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Effective Marriage Counseling: The His Needs, Her Needs Guide to Helping Couples
Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. has spent the past thirty-some years developing and fine-tuning a comprehensive marriage counseling program that has helped more than a million couples--through both his private counseling and his books. In this new resource, Dr. Harley walks pastors and counselors through that program, equipping them for the kind of marital coaching he's been doing for decades.Beginning with an introduction to core concepts such as the Love Bank, and progressing through specific counseling steps, Effective Marriage Counseling offers readers a comprehensive overview of the tools and techniques that have brought Dr. Harley counseling success--and prepares readers to achieve the same kind of success in their own counseling practice. Pastors and counselors will welcome this incredible collection of proven techniques.
- GenresMarriageCounselling
192 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 2010
About the author
Willard F. Harley Jr.
24 books114 followersWillard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. is best known as author of the internationally best selling book, His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-proof Marriage. Over three million copies have been purchased, and it is available in twenty-two foreign translations.
Dr. Harley earned a Ph.D. degree in psychology from the University of California at Santa Barbara in 1967 and has been a Licensed Psychologist in Minnesota since 1975. For the first ten years after earning his degree, he taught psychology at both the graduate and undergraduate levels. During those years, he was also a frustrated part-time marriage counselor with little success in helping couples.
In 1973 he discovered that he was not alone in his failure to save marriages -- almost everyone in the marital therapy profession were also failing. So he spent the next two years designing an entirely new approach (see How Dr. Harley Learned to Save Marriages). When his success rate skyrocketed in 1977, he resigned from his teaching position to counsel full-time. Over the next ten years his solo practice developed into the largest network of mental health clinics in Minnesota (thirty-two locations) with over one hundred psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and chemical dependency counselors working with him to provide a full range of mental health services. He became the exclusive provider of mental health and chemical dependency services in ten counties, and had offices in other counties as well.
One of his responsibilities was to write support materials for the clinical program he directed. He created over one hundred questionnaires and wrote numerous articles that were given to clients as part of their therapy. Among the materials he wrote was His Needs, Her Needs, which was first published in 1986. Although it was written to be a support text for his marriage counseling program, within three years it had become a national best-seller and a basic reference for marriage counselors throughout the nation.
By 1988 he found himself spending almost all of his time administering his clinics, and very little time doing what he enjoyed most -- improving his marital therapy program. So he began turning his clinics over to the counselors who worked with him, and the ownership of his last clinic was transferred in 1993. Since then, he has written 16 more books and hundreds of articles.
Dr. Harley and his wife, Joyce, are actively involved in the Marriage Builders® Online Program, which introduces couples to his highly successful plan for marital recovery. An online seminar offered by Dr. Harley kicks off a one-year home study program that includes personal accountability. He supervises the progress of those who enroll, and answers their questions on a special Marriage Builders Weekend section of the Forum.
Dr. and Mrs. Harley have been married for 47 years and live in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. They have two adult children, who are now working with them as marriage coaches, and four grandchildren.
Dr. Harley earned a Ph.D. degree in psychology from the University of California at Santa Barbara in 1967 and has been a Licensed Psychologist in Minnesota since 1975. For the first ten years after earning his degree, he taught psychology at both the graduate and undergraduate levels. During those years, he was also a frustrated part-time marriage counselor with little success in helping couples.
In 1973 he discovered that he was not alone in his failure to save marriages -- almost everyone in the marital therapy profession were also failing. So he spent the next two years designing an entirely new approach (see How Dr. Harley Learned to Save Marriages). When his success rate skyrocketed in 1977, he resigned from his teaching position to counsel full-time. Over the next ten years his solo practice developed into the largest network of mental health clinics in Minnesota (thirty-two locations) with over one hundred psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and chemical dependency counselors working with him to provide a full range of mental health services. He became the exclusive provider of mental health and chemical dependency services in ten counties, and had offices in other counties as well.
One of his responsibilities was to write support materials for the clinical program he directed. He created over one hundred questionnaires and wrote numerous articles that were given to clients as part of their therapy. Among the materials he wrote was His Needs, Her Needs, which was first published in 1986. Although it was written to be a support text for his marriage counseling program, within three years it had become a national best-seller and a basic reference for marriage counselors throughout the nation.
By 1988 he found himself spending almost all of his time administering his clinics, and very little time doing what he enjoyed most -- improving his marital therapy program. So he began turning his clinics over to the counselors who worked with him, and the ownership of his last clinic was transferred in 1993. Since then, he has written 16 more books and hundreds of articles.
Dr. Harley and his wife, Joyce, are actively involved in the Marriage Builders® Online Program, which introduces couples to his highly successful plan for marital recovery. An online seminar offered by Dr. Harley kicks off a one-year home study program that includes personal accountability. He supervises the progress of those who enroll, and answers their questions on a special Marriage Builders Weekend section of the Forum.
Dr. and Mrs. Harley have been married for 47 years and live in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. They have two adult children, who are now working with them as marriage coaches, and four grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
August 11, 2018
There are reasons to be skeptical of this 25-year-old book, or at least bypass it en route to more modern tomes on marriage which might acknowledge changes in male-female dynamics in this generation.
But Harley's insights are relevant and significant to couples hoping to hone their marriages or recover from significant breaks of trust and (per the subtitle) fidelity.
Harley identifies ten specific needs that men or women bring into a marriage. They aren't surprising or re-labeled/re-hashed as more modern marriage books are wont to do. From physical beauty to financial security to sex, they are basic to any marriage, in varying degrees depending on the partner.
Married couples can read these ten chapters and look at how significant they are to the other partner. This helps to clear up misconceptions and give partners specific areas in which to re-engage with one another. Harley has an idea of the five "needs" that women have, along with the five needs of men, but he is open to relationships that don't fit along traditional lines, too.
This is a good resource for re-connecting with a spouse and learning specific tools one can use to restore a stretched (or broken) marriage.
But Harley's insights are relevant and significant to couples hoping to hone their marriages or recover from significant breaks of trust and (per the subtitle) fidelity.
Harley identifies ten specific needs that men or women bring into a marriage. They aren't surprising or re-labeled/re-hashed as more modern marriage books are wont to do. From physical beauty to financial security to sex, they are basic to any marriage, in varying degrees depending on the partner.
Married couples can read these ten chapters and look at how significant they are to the other partner. This helps to clear up misconceptions and give partners specific areas in which to re-engage with one another. Harley has an idea of the five "needs" that women have, along with the five needs of men, but he is open to relationships that don't fit along traditional lines, too.
This is a good resource for re-connecting with a spouse and learning specific tools one can use to restore a stretched (or broken) marriage.
September 16, 2019
This is a 'must read' for every couple/ couple's counselor! Dr. Harvey gives an easy, practical guide on how to have a healthy and lasting marriage. Not only does it provide simple readable information (no overwhelming medical terms), but it also gives practical advise and methods that proves to be effective. It changed my view on marriage and its dynamic completely! I definitely recommend this book!
September 7, 2022
I need to read His Needs, Her Needs.
October 25, 2025
I enjoyed the earlier chapters. It feel short at the end for me. I used a portion for "I see her" workbook.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews