Toilet Training-The Brazelton Way

by T. Berry Brazelton, Joshua D. Sparrow

Parents will welcome Brazelton's uniquely empathetic, wise, and helpful approach to this inevitable and often trying issue. Toilet training is a job for the child and not the parent, and by trying to force the issue or even encourage too hard, parents can set the stage for trouble. By "listening to the child," parents will know when their child is ready, and by guiding children in a series of gentle small steps, parents can help them make the accomplishment their own. A generation and more of children have been trained "the Brazelton way," and now he and Dr. Sparrow have distilled this advice into one priceless little guide. They first lay out the Touchpoints approach to the issue (a "mistake" can mean the child is making progress on some other front), then discuss the timing of this big achievement, and finally deal with how to respond if problems occur. For parents who want to get past this issue cheerfully, with the least fuss and turmoil, this is the one and only book to get.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

144 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2003

About the author

Thomas Berry Brazelton was an American pediatrician, author, and the developer of the Neonatal Behavioral Assessment Scale (NBAS).

Reviews

[Abby · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is pretty dumb. Save your time. There are no real tips on how to potty train your kid. I need a how to book, dude! Instead it talks tons about how potty training should be left to the child, when they are ready. And any time anything happens at all, anywhere, in any way related to anything, you're supposed to just "put them back in diapers". I swear this author must be paid a fee by the diaper companies! He's fine with sending your kid to 1st grade still not trained, I swear.

Many things sounded funny to me (like, "Kids are scared that their bowel movement is part of their body, and it disappears into the toilet and they think they've lost a body part", or, "kids will ask each other often 'Do you stay dry at night?' and put pressure on kids to toilet train before they are ready.) Avoid all pressure of any sort, he says! It will hurt their self esteem!!!

The part where I finally gave up on the book was page 92. "During a mother's pregnancy a child watches his mother's belly swell and is bound to feel confused. At this age, he wants to be just like her. His confusion and need to identify with his mother can often lead to attempts to withhold his stools - as if he could fill himself up - "like mommy" - by not letting anything go." Constipation is caused by wanting to look pregnant like you mom? What the crud? That's stupid.

I vote thumbs down on this little book.

And I still don't know how to potty train my kid.

[Christie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dr. Brazelton, meet Hailey. Your method was crap.

[Anlan · Rating 2 out of 5]

First, the structure and writing of the book was alright. Not too long. A bit more on the theoretical side than an exact how-to, but it contains some unique and original observations on when your child might be developmentally ready for toilet training and what might be behind regressions.

HOWEVER, the Brazelton Way advocates late potty training and waiting for the child to initiate to such an extent I find counterproductive. Dr. Linda Sonna does a nice critical treatise of Dr. Brazelton and this method in Early-Start Potty Training, including how he served as Chairman of Pampers Parenting Institute and participated in advertising for the Pampers Toddler diapers size 6 (basically age 4 and up).

[Audrey · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m disappointed in this book. I think the only truly helpful part were the pages discussing when a child is developmentally ready (can sit down and focus on something, communicate receptively etc) but no actual method on how to potty train which was weird because there is such thing as the brazelton method.

[Zvonimir · Rating 3 out of 5]

U pocetku knjiga pruža nešto informacija o prepoznavanju znakova da je dijete spremno za odvikavanje od pelena i da ga na to ne treba siliti. Ostatak knjige bavi se zdravstvenim problemima vezanim uz pelene i odvikavanje. Neloše za pročitati.

[Marcelaine · Rating 1 out of 5]

A third of the way through:

My guess is that Brazelton has not changed too many diapers and his wife did 99% of the diaper changing and potty training. Here are some quotes to give you an idea of what I mean:

"Parents become remarkably adept at the whole operation. Changing a baby, gently wiping her, watching her face respond, her whole body relax, gradually becomes an enjoyable time to play and communicate with the baby. The brief discomfort . . . becomes overshadowed by the anticipation of this chance to communicate." Oh boy, I can't wait for the baby to need a diaper changing again because it's such a fun time to communicate and play together! Not!

"Parents of an active baby have already become alerted to never leave her . . . Give your baby a toy to hold and explore with both hands, to mouth, to hold out at arm's length and examine, and to mouth again. She'll lie there long enough for you to clean her up, rub her with lotion, and diaper her!" Like I said, Brazelton probably has not changed too many diapers. By the time Kevin was five months I generally had to pin him to the floor with my leg if I wanted him to hold still long enough to get the diaper on decently. Forget rubbing on lotion and playing for a couple of minutes!

For when the baby learns to walk: "Let the baby stand on the floor while you diaper her . . . For messy diapers, you'll want to change her on the bathroom floor--or in the empty bathtub--as she pulls herself up and down and all along the bathtub. At least you can wash up more easily afterward. But don't let her bump her head on the faucets." I'd like to know how his wife felt about him letting a poopy baby run all over the bathroom and pull herself along the bathtub--I doubt she would agree that it's easy to wash up.

I'm sorry, but I'm finding it kind of hard to believe a person who thinks that diapering is a glorious time to bond with your baby. I would much rather get the diaper change over with and then go do some real playing together. He hasn't done a great job of establishing his credibility as a potty training expert so far.

Update at page 88:
I think he's being way too concerned about children's sensitivity. For every pitfall he's assuming that the child will think it's the end of the world and they'd better just go back to diapers for a while. For my part, I think there's something to be said for expecting a little more out of a child so that he will challenge himself to move forward, rather than giving up. And I think he's wrong about children being so concerned about having to give up their poop by flushing it down the toilet. Some children might be afraid of the sound, or curious about where it all goes, but I have never heard of a child who was sad to give up their poop.

Having finished the book, what I want to know is how Brazelton's wife feels about his toilet training theories.

[Brent · Rating 2 out of 5]

The stuff about actual toilet training was great, and I'm a believer in letting your kid tell you he or she's ready to leave the diapers behind. What's the point of pressuring your kid into toilet training if he feels he can't control himself? You're asking for trouble.

One part that I think could have been stronger was recognizing when your kid needs to use the pot. The pee-pee dance might be one signal, but not all kids are going to do that before opening the floodgates. There have to be more obvious signs. Like a kid who suddenly stops doing what they're doing and gets really quiet. You know something is about to go down. Literally.

The not-so-great stuff dealt with infant stools and diaper choices and a bunch of other things that left me scratching my head. How is the consistency of an infant's poop or whether you use cloth or disposable diapers relevant to toilet training? Why is diarrhea relevant to whether a kid can use the toilet? Diaper rashes? This book had so much fluff in it. That's why it gets two stars.

[John · Rating 2 out of 5]

There's generally two types of toilet-training methods that I have seen:
(1) Let the child toilet train at his/her own pace
(2) Follow a system in which you toilet-train your child in a small number of days.

The Brazelton book recomends method number (1) in which you let the child train at his/her own pace. He gives the medical arguments for letting the child go at his/her own pace, and he gives a rough outline of the steps to take with your child through toilet training.

Unfortunately, this book is lacking in practical advice. His outline of the steps to take as a parent lacks detail and concrete examples. In particular, Brazelton gives no help at all for the step in which the child transitions from diapers to underwear. This is, of course, a very big step and needs a lot more description. Because of this, the book is not terribly helpful.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A concise description of child-led potty learning as Berry Brazelton sees it. Brazelton's Touchpoints details his philosophy and theories about parenting, and this book applies it to teaching your toddler to give up the diapers!
If you're looking for a step-by-step guide to actually getting your child to use the toilet on your timetable, this isn't it. If you're looking for a guide to learn when your child is ready and what the next move might be, this might prove quite useful. It sure gave us the hint that it's not quite time!

[Elesa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like the idea. That if you let kids do it when they are ready without interfering and pressuring them, they will do it on their own and can feel pride in their accomplishment. But I felt like he took the "Let kids do what they feel is right for them" thing too far. At some point should we not be parents, and not just the providers who sit back and watch their kids do whatever they feel like? Course this is all based on only skimming the book. It was too annoying to finish reading.

[Kimberly · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is roughly 106 pages long. Ten of those pages are relevant to how and when to potty train your child. The rest cover very helpful (ahem) topics for parents of a toddler/preschooler - things like choosing between cloth and disposable diapers, meconium and the developmental stages of a five month old. If you're looking for any meaningful guidance on the topic of toilet training, despite its title, this book isn't it.

[Kristi Anderson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Save your time - don't read this book. He talks more about recognizing when a child is ready to toilet train than how to actually toilet train a child. Also spends a whole lot of time discussing problems associated with toilet training. Wasn't worth the time to read and I skimmed through most of it because I wasn't getting any great information.

[Carolyn · Rating 1 out of 5]

In my opinion, this book offers perhaps the worst potty-training advice out there . . . such as put them in a diaper every time they have an accident because that means they aren't ready. Hmmm, Kallie may have been trained by 16 if I did that.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked the steps and milestones that he set to help you know when your child is ready for potty training. However, I didn't like some of his methods (like the constantly going back to diapers) and a few of his ideas.

[Magda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me a lot in training my son to use the potty, most of all by clearing my guilt about all the "mistakes" I was being accused of by older women in my family. It mainly pointed to the necessity of watching closely for telling signs in the child's behaviour.

[Alyssa Brigandi · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was ok. His view is to let the child lead you in the toilet training process. Which I agree, but I was looking for more ways to keep it consistent.

[Connie Gunderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Berry Brazelton is really a lovely brilliant person.

[Kristin Fletcher-spear · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found one page useful. I thought I'd like the philosophy, but man give me some better steps on how to di it!

[✿ ♥ Heather ♥ ✿ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was really good and informative. Chloe's not ready at the stage I was reading it (16 months), but I just wanted to know what to expect ahead of time.

[Holly · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book has 15 pages of usefulness surrounded by lots of redundant and extraneous filler.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best potty training guide...ever.