How to Have Your Second Child First: 100 Things That Are Good to Know... the First Time Around

by Kerry Colburn, Rob Sorensen

How to Have Second Child First As any parent of more than one child will tell you, things are much easier the second time around. In this warm and reassuring book, scores of real-life second-time parents offer first-timers their stories and lessons learned. One hundred accessible entries guide new parents through pregnancy and the first year of life, covering everything from birth plans and breast-feeding to finding a parental comfort zone.With a dose of patience and a sprinkling of humor, How to Have Your Second Child First helps first-timers navigate parenthood with the savvy and calm of moms and dads who have been there before—twice.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family

176 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

How would I sum up the message of this book? Don't worry; your kids won't break. Lighten up. Let them put dirty things in their mouths, let their diapers fill with poo all night, and who cares if they watch a little tv. The authors of this book go through and list 100 things that are good to know with your first child that you usually know by your second child. I think I'm only convinced that I should lighten up but not that I should let my child wallow in its own poo all night. That's just disgusting. I'd not want to wallow in my own poo all night. Most of the good advice is stuff I wouldn't have really had an issue with in the first place.

Good Advice From the Book

1. You Don't Need to Buy All That Stuff: Frankly, I don't have room for all that stuff nor see a need for it, so I wasn't planning to buy lots of stuff anyway.

10. Take Advantage of How Much a Newborn Sleeps: Sleep when it sleeps. Yeah. I've heard that a million times already. Thanks.

54. You Don't Have to Subject Yourself to Kids' Music: I wasn't planning to anyway because it's absolutely whiny, repetitive, and annoying.

Useless Advice From the Book

5. You Can Tell Your Family to Stay Away for a While: My family lives 1000 miles away. You'd better BET I'm not going to tell them to leave me alone after they've traveled 1000 miles to get here. And I'm sure I'll love to have their help. Edit Although I did send them packing early because they needed me to play hostess when I had a new baby. WTF? I thought they came to help!

19. You Don't Have to Change Your Newborn's Diaper at Night: As I've said before, ew! No wonder your baby has awful diaper rashes.

63. Parenthood Can Be Unbelievably Boring: It can't be any more boring than non-parenthood.

Yeah, so you can see that the good advice and the useless advice just sort of balance themselves out to mainly useless advice. Maybe I'm just too laid back and previously knowledgeable for this book to be of much use to me. It sort of reminds me of those magazine lists that are written to make you feel smart for already knowing everything they have to say. *shrugs*

Note: While I critique both purchased and free books in the same way, I'm legally obligated to tell you I received this book free through the Amazon Vine program in return for my review. Blah blah blah.

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not a parent yet, so I can't speak to how helpful this book is for parenting, but I can say that it has put my mind to ease a lot. It explains what steps really matter in parenting, what can be skipped, and that it's a different process for each family and it's okay to just do what works for you and your family. I'm not as stressed having read this book. I should say that while a lot of the things mentioned in the book might be common sense for people who have already parented, there's a lot here I never thought of and wouldn't have without reading this book. Maybe it will come naturally to me, but it's nice to see some of the tips laid out up front before our baby arrives. Why reinvent the wheel?
Update: I'm a parent now. I still like this book.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Become a Master of Treating Yourself - Quickly: 15 minute treats: nap,face mask, drink on the deck, tv, root beer float, cookies, phone calls, magazines and fuzzy blankets, books that have nothing to do with child rearing, yoga, journal, blog, paint toenails, garden, sketch, cook, music, coffee+treat, stroll carrying nothing, reciprocal shoulder rubs, cocktails, board games, snuggling, reading, sex!

79. Don't Get Ahead of Yourself: ...that new baby will disappear before your eyes. enjoy the slow moments before she starts running.

80. Learn how to bring the party to you: Establish a recurring happy hour at your place to keep your social life active: just put out some self serve mixed nuts, cheese, and wine, and ask pals to stop by on their way home from work or en route to dinner.

81. Trust your instincts: ...child is NOT the child in the books..... he's the one who's going to tell me best what he likes and needs, not a book.

86. You will feel like there's never enough of you to go around: rest assured that if you have a house in which kindness and love are prevalent, your child will be more than fine. Put a mental health day on the calendar once a month

87. Your own childhood will come into play as a parent:

91. Discipline is not a four letter word: (crying in a new room, for example) Its vital to remember that with each new experience, discomfort can be part of the process. It's true for babies, for children, and for adults- but through this discomfort and this learning experience, we grow... the ultimate goal is to teach your child a new life skill.

[Esther Cechinel pedro · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book basically tells you: "go on living your life and bring the baby along" instead of "ohh Hail mighty baby!" Lifestyle. It gives simple tips that makes handling newborns/babies in a much easier way and without being so stressed out.

Great tips I will carry on with me:
1- "you can turn of the baby monitor" (Sometimes)
My sons room is right next to mine, why bother, waking up with every snore he gives?? If he cries I will hear him even without the monitor.
2- "sense of humor can really help."
True! So many parents out there take everything so serious, and making it so hard on themselves. Let it go! Seriously don't be so serious and learn to give a big laugh when everything is just going berserk! And this really helps to break the ice when both partners can't stand each other anymore.
3- "babies don't need their bottles or food heated"
Ahahaa!!! While helping my sister raise my nephew, this was a big dilemma! She would insist his bottle of milk was perfectly warm every time, until then we would have to hear the siren of his cry every time! ( a bit traumatizing I would say)

And many more fun and useful tips.

And no, they do not suggest letting the baby sleep on their own feces all night. They suggest only picking up the baby and changing the diaper if he pooped. Other wise why wake up the baby fully when he has only peed? Diapers these days are great and baby may feel dry even after hours of having a wet diaper. Then again every child is different, so this might not be a good idea for those who use reusable cloth diapers.

[Anthony Clair · Rating 4 out of 5]

The difference between a first-time parent and one who's had at least another child, is the difference between obsessing over sterilizing pacifiers and knowing you can wipe the thing off and give it back to the kid.

I heard about this book through a radio interview with the authors, and have had so much of my soon-to-be-a-parent mind set at ease by its practical, for-heavens-sake-relax advice.

Written by parents of two and with input from other parents of at least two children, this book is a great reminder for first-time and soon-to-be parents that there are a lot of things you really don't need to worry about. You can relax more than you realize. Your kids will still turn out fine, you'll be a happier person, and your family can still be awesome.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book, sometimes observing culture and other first time parents is scary because of how crazy everyone is! I haven't really started worrying yet, and it would be quite a departure from the norm, but I hear it is bound to happen. This book has good, practical, low pressure advice to calm down and feel good about it.

What I really liked is the organization of the book- each topic is stand-alone and about 2 pages long. Perfect for picking up and dropping as often as you want. I intend to revisit this book by opening at random and reading a passage or two.

Such an easy read and lots of user advice!

[Alissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is another book I'm adding to my list to give as a gift to first time parents. I wish I'd read this 3 months ago. Full of excellent, practical advice and thoughts on parenthood. I also liked that it didn't espouse one philosophy except practicality. This made me feel better about the 10 weeks of my parenting journey. Definitely a must-read for new parents.

Also like that it's written in list format so it's easy to skim and read what is calling to you but also to pick up and put down. (a great feature when you have a newborn!)

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book didn't give me any cliche parenting advice, but it did provide food for thought and insight into issues that will likely crop up. I started reading it before Evan was born and just finished now. Even though it took me a while to finish, it really should be a quick read -- it is really easy reading and provided in digestible chunks. Lots of good things to think about after reading this!

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. As a first time parent, it helps you a lot! I just wished I would have read it before my daughter was born. It's really nice to read about other people's experiences and know you are not alone. I think I will have to give this as a shower gift to any new mom. Definitely a must have!

[Jennifer Parnell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book! It had a lot of helpful advice from parents. It also didn't try to force any opinions on you. Would definitely recommend! I did rent it from the library and am glad I did. I was definitely helpful, but not something I need on my shelf for future reference.

[Leigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great read for a first time parent. I feel a little more relaxed now and at least have some ideas up my sleeve! Like any book of tips, not all 100 will work for you. I figure you read a book like this and take what works for you and leave the rest.

[Meagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this infinitely helpful! It made me realize that it is okay to be relaxed about things regarding your first baby and that they will be fine. My kid will eat dirt, and will survive.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

(Non-Fiction Newborn Care) This book offers practical and hilarious anecdotes and advice for first-time parents. This book may be my future gift for first-time parents.

[Sherrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good practical advice on how to be a bit more relaxed the first time around.. I'm sure I will refer back to it as I start the parenting journey and I enjoyed a few good laughs throughout!

[Susiane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book. It definitely put little things in perspective. Its humorous but also comforting to know that other first time parents, go through the same things we have.

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are lots of good--and funny--ideas in this book to help parents (even second-time parents) to relax, have fun and not worry about the ultimately unimportant aspects of raising children.

[Joanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this. Really made me feel confident and secure in making more laid back choices with our first child - he is a happy little man, and his father and I are much happier too.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full of common-sense advice, this book basically boils down to "chill out". If you need permission to not sanitize everything your baby touches or to take a shower...this is the book for you. As someone who has read mommy blogs for years, very little of this was new. As someone who does not have children yet, it was also sometimes hard to see why these things are issues. (Tip: let the dishes wait! Well, yea, duh, I do that even without kids?) I suspect many of these things sound simple on paper and are considerably harder once you are dealing with your own flesh and blood, very much present child.

My only real quibble with the book was how much it focused on how you should "soak up" all this one on one time are going to get with your baby because if you decide to have a second child, you won't get those same uninterrupted stretches. As someone pregnant with twins I kept reading that and thinking "Uhhhhh...." For those having children one at a time, and who plan to have multiple children, this would probably be a non-issue.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall this is an entertaining read with some useful tips. I wouldn't say that all 100 are revolutionary or even applicable to every parent, but they serve as sound bites to read and digest at your own pace. Towards the end (90-100) if did feel as if the authors were grasping at straws a bit to round out the full 100 tips...perhaps they should have stopped at 73 or whenever it seemed natural rather than push to 100 and have some of them be silly and/or meaningless. I did enjoy how the anecdotes and tips were numbered, as I never had time to read a huge chunk at a time, so I could easily read a few and put the book down for later. It's a cute book and would be fun to give as a shower gift to first time parents. MUCH more light-hearted than many other parenting/baby books I've picked up since the birth of my baby! The authors aren't medical professionals or educators or anything like that - just 'normal' parents who are passing on what worked for them.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won this in a giveaway and was looking forward to reading it, since I have one child currently. I realized that a lot of it didn't apply to me, such as advice about taking turns with the baby so you and your spouse can have time to yourselves...I don't think I would still be sane if we didn't start doing that within the first week. Apparently the author knows one couple that would BOTH be doing the bedtime routine with their one year old. I can't get my head around that. A lot of it is aimed at people who are about to go to the hospital to have the baby or are coming home with one, so that didn't apply either. I appreciated some of it, such as not feeling too bad about not losing all the baby weight, but I didn't feel like I learned that much from the book. Maybe if I had read it a year ago.

[Weesti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Especially good for anyone expecting their first child as it gives closer insight as to the changes children make in life and get you thinking about what your opinion is on areas not considered before due to inexperience. Plus, it has some pretty funny stuff in it. I really like how it points out it's okay to do things your own way and that you'll eventually find out through trial and error what that way is. Lots of helpful info on the changes in your relationship with your spouse and how to avoid pitfalls, again because of inexperience. Encourages the use of humor and not to expect perfection of yourself and others.

[Meghan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book a lot. On a personal level - I am parenting my second child first, so it spoke to me. I have a lot of anxiety about doing things "right" and this book was full of suggestions on how to relax a little. It inspired me to take my easy baby with me to get a pedicure...Mommy/baby bonding time and I had nice nails for the first time in months. It reinforced decisions I had made (like to only do a bath 1x/2x a week, and to dress my newborn in pjs) and gave some new ideas. I'm glad I read this after my baby arrived...I could reflect on my behavior as a parent vs seeing it as theoretical.

[NTE · Rating 3 out of 5]

The major draw of this book is that the authors don't take themselves too seriously, which is hard to find in parenting books. (Some of them are sooo stuffy.) This one had jokes and a sense of humor, and didn't take itself too seriously, which was nice. Of course a lot of the advice is common sense, but it almost always is. It's a quick read, though, and something I might give the more nervous of my first time mom friends.

[Cimorene · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easy, entertaining read. Other reviewers are right on when they highlight the authors' lighthearted, reassuring tone; this attitude is at least as helpful as the tips the book provides. This was a fun book to read in the first trimester of my pregnancy, as it helped me to think about what life would and could be like with an infant. It's helpful to think of choices I could make early on that might steer our lives during an overwhelming stage of life.

[Shana · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is chock-full of useful tips for first time parents. The most genius thing I learned ahead of time? Stock the freezer with homemade foods now, and eat well after the baby comes. I totally recommend this as a gift to any 1st time parents out there. It's full of brevity and not-so-common sense when you've never done it before.

[Samantha Garcia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this book when my first daughter was 4 weeks old - It would have been a more useful read towards the end of my pregnancy. Lots of helpful advice and great for an anxious new parent (like me) though not all of the advice was life-changing (hence the 3 star review). Overall a nice read and I will probably pass it on to friends who are first-time parents but before their baby arrives!

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book!! Fast and easy read (unlike What to Expect When You're Expecting-so long!). Eased a lot of my fears about parenting a newborn. Answers a lot of questions and clears up popular myths. Great advice and very specific!! I like how the list of 100 things is short and quick to go through.

[Shelli · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a fun, easy read. A bit cliche on some of the topics regarding child-rearing, but for the most part it was down to earth and straight forward with a "tell it how it is" approach that I appreciated.

[Pamela · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some good advice, but these parents are more casual with their second children than I am. The refrain "parents with two children..." got a little repetitive. People who are reading the book should understand this is what you are conveying. Overall, it was entertaining though.

[Jonathan Hiskes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not exactly qualified to review this one, but ... it's a jumble of advice, both concrete and abstract, and most new parents would probably find a few useful items. Could have used better organization and editing. The tone is both relaxed and attentive, a nice note.