Siblings of Children With Autism: A Guide for Families

by Sandra L. Harris

An invaluable guide to understanding sibling relationships, how autism affects these relationships, and what families can do to support their children as they cope with the intensive needs of a child with autism.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Nonfiction

127 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1994

About the author

Librarian Note:
There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Reviews

[Charlie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wow, what an awful book. Even in a work that's supposed to be about siblings of autistic people, the non-autistic siblings are overshadowed. It's a book designed for middle-class nuclear families, full of anecdotes by straight white cis mothers talking about their concern for their children. There are no writings or interviews here from actual siblings of autistic people. Even the author has only been around developmentally delayed people in a professional setting. She and the parents in this book are seeing the problem from the outside, and are therefore missing all the complexities of actually growing up with a disabled sibling, and are totally ignoring the possibility of the non-autistic sibling having problems of their own.

My older sister has autism, and she functions at about the level of a neurotypical four-year-old. Growing up, I was seen as the "good" child, because I seemed normal. But even when I was really little I had a ton of resentment toward my sister, who received far more attention from our parents than I did. I started making my own meals once I could stand on a chair to reach the stove, and (as I had difficulty relating to most kids my age) I learned how to be alone. I grew to enjoy being alone so much that now I have debilitating social anxiety. After a while I guess I deviated from the "good child" model, once I came out as trans and queer and once it became obvious that I was bipolar, and that my eating disorder, self-harming habits, and suicidal urges weren't going to go away with a few more hugs. My status as the new "problem child" was met with aggression, especially from my mother, who seemed to believe that my problems existed because I wanted attention.

I don't really know what I'm getting at with all this, except that I felt under-appreciated even within a book which is supposed to be about and for people like me. Also, most of the autistic people in the book were treated either as problems (obstacles in the way of cis-het happiness) or as strange, otherworldly beings who are difficult or even impossible to understand. This is pretty insulting. I know this book was written in 1992, but seriously, people shouldn't write books on topics about which they know little, especially if those books are supposed to be non-fiction.

[Bettyjo · Rating 2 out of 5]

I saw that there is an updated edition. I think that might be more worth reading, but for me-- being involved with the disability world for quite a while and this book being published almost 30 years ago-- I feel like the culture around disability has shifted to include most everything in this book. So it feels a bit out of date. Again, I'm interested to see the updated version, but for this edition-- I wasn't too captivated.

[Elizabeth Meadows · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting insights into families and siblings of people with autism. Since I have a daughter with autism and one who is typical, this book hits very close to home.

[Melissa Wilson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was better than I thought it was going to be.
Topics that were helpful:
The impact of Development on Children's understanding of autism
How to create an atmosphere for communication with your children, spouse,
Early, middle childhood
Parents speak
Giving clear instructions