How to Change Someone You Love: Four Steps to Help You Help Them

by Brad Lamm

A powerful, ground-breaking book that shows you, in concrete steps, how to stop a loved one from engaging in self destructive behavior. Stop your husband from drinking himself to death. Don't let your brother lose it all to gambling. Get your kid off drugs. Motivate your best friend to lose weight. Make your spendthrift brother-in-law stop maxing out his credit cards. Get your sister out of an abusive relationship. Erase anger in your co-worker. If you're tired of watching your spouse, child, relative, or best friend go downhill, dragging you with them, How to Change Someone You Love will help you turn their lives around. You don't have to endure behavior that is unhealthy, abusive, possibly deadly, and that threatens to unravel relationships. You can change it. Many books will tell you that you can't change anyone. They advise you not to even try. The problem is, they ignore the tremendous power you actually have to change people. If most books about change are written for the addict or troubled person, How to Change Someone You Love reaches out to the loved ones who know that change is critical and urgent. How to Change Someone You Love is not just a self-help book; this is a help-you-act book. "Brad Lamm’s step-by-step approach empowers families and friends to change their loved ones through compassionate, caring and continuing support."-- Dr. Mehmet Oz

Genres: Health, Psychology

276 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2009

Reviews

[Rae Simpson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Minuteman. Rec by Chris Mc. Written by Brad Lamm, whom used(?) Does interventions, book based on this process, applied to substance abuse, hording, OCD, etc., not mental health conditions, psychosis. Describes doing intervention, preparing, followup.

[Xavier Guillaume · Rating 2 out of 5]

Okay, so I gave this book two stars even though I really liked a lot of what was in it. The reason being is that Brad Lamm is not a good writer despite the fact that he has a good message.

I do recommend looking through the book if you have a loved one who you want to change, although there are a number of important facts if you want to make this work.

First, in order to do what Brad Lamm says, you have to believe that the person you love is going to change. If you don't believe they're going to change this book doesn't work. Secondly, you have to be with this person on a weekly basis, setting a good example, helping them out constantly, etc.

I read this book to help my boyfriend because his sister is very mean, and says hurtful things to people when she doesn't get her way. She has made the family cry many times from the hurtful things she has said to them. However, my boyfriend and I tried to do what this book said and it didn't work. The rest of the family doesn't believe his sister can change. My boyfriend is even starting to think she won't change. They can't even have the meeting, because they keep setting it up, and his sister can't make it because of this excuse or that excuse. She says she is busy, but later my boyfriend learned that she wasn't busy and ended up doing something else. He even suggested that they have the meeting at her house, but his sister has simply refused to answer him about such a thing, and she won't even talk about it. So quite frankly this book hasn't worked, and it has only disappointed my boyfriend because he became so utterly frustrated that nobody else in the family wants to help change her, and he can't do it on his own any more.

Anyway, that being said, like I said, this book works really well if people are going to be loving and supportive to the loved one, but if no one is willing to do it, then this book is moot.

But if you are willing to give your loved one support and be there for them everyday if you have to, until they get through it, then it can work yes. He's shown that through a lot of evidence. He's helped people get over drug, alcohol, gambling, and Internet addictions. So it's very possible this book will work.

The main negative I have about this book, and if it didn't have this I might even give it a four star rating. Is that the author is incredibly wordy. Needlessly wordy. He sometimes writes half-page paragraphs that could easily be reduced to 3 or 4 lines. It's too bad too because there is a lot of poignant stuff in here; however, you have to sort through a lot of fluff to get to it. The main problem is that the author really likes ending sentences with a long string of phrases linked with a coordinating conjunction. For example, he'll say something like, If your loved one doesn't get the help they need they'll just go deeper into their addiction, whether it's cocaine, gambling, alcohol, overeating, Internet dependency, sexual addiction, shopping addiction and he'll just go on for half a page sometimes. It makes me scream and go why?!?! Why couldn't he have just ended the sentence at they'll just go deeper into their addiction. Why does he have to list 20 different addictions to get his point across? And he does this several times throughout the book.

The above reason is why I don't really recommend reading the entire book word for word. I would rather recommend skimming a lot of it, especially when he goes on and on needlessly. Also, there are large sections about drugs and AA meetings. This might be interesting for some, but if your loved one doesn't have problems with drugs or alcohol, it might be better to just skip it.

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

If they'd called it "How to plan and stage an intervention, with case studies and lots of narrator," I'd have given it a higher rating. I'd have given it even a higher rating if it admitted the possibility of defeat. On the plus side, it does give a compelling argument for the fact that intervention can really make a critical difference.

[Mohd Nordin Che Omar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good ilustrations on the step by step to chnage someone you love who is having problem.