly enough i really enjoyed this book..it really brings some issues to the surface for people with divorced parents...a lot of people don't confront the fact that they are likely to repeat mistakes that their parents did...this book offers a gameplan for being self-aware in current or future relationships from a christian perspective
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews