Choosing Glory

by Lili DeHoyos Anderson

CHOOSING GLORY considers the LDS doctrine of celestial, terrestrial, and telestial realms, suggesting that--here on earth--we deal with all three kinds of individuals, behaviors, institutions, and ways of life. Dr. Anderson applies a three realms perspective to daily choices, dating, marriage, parenting, stress, and progression. She offers concrete tools to help us find safety from telestial elements that threaten our peace and reminds us that we were meant for more than a good terrestrial life. This book invites us to recognize that every day we are--in fact--choosing glory.

Genres: Religion, Nonfiction, Church, Lds, Audiobook, Inspirational, Lds Non Fiction

242 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Lili De Hoyos Anderson is a first generation American. Her mother is French and her father is Mexican. She was born in a little border town in Texas, but her family soon moved to the Midwest, where she grew up in Michigan and Indiana. When she started high school, both her parents began teaching at BYU, so the family moved to Provo and she graduated from Provo High School.

Sister Anderson attended BYU and graduated in Sociology. Social science runs in the family. Both her parents are retired professors of Sociology and her husband, Chris Anderson, is also a social worker with LDS Family Services. After almost 20 years of being a full-time homemaker, Sister Anderson completed her own Masters in Social Work degree. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and has a full-time private practice in individual, marriage and family counseling. (For information about counseling services, contact her through this website.) Later, Sister Anderson completed her PhD in Marriage and Family at BYU and for several years taught part-time there for the School of Family Life.

The Andersons have eight children. They are affectionately referred to as the “Alphabet Kids” because their names are Adam, Bethany, Caitlin, Dominic, Eden, Faith, Graydon, and Harper. The Andersons now have sixteen grandchildren (and counting).

Sister Anderson is an avid reader. She also enjoys sewing, music, quilting, making stained glass windows, and photography — none of which she currently has time for. She has published in the ENSIGN and in various books and journals. She taught part-time for the BYU School of Family Life for several years after completing her doctorate. She wrote her first book at the request of the BYU students taking her class on the Family Proclamation. The book, FAMILY FOUNDATIONS, is about healthy individual adjustment and marriage and family principles. This August, Sister Anderson’s second book, CHOOSING GLORY, will be released. This second book takes one chapter in FAMILY FOUNDATIONS on the Three Realms Perspective and develops the idea, applying the perspective to individual life choices, dating, spouse selection, marriage, parenting, and personal progression.

The Anderson family has lived in Oklahoma, Chicago and for 15 years in Las Vegas, where they mostly raised their family. In Las Vegas, Sister Anderson taught both early morning seminary and two Adult Religion classes for several years. Her greatest love, after the gospel and her family, is teaching.

from http://lilianderson.com/about/

Reviews

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were things I loved about this one and then there were the things that I didn't love.

I like this author. I've heard her a few times on one of my favorite podcasts. The last time she was on it she put in a plug for her new book and I was eager to grab it.

First and foremost, I liked her use of scripture in this and that is what I liked the most. I also liked her overall message. She comes across as genuine and passionate about her work (even when she is shouting repentance.)

Somewhere in this one, she mentioned that she is opinionated and I had to laugh there because that is the sole reason I cannot listen to her own podcast....even though I love the way she sees things. However, when she strays into the "opinion" lane, I tend to tune out because she states her opinions like they came from the general conference pulpit and are gospel doctrine....when they are not.

So therein lies my main issue with her. Not a deal breaker by any means. Overall I liked this one. I just didn't love it like I thought I would, so 3 stars.

[Elasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

This past year we lost several ward members, including two women to cancer. Both of the funerals were inspiring -- these were exemplary women; women to model my life after. A daughter of one of them mentioned this book in her funeral talk for her mother (one of her mother's favorite books). This particular woman had the gift of making everyone she met feel as if they'd been her friend always. She and her husband were shining lights to everyone who knew them and everywhere they served.

So, the book is great. Anderson is a marriage and family counselor and she has used her training and experience to explain the general characteristics of each degree of glory as they apply to us in our earthly state. I thought she was right on. She emphasizes several times that the information is not intended to encourage us to judge anyone else, but to help us understand how our actions can help or hurt ourselves or our relationships, and to encourage us to strive for celestial living. She describes what each realm looks like in marriage, family life, and parenting, using lots of case scenarios from her counseling background to illustrate. One might think there is the potential to feel discouraged about where you are in life -- but somehow she writes and portrays the material in such a way that not only was my understanding of eternal principles strengthened, I WANT to make better choices!

[Karin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book as soon as I started reading it. It was eloquent, helpful, clear...I loved it. I was totally prepared to have a major paradigm shift and rate this 5 stars, it was that good. Things are not just good and bad; they are good better best.

Then I read her chapter on parenting.

And I was so disappointed. It was like she had this groundbreaking way to see the world and how we as humans are complicated, spiritual beings...but somehow it didn't apply to parenting and to children. Somehow, all of the children are incapable of anything but Skinnerian behavior and there is only Good (read authoritative behaviorist) parents and Bad (read permissive and weak) parents.

This chapter was so crumbling for me that I finished the rest of the book in this weird cynical space and I just couldn't get the "magic" back of the first half.

How can we be Celestial people when we are treating other people as if they must be manipulated into every action? Why does behaviorism continue to be so pervasive? Especially in the church when we know better? When science and the Gospel have so much knowledge that this "method" is not helpful, we continue to spoon feed it to tired and struggling parents who can't figure out why their kids don't respect them (or God).

Sorry. It might be good for you. It might be paradigm changing for you.

It could have been so much better.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love books that help me see something familiar from a different perspective. This was exactly that kind of book. I gained new insights about so many different facets of life, from relationships to progression, parenting to callings in the church and so much more. This is a book I will want to reread to better internalize.

[Sariah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed her application of the three kingdoms of glory to a lot of different areas in our lives! She does use a lot of scripture and general authority quotes but is clear (at least in my opinion) that she's not teaching doctrine. It's more of an application of it. I like her straight-to-the-point approach. It definitely gave me some food for thought and insights I know I'll find helpful.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the concept of this book. It gives you so much to think about. I love all the scriptures and general authority quotes. She definitely did her research. I'm glad I read it.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a good book. I checked it out for the library (to listen to on Libby) after hearing her as a guest speaker in the Follow Him podcast. I had to wait for it for many weeks...twice! But I actually liked reading the first half, and then returning to it a few months later, because then I had more time thinking about the principles across time.

She frames all our earthly life actions and interactions in terms of the three Kingdoms of Glory: Telestial, Terrestrial, and Celestial. Sometimes we are stuck at a good, but mediocre Terrestrial level and don't even realize it. And sometimes even that is a struggle to maintain, against the world's Telestial pull. I just loved how the author helps put different problems of life into perspective and encourages us to aim for the Celestial. She wrote this book from a therapy background, and it seems like she takes no nonsense, just tells it how she sees it, while still inspiring us to be better.

[Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gets 5 stars because it truly gave me a new perspective on life. I loved that Dr. Anderson says what she thinks and isn't muzzled by political correctness.

The basic idea is that there are telestial, terrestrial and celestial behaviors and patterns of thinking that bring their related consequences into our lives. If we live by telestial law, we reap telestial consequences; the same goes for terrestrial and celestial. I appreciated her counsel to focus on building a terrestrial life and then move on from there to let the Lord change our hearts so we can live a celestial life.

Her advice on parenting was very impactful for me. Her idea is that as parents we need to expect our children to live terrestrial lives but then teach them celestial principles, realizing that this is their choice to live that higher law but that a terrestrial life is a great foundation.

[Summer Fernandez Larson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it! I don't usually love "spiritual self-help" books because I find them to be overly ethereal or esoteric. However, "Choosing Glory" took a very practical, well thought out and scripturally solid approach to spiritual progression. I found it helpful to me as a person and as a mother.

[Becky Roper · Rating 3 out of 5]

This counselor applies the LDS doctrine of the three degrees of glory to many of the life situations we deal with; marraige, parenting, stress, life balance etc. It uses a lot of scripture references and would not be well understood by non-Mormons, but it was an interesting perspective.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the perspective and advice in this book. I don't always love "church books" but found this one both easy to read and very gospel centered.

[Kirstie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written book. Well researched and thoughtful ideas about how to live a better life based on gospel principles of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is not without merit. There are a lot of things I liked about it, and things that I thought were helpful in the way she teaches them. However for a lot of the book it missed the mark for me. The examples she gives are very very specific and come across more judgmental than helpful. For instance she gives the example of a teen that is sinning but gets up and bears their testimony at girls camp or ap camp, and how this is “wrong” somehow and how they aren’t living celestially. Which is true, but also is that the point? Haven’t we all born testimony and been learning and growing while also sinning and trying to be better? This is just one example and there’s lots of things like this in the book where I get the point of what she’s saying, “telestial” or “terrestrial” behaviors that she’s pointing out, but it doesn’t seem to be as helpful as it is just passing judgement on certain behaviors. She does add the caveat that there are nuances but she doesn’t talk about any of these. So how helpful is it to read a book where obvious behavior is pointed at as not being celestial? Especially using examples of people who aren’t likely to be reading thsi book. How is pointing out judgement of the smoker, or the young teen girl helpful for me?

Even more so though, my biggest problem with this is the lack of discussion about the atonement of Christ. It is rarely mentioned the entire book. She talks a lot about becoming celestial but never discusses how the atonement is the only way to get there. Now just get, it’s not a book about the Atonement or how to use it specifically. However, I truly don’t think we can discuss anything even close to “celestial” behavior without mentioning Christ and the atonement. It doesn’t exist without Him. And so the fact that this wasn’t a focus at all for me really really bugged me. I think the entire point of going from the terrestial to the celestial is utilizing Christ’s atonement. So… sad.

And lastly, as sort of mentioned above, there’s a lot of very very specific things mentioned and even scriptures quoted to support her but I’m not sure I agree with all of her takes. Some of them were helpful - I liked some of her ideas for parenting for example. But then some of them were just such intense judgment on a certain aspect that it pulled me out of the spiritual feeling and into the “are you sure?” Phase. She speaks scathingly (at least to me it seems) about the young man who went away sorrowing and even talks about how sad the end of his story was. But is that the end? It doesn’t ever say if went home, cried about it and then changed! So why speak of it like it’s a done deal? I understand she is just using it again as an example to get her point across but this happens over and over where she seems to pass judgment without including seemingly important details and jumping to conclusions to support her ideas rather than just teaching. It sort of pulled me out of the focus she was wanting. It felt really extreme at times, and again, took the real focus away from Christ which is what it should have been.

However, some interesting content and may be more helpful for someone else. It was well written!

[Kristin Green · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book and enjoyed it for the most part. I thought I would love it since I’ve really enjoyed her no-nonsense attitude on podcasts I’ve heard her on. Her perspective, especially since she has recently experienced a lot of personal trials, has honestly brought me to tears. She’s amazing.

In this book, I liked her thoughts, good solid scriptural references and clearly a lot of research went into this. I just didn’t care for some of her commentary around doctrine—I liked some of them of course and I can’t seem to remember the specifics of things I took issue with. Anyway, that’s why it’s 3 and not 4 or 5.

[Maren Dennis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating book written by a Latter-day Saint marriage and family therapist. It won't make a lot of sense to people outside the faith because this takes the concept of celestial, terrestrial, and telestial kingdoms and translates that on top of a CBT model. But if you are familiar with the doctrine, I think her ideas really work! It was super interesting to think of the kingdoms of glory and how the types of choices we make (be they celestial, terrestrial, or telestial) relate to the successes or struggles of our relationships.

[Missy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A coworker suggested this book. I thought I would like it more than I did. I would give the first half 4 stars and the 2nd half 3. So maybe 3.5 overall for the book. I was intrigued how she took the 3 kingdoms and glory and talked about how people in each glory would act and live. It was never intended as a way to judge others, but for us to look at ourselves to see how we are doing. We can't skip from telestial to celestial. It's a progression. She takes a look at these 3 realms of glory in the later half of the book and how it relates to marriage, parenting, family life.

[Karen Mosley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel very much the same as the author does. Many of her ideas I have used in my own experiences. Sadly, those ideas have changed overtime as our society continues to become more entitled. Great caution has to be used when asking someone to do something they don’t feel like doing. If expectations are too high and out of reach, then perhaps it is better to lower the expectations and hope that once achieved, people will determine for themselves that there is a higher law that will bring more satisfaction and blessings.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fascinating book, laying out a definition of telestial, terrestrial, and celestial behaviors and attitudes and how those attitudes and behaviors affect personal development and family dynamics. The author is a marriage and family therapist, and she gave eye-opening real life examples to illustrate her doctrinal points. A lot of food for thought and potential for discussion in this book!
Note: I listened to the audiobook and it was good.

[emily · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was highly recommended and I am interested in some of the points that the author is trying to make, but the direction that she takes in illustrating these points is meandering and, at times, even worrisome. To suggest (several times) that during the 1950’s and 1960’s the world was generally Terrestrial—compared to today’s Telestial world—is closed-minded and speaks of a small and privileged worldview.

[Brooks Bentley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lili Andersen does a great job of expanding on the doctrine taught by prophets, apostles, and the scriptures that there are multiples kingdoms of glory, each governed by divine laws. God will reward us with the kingdom that we are preparing to enter by our choices and lives we are living. Thus we are able to choose the laws we will keep, and God will grant us the kingdom that corresponds to those laws.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lili writes on the differences between a telestial law, a terrestrial law, and a celestial law, as well as how that could look in daily living. I loved it. It helped me in examining my own mind and life, the choices I am making and my motivations behind those choices.

I want a copy of this book. I'm hoping regularly trolling second hand book shops in Utah will bring it my way.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

A group I belong to is reading this book over the summer. I appreciated her paradigm on telestial, terrestrial, and celestial patterns of living. Lots of food for thought. As with everything, use the principles and let the Spirit guide you to application.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book! I love this woman. Her words ring true to me and that is saying a lot! There is a lot of junk out there that leaves you to really flounder - but this woman does not leave you to wonder what she means. She owns it and loves the word of God and it shows in her words and life!

[Tonya Fridley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved the new insights and the idea and meaning of each glory and how we can apply that to our choices and to give us realistic goals and purposes. I think too many times I have been guilty of thinking I can skip a glory or that I could get my children to skip a glory. I really value this book.

[Debbie Ferguson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've heard Lili on other's podcasts and she is so intellectually and emotionally and spiritually intelligent! The book was not nearly as good as listening to her, or maybe it was the topic. Anyway, I recommend listening to her speak more than the book.

[Faith · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's interesting how she talks in detail about telestial, terrestrial and celestial behaviors.
I like the part where she talks about programs and activities supporting families, versus families supporting programs and activities.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

The author has written a well researched, uplifting and motivating guide to the laws and application of those laws of the differing degrees of glory. Well worth the money and time spent reading and pondering it.

[Kelsi Hansen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book! Really great ideas that caused me to think and look at life and change in a different light.

[Cassie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I agree with everything she says and find her explanations very helpful. However, after I listen to her book, podcast etc, I find myself struggling to get along with my family. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Alisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved the concept. I did feel that the book wasn't organized super well so the concept came across a little scattered but great ideas to think about.