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Becoming a Family: Promoting Healthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child
It is a story that moves us to tears. An American couple travels across the world to rescue a child from the hopelessness of a foreign orphanage, bringing their new son or daughter to a life of love and family. But does this transition always go smoothly?
Adoptive parents hope their child will easily fit into the family and quickly become emotionally connected to the parents or siblings. But child psychologists and adoption experts say this connection is the most difficult aspect of international adoption.
In countries where international adoptions are common-China, Russia, or Romania-orphanages commonly represent the available children to their new parents as healthy kids who just need a little love. In many cases, this is a gross misrepresentation. Children who spend time in institutionalized care may have experienced trauma, and therefore may not attach easily to their new family. Parents anxious to bring these children into their homes and their hearts struggle seriously with this issue. Although these children will eventually adapt in a healthy fashion, the road to emotional health and harmony can be a rocky one.
Becoming a Family tackles this intricate issue head on. It provides parents with effective strategies for ensuring that their adopted child adjusts as quickly and seamlessly as possible. Practical and accessible, this book will help parents identify severe problems before the adoption, significantly reduce the risk of future difficulty, improve the damage already done to the child's otherwise normal, healthy development, and dramatically help enfold the child into a family ready to give love, security, and a new life.
Adoptive parents hope their child will easily fit into the family and quickly become emotionally connected to the parents or siblings. But child psychologists and adoption experts say this connection is the most difficult aspect of international adoption.
In countries where international adoptions are common-China, Russia, or Romania-orphanages commonly represent the available children to their new parents as healthy kids who just need a little love. In many cases, this is a gross misrepresentation. Children who spend time in institutionalized care may have experienced trauma, and therefore may not attach easily to their new family. Parents anxious to bring these children into their homes and their hearts struggle seriously with this issue. Although these children will eventually adapt in a healthy fashion, the road to emotional health and harmony can be a rocky one.
Becoming a Family tackles this intricate issue head on. It provides parents with effective strategies for ensuring that their adopted child adjusts as quickly and seamlessly as possible. Practical and accessible, this book will help parents identify severe problems before the adoption, significantly reduce the risk of future difficulty, improve the damage already done to the child's otherwise normal, healthy development, and dramatically help enfold the child into a family ready to give love, security, and a new life.
208 pages, Paperback
First published December 1, 2003
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
July 10, 2010
As an adoptive parent in waiting, I am always keen to keep up my knowledge on parenting issues (and to remind myself that one day, it will happen!).
An adoptive parent living overseas lent me this book recently when we met up for a coffee.
While I was familiar with a lot of the information contained in this book, through my other reading and courses, there were a few chapters that were particularly interesting.
The issue of attachment with a child of school age was covered very comprehensively. It dealt with appropriate responses by teachers, behavioural plans and classroom learning. I liked the idea of funnelling feedback via parents eg. "Mum will be so proud when she sees your painting" or "How would Dad help you deal with this situation?" These responses still leave the parent as the person in charge or responsible as caregiver for the child.
While every parent hopes that they will never need to use it, the book also had a detailed section on therapies available. From selecting a therapist to the types of treatments, it dealt with the positives and negatives of these processes.
Finally I was impressed with the suggestion that adoptive parents practice the 3 R's C's and P's:
Rules, Routines and Rituals
Patience, Persistence and Play
Contact, Conversation and Cuddling
An adoptive parent living overseas lent me this book recently when we met up for a coffee.
While I was familiar with a lot of the information contained in this book, through my other reading and courses, there were a few chapters that were particularly interesting.
The issue of attachment with a child of school age was covered very comprehensively. It dealt with appropriate responses by teachers, behavioural plans and classroom learning. I liked the idea of funnelling feedback via parents eg. "Mum will be so proud when she sees your painting" or "How would Dad help you deal with this situation?" These responses still leave the parent as the person in charge or responsible as caregiver for the child.
While every parent hopes that they will never need to use it, the book also had a detailed section on therapies available. From selecting a therapist to the types of treatments, it dealt with the positives and negatives of these processes.
Finally I was impressed with the suggestion that adoptive parents practice the 3 R's C's and P's:
Rules, Routines and Rituals
Patience, Persistence and Play
Contact, Conversation and Cuddling
August 15, 2013
Becoming a Family was not exactly what I expected. The subtitle is Promoting Healthy Attachments with Your Adopted Child. I was expecting a book that talks about ways parents build attachment with their adopted child immediately after adoption and over the following years. Instead, the book mostly covered potential issues you should be aware of when deciding to adopt a child and how to get professional treatment if you discover that your child has attachment issues.
I really like this summary of ways to develop attachment:
Rules, Routines, and Rituals
Patience, Persistence, and Play
Contact, Conversation, and Cuddling
Before returning the book to the library, I plan to reread the one chapter about parenting to enhance attachment. If you are already familiar with the potential attachment issues, there are probably better books that address how to promote healthy attachments with your adopted child.
I really like this summary of ways to develop attachment:
Rules, Routines, and Rituals
Patience, Persistence, and Play
Contact, Conversation, and Cuddling
Before returning the book to the library, I plan to reread the one chapter about parenting to enhance attachment. If you are already familiar with the potential attachment issues, there are probably better books that address how to promote healthy attachments with your adopted child.
April 26, 2010
I probably would have loved this book had I read it either before I adopted or shortly after bringing home our daughter. It's really geared towards pre-adoptive parents who are adopting infants.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews