For Fidelity: How Intimacy and Commitment Enrich Our Lives

by Catherine M. Wallace

"[Wallace] makes an eloquent case for sexual fidelity” ( The New Yorker ) in this book that presents marriage as an art and a spiritual exercise.

Drawing inspiration from both contemporary psychology and ancient spiritual traditions, Catherine Wallace shares her vision of marriage in which the rewards are properly nurtured, our sexual needs and vulnerabilities turn out not to be liabilities but powerful, generative gifts.

At a time when emotional commitments are increasingly fragile and short-lived, Wallace makes a direct and eloquent plea on behalf of sexual fidelity—its blessings, its demands, its moral and emotional necessity.

Genres: Nonfiction

192 pages, Paperback

First published February 10, 1998

Reviews

[Sarah Raymer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was utterly fascinating. I've never read anything like it. I highlighted numerous paragraphs and read aloud portions to my husband. If you want to have an interesting and thought-provoking conversation with a flawed but talented author, then pick up this book.

[Lacey Louwagie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a little misleading; I expected it to be a reasoned argument for fidelity citing research, perhaps blending in personal experience and theory for flavor. Instead, it's part theological argument, part manual about talking to your kids about sex.

I think the thing that bugged me most about the book is the way that it misrepresents itself within its own pages. Catherine begins by saying she is not going to argue for fidelity from a religious standpoint, but instead that she means to show that fidelity is intrinsically valuable. Yet, the last few chapters are bogged down with her reflections on stories from the Bible that only seem tangentially related to sexual fidelity.

The book still has a few things going for it, though. One is that, despite its being a book about sexual fidelity, it does not come across as preachy or judgmental -- no easy feat in books of its type. Catherine Wallace has some really beautiful interpretations of marriage and some poignant insights into the vulnerability we encounter when we give ourselves wholly over to another. She acknowledges that there are cracks in even the best marriages and that no marriage is designed to be an "end all" to its participants (I especially like her assertion that marriage should merely be the "deepest" of all your friendships, but that it's unhealthy for it to be the only one.) I also appreciate that she acknowledges the fact that not all relationships are heterosexual, and that her argument doesn't become less relevant when applied to same-sex couples.

I find myself wondering whether this book is meant to argue that all folks should practice monogamy/sexual fidelity, or whether it's meant to reinforce those who have already decided upon that path. I found it validating as someone who belongs to the second group -- but I'm still not convinced it's the only or even the best way to live. Still, since this book wasn't very long, it was easy to remain forgiving of its shortcomings while enjoying its gifts.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Readable, erudite, and compelling. Wallace's account of human sexuality draws from scripture as well as the wealth of her wide literary reading.