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Spiders: Learning to Love Them
When hordes of giant spiders invaded Lynne Kelly's dreams, she decided it was time to overcome her arachnophobia by getting to know the creature intimately. This extensive introduction answers every basic question about spiders, including articles on web-building, the most venomous and dangerous species, and, of course, arachnid romance. An illustrated guide to identifying webs, a list of useful spider-watching equipment, observations sheets, and dozens of photographs of common species are also provided. Along the way, Lynne explains how she overcame her own arachnophobia, and provides tips and hints on how any arachnophobe can do the same.
272 pages, Paperback
First published January 2, 2009
5 people are currently reading
142 people want to read
About the author
Lynne Kelly
22 books155 followersMy new book, The Knowledge Gene was be published in Australia and NZ in 2024, and early in 2025 for North America. It is the culmination of all my work on knowledge systems and memory. It is the scientific evidence humans are all genetically encoded to use our uniquely human skills in music, art, spatial abilities, story and performance to store and convey knowledge - and have been doing so for at least 70,000 years! We all have so much more potential that we are using.
I did a PhD on the way indigenous cultures memorise vast amounts of information when they don't use writing. Knowledge and Power in Prehistoric Societies was published by Cambridge University Press in 2015 and explains the implications for archaeology, offering new interpretations for the purpose of monuments around the world including Stonehenge, the statues of Easter Island and the huge images on the desert at Nasca.
The Memory Code (2016) presented this approach for the general reader. There was an overwhelming response to the book, asking how to implement the memory methods in contemporary life. That is the theme of Memory Craft.. Songlines: the power and promise is co-authored with Indigenous writers, Margo Neale and leads the First Knowledges series. Songlines for Younger Readers was published in 2023, leading the children's series. Both Songlines books have been shortlisted for major awards.
I grew up in Melbourne, Australia, and now live in rural Castlemaine. I started writing as a child and am the author of ten books for schools written during my teaching career, and a novel, Avenging Janie. I then started writing popular science, publishing three books, The Skeptic's Guide to the Paranormal, Crocodile: evolution's greatest survivor and Spiders: learning to love them.
I did a PhD on the way indigenous cultures memorise vast amounts of information when they don't use writing. Knowledge and Power in Prehistoric Societies was published by Cambridge University Press in 2015 and explains the implications for archaeology, offering new interpretations for the purpose of monuments around the world including Stonehenge, the statues of Easter Island and the huge images on the desert at Nasca.
The Memory Code (2016) presented this approach for the general reader. There was an overwhelming response to the book, asking how to implement the memory methods in contemporary life. That is the theme of Memory Craft.. Songlines: the power and promise is co-authored with Indigenous writers, Margo Neale and leads the First Knowledges series. Songlines for Younger Readers was published in 2023, leading the children's series. Both Songlines books have been shortlisted for major awards.
I grew up in Melbourne, Australia, and now live in rural Castlemaine. I started writing as a child and am the author of ten books for schools written during my teaching career, and a novel, Avenging Janie. I then started writing popular science, publishing three books, The Skeptic's Guide to the Paranormal, Crocodile: evolution's greatest survivor and Spiders: learning to love them.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
November 27, 2021
I read an article on BBC about spiders and their intelligence, and I went into a frantic search to find a book about spiders. I needed to know how they behaved and why. I found this book (and one other,) and I immediately ordered it, not because of the learning to love them part nor to get over my fear of spiders. I got over my anxiety when I started taking macro photographs, and suddenly, no insect (except gadflies) held terror. (Okay, I have to admit, I still feared the giant spiders, the ones with bird and tarantula in their title. No more. The book cured me of that. Though next step would be to hold one.) Despite that, when reading the article, I found I knew nothing of spiders, hence acquiring this excellent book. I loved this one from cover to the appendix, with its learn to recognize spiders by their web design, not to mention the middle part with its spider sex positions guide. The latter part might sound odd, but it's essential. It tells a lot about their behavior and how they interact and clarifies the myth about all female spiders eating their mate. (Also, I laughed aloud and a lot when I read about spider sex and how kinky they are if you anthropomorphize them.)
The book is written by a "commoner" who dived into the world of spiders to get rid of her fear of them. She interviewed scientists, did her own field studies (at her backyard and inside her house,) and ventured deep into the subject, even interviewing those who made the animation Charlotte's Web and discussing what kind of impact it had on reducing the general fear of spiders. Another issue the book addresses. We seem to have this innate fear of spiders, and it's no wonder. They are so alien compared to other animals and us, making it hard to appreciate them and what they do to our ecosystem. Then, of course, there's the matter of being venomous, but again we come across somewhat overreaction. They are venomous, yes, but most spiders' venom isn't harmful, and those who are there are an antidote to them. Plus, they don't so readily waste it. But there's more about that subject in the book.
The subject which fascinated me the most was spider anatomy. They are weird little creatures, which perform wonders with their tiny neural network, blue blood, and hydraulic leg joints. They die pretty easily as their bodies don't handle well things like falling, especially the big ones. What else I can say? The book goes over the classification of different species, their behavior and anatomy. One downside is that if you are looking for a purely scientific book without a personal touch, this might put you off. I personally loved reading about Lynne Kelly's intimate relationship with the spiders inside and outside her house and how she interacted with them (spiders are kind of "shy." They don't care for us that much. Jumping spiders are curious and more interactive than many other subspecies.) I thought she balanced well the mix of scientific knowledge and personal wonderment towards the creatures. It feels more effective if you keep the book's goal in mind: to inform about spiders and help people get rid of their fear of them. I don't have enough knowledge to judge if the book was factual (no mistakes based on our current understanding.) I would say that she did an extensive and thorough study while writing the book.
I loved this book. I was in constant awe of spiders. I read many parts of it aloud to my husband, to his annoyance. Now, I can't wait until it's spring, and I can take my camera out and find spiders. It's freezing cold here. Though yesterday a tiny spider scurried across my kitchen floor, and I was so happy to see her. I had to rescue her into my flowerpot because my cats sometimes hunt them and kill them, and they were in the kitchen with me. I hope she finds a place to make her web and feast and multiply.
Thank you for reading, and wave to a spider when you see one. Maybe not. They can sense the ripples in the air with their hairs. So, if you do and don't want them to hide from you, do it from far.
The book is written by a "commoner" who dived into the world of spiders to get rid of her fear of them. She interviewed scientists, did her own field studies (at her backyard and inside her house,) and ventured deep into the subject, even interviewing those who made the animation Charlotte's Web and discussing what kind of impact it had on reducing the general fear of spiders. Another issue the book addresses. We seem to have this innate fear of spiders, and it's no wonder. They are so alien compared to other animals and us, making it hard to appreciate them and what they do to our ecosystem. Then, of course, there's the matter of being venomous, but again we come across somewhat overreaction. They are venomous, yes, but most spiders' venom isn't harmful, and those who are there are an antidote to them. Plus, they don't so readily waste it. But there's more about that subject in the book.
The subject which fascinated me the most was spider anatomy. They are weird little creatures, which perform wonders with their tiny neural network, blue blood, and hydraulic leg joints. They die pretty easily as their bodies don't handle well things like falling, especially the big ones. What else I can say? The book goes over the classification of different species, their behavior and anatomy. One downside is that if you are looking for a purely scientific book without a personal touch, this might put you off. I personally loved reading about Lynne Kelly's intimate relationship with the spiders inside and outside her house and how she interacted with them (spiders are kind of "shy." They don't care for us that much. Jumping spiders are curious and more interactive than many other subspecies.) I thought she balanced well the mix of scientific knowledge and personal wonderment towards the creatures. It feels more effective if you keep the book's goal in mind: to inform about spiders and help people get rid of their fear of them. I don't have enough knowledge to judge if the book was factual (no mistakes based on our current understanding.) I would say that she did an extensive and thorough study while writing the book.
I loved this book. I was in constant awe of spiders. I read many parts of it aloud to my husband, to his annoyance. Now, I can't wait until it's spring, and I can take my camera out and find spiders. It's freezing cold here. Though yesterday a tiny spider scurried across my kitchen floor, and I was so happy to see her. I had to rescue her into my flowerpot because my cats sometimes hunt them and kill them, and they were in the kitchen with me. I hope she finds a place to make her web and feast and multiply.
Thank you for reading, and wave to a spider when you see one. Maybe not. They can sense the ripples in the air with their hairs. So, if you do and don't want them to hide from you, do it from far.
August 19, 2021
I've been afraid of spiders my entire life, so far as I remember. I don't know why, exactly, but I suspect that it has something to do with living with someone who has been bitten by several spiders throughout the course of her life—including the dreaded black widow and brown recluse. I guess it rubbed off on me. For a long time, I got chills from looking at still pictures of spiders, and even just discussing them set my nerves on end. Eventually, though, I gathered those shaky nerves of mine and decided that I was, one way or another, going to overcome my arachnophobia. I want to live a normal live unhindered by overactive fears, and I definitely didn’t want to live with the fact that something smaller than my hand could scare me so badly.
As absurd as it probably sounds, the big hairy ones have never really scared me much. It's the small to medium-sized spiders that really get me. I can't explain why, but I guess it's because the legs are thinner and more… creepy-crawly. That's why I picked up this book: Not because I'm afraid of the big ones I'll likely never encounter in person, but because of the small ones I could find in almost any corner or under any rock in my backyard. Not to mention how easy it is to lose track of the tiny ones, which is definitely one of the worst things about spiders—and one of the first things this book brought my attention to.
While discussing some of the most reasons behind arachnophobia, Kelly mentions that one of them is the fact that they're incredibly fast. One second there won't be a spider, and the next second, well, there is. It wasn't until reading this that I realized, yeah, that's definitely one of the things that I've been afraid of. I can trace that particular fear back to a concrete incident, too: One evening several years ago, I was sitting in the living room watching TV. Our cat starting meowing really loudly, really annoyingly from the kitchen. I got up to see what she was on about, and right there in the middle of the kitchen, was the biggest spider I had ever seen in real life. I shooed the cat away from it to keep her safe in case it was dangerous, then ran to my room to get something long to put a shoe on so I could squash the spider without getting close to it. By the time I got back, the spider was gone. It was terrifying, honestly, and I hated knowing that such a huge spider had been wandering around my house and I had no idea where it had gone off to.
And just like most people, including Kelly, will tell you, figuring out the source of your fear will help you to overcome it. I thought about it and realized how absolutely silly it was for me to be so scared about where the spider had come from and where it had gone, not because I knew it wasn't dangerous, but because that spider had never shown its face before. It had never caused us any trouble. It had lived its entire life away from us, popped its head out for a few minutes, come face-to-face with my huge cat, and disappeared back into obscurity. It had been ingrained in me to kill any spider as soon as I saw it and that's just what I was going to do—and now I'm glad that I didn't, because that spider was probably way more afraid of me (and my cat) than I ever could be of it.
While reading this book, I was brought face-to-face with both monochrome and color images of spiders, big and small, cute and a bit creepy-looking. The entire time, they were presented to me in a light I had never seen before: As friends. Kelly gave each spider a name. Anyone who has ever interacted with animals knows that, once you name something, that's it. You're bonded to that animal forever, whether you like it or not. And when I thought about it, I realized I had done the same thing with a small spider that once lived in my bathroom.
In a small corner by the bathtub, I saw a tiny little spider sitting in a newly constructed web. I don’t know why I didn’t kill it, but I named it Kanato and enjoyed watching it. Then I thought that I should catch him and take him outside, so I gathered a thin book and a cup to catch him with. As soon as the book I was going to put under the cup to keep him contained touched the web, he retreated into a hole and I never saw him again. Although I don't know what happened to him, I enjoyed being bathroom pals with him while I was able to.
By naming a spider, by treating it not as a spider but as an individual, a huge difference is made in the way I can look at it. The way Kelly named her spiders and talked about them and their experiences was incredibly entertaining for me. I get attached to things very easily, and when I'm watching nature documentaries it makes me incredibly sad to see the animals die, even though I know full well that it's just the circle of life. I’m still sad that Kanato disappeared. When Kelly talked about the deaths of some of her spiders, I actually felt sad about their loss. Me, sad because of spiders! That's not the sort of thing I would ever expect from myself, but there I was, imagining these spiders as tiny little people going through their lives and meeting horribly tragic ends because of the way they had been described to me.
Learning about the anatomy and functionality of spiders was fascinating from a scientific standpoint, of course, but the true gem here is learning about their behavior. Once you understand how and why a spider does what it does, they become much less disconcerting. Kelly did an incredible job of describing their behaviors, and before I knew it, I was as interested in the stories of these spiders as I was in the stories of characters on my favorite soap opera. Regardless of if they're absolutely huge or absurdly tiny, each spider has learned how to adapt to its environment and make the most of it just the way we all do. Looking at their world from the perspective of someone who has also experienced arachnophobia—as Kelly describes that she has—the same way I have, but has learned how to love them, was infinitely more helpful than looking at them from any other perspective I've ever seen. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and learning about the spiders in my home and backyard, as well as the ones far, far away from me. I can safely say that I'm on my way to totally, genuinely loving spiders, and this book has definitely helped me along, even if it takes me a minute to finally get there.
August 7, 2019
I enjoyed the book and all the marvelous details. I will never think of spiders the same way again. I never realized there were so many varieties and all they did-fascinating
August 12, 2019
A solid 3.5 stars for me. I like that the author describes something spidery that might be perceived as negative (like the description of the ogre spider) but then she calls it fantastic or cute or spins in some positive words. It was very refreshing and I really liked the little interjections of the author’s opinions (almost all on cuteness) and personality. She also had relatable stories of spider encounters she had around her house. It was fun getting to know these spiders and their dramatic little lives that took place right under the author’s nose. And, because there’s always a spider close by (hey! I just saw one on my bathroom mirror!), they are easy to observe and watch. My favorite takeaway from this book: pay more attention to what is around me. Be it spiders or other species, too. This book encourages citizen science and observations. Many of the materials and sources she recommends would be applicable to other species that might catch our eye or interests.
The writing is quite jumpy. Sometimes I’d lose track of what species we are talking about or I’d get bogged down in the anatomy or terminology. I ended up just powering through those bits and not absorbing as much as I’d like to. The author also liked to quote others, but she didn’t analyze those viewpoints or make much of an effort to build on or add to what that person was saying. Those sections felt incomplete to me.
Something that wasn’t discussed much at all, maybe because the author is writing from Australia, were spider cycles through the seasons. I do notice more Wolf Spiders around in the late summer, Garden Spiders in the early summer, little house spiders moving in during the fall, etc. It would be nice to know the reasons behind these observations rather than making guesswork of it myself. So maybe I’ll have to look for a spider book on North American/Virginian spiders - let me know if you have suggestions!
The writing is quite jumpy. Sometimes I’d lose track of what species we are talking about or I’d get bogged down in the anatomy or terminology. I ended up just powering through those bits and not absorbing as much as I’d like to. The author also liked to quote others, but she didn’t analyze those viewpoints or make much of an effort to build on or add to what that person was saying. Those sections felt incomplete to me.
Something that wasn’t discussed much at all, maybe because the author is writing from Australia, were spider cycles through the seasons. I do notice more Wolf Spiders around in the late summer, Garden Spiders in the early summer, little house spiders moving in during the fall, etc. It would be nice to know the reasons behind these observations rather than making guesswork of it myself. So maybe I’ll have to look for a spider book on North American/Virginian spiders - let me know if you have suggestions!
August 2, 2019
I'm going to finish this on the four hour drive back and forth from my convention this weekend, but I feel confident in writing up the review now.
Take your time on Chapter 3.
Spiders: Learning to Love Them is, literally, a book for everyone. I've got some background in animal behavior and wildlife biology, so if I hadn't cut it down to the wire in getting my book club's book (I decided midway through last month that it would be a very good idea to join the Wildlife Center of Virginia's online book club even though I'm working until half an hour into the meeting that night and only gave myself about two weeks to read it), I probably would've been less....confused on the part of being intellectually lazy. All texts with a biological component take some time to digest so you know, clearly, what's being discussed. I didn't allot myself that time, so I'll admit to "power reading" through the parts I didn't understand. Fortunately, with web-building, it's the right season in Southernmost Northern Illinois to see it in action - the first three of my orb weavers came out of their dens to web along the side of my house, so if I get a moment soon, I'll study their webs against the chart and get a better field understanding.
Overall, I love the way this book is written. Yes, it can be tech heavy, but Ms. Kelly is a tech /mind./ She, and the arachnid studies professors she consults throughout, have a down-to-earth sense of humor that keeps the book scurrying along like one of the basement spiders my kitten loves to chase. I'm not going to have a problem finishing it - I just hope that it's before the book club meeting, and that I don't miss the book club meeting for work, haha.
Take your time on Chapter 3.
Spiders: Learning to Love Them is, literally, a book for everyone. I've got some background in animal behavior and wildlife biology, so if I hadn't cut it down to the wire in getting my book club's book (I decided midway through last month that it would be a very good idea to join the Wildlife Center of Virginia's online book club even though I'm working until half an hour into the meeting that night and only gave myself about two weeks to read it), I probably would've been less....confused on the part of being intellectually lazy. All texts with a biological component take some time to digest so you know, clearly, what's being discussed. I didn't allot myself that time, so I'll admit to "power reading" through the parts I didn't understand. Fortunately, with web-building, it's the right season in Southernmost Northern Illinois to see it in action - the first three of my orb weavers came out of their dens to web along the side of my house, so if I get a moment soon, I'll study their webs against the chart and get a better field understanding.
Overall, I love the way this book is written. Yes, it can be tech heavy, but Ms. Kelly is a tech /mind./ She, and the arachnid studies professors she consults throughout, have a down-to-earth sense of humor that keeps the book scurrying along like one of the basement spiders my kitten loves to chase. I'm not going to have a problem finishing it - I just hope that it's before the book club meeting, and that I don't miss the book club meeting for work, haha.
August 7, 2019
This was a fun read -- it definitely made me notice, look at, and appreciate the vast amount of spiders in and around my house. So many! There's so much going on right around me. I enjoyed reading the author's stories of her spiders and her journey from arachnophobe to arachnophile. There were some interesting observations about the psychology of phobias. I got a bit lost and bogged down in her scientific detail, and some of the factual stuff skipped around and just was presented in a way that was harder for me to latch on to, but the stories and personal observations brought everything back around.
July 13, 2019
Before I read this book, I adored the little jumping spider and shoo’d out of my house, the wolf spider, but now, I’m on hands and knees looking for spiders and their webs. I have a new appreciation for these wonderful arachnids. This book is full of great information and is an interesting read. Highly recommended!
June 21, 2018
An entertaining, easy, yet informative book you will love reading. As everyone should do. We will save the world right legs at a time!
August 3, 2025
i was surpised this was written by a former arachnophobe. This is a book filled with deep love for spiders! I learned a lot from it, too!
May 23, 2010
I so much wanted to like this book more!
The arachnids are my favorite arthropod (though I haven't gone so far as to name the ones I see around the apartment as the author does hers).
The good:
* The photos are quite excellent. There's a selection of 38 color plates and many black-and-white pictures throughout the book. A few of the B&Ws are hard to make out but in most the contrast between spider and background is sufficient to make out what's going on.
* The author makes a good case about how just insanely complicated and interconnected nature is and how destroying even the most insignificant seeming part of it threatens to bring down the whole house of cards: "`It's like a game of Jenga,' disagrees Shardlow. `Take the bricks out one by one and the tower stays up, but take out one too many and the whole countryside may come crushing down.' The house sparrow's tumble towards Red Data Book status is linked to chick starvation, as aphids, spiders and craneflies have become scarcer." (pp. 218-9)
* The author also tells an inspiring story of overcoming her arachnophobia (perhaps too well) by confronting her fears.
The bad (and what dragged it from a default 3 stars):
* The book is very poorly organized and the author is not that great a writer. It's another example of a book that reads like a professor's lecture notes or the entries in a journal. Lynne needed to take more time (or her editor did) organizing the material.
That said, it was still an engrossing read. The subject matter alone kept me riveted so I'll recommend it to the interested.
The arachnids are my favorite arthropod (though I haven't gone so far as to name the ones I see around the apartment as the author does hers).
The good:
* The photos are quite excellent. There's a selection of 38 color plates and many black-and-white pictures throughout the book. A few of the B&Ws are hard to make out but in most the contrast between spider and background is sufficient to make out what's going on.
* The author makes a good case about how just insanely complicated and interconnected nature is and how destroying even the most insignificant seeming part of it threatens to bring down the whole house of cards: "`It's like a game of Jenga,' disagrees Shardlow. `Take the bricks out one by one and the tower stays up, but take out one too many and the whole countryside may come crushing down.' The house sparrow's tumble towards Red Data Book status is linked to chick starvation, as aphids, spiders and craneflies have become scarcer." (pp. 218-9)
* The author also tells an inspiring story of overcoming her arachnophobia (perhaps too well) by confronting her fears.
The bad (and what dragged it from a default 3 stars):
* The book is very poorly organized and the author is not that great a writer. It's another example of a book that reads like a professor's lecture notes or the entries in a journal. Lynne needed to take more time (or her editor did) organizing the material.
That said, it was still an engrossing read. The subject matter alone kept me riveted so I'll recommend it to the interested.
January 12, 2012
I haven't read all of this yet, but found it useful in curing my fear of spiders. I still fear spiders (I think it will take more than reading a book to get over the fear) but the book teaches you to admire them rather than fear them. After all, these little creatures spend ages spinning magnificent silky webs that we simply brush aside the next morning. The book suggests we should respect the skills and beauty of spiders (find that a bit hard to put to practice but I can tell it has slowly changed my way of thinking, which is good).
April 30, 2012
To come from being so phobic of spiders (which is actually one of my fears) & to change and become determined to face her fears & having a complete obsession in adopting these critters is amazing. This book has changed my percpective on spiders, even though Ive always been fascinated by them, the fear was too much...this book has eased it & shown a women's incredible journey through facing her fears.
April 23, 2016
This is a book I picked up at the library along with 4 others as a 'fill in' just in case my real choices were not so good. What a surprise it was! This a totally different take on spiders including their individual personalities - not species habits but individual spiders themselves. I am, of course, still not enamoured of spiders but this is a wonderful eye opening book well worth seeking out.
January 2, 2014
I would have enjoyed this book more had the author maintained a personal tone throughout instead of going into "expert mode." If I'd wanted a scientific book, I would have read a book by a trained scientist. Fortunately there was enough of the personal touch to have made this book worth reading.
May 11, 2011
Fantastic read, for arachnophobes and arachnophiles alike!
Cool spider facts, great photo plates, and (unlike so many spider guides) the information presented here is actually true.
Cool spider facts, great photo plates, and (unlike so many spider guides) the information presented here is actually true.
November 6, 2012
I don't think just reading the book is enough to get over the irrational side of spider-shudders, but it's a good foundation. Now to do some behavior work....
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