What Your Teen is Trying to Tell You: Surviving, thriving and re-connecting through the teenage years

by Stella O'Malley

Leading psychotherapist Stella O’Malley has walked many miles on ‘Planet Teen’. She understands difficult teenagers – she was one herself, and as a psychotherapist she has spent many hours working alongside unhappy adolescents.
Stella takes parents inside the teenage brain and provides practical advice for each of the key milestones teenagers need to tackle during adolescence to become happy, healthy adults.
You will learn how to navigate many issues, including anxiety, obsession with technology, body confidence and the sexual self. Rather than always looking to ‘fix’ the situation, you will instead be empowered to know when and how to intervene and when to allow your teen to work it out for themselves.
Ultimately, you will understand your teen better and learn to rekindle joy in your relationship.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook

365 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 30, 2023

Reviews

[Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I will be recommending to the parents of the adolescents I work with as a child/adolescent counsellor and was helpful to me as a parent of teens myself. It's full of sensible and practical advice and has a focus on what parents can do to lean in, connect with and understand their child rather than panic and send their child to a professional as a knee-jerk reaction, which can create an unhelpful wedge within the parent-child relationship. It is also clear that therapy is often useful - either for the adolescent themselves or for the parent engaged in supporting their child - and uses snippets of example case material (fictional, but based on author's experience) to demonstrate its points which felt very resonant of my own clinical experience. It looks at how a wide range of emotional and neurodevelopmental issues can interact with the normal developmental tasks of adolescence, making it hard to unpick what is pathology and what is 'normal' adolescent turbulence and has a very up to date focus on how a reliance on technology is also muddying the waters. I particularly liked the sections on communication styles and focus on attachment.

[Kirsty]

not rating because absolutely nothing applied to me.

I dont have a problem teenager, but I was curious as if i could learn anything. short answer No. long answer. my 16 year old is doing fantastic, I guess im doing everything correctly, even though ive absolutely no idea what im doing. lol.

[Frrobins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Given that my oldest is now 12, this felt like a relevant book to read. This was a nice book that encompassed a wide spread of topics and even included sections on autism and learning disabilities, which are both relevant for my kids.

O'Malley used modern insights from neuroscience as well as time tested insights into child development to normalize a lot of what happens as children become teenagers while also giving a brief overview of when certain patterns of behaviors become concerning and when to seek professional help. I also appreciated the chapters about navigating the online world and social media as well as emerging sexuality.

Highly recommend!

[J · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had found a book like this years ago. The author is Irish and some of her language reflects a different culture but still the analysis and suggestions are valid and timely. I would recommend this book to anyone raising small humans, and even more so if your human is about to enter the strange, wonderous and anxiety provoking time known as "adolescence". If you are in the thick of the experience already, the wise and practical suggestions may help you better navigate and maybe even strengthen your relationships with your kids.

[Deb Chapman]

DNF. Was listening to this book and getting irritated by the numerous references to her other books then about 3/4 thru I looked her up and her org holds TERF ideas which I do not agree with and don’t resonate with my experience. Kids need support and connection from the adults around them, I think there is a spectrum of gender identities which benefit us all to explore and hold, and negative judgement in this space we know puts people’s lives at risk. Not interested in reading or supporting that kind of bigotry.

[David Bowles · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very helpful. As a parent of two teenagers, I could see aspects of many things that I have experienced.

It does give the worst case scenarios which does two things. Firstly it make me realise that actually things aren’t too bad! Secondly, it shows be how bad things can get, which is scary in its own way.

I would definitely recommend this book to all who are parenting teenagers as it does provide with many helpful suggestions.

[Miriam Morgans · Rating 3 out of 5]

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕋𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕚𝕤 𝕋𝕣𝕪𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕠 𝕋𝕖𝕝𝕝 𝕐𝕠𝕦
By Stella O'Mally

I thought I'd listen to the audio version of this book as I have two teenage daughters in my house, and I thought there may be some enlightening info here.

This book was a lot heavier than I anticipated, Stella is a therapist and she discusses casess such as relationship breakdowns with parents, sexualization, popularity, peer pressure, social media, usage of devises, gender identity, eating disorders, ASD, ADHD, drug and alcohol abuse.

Stella shares scenarios and some elements of advice on what to do, guidance on seeking external help from doctors, camhs, and other support groups.

It left me feeling thoroughly depressed!

I just hope and pray that with the right guidance, love and support our teenagers can battle through this stage of their lives and alow their brains to grow and develop in to positive people, hopefully unscathed by outside influences.

It's difficult to let go and give them that independence, but it's so important for their survival, too!

Big love to all the teenagers out there and to the parents supporting them along the way! 🧡

[trijnewijn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interessant en het lezen/luisteren waard, al waren er voor mij weinig echt nieuwe inzichten. De auteur deed me meermaals met mijn ogen rollen als er nog maar eens een variantie op “tot nu toe was opvoeden een makkie” passeerde. Nu de kinderen van vrienden beginnen te puberen, lijkt het opvallend duidelijk welke ouders al jarenlang ervaring hebben met een extra zorgnood. Het is alsof we al sinds de geboorte van onze kinderen getraind werden op veel meer moeten doen dan van buitenaf zichtbaar is, waardoor er al zodanig veel technieken, communicatietechnieken en coping mechanismen ingebakken zitten dat de extra tol van de puberteit helemaal niet zo zot zwaar, laat staan nieuw, voelt als dit boek laat uitschijnen.

[Vicky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read for work but also I’m solo parenting a teen so doesn’t hurt right. A lot of what she was saying, I knew because of work but honestly it NEVER ever hurts to read up on behaviours, emotions, processings, conflict, communication, self harm, puberty, identity, wellbeing, relationships, attachment, online shizzle, anxiety, resilience, neurodiversity, body issues… the list goes on.
Parenting is one massive continuous process of dealing with phases whilst trying to function as your own person. Sometimes the shit hits the fan all at once - it’s how you deal with it and clean it up.
This book can be read from start to finish or dip into the chapters relevant to you.
Remember you know your child best.
Good bloody luck

[Giselle · Rating 5 out of 5]

An outstanding commonsense guide for all parents, delivered with Stella O’Malley’s signature warmth, compassion and good humour. Leaves you feeling positive and capable as you navigate life and issues with a teen (or any child, for that matter). Highly recommend.